Their mingled breaths sounded in the quiet room, passing through the inside, and eventually moved outside, swept away with the breeze, just like she would leave tomorrow. As if she’d never been there.
She wrapped her arms around him, pressing him closer, as close as he could possibly get as they moved together as one, their bodies grinding and grasping against each other for release. His thick shaft slid in and out of her, drawing over her sensitized flesh. Hot bolts of sensation zipped up and down her skin as he gripped her ass, adjusting her angle so he could go deeper, hitting that spot inside her that had her gasping into his mouth in mindless bliss.
“Parker,” he choked out, the corded lines of his neck bulging with the effort of holding back. Reaching between them, he thumbed her clit and she flew into the abyss, arms still clutching around him as if she’d never let him go.
“Just go,” she whispered, floating down from space, giving him permission to let loose.
And he did, pumping savagely into her, his fingers gripping hard into the flesh of her ass. She came again, the climb violent and the explosion fierce, eventually giving way to mellow contentment as he groaned his release, his whole body suddenly going slack underneath her touch.
He murmured something against her lips that sounded like thank you before he rearranged them on the bed so that she was in the crook of his arm.
She almost promised him that she wouldn’t leave, wanted to say the words so badly, but couldn’t.
“I really like you, Hugh,” she finally murmured, knowing they were a pale substitute for what she really felt.
“I really like you, too, Parker,” he returned, squeezing her closer into his warm body.
Snuggling against him, she placed a single kiss over his heart to make up for the words that were too dangerous to say and eventually fell asleep.
* * *
Hugh woke up to an empty bedroom, knew it as soon as he opened his eyes. Maybe even before his head hit the pillow last night, he’d known Parker was gone.
The look in her eyes when he’d asked her to stay had given her intention away; the fear he’d seen there hadn’t been normal. But it also meant that she felt the same way he did and was scared as fuck. It was a fear he could get behind and relate to, if the pain knocking his chest inside out was any indication.
Bolting out of bed, he checked her drawers for confirmation that she was gone before pulling on some of his own clothes. Then he shot down the elevator into his car.
He went to the airport, which was usually a half-hour drive, but he made it there in twenty minutes in part because it wasn’t even seven in the morning yet but also thanks to his outrageous speeding.
Parking his car illegally at the drop-off, he handed the keys to a kid taking luggage whose eyes got huge when he recognized him. “Move it if you need to, pal, I’ll pay.”
Not even caring that the possibility of never seeing his beloved McLaren again was extremely real, he ran into the airport with no idea what airline Parker might be on. So instead he just bought a ticket to Chicago and ran to gate after gate with flights to Chicago searching for any sight of her.
And then finally, when he’d just about given up hope, she stood up from one of the vinyl beige seats intending to board.
Racing once again, he caught her arm just as she was about to take her place in the boarding line.
Her eyes were huge and she looked as if she was already about to cry, which he had to ignore because there was no time and there were things that needed to be said.
“I love you, Parker,” he said, not even playing around. “And I don’t want you to go.”
She stared at him, her eyes impossibly large and unreadable. There was fear, yes, but something else he couldn’t quite put his finger on.
Opening her mouth, she tried to speak, but then just shook her head as if whatever she said wouldn’t matter anyway.
They announced for passengers to board again and she took a step back from him. His heart sped up and he felt just like he had that day he’d walked in on his ex and his best friend, betrayed, certainly, but most of all, he just felt alone. Again. And he fucking hated it. Loathed the idea of going back to his empty house without her in it.
“Stay with me, Parker,” he told her, giving her an out. She didn’t have to lay it all out on the table today; he’d be satisfied with more time. “You know you want to.”
“It’ll just be harder to leave,” she finally said, shaking her head. “I’m sorry, Hugh.”
His hands fisted. “I can’t believe you’re doing this,” he gritted, his presence already drawing attention from the other passengers in the seating area. “This is something good. Don’t fuck it up.”
“We said it was just the month,” she reminded him. Her words, a callback to their beginning, were lame to his ears. They’d agreed on a month when they’d known nothing about how great they could be together. It was complete and utter bullshit.
“Yeah, we made those rules, which means we can change them,” he tried.
She was the last person left to board in her group, the attendant looking expectantly at her. So he did the only thing he could think of and pulled her hard into his arms, catching her mouth up in a kiss. He gave her everything, the love, the affection, the regard, fear, anger, wasted hope, just let it all go because there was too much inside him to hang on to all of it, praying that she’d accept and believe it.
“I need it to be just the month, Hugh,” she choked out when the kiss was over.
And so he wiped away her tears and let her go. The old him would have gone after her, demanded that she listen and they give it a shot, but he knew it was Parker’s ball now.
He watched her board the plane and though his heart was shattered, it was no small epiphany that he’d still had one to be broken in the first place.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
AS SOON AS Parker had left Hugh’s house for the airport, she regretted it. Knew in her bones that she might have just irrevocably screwed up the best thing that had ever happened to her. She’d managed to hold off tears that even she was surprised hadn’t shown up when he’d found her in the airport until the car ride back to her place in Chicago. But as soon as she’d gotten inside the same model Acura from the car service that she’d taken that first night with him, they’d flowed in earnest. The driver had wordlessly handed her a box of tissues, and also, inexplicably, a lollipop, which she now held on to for dear life as if it were the one tangible thing separating her from a complete emotional meltdown.
