by Lea Coll
“I appreciate you encouraging me to apply.”
“Of course. You deserve it.”
Jason had taken me under his wing and groomed me to move up the ranks. He’d be shocked if I left to follow Lucy to Baltimore. I grew up here. I always intended to make the DNR on the Eastern Shore my career. I’d even never mentioned leaving.
“You headed out in the field?”
“Yes.”
He followed me outside and stopped at my truck “If you don’t get it, I’ll be surprised.”
“Do you know anything about the other guy?” I spoke quietly in case someone was walking by.
“Not really. I didn’t see his performance evaluations. That’s above my rank.”
I started my rounds in my truck. I loved my job. I always thought I’d move up the ranks from officer first class to corporal to sergeant. I couldn’t imagine not patrolling this area anymore. I couldn’t see myself living in Baltimore but if Lucy left, I wouldn’t have a choice.
Lucy
It was the Saturday before Samantha’s wedding and I was busy with last-minute preparations. There were dress fittings, favors to finish, appointments to pick up tuxes, appointments for the bridal parties’ makeup and hair, and calls to all of the vendors to confirm delivery and times.
“You know you’ve gone above and beyond, right?” Samantha asked when I went through the checklist with her.
“I had no idea what I was doing.” Not only did I go overboard making sure everything was perfect because it was my brother’s wedding, if I was focused on their wedding I didn’t have to think about my life.
“You’ve been a lifesaver. I don’t know what I would have done without you.”
“Don’t thank me until after the wedding. Here’s your schedule for the rehearsal dinner and day of.”
Samantha smiled when I handed her the itinerary. “You have a knack for delivering exactly what I wanted yet still keeping the mothers happy.”
When the wedding was over and everything had gone perfectly, then I’d feel accomplished. There were so many things that could still go wrong. I worried about the weather and whether everything I ordered would be correct and arrive on time. “That’s what you hired me to do.”
My phone buzzed with an incoming text from Wyatt: are you up for a minor league ballgame tonight? I quickly typed: Yes. because I couldn’t get enough of being with Wyatt.
I’d agreed to be in a relationship with him despite my worries about the future. And I had to admit a grown-up relationship with Wyatt was pure bliss. We’d spent every evening at his cabin cooking, cleaning up, and sitting on the porch talking about our plans for the baby’s future. Not plans for us, but how we envisioned our child, if it was a boy or girl, names, what they would do when they grew up, what we’d teach them. Wyatt couldn’t wait to take our child camping and to coach sports. I couldn’t wait to do arts and crafts, show him or her the beauty in the world through art and photography.
We decided to wait to find out the gender. I didn’t want to know because then I’d need a nursery to decorate and I didn’t have one. Wyatt wanted to be surprised.
“Who’s that?” Samantha asked curiously. “You’re smiling.”
“Wyatt,” I said, placing my phone down again.
A knowing smile brightened her face. “Are you together?”
“Yes.” I shifted in my chair. “No. It’s complicated.” At her raised brow, I continued, “I’m worried if things don’t work out or if I get a job elsewhere it would be tough.” It felt like we’d picked up where we’d left off in high school with more mature feelings—bigger somehow. If I thought it was tough to walk away from in high school—it would be worse now.
“That’s always a risk when you’re with someone, and I understand that you have to be mindful of the baby.”
“I guess we’re taking a risk and seeing where it goes.”
“I don’t think Wyatt would start something with you he didn’t believe in. He’s not one to jump into something blindly or to be with you because of the baby.”
Wyatt was a straightforward kind of guy. That wasn’t the issue.
“Don’t worry. Everything will work out.” She briefly touched my hand and then stood. “I better help Kaylie out at the counter. It’s getting busy again.”
“I need to go anyway.” I shut down my laptop. “Let me know if you need anything the next couple of weeks.”
“I will.” We hugged and I left to drive home—to Wyatt’s house. I didn’t have a home. I tried not to let those little things bother me but they did. Where would this baby live when it came? Would I take the baby home to my parents’ or to Wyatt’s? Sighing, I parked next to Wyatt’s truck and walked inside.
