by Erin R Flynn
“Yes. I—he didn’t handle the news well, and I knew I had to find the best way to protect you.” He kissed my hair and let me go, not pushing it. “I know this doesn’t change anything, but it’s a layer of security you need to feel safe.”
Ray snorted. “Doc, I’m buying you a case of something good. That just made our job so much easier.”
“I’m not using mind control or any runes on her,” Neldor snapped.
“Yes, but every person in this room believes it’s not beneath you to try,” Irma seethed. “Should that not at least give you pause to truly assess your behavior? Weeks of getting to know you, and we all worry for Tamsin and what you might do to her. That is because of you, Prince Neldor, not us. At least hear her this time instead of dismissing the only living heir to Faerie!”
Neldor winced and I did a double take. “Why do you say it like that? What does that mean, Irma?”
“There are legends that Faerie was not always split. Some thought it was the mistake of one god who wanted to help Hades that made a second royal bloodline. Which and who came first, none of us know. It might not be true, but nowhere does it say two queens must rule the realms of Faerie, simply it must be an heir.”
“And the heirs must be female,” another hobgoblin added. “The daughters of the blessed bloodlines will be the only ones Faerie will answer to.”
“What does that mean?” I sighed.
“The world will slowly die. The magic needs a conduit just as some supes need one to do other magic,” Irma said gently. “It’s why you’ve had such a tie to Faerie.” She sighed when I snorted. “Yes, there has been no control and Faerie has hurt you, but it’s too injured to behave as it normally would.”
“That’s true,” Neldor agreed. “I—the fact Faerie hurt you not once but twice means it was fizzling out and out of time. I’ve never heard of it doing anything but answer the call of the queens or heirs. Always.”
I flinched as Craftsman did. “It did once.”
Irma nodded. “Ryfon quickly shut down that I was going to say that Faerie only answers the call of the queens or heirs. He knew though. Yes, I’ve already beat him for that.”
“Faerie answered your call? It recognized you as the heir?” Neldor asked, his eyes flashing shock. “When? How?”
I sighed, thinking we had already told him this but we’d told him so much, I couldn’t blame him for not keeping up with it all.
Or us if we’d forgotten.
“Craftsman was dying,” I rasped, hugging his arms to me without even realizing it until he kissed my hair. “He saved me when I was injured in a trap while rescuing hobgoblins and it almost killed him. I brought him to Faerie and begged it to save him because I had no juice left. It saved him.”
Neldor went from handsome to disarmingly sexy when he gave me the first kind smile ever. “That’s our world, Tamsin. That’s what it truly is. It’s dying and in pain. I know you distrust it because it’s hurt you but at its core, Faerie is full of goodness and everything we need to heal and love. It would have risked dying to save the one you love to help keep you going. That’s Faerie.”
I smiled when the hobgoblins nodded. “That sounds nice.” I cleared my throat and let go of Craftsman, glad when he let me.
“Where did you get all of this?” Irma asked me, sensing I needed a topic change.
“I wanted to surprise everyone, so I had greenhouses put in so we could have fresh fae produce in the winter,” I told her. “There’s more in the garage I’ll get.”
“I’ve got it,” Lucca said, Darby nodding. Lucca came over and kissed my hair. “Rest. You didn’t sleep well.”
“Thanks.” I shot a glance at Craftsman but he didn’t react, offering to help the hobgoblins and prepping ingredients for them.
So it really had been a dream. If I had kissed him in some sort of spell place, he would have done it when I’d given him so many chances or at least… It wouldn’t be like it had been.
I snapped out of my thoughts when Irma set some juice in front of me. I thanked her and sat down, drinking it and running my hand over my hair. The dream had wiped me out emotionally and kept me from recharging in sleep.
But it had helped. I felt more settled. Not closure but… I wasn’t sure. I had gotten a chance to get out what I’d still been feeling instead of pushing it down because I was embarrassed I still felt it?
