“I need a dancer to cover for Lacey. Any suggestions?” The look he gave me made it clear that he was hoping I would suggest myself. Could I get on that stage? I thought about the money I desperately needed to make. Maybe that might be my chance.
I opened my mouth to speak when H entered the room beside me and cut me off. “Try Misty. She’d asked for extra time this week anyway.” His gaze remained focused on Donnie as I stood there unconsciously admiring his chiseled jaw and the way it twitched just a little. Donnie didn’t seem pleased at all with this idea but nodded his head in compliance anyway.
“Right. Yeah, I’ll give Misty a try.” Then he pulled out a piece of paper from his desk and started dialing. H grabbed my elbow and gently guided me away.
“Don’t go down that road.” He said in a low voice.
“What? What do you mean?”
“Dancing.”
“What makes you think I…”
“Come on. I saw you thinking about it. I’m not sure why, but I get a sense that you aren’t built for that kind of life.”
“You…I…w-what?” I sputtered, feeling insulted for absolutely no reason. “You know nothing about me and what I’m built to do! I don’t need you or anybody else telling me a damn thing.” When I tried to step away, I realized that he still had a grip on the back of my upper arm.
“Annette. I didn’t mean…”
“I don’t give a shit what you meant but I do want you to let me go.” I interrupted while glaring at him icily.
“Fine.” H raised both hands in the air and stepped back, allowing me to pass but not before mumbling, “All I’m saying is you’re better than that.”
I turned around and replied, “Sometimes we don’t have a choice.”
His brows snapped together quickly and his lips parted to respond but I took off toward the bar before he had time to speak.
****
Normally I didn’t allow men to get too touchy feely with me but after sneaking a couple of tequila shots when nobody was looking, my capacity to give a shit was on low. I had no idea how I was going to come up with the money I needed nor did I have the energy to pry the guy’s fingers off my ass. What was worse, in this position I could also feel his erection against my backside.
Yeah, enough of that.
When I tried to step away, he sucked in a sharp breath and tighten his hands around me. His deep voice was husky and slightly breathless against my ear.
“Careful, baby cakes.” Oh, God. I needed to get away from this guy. I caught sight of H sitting at the corner table and before I could say anything, he was moving in my direction and relief washed over me. When H was within arm’s length, his large hand grabbed mine and with a gentle tug, I was free.
When we'd made it around the corner and into the empty hallway, he finally spoke, “You don’t have to do that, you know.”
“Do what?” I stopped walking and he turned to face me.
“Let those guys put their hands all over you.”
“I’m just bein' social. It’s my job.” I replied as I tilted my head way up to look at him. Even as the explanation left my mouth, I didn’t believe it.
“No, it’s not. You’re a singer, not a...”
“Not a what?” I placed both hands on my hips and glared at him expectantly.
He shook his head but didn’t speak.
“Look, you may think I’m this naïve country girl but you haven’t got the first clue about me, H. You have no idea the responsibilities I have.” He studied me for a few seconds and tilted his head to the side.
“Tell me then.”
I rolled my eyes and let out a long sigh, “You don't want to open up any of this baggage, sugar.”
“Baggage? You married?”
I snorted and replied, “Nope, definitely not. Thank God.” Marriage wasn't Jimmy's style.
“Kids?”
When I kept quiet and glared back at him his eyes went wide.
“Shit. You have kids?” He asked and leaned forward with his arms crossed in front of him.
“That’s none of your business.”
“You do, don’t you? Shit.” he shook his head and let his torso rest back against the wall. “Where are they? With the father?”
“The kids are with my Mama, and their Daddy is dead, I hope.” I replied unapologetically and crossed my arms over my chest as I pictured Jimmy lying on the floor in the kitchen next to the cast iron skillet I used to knock his ass out. After that, I hurried past him carrying both babies out of the door. The fact that no police had come looking for me meant that his death was unlikely.
“Why? Did he beat you?”
“No, he didn't beat me. We fought... with our fists. All the time.”
“Shit.” He repeated as he ran a hand over his face. The need to explain myself was overwhelming. I was telling him things I’d never told anyone and it was suddenly important to me that he understood my perspective.
“He got away with smacking me once and after that, I vowed to match him blow for blow. It gets tiring, you know? Kids shouldn't have to see that, live that kind of life. So I left him.” H remained silent as he stared at me, his expression unreadable but his jaw ticked like crazy.
“Hey, I'm okay and I can take care of my kids and me just fine.” I offered lightly as a way to change the mood. The look he gave me appeared an awful lot like pity and I couldn’t stand it. The more I allowed myself to dwell in the past, the more depressed I got over my failures as a mother.
“I have no doubt about that but there is a difference between living and gettin’ by, woman.”
“All of this,” I waived a hand around me, “is temporary.” It was what I kept telling myself but I really didn’t have much of a plan, if I was going to be honest. The past four years of my life had all fallen under the temporary category. Temporarily homeless, temporarily jobless, yet I was shaping up to be a failure as a permanent mother, too. My shoulders sagged as I thought about how close I was to not being able to pull myself together for my kids.
H studied me for a moment then looked at his watch. “Listen, it's dead out there, do you want to get out of here early. Maybe go to the diner down the street and grab something to eat?”