The screen door was unlocked on the back porch so I walked in, calling, “I’m home.”
I dropped my purse on the table by the door. “Where’s this baseball game we’re going to?”
Wyatt stood by the counter with a beer halfway to his mouth. “It’s the Delmarva Shorebirds.” He had never looked more attractive, standing in his kitchen, worn jeans hanging on his hips, and a black Orioles T-shirt.
“That’s in Salisbury?” It was a bit of a drive, but I wanted to spend the extra time with Wyatt. I always enjoyed these dates he planned.
Taking a sip of his beer and placing it down on the counter, he checked the clock on the microwave which read two forty-five. “Yeah. We’ll need to get going. The game’s at four.”
“Sounds good. Let me change.” I walked past him toward his room but he rounded the counter gripping me at the hips.
“You still dress city when you work?” He’d left for work before me this morning and hadn’t seen my outfit.
I glanced down at the white silk button-down blouse with black tie at the neck and black skinny capris with my three-inch heels. “Yeah, though I’m not sure how much longer I can wear heels.”
His gaze traveling from my neck to my peep-toed shoes was like a caress, causing tingles wherever it landed. “You’re sexy. I like it.”
“Yeah?” I cocked a hip and raised a brow. “I thought you liked tomboy Lucy from high school.”
“I like her too.” He leaned down to kiss me. Then he smacked me on the butt causing me to jump. “Get ready. We need to leave soon and I don’t think you want to wear heels to a baseball game.”
“Too much walking for heels.” I continued down the hall to the master bedroom where I now kept a few staples for when I stayed overnight. I paused staring at his large walk-in closet. Was this it? Had I officially moved in with Wyatt without consciously making a decision?
I carefully hung my blouse and pants in the large walk-in closet and pulled on shorts and a tank top. The waist was tighter than it used to be but I could still button it—barely. I’d need to look into maternity clothes in the next few weeks. It was a good thing I’d be getting paid for the wedding soon. I’d need the money for baby things and clothes.
Wyatt entered the bedroom as I sat on the side of the bed pulling on white converse. “Are you ready?” he asked.
“Let’s go.” I smiled at him.
When we were in the Jeep, Wyatt rested his arm on the steering wheel and extended his other arm on the console between us so that his hand rested on my thigh. “I was thinking—I should probably sell the Jeep and get something more family-friendly.”
“What?” A sense of loss—of everything changing came over me. The Jeep represented Wyatt and our youth.
“I’ll probably get an SUV or something. Can’t exactly fit a car seat in the back.” He lifted his hand to gesture to the small rear seat.
I grimaced taking in the backseat. “You could, but yeah it’s kind of small. I feel bad that you have to get a new car. We could just take mine everywhere.”
“There’s going to be times when you need me to watch the baby so you can work or whatever.”
I was happy Wyatt mentioned me working. He didn’t automatically assume I’d stay home after the first few weeks or months.
“That’s true. I just feel bad. You’ve always had a Jeep. It’s a part of you somehow.”
“It’s just a car—a way to get from here to there. I have to grow up some time.”
“You’re already grown up. You’ve got the government job, benefits, house. I’m the one who’s still living with her parents.”
“Temporarily. Where you live and work doesn’t define you.”
My dad said something similar. Was I defined by my job as a graphic artist? It was a cool job. We had expensive parties where important people and companies were invited. It was the who’s who of Baltimore and I had gotten caught up in that. It sounded kind of silly now.
“You should get a new car too,” he said hesitantly, shooting me a worried look like he was afraid of my reaction.
My car was small and barely running but I didn’t need it much in the city. I drove the few blocks or took an Uber everywhere. Here, I lived outside of town and used it all of the time.
“I took a look at it and it needs exhaust work, new shocks, and I haven’t driven it, but I’d like to check the brakes.”
