“Five years of missing every milestone.” Cassidy’s voice wobbled. “Not being there to hold her when she used to scream all night because she was a colicky baby, not helping her learn to speak or singing happy birthday to her.” She was yelling and it was not like Cassidy to raise her voice, but she found she didn’t care. Everyone else treated Wade with kid gloves and she always had too. She wouldn’t anymore. He needed someone who would speak plainly and bluntly with him.
“It’s not my fault I wasn’t there.”
“Not your fault? Not. Your. Fault.” Her voice ratcheted higher. “You’ve got to be kidding me. That might be the stupidest thing you’ve ever said.”
“I didn’t know about her.” He took a step into Cassidy’s space, his breath mixing with hers. So close she could see the shock of gold that rimmed his pupils, giving his green eyes their alluring glow. The muscles in his angular jaw popped when his gaze connected with hers and she had a sudden urge to forget their fight and trace a finger along the line of his strong profile.
Would she forever be plagued by an attraction to him? If only his lies had quelled that.
Cassidy fisted her hands, swallowed hard and lifted her chin. He wasn’t as tall as his brothers were but Cassidy still had to tip her face up to match him. A few heartbeats passed where neither of them spoke.
His chest rose and fell. “I can’t be held accountable for missing out on big things in her life when you forgot to tell me she even existed.”
She laughed once, harshly. “No, of course not. Wade Jarrett can’t be held accountable for any of his mistakes. It’s just how you are, right? Mr. Take Me As-Is or Move Along, Folks. Isn’t that what you used to say?”
He crossed his arms over his chest. “I also used to be a bit of a jerk.”
Cassidy nodded. “A bit?”
Wade sighed. “Okay, maybe a big one. I don’t know why you put up with me for all those years.”
Simple.
She had loved him.
She had ignored every bad part of Wade, convincing herself the good far outweighed everything else. Despite his past addictions, he had been kind to everyone he met and had always made her feel special. No person encompassed all good or all bad traits—everyone was a mix—anyone expecting perfection from others was living life with blinders on.
But those were things they were better off not discussing.
“This is going to be tougher than I thought.” Cassidy pressed her fingers against her temples. “We need to figure out a way to co-parent without stepping on each other’s toes or this isn’t going to work.” And Piper had been so excited; Cassidy wanted Wade to be a part of their daughter’s life for Piper’s sake, no matter how challenging it was for Cassidy.
Wade’s brow scrunched in a way that looked just like Piper’s. “Is the cat really a big deal?”
“What if I was allergic?”
“You’re not allergic. You had two cats growing up.”
“That’s beside the point.” Cassidy huffed. She’d forgotten he knew all about her. “You can’t just give her something whenever you disappoint her. That’s not how love works.”
“First, let me assure you that I know that’s not how love works.” He was close enough that she could smell the ocean and midnight scent that clung to him. It must have been the cologne he wore. Whatever it was, it was quickly becoming Cassidy’s favorite scent.
“Love is being dependable,” Wade continued. “It’s cheering someone on even on the worst days. It’s being there for a person through everything.”
Just like Wade hadn’t been.
“Exactly.”
He took a step closer. “We both know how much I failed you in the past but I promise I’m not that guy anymore. I can be dependable. And I’m willing to do whatever I need in order to prove that.” He reached for her hand, lightly taking it in his. “I’m so sorry, Cass.” He wetted his upper lip when his gaze collided with hers. “What I did to you—I’m so sorry. From now on, I’m committed to being here for both Piper and you.”
Cassidy snatched her hand back. “Stick to Piper.”
She turned and fled before he could say anything else.
I’m so sorry, Cass.
Good. He should be.
If he thought a couple minutes of smooth-talking would make five years of lies go away, Wade was very mistaken. Yet even as she tried to stir up anger inside her heart against him, the only emotion she found there was fear.
Fear that she could lose her heart to him again.
Fear that if she did, he wouldn’t care for her back, just like he hadn’t before.
Fear that he would leave.
Cassidy sent a quick text to Rhett confirming that he was fine with Piper staying at the big house for an hour while she took care of a few things, then hurried to her bungalow and fired up her laptop. She couldn’t stay at Red Dog Ranch. Not if it meant Wade being in her space. Not if it risked her heart and the safety she coveted. He was unfairly wired to know just what to say and how to act to make her care. Distance was her only ally right now.
This time she would be the one to leave.
Chapter Five
Just after lunch the following day, Cassidy knocked on the Jarretts’ front door.
Piper squeezed her hand and looked up at her. “Why don’t you just walk in? We always just walk in.”
Cassidy shook her head. “Not anymore.”
With Wade living in the ranch house, she no longer felt at liberty to come and go as she pleased. The family home was now his domain. And while knocking on the door was odd behavior given that she knew for a fact Wade wasn’t inside—she had spotted him working on rebuilding the camper cabins on their trek here from the dining hall—she did it anyway. It was a good habit to get into.
