* * *
Walking up the stairs, I pass my grandfather's room. The door is closed, but I know I’m going to have to open it sooner rather than later. The floor creaks when I walk into my bedroom. I set Sofia on the bed and take off her boots, and she crawls to the middle of the bed. The iPad sits on my dresser, and I use it to find one of her shows. I press play, and by the time I lie down next to her, she’s already asleep. Grabbing my old blanket, I cover her and softly kiss her cheek.
* * *
I leave the iPad playing and sneak out of the room as quietly as I can, turning back and looking at her every single time the floor creaks to make sure she stays asleep. I pull the door but leave it open just a touch.
* * *
Walking down the steps, I make my way to the kitchen, grabbing the kettle and putting it on the burner. Turning the knob, I listen for the click of the gas stove. I get my cup out and put a tea bag in it.
* * *
Looking over at the table, I have my laptop and the stack of bills that Mr. Devlyn gave me when I left. The kettle whistles, and I pour the boiling water into the mug, suddenly wishing I bought a bottle of wine or maybe two when we were out.
* * *
Sitting down, I place the tea in front of me and let out a huge breath. Pulling the blue elastic off the stack of letters, I open the first bill, and my eyes go from the top where the supplier name is to the red “past due” stamped in the middle to the bottom where the amount is. I repeat the process until the stack is all opened.
* * *
My head is spinning now when I see how much is owed. The biggest one from the hospital and then the hospice care. I close my eyes when I get to the bank one. Not only did he take a mortgage out on the house but he also took a second mortgage on that one.
* * *
Opening my laptop, I start entering things, and my head is spinning as I think about how the fuck I’m going to make it out of this debt. Not even sure selling the farm will cover it.
* * *
The sound of a truck door closing has me looking up, and my heart’s starting to beat faster and faster when I hear a soft knock on the door. This is it, I think to myself and look down. My blue jeans fit like a glove, which surprised me since they were from high school, and I have that on with a button-down plaid shirt. If you didn’t know any better, you would think I lived here full-time.
* * *
I take a deep breath and turn the lock on the door and open it. Casey is standing at the bottom of the porch now, and he’s looking down. He looks up when he hears the door open. "Hey," he says, and I swallow and wonder if he can tell I’m nervous.
* * *
Knowing I was coming here was one thing, but seeing Reed’s family was a whole different ball game. "Hi." I smile back at him and walk out of the house, closing the door behind me. “Billy said you would be …" I start to say, and then the world crashes around me. The passenger door opens, and I have to hold the doorframe when I see him. The man who changed my life without so much as a second thought. The man who gave me the best gift I’ve ever received in my life, then broke my heart. I lean back on the door for support as I look at him. I always thought I would see him again one day. This scenario played over and over in my head over the years, but none of them were like this. None of them were here on the same farm that it ended just as soon as it started. No, in my head, I would be dressed up, and he would be sorry, not me in my old high school clothes.
* * *
“Holy shit,” Reed says, smiling, and I take him in. Everything inside me goes stiff as my head screams out. All the images I had in my head were wrong. They were of a different person because the person standing in front of me isn’t him. He’s bigger, much bigger. His hair looks the same, and when he puts his glasses on his head, his eyes are more dangerous than the last time I looked into them. "I didn’t know you would be here." He puts his hands on his hips, which makes his arms even bigger.
* * *
There is so much I want to say to him, and none of it good, but right now, I just need him gone. The thought of Sofia getting up and walking outside is too much for me to handle. My knees are literally one second away from giving out. My mouth is so dry, and the heat from the sun is making me feel like I’m going to have heatstroke. Focus, my head tells me. Yes, just focus. “Here I am,” I say, my tone tight. I look back at Casey, who is standing there looking at me. “Billy said you would be passing by."
* * *
I can feel Reed staring at me and feel the pull to look back at him. "I’m sorry about your grandfather," Casey says, and I just nod at him. “Before I even offer you anything, would it be okay if we took a look around?"
* * *
"That’s fine,” I say. “I don’t know how safe the barn is. We …" I stop myself. “I was going in there yesterday, and a family of raccoons chased me out,” I say, and Casey smiles at me.
* * *
"Since when are you afraid of raccoons?" Reed asks, and I just look over at him.
* * *
"Things change." I look back at Casey, and he looks from me to Reed, then back over at me. I’ve never really had a conversation with him. Usually, it was just a hello in passing or taking his glass from him at the bar when I worked there.
* * *
"I’ll take a look around and come back over tomorrow. We can sit down then and see what we can do."
* * *
"Okay,” I say, turning and opening the door. I step inside without even saying goodbye. My heart hammers in my chest, and I close the door and slowly sink to the floor. "This is not good,” I say, looking over at the window when I hear them walk around. “This is not good at all."
Chapter 9
Reed
The door closes behind her, and I look over at my father, who just shakes his head. “What the hell was that?" I ask, pointing at the door.
"Son …" He tries not to laugh. “I’ve been with your mother for over twenty years. I’ve gotten many looks in that time, but that"—he points at the door—"was a woman who is pissed. And I know a pissed-off woman when I see one." I open my mouth and then close it. “I don’t know what you did to her, but if she had a gun, she would have put a bullet in your foot."