It was a miracle I functioned most days when I was always so confused and tied up.
“No, she wasn’t, and fucking drop it,” Ray snarled quietly.
“Fine,” Neldor grumbled. “As long as she didn’t actually do it.”
I rolled my eyes. All of that, and he was still pushing to find out if I’d done porn to see if it messed up his plans.
I did swallow my next sip loudly. Wow, I was an actual princess and had almost done porn to survive. My life was so, so very fucked up.
Thank the gods that I didn’t, and for Mel. I rubbed my chest, missing her and in pain from how she was treating me and finished my juice.
“Tamsin?” Irma whispered when I stood.
“I’m—there are some journals I want to get to. I’ll—um, when—I can just—”
“I’ll bring you breakfast in the library, agra,” Darby offered.
“Yeah, you’ve got time before Larson’s here to work with you,” Lucca agreed. “Just go chill, kitten.”
“There is a message from Dean White you need to read,” one of the hobgoblins told me, nodding to an envelope on the table.
I frowned. What had been going on that she wouldn’t just text? Maybe she just wrote a quick note while here yesterday?
Everyone stopped what they were doing and focused on me as I went over to the table and read the note. And what I found didn’t make me happy. She was worried about the attitudes and auras at the havens, too many full of fear and other things. This new wave of shit against us and female supes was worrying them.
And scared, worried people did stupid things.
I agreed with her and that we needed to take steps. Quietly. This was not something everyone needed to be read in on and risk someone overhearing or problems later.
Which meant I was teaching White how to make my spy traps so she could either do them or teach me how to do them much better.
I really was never going to get a chill break. Fuck.
8
“What had you so upset about White’s note that you read it and immediately burned it?” a sexy voice with a British accent asked, stirring me awake.
I blinked up into Julian’s eyes. Another dream. I swallowed a sigh. Why was I having these? Because they helped.
Did they? Yes, but also they made me miss him more.
What he asked seemed like a safer topic and clearly, I was conflicted about it if I was bringing it up in my dreams. So I answered.
“She’s concerned about the mood at the havens and the mentality going around. She didn’t spell it out, but I know what she’s specifically worried about.”
“What, love?” he murmured as he pulled me to him so I was half lying on his naked chest. “Tell me so I can help.”
“Rub my back like you used to when I was upset, and maybe I will,” I whispered, closing my eyes and enjoying it more than I should when he did. “People are stupid when they’re scared, Julian.”
He flinched. “I know I was and I’m sorry how much—”
“I didn’t mean you,” I interrupted, tracing my fingers over his stomach. “I don’t want to talk about that tonight. I was answering your question. People are scared at the havens. Of course, they left everything they knew, but it was a chance for better and to be safe.”
He let out a heavy sigh. “And they think that’s all being threatened with these new attacks and crap. Fucking gits. I didn’t think of that.”
I nodded. “They’re vulnerable and terrified. It makes them ripe to be taken advantage of and not thinking of the consequences, too scared to care who they could hurt.”
“You thin
k one of them might trade the locations for the brass ring,” he whispered in horror, swearing in some interesting combinations when I nodded. “How could they be such—”
“They’re scared and have been beaten down, Julian. Their fight isn’t over. It’s never over in this world. There are people who sell out all the time for a chance at an easy life. There are people we got safe and clean, and all they did was go back because being high was easier, even if they had to sell themselves. Being smacked around was fine if they didn’t have to figure out their own lives.”
“My heart aches for them,” he murmured, hugging me closer and kissing my hair. “I thank the gods every day you broke free of all of that and it didn’t win, it didn’t take you too.”
I snorted. Right, my dream Julian would do that. The real one wouldn’t. “Yeah, okay and—”
“I do,” he swore. He turned us so I was on my back and he was on his side over me. “I do, my sweet fairy. Before I go to bed everything night, I pray to the gods—the same four things. I thank them for giving you a way out, finding Mel, and you didn’t get swallowed up by the hell all around you.”