His voice cut through my thoughts and my stomach picked that moment to growl, incredibly loud.
“I’ll take that as a yes.” He laughed. I thought about another couple of hours of sitting on drunk customers’ laps and trying to make what would probably only amount to a few more bucks. Suddenly going back in there was the last thing I wanted to do.
“Yeah, I’ll meet you there.” I answered with my lips turning up slightly. It was hard not to smile at him, there was something about being in his presence that lifted my spirits a little.
****
I made it to the diner before he did. I’d already ordered a coffee and was sipping it, wondering if he would show up. That was until I heard the faint rumbling noises of the Camaro from the parking lot. When H stepped inside, he scanned the room before his eyes came to rest on me. A small grin spread across his face and he started toward me. The way he moved across the floor was fluid and sure. Unlike Jimmy, who was always looking over his shoulder or surveying the faces like there might be someone he owed money to in the room. No, H’s intense gaze was focused on me.
“Hi.” He slid into the booth on the other side of the table then smiled.
“Hi.” I replied and grinned back.
We ordered breakfast and made small talk. He asked me about where I was from and my music. It was obvious we were avoiding the topic of my ex and the life I was trying to leave behind. H seemed genuinely interested and let me do most of the talking. He nodded and asked questions. The kind of questions that showed he was paying attention to me and not just looking for a break in the conversation where he could start talking about himself.
In fact, getting H to share anything about his life was hard. He eventually told me that he grew up in Columbia with his mother and younger sister. He used
to be a professional bodybuilder and that Donnie was not only his childhood best friend but also his manager. After winning some big competition, they opened the Jumpstart together three years ago with the prize money. They were equal partners but Donnie ran the business side. H was reluctant to take on a managing role since he had no experience with running a club, so instead, he took on the role of “catch all” and helped in whatever way he could.
He explained Donnie's vision for the Jumpstart. It was to be a one-stop spot for niche entertainment or “Something for everyone, every night of the week.” Which was their tag line. At any given time, a customer could find singing acts of all musical styles, exotic and traditional dancers, comedians and other types of unique talents. They weren’t one thing. The goal was to be everything. There was nothing like it in the city and the club was doing well.
After we’d finished eating, we walked together to the front door of the restaurant.
“Can I drop you off at home?”
“No,” I replied, not wanting to share that I was staying at the motel across the street. “I have my, uh, car.” I lied. H gave me a look that made it clear he did not believe a word I was saying.
“I know you are staying across the street, Annette.”
“What? How?”
“How do you think you’ve made it home every night, in this neighborhood without anyone messing with you?”
“You’ve been following me?”
“No, not on purpose… at first. I drove past you one night, and you weren’t that hard to miss. You have no idea how much you stand out in this part of town.” My mind was reeling. He’s been following me home. It was then that I recalled hearing an engine in the distance every time I’d walked home, I kept expecting someone to pass by but never saw a car. I just figured the noise was from the next street over. There I was thinking I’d been taking care of myself while H had been looking after me too. Instead of feeling insulted, I was grateful.
“Thank you.” I whispered, looking down at my feet.
“The world's too big for you to be carrying on those tiny shoulders, darlin’.” He reached up and grabbed a lock of hair that had fallen over my cheek. “This ain’t Haventown.”
“I know.” I closed my eyes as his thumb lightly brushed my cheek.
“Just be careful out here. Okay?”
“Okay.”
Then his touch was gone. I open my eyes in time to see him disappearing around the corner. Crossing the street, I held my breath as I listened to the rumbling of his car engine. When I was inside my room with the door closed, only then did the noise fade away and I exhaled.
****
That night when I pulled open the air vent to add my three hundred and eight dollars to my savings, the entire envelope was gone.
Chapter Six
It was just after ten the following morning when I woke to the loud ringing of the phone on the nightstand.
“Hello.” I croaked, my voice hoarse from crying all night.
“Annetta? Miss. Annetta Andrews?” A woman asked from the other end of the line.
“Y-yes,” I answered as I sat up and tried to pry my puffy eyes open. “Yes, I'm Annetta. Who is this?”
“This is Wilma Davis. Your mother, Maryann, gave us this number to reach you. She is worried about your ability to take care of your children.”
“W-what?” I pulled the phone away from my ear, staring at it for a second like somehow I could see the woman. “You talked to my mother?”
“Yes, this morning after church. Wait, did I wake you? Were you still sleeping? It's nearly lunch time.”
“Hang on, you talked to my mother about my boys?”
“Yes, she said you've been gone for almost a month and that she is not in a position where she can care for them full time. Two energetic toddlers can be a lot to handle. The poor woman was run completely ragged by the end of service this morning.”
“I'm sorry for any disruption they may have caused. I'll give Mama a call right away to check on her and them.”
“Oh, dear. I forgot to mention the children are here with the Pastor and I. I only wanted to ask you a few questions about their likes and dislikes...”
I listened to Wilma talk but I was having a hard time concentrating on what she was saying.
My own mother sold me out?
I knew she was capable but deep down I never thought she'd go through with it or at least not before she talked to me.