"I’ve been gone for six years." My hands are still on my hips, and my feet are glued to the ground. I stay here waiting for her to open the door and come back out and be like, just kidding. I look at my father, who starts walking toward the barn, and back at the door that she just slammed in my face.
"What the fuck?” I follow my father. “Jesus,” I say when I have to make my way through the weeds. “This is bad,” I say, looking at my father, and he nods. “Kaine never had his property like this.” I take a look around and then back at the house. Weeds as tall as me are along the back porch. The back porch that looks like it’s going to fall off the house. I look into the windows, hoping to see her one more time.
"It got bad last year," my father starts. “Grandpa and I came by and did his grass when he was out." I listen. “Then he called and told me if I stepped on his property again, he would shoot me."
"Well, then, maybe that’s why she was pissed,” I say, looking down to make sure there are no snakes.
"She was pissed at you," my father reminds me. “She smiled at me."
We get close to the barn, and my heart speeds up again. My father goes into the barn through the open door, and I gasp. It was so clean six years ago, and now it’s dusty. The only thing still in the barn in the corner is his tractor. I look up at the loft where I spent the night with Hazel and see that the ladder has been removed. Half the roof has rotted through, too. "This thing needs to be demolished," my father says, looking around. “Let’s get out of here before someone gets hurt.”
I walk out now and stand with my father. “It’s a lot of land,” I say, looking far off into the distance where I know his land ends.
"It is," my father says, turning to walk back to his truck. After getting in the truck, I take on
e look back at the house, my eyes going to the window that I know is her bedroom. When we drive away, I close my eyes.
When my father asked me to come to work with him, I thought we would be in the clubhouse doing office work or even at the riding track. What I was not expecting was to be touring farms. The minute he turned into the road to the house, my heart sped up.
"What are we doing here?" I asked, looking at the trees as we drove closer and closer to Hazel’s house.
"I told Grandpa I would pass by here," he told me, and I thought nothing of it. "Kaine passed away a couple of days ago,” he said, and my head whipped around so fast I thought I was going to get whiplash. My only thought was that Hazel must be devastated. He hung the moon and the stars according to her, and she was his everything.
He got out of the truck, and I sat in the passenger seat, my leg bouncing up and down. My eyes took in the house, and I remembered Hazel as if she were right in front of me. Then the door opened, and she was. I was shocked. My hand came out and opened the door before I even knew what was happening.
I looked at her, and I swear on my life, my heart did a fucking flip at the same time my stomach sank and then rose again. My heart was going like a jackhammer, and there was nothing I could have done to stop it. She was so fucking gorgeous I couldn’t stop the smile from coming to my face. Her hair was tied up on top of her head, and her jeans hugged her just like they did all those years ago. Trust me, I know. I spent a good month working side by side with her, carrying one of the gray plastic buckets to hide the hard-on I had for her.
"Why are you so quiet?" my father asks, and I turn back, playing that scene over and over again in my mind.
"Just thinking,” I say as he pulls up at my grandparents’ house.
He doesn’t push me as he gets out of the truck, and I follow him into the house. The smell of baking hits me right away as I make my way to the kitchen, where my grandmother is standing with fresh baked muffins in front of her. "Hey, Grandma,” I say, walking and bending to kiss her cheek.
"Don’t ‘hey, Grandma’ me." She moves out of my touch. “That didn’t work when you were fifteen, and it’s not going to work now. Go wash your hands, and then you can have one,” she says, and my father laughs. “You, too," she says. I turn around and laugh at him, pointing.
"Your mom just schooled you,” I say, walking to the sink where he joins me and pushes me, making me laugh more.
"Where is Dad?" my father asks, grabbing the rag and drying his hands, and then grabbing a muffin.
"He’s …" she starts to say, but the back door opens, and he walks in. "There he is." She looks at us. “Did you guys eat?"
"Yeah," my father answers. “But I’ll have another muffin."
I grab one and walk over to the table to sit down. My grandfather walks to my grandmother and kisses her on the lips. “Love you,” he says to her, and she looks up at him with all the love in the world.
"I’m eating," my father says, groaning.
"Now you know how I feel,” I say. “Imagine if he grabbed her butt." My grandparents laugh while my father glares. "Scared. I was scared for my life." My grandfather walks over to the sink and washes his hands, knowing the wrath he will suffer if he doesn’t.
"Shut up," my father says, shaking his head.
My grandfather takes off his hat and comes to sit at the table with me. “You went to work?" he asks, and I nod. "Obviously not hard work,” he says. “Your shirt is still white." He snickers while my grandmother puts a plate of cookies and muffins on the table. “Come work with me."
"He won’t survive," my father says, pulling out the empty chair beside me.
“Are you kidding me?” I shake my head. "I spent the night in the ocean, in the rain."
My grandfather chuckles as my grandmother brings him a drink. She stands next to him and puts her arm around his shoulders. He smiles up at her and puts his hand around her waist. "Did you go by Kaine’s?" my grandfather asks, and my father just nods.