“And?” I breathed, actually believing him, which was crazy since it was a dream.
His eyes shined with tears. “That you’ll forgive me and we can be together again. I pray for the strength to be who you need and the patience to hold out. I beg for the wisdom how to get you back so I don’t die inside without you anymore.”
“Julian…”
“I pray for our world to survive and get better. That these gits will stop being in power and doing so much to all of us and we can do better, be what we should be as a society.”
That, I would believe of him. That sounded very much like what Craftsman would pray for.
“And I pray that you survive,” he rasped, lowering his forehead to mine. “I pray that you can hang on through all this madness and get the help you need, not just fucking Neldor. There are so many fairies who would—you wouldn’t be fighting this all alone. I’m scared for you learning of your lineage but I’m also thrilled as the Light Guardians will protect you and you can survive.”
I flinched. How did my dream know about something I didn’t? I had no idea what the Light Guardians were. You must have read something about them and forgotten.
My thoughts were distracted when he kissed me, melting against him and wanting that kiss more than anything. I hated how weak it made me feel to cave—even in a dream—but I missed him.
Constantly.
Always.
“I still love you, Julian,” I rasped. “I have to stop loving you.”
“Don’t. Please don’t ever say that, my sweet fairy,” he begged. “I’m only whole because you love me. Please don’t ever stop loving me.” He kissed me again and sniffled loudly. “You said you didn’t want this tonight. I won’t push. What are you going to do with White?”
“Oh, I’m going to work with her on the spy traps. I think she could more than handle making them or at least show me how not to hemorrhage magic to make one. I’m doing something wrong, I know it.”
He sighed again. “I’m not going to lie that they aren’t seriously fucking cool. I’m dying to tear into them. I know you worry I came back for them, but I didn’t.”
“But they’re cool and your mind gets all into things like that,” I murmured. “I know. When I calmed down—Zack and Ray made sure I truly knew that wasn’t why you were back and how much the accusation hurt you. I’d want to play with them too. I get it.”
He snuggled against me, even moving between my legs and adjusting the blankets over us… Which made me realize we were both naked.
Great, my dreams were even working against me.
“Yeah, I would, but I want to play with them because they’re yours,” he whispered, kissing along my neck and distracting me. “You’ve come so far, so fast, love. I want to work on everything with you. I loved tutoring you in Latin and—”
I flinched, trying to pull away. “And forgot our tutoring sessions. Forgot me to talk magic with Campbell.”
“Gods, it gets me so fucking hot when you get jealous over a tosser like me, but I hate you hurt,” he mumbled, not letting me go. “I’m sorry, love. I’m sorry I—I wanted to learn about your crystals and be part of it with you, not behind. I—I can’t take being behind. I’m sorry I took you for granted, Tamsin.”
I closed my eyes, longing to hear those words from him and believe them. I knew why my dreams would have him say it.
Except it wasn’t real and if he said it to my face, I knew I wouldn’t trust it.
“I gave you all of me and I wasn’t good enough,” I rasped. “I need to let you go, Julian. I have to.”
“No, never,” he growled, mashing his mouth to mine.
I caved. Gods help me, but I was weak and caved in the dream. I let him make love to me and it was better than I remembered, it was more somehow.
Which made me cry even harder when it was over. I broke down sobbing to him about him again. All he did was hold me and promise he loved me, wouldn’t ever leave me and had his head together now.
But even in my dreams, I wouldn’t believe him.
I wasn’t sure if that was sadder for him or me.
The next morning, I woke tired but not as bad, still using a healing rune before sliding out of bed. I was alone, having sent Lucca to the guest room after he groveled some more. I needed time to think and he was all over me, which I knew was the point and to push me to forgive him… But it was pushing me to forgive him, and I wasn’t sure it was the smart choice.
Or at least yet.
I had a lot on my fucking mind.