Finally trudging up the cement stairs into her house, sleep was the only thing on her mind. She had no mental or physical energy for anything else.
Except that when she opened the door, dropping her purse straight onto the ground in exhaustion, the first thing she saw was her dad holding hands with a woman on the living room couch.
Jaw in the dropped position, she stared as the two jumped apart as if they’d been caught doing something far more serious than hand-holding, her father sputtering Parker’s name in shock.
“I didn’t know you’d be home so soon,” he croaked, standing up and wiping his palms on his pressed khakis. She hadn’t seen her dad wear anything other than sweatpants and jeans for years now. Didn’t even know he owned a pair of khakis, in fact.
But she didn’t concentrate on that so much before her gaze fell on the woman beside him, who was also now standing. Wearing a pastel-flowered skirt and a denim button-down top, she looked like a kindly aunt who carried wicker baskets full of flowers home every Friday after work and baked cookies every Sunday.
“Dad, are you dating?” Parker asked, finally meeting her father’s eyes.
As he shoved his hands into his pockets, Parker felt the tiniest bit of hope open up in her chest.
“I wanted to tell you about Sally, sweetheart, but I thought you’d be upset.”
Parker laughe
d. “Upset? Why?”
Sally and her father looked at each other hesitantly before her father nodded in reassurance.
Then Sally held out her left hand for Parker to see, and on it was a small but lovely diamond ring.
“We’re getting married,” Parker’s dad said, pride in his voice, but with an edge of fear.
Parker blinked in surprise, not quite believing it, but the shock was quickly followed by joy.
“That’s wonderful, Dad!” Parker beamed, happiness bubbling up in her chest like a shaken soda. “Why would I be upset about that?”
Her dad’s feet shuffled around on the ground, clearly uneasy about his next words. “Well, Sally’s got a house in Avondale and all.”
Parker laughed. “Dad, I assumed you’d be moving out. And it’s okay. I’ve only ever wanted you to be happy.” She crossed the room and pulled him into a hug, motioning for Sally to join. Relief coursed through her veins, the melancholy over leaving Hugh still there, but stronger was the feeling of determination that she could set things to rights. That she could finally leave her past behind and concentrate on her future.
“I want you to find love, too, P,” her dad said, squeezing. “You are the best daughter a man could ever have and I owe you everything. Your mom will never know the kind of woman you are in spite of her and that’s her loss. Go be happy, sweetheart. Wherever that is. You don’t have to worry about me anymore.”
“You were never a burden, Dad,” she assured him, her eyes wet because for all the complaining over the years, she wouldn’t have changed having that time with her dad for anything.
“That’s a lie and we both know it, sweetheart,” her dad said. “You changed your entire life for me—don’t think I don’t know it.”
Parker shook her head, knowing the real truth. The one she’d been denying since her mom walked out on them. The one that had become blindingly clear when Hugh had begged her to stay with him.
“I was using you as excuse, Dad. I was just too afraid to find someone and move on because of what Mom did to you. So I always had to be the one to leave.” Just like she’d left Hugh and every other guy who’d ever tried to get close.
And now just like his ex, she’d left him alone again and heartbroken. Because her fear went so deep, she didn’t even think about hurting other people, only worrying about her own protection.
“Parker,” Dad said, “that’s on me, too. I should have set you straight when you never brought anyone serious home. Don’t ever let your mom take away your happiness. She’s not an evil person like I’ve been saying all these years, but don’t let someone who has chosen not to be a part of your life have such a negative influence over it. Trust me, I had to learn that lesson the hard way.”
Parker blinked back more tears and allowed herself a moment to let it all settle. To accept that her mom had left, yes, but it said more about the kind of person she was than Parker. Her Dad had shown her love in a million ways over the years. Words and deeds that she simply hadn’t let be real or penetrate because she’d have to admit she was affected by them in the first place.
“I love you, Dad,” she finally managed as his hand gave hers a squeeze.
“I love you, too,” her dad said. “But you’ll still come by sometimes, okay, maybe cook for us? Sally is a grand woman, but she’s no chef.”
“Of course, Dad,” she told him, giving Sally a watery smile.
Sally left them to go into the kitchen, but Parker’s dad kept hold of her hand.
“So I met a guy,” she started, because she knew what she had to do now, but was also more scared of what would happen if she did. “But he’s wary of relationships, too, and I don’t want to hurt him by running away again. I already chickened out and left him once. What if I do it again like Mom did to us? Just cut out if things get too difficult?” And they would, she knew, because Hugh was the biggest pain in the ass in America. Followed closely in line by her.