“...and we firmly believe in one-hour devotionals every night. I can assure you that your sweet boys will be well cared for, with the help of God. We'll have the paperwork started first thing in the morning...”
“Hang on, lady. My kids are not going anywhere. As a matter a fact I was on my way to bring them to our new home today.”
“But...but, Maryann said...”
“Well, Mama hasn't been herself lately and her memory isn't what it used to be. I'm sorry to waste your time. If you would kindly give me your address, I'll be there shortly.”
Wilma sputtered and tried several more times to dissuade me, but those were my kids and they belonged with me.
I wasn't exactly sure why I found myself at the Jumpstart thirty minutes later about to make the worst mistake of my life.
Desperation will make a person do just about anything.
Chapter Seven
I'd gone into the Jumpstart in search of Donnie. I needed to make some cash fast and was willing to do whatever I had to even if it meant dancing. I wasn't sure how I was going to make it all work. I didn't have a plan beyond picking up my boys then doing whatever was necessary to find us a place to live and fast.
When I stepped into Donnie's office he wasn't there, but a large manila envelope full of cash from last night’s bar register was sitting on his desk. There was three thousand dollars in there. I'd watched Tammy, the bartender, count the money before handing it off to Donnie. He barely glanced up before tucking the envelope under his arm, not even pausing the conversation with the familiar pretty blonde who had been there looking for H.
The envelope looked like it had never been touch and was just tossed there as if it held no importance. Wheels of deception began spinning in my head. I stared at the envelope for a minute. Three thousand would get me what I needed. By tomorrow night, I could be settled in the house with my boys. I tried to convince myself that I would find another job and nobody would know. By the look of the mess in Donnie's office, he probably wasn't keeping track of things properly anyway. I mean, who would leave an envelope full of cash just out in the open in an unlocked office like that? I began telling myself that I needed it more than him. Visions of my boys who were wild at heart being forced to read bible verses every night wondering why their Mama had abandoned them made my cheeks burn and my heart race. I had to do this for them.
Suddenly I was watching my hand reach out for the envelope. I say watching because it felt like I was only an observer and not actually making the movements.
Was I really going to do this?
All kinds of bad things could happen to me. Did I really think I could get away with it? What if Donnie suspected me first? If I don't show up for work tonight, he'll know for sure. I would go to jail! For a long time. It was so wrong. So, so wrong. I couldn't take the money… but what about my boys? Oh God! I wish I knew what to do?
“What are you doing?” H demanded and I whirled around in complete horror to see him standing with his arms crossed, waiting for my response. Oh, why couldn't it have been anybody but him? A man I was coming to know as a friend was standing there and probably judging me. I'd never felt so low. Seconds ticked away as I stood there staring at him with my mouth agape. Not a single word came to mind. Not one. No quick cover up, not even a terrible excuse. Nothing. I was frozen. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t speak. My eyes remained locked on his as he stepped forward.
“Annette? What are you doing?” He repeated but, this time, whisper-yelling as he came to stop just in front of me.
In re
sponse, I did something really stupid. Really, really stupid. Tucking the envelope under my arm like a football, I tried to make a run for it. H looked stunned as I tried to push past him. I got all of three steps before his hand wrap tightly around my wrist and he yanked me back.
“Stop! Let go of me!” I screamed and flailed my arms around in a fit of hysteria. The envelope dropped from my hand to the carpeted floor with a soft thud.
“Hang on! Hang on a second, Annette! Calm down.” H said against the side of my face as he locked his arms in an attempt to restrain me. I didn’t want to be restrained, I wanted to get the hell out of there and fast!
Oh God, this is bad. Very bad, Annie!
I thrashed about a little while longer and H pleaded with me to stop and lower my voice. Finally, my body went limp from sheer exhaustion and I sank to the floor with him still grasping both my wrists. Tears were rolling down my cheeks, my chest was heaving and I was on the verge of hyperventilating. I was so ashamed of myself that I couldn’t even look up. Pretty soon I knew he was going to have to call the cops, and I’d be hauled off to jail.
Oh, my babies. Mama is so sorry!
H squatted down beside me and spoke in the same low whisper he used before.
“What is going on? What are you doing with the deposit money?” His hand gestured to the yellow envelope on the floor. When I finally looked up at him, his dark brown eyes were fixed on mine. There was sympathy mixed with confusion.
“It doesn’t matter,” I mumbled softly and stared down at the floor again. “You’re going to turn me in either way.”
“Turn you in? Are you in some kind of trouble? Help me understand.”
Understand? He wanted me to help him understand all of this? Hell, I didn't even know what I was doing, but his words did give me a tiny sliver of hope, and suddenly everything was pouring out of me. I told him about my boys, mama, the pastor’s wife, and how I lost all the money I’d saved, all of it. He listened intently but didn’t say a word.
After it was all out, I sat there and stared back at him for what felt like hours as he processed it all. This man determined my fate, whether I got to walk out of there on my own or in handcuffs. He stood up and walked back a few paces, his expression was unreadable as he contemplated what to do with me. He ran his hands over the light scruff on his jaw and let out a long breath. When he finally spoke, I wasn’t at all prepared for his response.
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