by Lea Coll
“Not at first but it became clear after a while that you intended to stay away, and you didn’t seem to leave your parents’ house when you did visit. I never saw you around.” I didn’t mention that it hurt to listen to Jack talk about what was going on in her life.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know how to make it up to you.”
“I don’t want you to feel badly. I just want to move on.” I should have clarified that statement but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to give myself hope that we could be something.
An awkward silence settled between us. I docked the boat and held my hand out to assist Lucy onto the dock. She squeezed it but didn’t make a move to leave. “I’m sorry, Wyatt. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I never intended to hurt you. I never intended to come back here and run into you. I never intended any of this.”
Lucy
The next few weeks, I turned that moment on the boat with Wyatt over and over in my head. No matter which way I spun it, I wanted more. It was so easy to fall back into our roles. He provided comfort and safety. He gave me what I needed. But I knew he was still hurt by what happened and it wouldn’t be a good idea. I couldn’t use him because that’s what it would be—a physical release. I ignored the nagging thought that it was more than physical with Wyatt. It had always been more.
Even though I was unsettled in my personal life I’d made progress on Samantha’s wedding by setting a date. Then I nailed down all of the other vendors for the tent, chairs, linens, silverware, dishes, and invitations. Apparently the Yankees were in town that weekend so I needed to get tickets as soon as possible. That usually meant a sold-out ballgame and a busy city. So hotel reservations were next on my list.
I’d sent an email to Wyatt about the bachelor party and we’d agreed on a ballgame and a weekend for that, but my only response was a terse email when he told me the game he wanted to attend. I was aroused every time I thought about that morning on the boat but there was no way I was getting my vibrator out of my suitcase in my parents’ house. And a vibrator couldn’t replicate what he could do with his tongue. If I thought one more time with Wyatt would be purely physical or would get him out of my system I was mistaken. Clearly, he wasn’t having the same issues.
Sunday morning, I opened the door to the Wallflower Diner to find Kristen standing just inside. “Morning,” I greeted.
“It’s so good to see you.”
“It’s good to see you too,” I said to her as the hostess guided us to a two-person table outside on the patio.
When the hostess handed us the menus and left, I said, “I’m surprised you agreed to meet with me.”
Kristen closed her menu and placed it on the table in front of her. “And I’m surprised you contacted me at all. It’s been so long.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“I don’t understand why we lost touch.”
“I don’t have a good excuse or a reason. I was caught up in this life in Baltimore—the long hours and parties. Everything there seemed bigger, brighter, and more important. I should have kept in touch.” I took a sip of water. “One thing I’ve learned since I lost my job and moved back home is that your oldest friends are the best friends. My friends in the city were my co-workers and since I no longer work there, they don’t keep in touch.” They weren’t really my friends. We worked together, we socialized, but we didn’t have each other’s backs.
Kristen nodded, expression understanding. “I get that, but I’d like to keep in touch.”
“Me too.” It felt good to be sitting across from a friend. I sure could use one.
The waitress stopped by to get our orders then and when she left, I said, “I promise I’ll keep in touch when I leave this time.”
“Baltimore isn’t that far away.” Kristen smiled.
Even if things between Wyatt and me were awkward at least I’d have this friendship. “What have you been up to?”
She took a sip of her iced tea. “After high school, I took some classes like I planned, but nothing appealed to me. I still taught dance classes and the owner said she was retiring but I wasn’t ready to buy her out. I finished my degree and opened my own studio a few years later.”
“That’s great.” I couldn’t imagine owning my own business at our age. “How’s the business?”
“At first I was the only teacher, so I was really busy. The girls were used to having a large dance studio and big productions. It has been hard to keep up so I hired Sadie Cole. She graduated with us, do you remember her?”
“Vaguely? She’s short with long dark hair?”
“Yeah, she was pretty quiet in school, but she’s been a huge help. She’s an attorney during the day and teaches most nights and Saturdays. It allows me to handle the managerial tasks and to take a break occasionally.”
“Why does she need two jobs?” I would think as an attorney she’d be making enough with one job. If Sadie needed two jobs to get by maybe I did need to consider a side hustle like photography until I could find a decent paying job.
“I have no idea. Maybe student loans? She never said why but she’s willing and great with the kids. They’re enchanted with her.”
“That’s awesome. I’m so happy you’re doing well and living your dream.” A twinge of jealousy hit my chest—other people were succeeding while I felt like I’d taken a step back.
“Yeah, owning your own business is so rewarding. All the effort you put in is for yourself. I love it.”
Her excitement was palpable. Had I felt the same when I worked at Planit? Maybe she was right and being a business owner was a different feeling of accomplishment.
Our food arrived then, and we were quiet eating for a few minutes.
“It’s crazy how our siblings are all getting engaged and getting married soon, huh?” I asked.
“Yeah, it is.”
Kristen’s older sister, Ashley, was engaged to Logan. “Has Ashley set a date yet?”
“No, but I think Jack and Samantha’s plans have pushed them to talk about it. You know how Ashley has to plan everything down to the exact detail before she acts.”