It was one more thing I didn’t have money for. “I don’t have money for a car payment. I’d need a job to get a loan.”
“If you lived with me, you could drive the SUV. I’ll keep the Jeep so you could take it to work or wherever you need to go.”
I wanted to close my eyes and block all of it out. Just enjoy these moments with Wyatt when we didn’t worry. We enjoyed each other’s company. But it was unavoidable. This baby was coming sooner rather than later.
“We have some time to think about it.”
And I was happy he was letting it go for now. Scrolling through my phone, I saw a new message from my Creative Director, Carl. My finger hovered over the subject line which read URGENT. If I’d gotten that while I was employed, I would have clicked on it immediately and done whatever he needed. But now, what would be urgent? He’d fired me. They’d made a mistake replacing me with the president’s niece who had no graphic arts experience.
I chewed my lower lip. But what if he wanted to hire me back? I was in a good place with Wyatt. I was starting to see how things could work. The only thing missing was a job, my own money, and security. Could I support myself if Wyatt wasn’t here? Even if it was unlikely that Wyatt would walk away, I had to be smart—be prepared. I’d seen how devastated Grace was when her life fell apart and she was faced with raising a baby alone.
My heart thumping so loudly I swore Wyatt could hear it, I clicked on the message. “Lucy, we made a mistake in firing you. Please call me to discuss.” Fuck, that was it? Why couldn’t he outline what he wanted in writing, so I had time to process whatever it was before I had to formulate a response?
“Is everything okay?” Wyatt asked, concerned.
I closed out my email, hand shaking as I placed the phone in the cupholder between us. “Yeah, it’s nothing.”
“Everything going smoothly with the wedding?” He glanced over at me.
“So far. We have the shower tomorrow. Samantha’s mom is in charge of that. We compromised. I took over the wedding planning and we gave her the shower.”
“That’s good negotiating.”
“It is. Samantha’s mom wants to be Queen of Something and as long as it’s not the wedding, Samantha’s happy.”
We arrived at the game and I realized I’d forgotten how much I loved going to ballgames. I could see us bringing a child here in the future—playing the games, riding the carousel. Then it hit me—this was life—sharing these things with a child, a significant other. Everything seemed brighter and more significant now that we’d have someone else to share life’s moments with.
I fell asleep on the way home and woke in with Wyatt’s arms me as he carried me inside the cabin. When I tried to shift out of them he placed a kiss on my forehead. “Sleep. I’ve got you.”
When I woke up the next morning with Wyatt’s arm wrapped around me, I realized I could easily become addicted to being his. I loved his cabin. I loved spending time with him. It would be so easy to forget the promise I made to myself to be independent and self-reliant. I could allow Wyatt to work and support us. I could live here. I could drive his SUV. And maybe I’d be happy for a few years, but what about when the baby was older? Who would I be then? What would my identity be? Mother, girlfriend, wife? I’d always defined myself with my job. It gave me a sense of purpose, of importance. Could I fill that void with family? Would I be happy?
Dread spread through my belly as Carl’s email came to mind. I knew without a doubt whatever he wanted to talk about would be an issue. It would force me to make a decision on where I was going to live. I needed to get through the wedding shower at the bakery this afternoon and then call him. I’d need to time to process whatever Carl had to say before I talked to Wyatt.
Wyatt stirred behind me, placing soft kisses on my exposed neck, tingles erupting down my back. “I like waking up next to you.” Wyatt’s voice was low and husky in the morning.
“Hmm I wonder why.” My ass rubbed against his rock-hard erection.
He rolled me onto my back, pulling my shorts and panties down in one motion before he urged my legs apart with his shoulders. I whimpered at the sight of Wyatt between my legs, licking me. When his fingers entered me, I fisted the sheets. He knew my body so well, he could quickly get me to an orgasm. Now he saw it as a challenge to give me two orgasms before we fucked, and I wasn’t complaining.