The weather had warmed the day before to melt the remnants of the snow, so I ran outside and took the dogs with me. We took a break in the greenhouses where I fed them a selection of the ripe produce that had to be picked that day. I smiled as I thought about how the hobgoblins had taught me all about that and how much I loved them.
And peace filled me. It wasn’t only about saving fairies, unfreezing them and risking that I got more Neldors for my troubles. No, the fair folk deserved to be able to go home where they were safe and I was the only one who could do it.
It was a huge burden, but they’d done so much for me that I was honored to be the one to get them home. It felt right.
My stomach rumbled—like always—and I hurried back to the house, laughing when the dogs circled around me as if knowing they were going to get more food as well. I went in through the back door just to be a shit, amused when they barked in protest like I couldn’t get to the garage that way.
“What’s got you smiling so much this morning, love?” Craftsman greeted as he pulled containers out of bags.
“I…” I shook my head, realizing I had almost answered him as if he was dream Craftsman and not our reality. That was why the dreams were dangerous. “Nothing. What’s all of this?”
“We’re not doing our eating out an area because of everything going on, so instead we’re ordering the menu and bringing it all here and changing things up,” Izzy explained as she read what was on the containers. “I called places and lined them all up in one area and told them we were reviewers who would order the whole menu, but we didn’t like to be watched when we do it, so it was to-go. Play or not. Some didn’t.”
“Cool. Thanks, Izzy.”
She shrugged. “We made promises and some of us aren’t going to bail on them because we didn’t agree with how you handled one thing that wasn’t an easy decision.”
Meaning she didn’t like what I’d done, mostly because it caused upset, but she was also upset with Mel for bailing on me. She was so fair, she fit in perfectly with us.
Lucca and Darby stumbled into the kitchen and they got set up with us, Lucca actually taking Mel’s spot. He was ridiculously excited to be involved in the fun.
“We’re not testing out weapons or like, new video games,” I reminded him.
“I know, but you’ve met my parents. My mom is a
wesome but… Do you see her doing something like this?”
I actually didn’t have an answer for that, not knowing her well enough. She was very refined and gracious, but did that mean she couldn’t order the menu to sample or enjoy food? I simply shrugged and passed down the coffee drinks to them since it was a breakfast café.
A breakfast café that had extremely good bagels.
“They make them in-house,” Izzy told me after the third time I said that.
“I feel left out,” Marshall grumbled as he came in with Sean and several of the other wolves who had worked for Artemis and knew about me. I’d snagged them as my guards now, and it was nice to have them around.
“When have I ever been so mean?” she drawled as Zack, Ray, and Neldor joined us as well. “There are several extra bags of what you guys like. This is just for us to do our thing, so only eat that stuff unless we say so. You can have the coffees after we try them as four of us can’t drink this many.”
“I don’t think there will be much left over though,” I admitted in between bites of a breakfast sandwich. “This place is fucking amazing.”
“Yeah, it goes on the list to visit again,” Darby agreed. “Try these pancakes, agra.” He shot Izzy a guilty look that he’d gone out of order. “They smelled really good and right next to me.”
“That’s like the first time you’ve cheated ever,” she teased him.
And he was right on the pancakes. Nice.
Dean White arrived just as everyone else finished up, amused as I kept going when they all had to tap out.
I simply shrugged. “Are you really shocked anymore?”
“No, your aura shocks me. What has you doing so much better?”
I wasn’t going to answer at first but then shrugged. “I realized something on my run and it’s helped.” I glanced over at the hobgoblins and winked. “You guys better get some before I eat it all.”
“No, thank you,” Irma chuckled. “Izzy made sure to order for us as well even though we told her we’ll cook for ourselves. The child doesn’t listen.”
Izzy shrugged. “I didn’t hear a thing. I believe even my horrible parents raised me well enough that I wouldn’t leave out people I value from our fun. Besides, you’re cleaning like, everything and everywhere over break. You can rest too.”