I laughed. I did remember. She drove us nuts when we were kids. She always had her head in a book, studying, and would criticize us for goofing off and Kristen for dancing.
We’d finished eating and pushed our plates back, but I could see that Kristen was thinking something over.
“You know, you really hurt Wyatt when you left. He came to me a few times asking if I’d heard from you, if you were ok, and if you were settling in.”
I sucked in a breath. “What did you tell him?”
“What could I tell him? I hadn’t heard from you much either. I told him as far as I knew you were happy and things were working out.”
Conceptually, I knew I’d hurt him, but to hear it from him and Kristen sent guilt coursing through my body. “I can’t believe I hurt him. I was so selfish.”
She sighed. “You were probably a little self-centered but aren’t all teenagers?”
“True. I’ve changed, or I’m trying to anyway.”
The waitress stopped by to refill our waters and to drop off the check.
As soon as she left, Kristen asked, “You’re not going to start anything with Wyatt now, are you?”
Remembering our encounter on his boat, my face heated. It wasn’t my intention to have sex with him and it clearly wasn’t going to happen again. Not if Wyatt had anything to say about it.
“I just don’t think that would be fair to him. Let him move on. He was in a bad place when you left. He thought you were the one for him and he didn’t know how he’d go on. He felt really guilty for telling you not to come back to him.”
“He did? He told me he’d moved on after me.” Did that mean he’d said it in the heat of the moment and hadn’t meant it?
“Not right away. He eventually dated, but nothing stuck. The only long-time girlfriend he had got frustrated with his inability to commit and broke up with him.”
Before I cou
ld say anything, she held her hand up. “I didn’t tell you to make you feel bad, but for you to stay away from him.”
I nodded but I couldn’t promise to stay away from him—not when every time I was near him I wanted to be closer.
“Would you want to see my studio?” Her expression was hopeful.
“Sure.” We paid the check and walked the short distance to her studio.
The brick-lined sidewalks, historic buildings, and quaint shops were charming. I wondered if Samantha would like some more pictures of the exterior of her bakery for her walls. I had never really taken the time to look around and appreciate the history and the charm. I’d just had this burning to get out and move on.
We passed a flower shop, a gym, and an art gallery before arriving at her studio. It was small. She had two rooms for teaching, one locker room and a tiny waiting area for the parents. But she beamed with pride as she showed me around. I wished I had something like this to show for my hard work. My definition of success was creating the winning design or planning the perfect happy hour—nothing concrete like this.
When we said our goodbyes, we promised to get together again soon.
As I walked past the gym, the door opened, and Wyatt stepped out. “Wyatt,” I called to him,
happy to see him.
He turned with a surprised look on his face. “Hey, what are you doing in town?”
“I had brunch with Kristen and she showed me her dance studio.” I pointed over my shoulder at her business.
“Really? Are you guys friends again?”
“We’re working on it. I’m trying to make up for how I acted when I left.”
He looked like he was considering something and then he said, “Want to go hiking on Saturday?”
“Hiking?” I hadn’t heard from him since our boat outing. What did this mean? Had he changed his mind about pursuing something with me?
“Yeah. Have you been lately?” His voice was low and his gaze assessing.
“Not since I moved away.” I’d been walking most mornings to think and figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I had to admit being outside in nature felt good after living in the city for so many years.
“Then we should go.”
“I’d like to but we’re shopping for Samantha’s dress on Saturday.”
“How about on Sunday?”
I saw the spark of hope in his eyes and I couldn’t deny that I wanted to spend time with him. “I’m free.”
His lips tilted into a smile. “Bring your camera too.”
When he turned to walk away, I grabbed his arm, feeling the muscles under my fingers. “Wait. Why?” I brought my camera home with me but hadn’t used it in so long I wasn’t sure I remembered how to use it.
“When we were kids you used to take that thing everywhere with you,” he said gruffly, “and I want to show you something.”
“I don’t use my camera anymore.” I still held tight to his arm and stood just inches from his over-warm body, which I’d just noticed was glistening with sweat from his workout.
“You don’t?”
I reluctantly dropped my hand from his arm. “No. I didn’t need it for my job, and I was too busy on the weekends to explore.”
He raised his brow. “Well, you’re not too busy now.”
“I can’t argue with that.” Samantha and Jack’s wedding planning was going smoothly, and I’d sent resumes to all of the job openings I could find.
“I’ll pick you up at six A.M.”
“What’s with you and early mornings?” My tone was light as I tilted my head and smiled.
“If you want to see beautiful things you have to get up early.” His voice was gruff as if he’d said something he hadn’t meant to.
His words filled me with a sense of lightness, and I wondered if he meant me. He used to call me beautiful all the time and the word wound its way through my body, leaving warmth in its wake. I’d never allowed anyone else close enough for that level of intimacy.
Then something that looked a lot like regret passed over his face as he turned and walked toward his truck parked on the curb.