Before I came down from the second orgasm, he slid into me, the slap of our skin loud in the room. His fingers intertwined with mine on either side of my head, bringing his chest flush with mine. He kissed my neck causing me to gasp and arch into his thrusts. He was everywhere, covering me with his hard warm body, pinning me to the mattress so I couldn’t escape these feelings of rightness, love, and being whole. I closed my eyes to the sensation, hoping to escape the emotions.
Wyatt placed soft kisses on each eyelid before saying, “Open your eyes, sweetheart. I need to see you.”
I slowly opened my lids staring into his beautiful blue eyes, which were bright with emotion in the early morning light. There was no mistaking that this emotion was for me, and not just for the baby. Had I promised him too much by agreeing to a relationship and essentially moving in with him here?
Even as the orgasm deliciously built inside me, the contents of the email from my former boss remained on my mind. The orgasm washed over me, leaving a feeling of uncertainty. As much as I loved this feeling of closeness with Wyatt, I needed to make a decision on my job and living situation. It wasn’t fair to Wyatt to delay.
Wyatt’s eyes were closed tight in concentration as he thrust harder into me, carried away by his release as I relished his weight now heavy on my body. “That was—there’s no words.”
I smiled at him. He was still caught up in the moment, but for me, reality crashed down with that last orgasm. I needed to figure things out before I sucked Wyatt in any deeper. With a pang, I knew it was really too late. We’d fallen into an easy rhythm the last few weeks and days. One that could easily continue for the rest of our lives. It would be so easy to give in and lose myself.
Wyatt pressed one last kiss to my lips before pulling off me and going to the bathroom to clean up. The weight of responsibility was crushing me. I startled when Wyatt opened the door to the bathroom coming out with a warm washcloth to clean me. He tossed it in the hamper and pulled me back into his arms. “What are you thinking about so hard over there?”
“Nothing. Everything,” I admitted.
“It will work out. I promise.”
His life was settled. His life was here. But where was mine? Could I intertwine my life so deeply in his that I disappeared? If I stayed home with the baby, would I lose more and more of myself, my identity, my independence, the dream I’d had since I was a little girl? And if I did stay home—what was I teaching my child? That you work hard, go to college, and as soon as you have babies you chuck all of that out the window? And once
it was gone, who was I? I shivered from the sudden chill of the sweat drying on our bodies.
“You have time for a bath before Samantha’s bridal shower?”
I glanced at the alarm clock resting on his end table. “Oh yeah. The shower isn’t until one.” A warm bath would feel good.
“I’ll start the water.”
I nodded and smiled as he rose still naked from the bed and walked to the bathroom. Once his ass was out of sight, I sighed, looking at the ceiling. I heard the water running as Wyatt moved around the bathroom. This was so domestic. So real. Why couldn’t I have this? But I knew the answer already, to have this was to give up on my dreams and what I wanted. Was it worth it? Wasn’t it possible to have it all?
“Are you ready or do I have to carry you into the bath?”
“Hmm, that would be nice,” I said, as he placed one knee on the bed and moved to pick me up in his arms. “I could get used to this five-star treatment.”
“As you should. You deserve it.”
I refused to let his words penetrate. I was in dangerous territory as it was. He gently placed me in the tub, the warm water covering my body, the bubbles floating over the tops of my breasts. Once I was in, Wyatt stepped in too, shifting me so I lay in between his legs and he began to wash me slowly, paying special attention to my breasts, my stomach, inching lower until he concentrated on my pussy. The feel of his solid body behind me centered me, and it was just us in that moment.
He dropped the washcloth, using his fingers to separate my lips, and slid a finger inside. My head tipped back to his chest. “Wyatt,” I whispered as he worked his fingers inside. He was killing me. He was slowly seeping into every cell of my body, making me his. It was too consuming to resist. Slowly turning in his arms, his fingers sliding out of me, I straddled him. Sliding down on his length, so deep, I didn’t know where he started and I began. I started to move slowly so the water wouldn’t slosh out of the tub, but he gripped my hips and took over, thrusting up inside me at the same time.