Shannon answered the door. She glanced at Cassidy and then examined the doorknob. “Weird. Was it locked?” She stepped out of the way.
“Mom said we don’t walk in anymore,” Piper supplied. “We have to knock.”
“Since when?” Shannon crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow.
“I think since Dad,” Piper whispered.
Cassidy led Piper inside. “You weren’t answering your phone.”
Shannon ran her hand through her hair and looked away. “I think I might have left it in Cord’s car. Silly me.” She gave a smile that looked so forced it sent off warning bells in Cassidy’s head. But Cassidy had confronted Shannon about Cord before and it always led to Shannon arguing on her boyfriend’s behalf and pulling away.
“Are you okay?” Cassidy narrowed her eyes. Shannon wore a hooded sweatshirt despite it being extremely hot outside.
“Fine. What did you need?”
“Can you watch Piper for an hour or two?”
After Shannon agreed, Cassidy went and got Cloudstorm from the bungalow at Piper’s request. Once Piper was settled on the couch, playing with her cat, Cassidy turned to leave but Shannon followed her out onto the porch.
“Hold up.” Shannon trotted down the stairs behind her. She caught Cassidy’s arm when they were on solid ground and made her turn to face her. “You didn’t say where you were going.”
A bright red car bounced its way up the gravel drive, a cloud of dust in its wake. A man in a suit stepped out of the driver’s side and waved at Cassidy.
Shannon’s eyes went wide. “Who is that?”
Romeo, the miniature donkey they kept in the front paddock, caught sight of them and brayed a few times. He was always begging for treats and pats. No doubt, he would have followed everyone in the family around like a dog if they let him out of his enclosure.
Cassidy swiped sweat from the back of her neck. She should have worn her hair up.
For the space of a heartbeat, she was tempted to be vague. To tell Shannon it was some guy she was going to go out with and let her make her own
assumptions. But it would have been a half-truth and the only reason she would have said it would have been in hopes that the information would make it back to Wade.
To try to make him jealous.
The thought was so ridiculous it squeezed the truth right out of her. “He’s just a realtor. I’m going to look at a few places.”
“Wait.” Shannon latched onto her arm once more. “Come again?”
“I’m thinking about getting a place in town.”
“That makes zero sense. You have a really nice house that’s free here. Your commute to work is a three-minute walk. Red Dog Ranch is your home, Cassidy.”
She leaned forward. “I can’t stay here,” Cassidy confessed. “I can’t face him day in and day out. I can’t do this.”
Her talk with Wade behind the barn yesterday flooded back into her mind, as did the day before that when she had bandaged his hands. Each time, he had said all the right things and made promises that warmed her heart. The intensity in his eyes when he declared he would prove he knew what love looked like had made her want to go on her tiptoes to kiss him. For a few minutes, she had wanted that—wanted him and all the mess that went with it.
And it was terrifying.
She would not let Wade Jarrett close to her heart again.
She couldn’t.
She could commute to work. Find a preschool program for Piper. She and Wade could work out a parenting agreement where he got to spend time with Piper for a few hours each weekend under Cassidy’s supervision. But seeing him constantly, knowing he was minutes away every second of every day, it would only grow more challenging.
“You still care about him?” Shannon whispered.
Of course she cared about him. That was the problem.
“He was the first—the only—guy I’ve ever been in love with. That’s all. I’m not still in love with him, if that’s what you’re thinking. It’s just, I have a feeling we always get hung up on our first love a little. Which is normal, right? Maybe it’ll be like that for you and Cord if you guys ever break up.”
Shannon worked her jaw back and forth. “Cord is hardly my first love.” She batted her hand as if she wanted that statement to be gone. “No, I think there’s more to it. You’re worried. You think you could fall for him again.”
He’d been back a little over one week and Cassidy had already almost kissed him. Worry was completely rational.
Cassidy let out a long breath. “I’m being proactive. Your brother is this suave guy who knows how to charm his way to get what he wants. He’s always been like that.”
Shannon’s expression turned thoughtful. “I don’t think he ever intentionally charmed you, Cassidy. I think that really was love.”
Cassidy shook her head.
Wade had never loved her. His actions had proven that.
Shannon’s gaze tripped across the yard to where Wade was off in the distance, swinging a hammer. “You are not leaving your home because of some boy. I won’t let you.”
“I don’t want to brush shoulders with him every day. I’ll fall apart, don’t you see that?” She was showing her hand too much, admitting Wade still had such an effect on her, but she needed Shannon to understand. Needed Shannon to let her go. “And it’s not like we can force him out. He’s family, after all.”
“Well, for starters, you’re family too. So no one is letting you get run out of your home either. Second, you’re not going to fall apart. You’re stronger than that.” Shannon tugged the sleeves of her hoodie down to cover most of her hands. “You’re probably the strongest person I know.”
Cassidy snorted. “All I’ve done in my life is cook at this ranch. I’ve never set out on my own. Never taken any risks. I don’t think that’s exactly strength.”