Pulling open his door, he paused before getting in, like he knew I stood on the sidewalk watching him. Turning, he shot me a knowing grin—one I’d seen a lot as a teenager. The panty-melting one that never failed to do its job. Except now, he wasn’t mine to lust after. I stood rooted to the spot as I watched his taillights drive away.
Wyatt
When I got home, I jumped in the shower. The vow to steer clear of Lucy slipped my mind when I had heard my name falling from her lips and turned to find a huge smile on her face. Each time I saw her, she looked lighter and happier than at the engagement party. The longer she stayed, the more the stress from her old life lifted.
I couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like if she stayed and we dated. We’d run into each other around town during the day when we worked, steal a few kisses, come home to each other, cook dinner, and maybe even have children one day. It was all I ever wanted—a job I felt good about, the promotion I worked toward, and someone to share my life with.
It seemed too good to be true because I didn’t know her anymore. My original plan to take her fishing was to share the sunset and our old spot with her—to give her some peace but also to remind her of her favorite things about Chestertown. She wore those skin-tight leggings and fitted T-shirt, which outlined the very tiny bikini she wore underneath. And when strawberry juice had dripped down her chin, all I could think about was licking it. It was like some baser instinct took over and I had to have her.
I thought I could keep things with her on a physical level but that was impossible with the history we shared. I thought space would make staying away from her easier, but it didn’t. I’d barely stopped myself from texting her, from asking Jack how she was doing, if she was staying, or if she’d found a job.
I wanted her to stay. I wanted to get to know the person she was now. In the seven years since she’d left I hadn’t met anyone who touched me like she did. What if she was the one for me? If I didn’t try to convince her to stay, to take a chance on our hometown, I’d always regret it.
The idea rooted in my chest, starting to grow, making me determined to continue with my original plan. There’d be no physical stuff. I’d do this as friends. I’d remind her one memory at a time how she’d loved it here. I’d always wanted the best for her, and maybe what was best for her was to live here.
I tried not to think about what was best for me—because that always felt like Lucy even when I questioned whether she loved me at all.
Lucy
That evening Samantha invited me over for dinner at her loft over the art gallery in town. I climbed the metal stairs and knocked. Samantha opened the door and I stepped inside to hug her.
“Thanks for coming,” she said, closing the door behind me.
“Thanks for inviting me.”
“Hey, sis,” Jack called through the open doors of the balcony.
“He’s grilling steaks on my tiny grill outside. I love this loft.” She gestured at the large chef’s kitchen which was open to the living room and floor-to-ceiling windows. “But I think Jack would like a house with a yard. We could have real cookouts. It would be nice, but I’d miss this kitchen and the proximity to the bakery.”
“Yeah that’s a tough decision.” Looking around, her loft was impressive and spacious. “You can’t get anything like this in the city.”
“I bet.” She walked behind the counter to put some kind of pasta salad together. She carried the salad and small bamboo bowls to the large farm table, which had a rectangle chandelier hanging low.
“Can I help with anything?” I placed the wine I brought on the island.
“Can you get wineglasses down from the cabinet over the dishwasher?”
“Sure.” I pulled down three glasses and searched for the bottle opener.
“Anything we need to worry about with the wedding?”
“No. Not
at all. Everything is running smoothly. You know we’re scheduled to try on dresses on Saturday.” I finally found the bottle opener and pulled out the cork. As soon as I pulled it out, the smell of the wine wafted out strong and I instantly felt queasy. “Ugh. Does that wine smell super strong to you?”
“No.”
“I don’t think I like the smell of it.” I covered my nose with my hand and backed away from it.
Samantha sniffed the bottle. “Seems fine to me.” She poured a little in a glass and tasted a sip. “Yeah, I think it’s okay. Jack drinks beer, anyway.”
I sat down at the dining room table, which was already set. Jack walked in then with a serving platter filled with steaks and potatoes in foil.
“How are you doing, sis?”
“Good. Still here.”
“No job prospects?”
“No. There’s nothing. I think I heard that companies don’t hire in the summer. Not sure if it’s true but I haven’t seen many listings.”
“Something will come up.” He served everyone a steak and a potato.
“Hopefully.”
“In the meantime, you’re right where you’re supposed to be,” he said confidently.
“Yeah?” I asked, raising my eyebrow. “How can you possibly know that?”
“You’re spending overdue quality time with the family and helping us with the wedding.”
“Yeah, that’s been great.” And I wouldn’t have had that opportunity unless I’d lost my job. But I couldn’t see it completely as a positive because I had no way of knowing if I’d get another job or I’d be stuck here for a year or more. My car was paid off and my parents were allowing me to live rent free, but I wanted to support myself. Growing up, my parents arguing over the family business and money instilled in me the desire to be successful, to be independent, to not rely on anyone.
“How are you and Wyatt doing planning the parties?” Jack asked.
My mind flashed to his tongue on my core, the graze of his teeth, the rocking in that boat, and I shifted in my seat. “Um good. We scheduled a weekend and I got baseball tickets.”