"Yeah, just came from there,” he says.
"And what do you think?" He picks up his drink and takes a sip, bringing his other hand onto the table.
"I think that …" He shakes his head. “We are going to lose money as soon as we pay off his debt."
I look over at my father, not sure what he’s talking about. “Kaine has no debt,” I say.
"Stubborn, stubborn man," my grandfather says. “Always was." He laughs. “It’s why we got along so well."
"He has more debt than the land will cover. The barn needs to be demolished. The house looks like it’s had better days," my father says.
"Well," my grandfather says, “we take a loss." He leans back in his chair. “I know he would do it for me. And there is no way in hell I’m going to let Hazel and her little girl get shorted in all this."
My head snaps back, not sure I heard right. “Little girl?" I ask, confused. "She has a daughter?”
"Yeah," my grandfather says, “met her the other day when we went by there.” My mouth suddenly goes dry. He smiles. “Chip off the old block. Looks just like her. Sweet as hell, asked me about a tractor.”
“Holy shit,” I say, not realizing I’m saying the words out loud until my grandmother smacks my shoulder. “Sorry, Grandma." My head is spinning. She’s a mom. She is probably here with her husband, and I was thinking about her with a semi boner. I have so many questions, but all I can think of is she has a kid. “A kid,” I say out loud.
"The only thing in the world Kaine loved was Hazel and her little girl. Even if he didn’t want to ask for it, the only thing he would care about is for Hazel and Sofia to be taken care of," my grandfather says, and I repeat Sofia in my head.
"We can’t just show up there and pay off the debt," my father says, and my grandfather nods.
"No way," he says. “Not if she’s anything like Kaine."
"She’s stubborn as hell," I put in. My grandparents look at me in shock while my father laughs at me.
"She ignored him," my father says with great pride, and I glare at him yet again.
"Reed Barnes," my grandmother says, putting her hands on her hips. "If you were rude to her …"
I hold my hands up. “I didn’t say anything to her." This time, but I don’t add that in.
"So, what do you want to do?" my father asks, and even I know the answer to this one.
"We buy it from her and make sure she has some extra for her and her daughter," my grandmother says, and my grandfather nods. “If you need money, I have it."
"I don’t need your money, Mom," my father says. "Okay, I have to go back tomorrow. I’ll take a look and see if I can find all the outstanding bills Kaine owes."
"Isn’t that illegal?" I ask, and it’s his turn to glare at me.
"If it’s on the internet, it’s not illegal." He gets up now, kissing his mother and then turning toward me. “Find a way home." He turns and walks out of the house.
I wait for the door to close behind my father before I look back at my grandparents. My grandmother sits down. “I don’t know how she’s going to do it." She shakes her head. “It’s bad enough raising a child as a single mom, but to do it without family." I take in the part where she’s single. "And they were so close." She grabs a tissue and wipes the corner of her eyes.
"I thought she left to go to college,” I say. “Didn’t know she came back home."
"She doesn’t live here," my grandfather says. “First time she’s been back in six years."
I look at him as all the questions come at me at once. “She was probably embarrassed," my grandmother says. “Getting pregnant in college." My mouth hangs open. “And then having a baby alone. That would be hard on anyone."
I get up, ready to jump out of my skin. “I’m going to go,” I say. “I have to meet Ethan,” I lie to them. “See you tomorrow."
Walking out of the house, I walk toward the house I’m staying at, the whole time wondering what the fuck Hazel has been up to.
Chapter 10
/> Hazel
"Tilt your head back," I tell my daughter as I grab a plastic cup and rinse the shampoo out of her hair.
"Momma," she says. “My eyes." I grab a clean, dry towel and dry the little drops of water running down the side of her face. “Thank you, Momma,” she says with a smile, and it knocks me on my ass because she has his smile. I never saw it before, or maybe I didn’t want to see it before, but the way she smirks and then smiles, she’s exactly like him. Seeing him again and then seeing some of the stuff she does, it’s like I forgot or ignored it. But now seeing him and knowing that he’s so close to her, it’s almost like they stick out more. It’s not just her smile either. It’s the way she puts her hands on her hips and cocks her head to one side just a bit.
"Five more minutes,” I say, and she turns around in a circle in the big tub. "We have a big day tomorrow,” I say. Sitting on the wooden stool by the tub, I watch her fill the cup with water and then throw it on her legs. “We are going to take care of those weeds out front.” She looks up at me. “Cut them down. Pops always loved his flowers in the front. It’s because Meemaw planted them.” I take a big inhale when I think of what I need to do in order to make it look a bit better. “We just need to go into the barn.”
Her eyes get big now. “Momma, the raccoons," she tells me. "They looked mad last time."
"It’s fine.” I’m not sure it’s fine, but they’re not going to stop me. I need the tools in the barn because without them, I’ll be cutting the weeds with the scissors. "Momma will bring out a big pot and a wooden spoon, and we’ll scare them all away." She looks at me like she isn’t sure, and it doesn’t help that I think she’s right.
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