Her dad gave her hand a shake, giving her a fierce expression, his dear brown eyes like hers, familiar but serious. “You took care of me for the past ten years, Parker, at the expense of your own wants and desires. I don’t want you to have to do that for someone else again, but if that doesn’t prove you’ve got staying power, I don’t know what does. And any man who lets you go isn’t worth it anyway.”
“Thanks, Dad,” she told him as he pulled her in for another long hug. Maybe she did need to have a little more faith in herself. At the very least, she needed to give herself her own shot at being with Hugh.
“I’m still serious about those meals, though, so you better visit your dad here in Chicago.”
Parker smiled, giving her dad another squeeze. “You could always come to Vegas, too, you know.”
“You couldn’t keep me away,” he whispered back, and she knew he was teary, too.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
PARKER TOOK A deep breath as Hugh made his entrance from the back kitchen into Blue Smoke’s dining area. It was so much like the first time she’d seen him, and yet completely different. Then he’d looked confident and warm, without a care in the world, and now he looked drawn and removed, his eyes drained of their signature humor. She’d been the one to do that to him, take away a bit of his shine. And that felt supremely crappy, but she was here to make it better for both of them. She only hoped he’d let her.
Her table, the same one they’d first sat at, was once again loaded up with baskets and dishes as it had been the night they’d met. She’d also included the first iteration of her barbecue sauce, which she’d managed to get straight from the distributor since it wasn’t actually available yet. That joint venture between them felt important to emphasize at the moment.
Watching as he made his way through the diners, she got the sense that he was actually actively avoiding looking at her table, maybe because like her, he thought of it as theirs. He was always so aware of his surroundings, but tonight he only paid attention to each table he greeted, never glancing around the restaurant, focused on the immediate task and that alone. He was dressed in a charcoal suit, no tie this time, a couple of buttons undone at his collar. His hair was pushed forward over his forehead instead of back and she saw the glint of a silver earring in his broken eyebrow. She was too far away to see what it was, but was dying to know.
Finally, as if in slow motion, he turned, his gaze floating past her table, clearly avoiding it like she’d thought, before her presence registered and his eyes slammed back to her.
That eyebrow quirked and he simply nodded as if he’d been expecting her, his long legs eating up the distance between them in seconds.
She had an entire speech prepared, of course, but before she could even say hello, he pulled her out of the booth and into his arms, his mouth finding hers as if they’d been apart for years instead of days. Her arms wound around his neck, tightening until she might as well be trying to choke him; his did the same around her waist, drawing her in so tightly to him as if they could meld into each other. And it was fine with her because she never wanted to be separated from him again.
“You good?” he asked, finally letting her up for air, his gaze fierce as he stared down at her.
She met his eyes, seeing that the new earring was a silver ball on the bottom and an orange-and-black flame on top. Made sense. He was no longer a football player, he was in the grilled meats business, so an open flame was much more accurate.
“Yeah,” she said, breathing in the familiar, deeply fresh smell of him.
Because she knew she had a lot of miles still to climb, her hands started sweating and her stomach lodged in her throat. All she wanted to do was beg for his forgiveness. Also, just multitudinous floods of tears were burning behind her eyes because she missed and loved him so much her body couldn’t even handle all of it. Considering how short a time it had been since she’d seen him, trying to even imagine breaking things off completely had been
ludicrous on her part.
“So, hi,” she finally said in response to the expectant look on his face.
Hugh peered down at her from his significant height. He shook his head and then repeated the inspection before that scarred eyebrow shot up again, waiting.
“Hi, Parker,” he said, some of the humor back in his voice, steadying her nerves. She had not completely screwed this up, so there was hope. The actual hard part, though, committing to Hugh for real, was the treacherous mountain she still needed to climb.
She nodded, words sticking in her throat for just a moment, before she gestured for him to sit down at the table.
Pulling out her leather portfolio, she opened it and put it in his lap for him to look at. Over the years she’d collected all kinds of ideas and recipes and snapshots of interiors she admired because in truth helping him open restaurants was the perfect job for her. Creating something from scratch. Hugh had given her that and it was one of a thousand things she’d never have allowed herself to dream about without him.
“I know we tossed a lot of ideas around and I’d build a menu for whatever kind of place you wanted, but I wanted to start with the ideas I have for a restaurant in San Antonio.”
His gaze shot to hers, locking there, the green of his hazel eyes softening to sea green.
She nearly caved then and leaped over the table and dragged him out of the restaurant, but she had something to prove first and she would not be deterred.
Pointing to the menu, and also the food in front of them that she’d spent the day cooking in his kitchen before service started, she informed him, “This isn’t traditional barbecue. The only way it even makes sense as barbecue is that fact that it’s smoked. But nothing on the table has been smoked with wood and the sauces are also smoked. The proteins aren’t necessarily traditionally associated with barbecue, but instead use a lot of local to San Antonio ingredients. For example, I used autumn sage, an edible plant specific to the area that you can either eat as is, or smoke and infuse a sage flavor. I did it here to all the meat and also the vegetables, which isn’t something any restaurant is doing as far as I know. At least not in San Antonio. I just happened to be able to find the sage here at the specialty market, but you get the general idea.”
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