Shannon crossed her arms, challenging her. “Strength isn’t something that you have because of the things you do or accomplish. Strength is a by-product of overcoming things you never thought you could. And you wrote the book on overcoming, Cassidy. You’re as strong as they come.”
“I’m still going with the realtor.” Cassidy hiked her thumb over her shoulder and took a couple steps backward.
Shannon offered a wary smile. “You do what you need to do today, but we’ll talk later.”
Cassidy picked her way across the driveway, the whole time acutely aware that a figure in the distance had stopped swinging a hammer and was watching her retreat.
* * *
Wade had called it quits a little earlier than usual and headed toward home.
He hadn’t seen the red car return.
Not that he was watching for it.
Fine, he might have glanced at the driveway a few times.
Or every time a car came by.
When he stepped inside, he was greeted by his mom, Rhett, Macy, Shannon and Piper. Piper, Rhett and Macy had a board game spread out in front of them and a bowl of half-eaten popcorn. Piper spotted Wade first. She sprang to her feet, hurdled the board game and jogged over to hug him.
“Dad!” She squeezed his legs.
Wade lifted her into his arms. “How’s my favorite little lady today?”
She wrinkled her nose. “You stink.”
He tapped her nose. “You’re very honest, you know that?”
She looped her arms around his neck. “Mom said it’s good to be honest.”
Piper’s words felt like a direct punch to the gut.
“Your mom is right,” Wade said.
Shannon caught his eye and motioned for Wade to follow her down the hallway. It was the first time she had reached out since he had returned. He held up a finger, letting her know he would follow her shortly.
He carried Piper back into the living room. “Oh, no. It looks like I interrupted a rousing game of Candy Land.”
Macy winked at him. “She’s trounced us four times in a row. She keeps drawing the ice-cream cone or the lollipop card, which zips her right to the front.”
“Look.” Piper pointed at Kodiak, who sat at attention a foot from Rhett. “Kodiak and Cloudstorm are friends.”
One of Kodiak’s eyebrows went up as she watched Cloudstorm on his perch on the back of the couch. Cloudstorm licked his paw slowly as if he didn’t have a concern in the world.
Rhett chuckled. “I wouldn’t exactly call it friendship yet. Kodiak got too close and he bopped her on the muzzle.” Rhett patted his dog’s head. “I think we know who won king of the castle.” Kodiak gave a little whine and lowered her chin to rest on the edge of the couch, her eyes never leaving the cat.
Wade pressed a kiss to Piper’s temple and then set her on the floor. “I need to go take care of something but I’ll be back in a little bit.”
Piper grabbed his hand and jerked on it. “Will you play Candy Land later?”
He smiled down at her, his heart flooding with more love and warmth than he had ever thought possible. “As many rounds as you want.”
A few minutes later, he headed down the hallway in search of his sister. He found her in the back den. The room had floor-to-ceiling bookcases on three walls, a leather couch and two recliners. It had been his dad’s sanctuary.
Shannon sat on the couch. She tapped the cushion. “We need to talk about Cassidy.”
Wade stayed in the doorway. He crossed his arms and propped his shoulder against the door frame. “Who’d she leave with today?”
He had spotted the guy in the suit and wondered all day. His siblings had mentioned Clint Oakfield had tried to woo Cassidy at one point—was he at it again? Wade had no claim on Cassidy; he knew that. But the thought of her with another guy had distracted him more than he cared to admit.
Shannon sighed. “Some realtor.”
“She’s dating a realtor?”
Shannon’s brow dipped into a V. “She’s not dating anyone, she’s trying to leave.”
“I’
m not following.”
Shannon rolled her eyes. “She’s afraid to be around you, Wade. How hard is it to understand?”
Wade relaxed his posture and entered the room. Cassidy wasn’t out on a date. He dropped down into one of the recliners. “Obviously it’s very hard, because I can’t puzzle out why she would be afraid of me.”
Shannon leaned forward, her elbows on her knees. “Let’s say she starts to care about you or depend on you—even just where Piper is concerned—and you take off.”
He mimicked her posture. “I’m not going to take off.”
“She has no guarantee of that.”
“She has my guarantee.” Wade pressed his hand to his chest. “I told her I was here to stay. I’m not going anywhere, Shannon. I promise.”
Shannon leveled a glare in his direction. “You have no idea how much you’ve messed with our trust, do you?”
“Believe me, I do. And I hate that I did that and I’d take it back if I could.” He dropped his head into his hands, wove his fingers into his hair and tugged. “You have no idea how much I want to take it all back. I don’t know how to gain everyone’s trust.” He looked up at her, his tone tinged with desperation. “How do I gain back your trust?”
She crossed her legs and studied the books on the shelves across the room. “I don’t know what it will take.”
His eyes and chest burned as he considered all he had lost. “I love you, Shannon. I thought about you and Cassidy every day.”
“We thought about you too.” She swiped at her eyes. “But it was because we thought you were gone. It’s so different than you missing us.”
Wade pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. Help me, Lord. Please.
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