Nathan closed his eyes and inhaled deeply of the crisp winter air, searching deep within himself for the courage to continue.
Alexandra waited for Nathan to speak.
When Nathan had begun courting Alexandra, her father had been more than vociferous in his disapproval. He’d even gone so far as to forbid his daughter from attending any of the same functions Nathan was rumored to be attending.
As Danby’s granddaughter, she’d never wanted for suitors. What she had lacked was serious suitors—suitors who had a genuine desire to be with her, who found her amusing, who didn’t mind that she was slightly plump and prone to awkward stretches of silence. That was until Nathan. Only her mother had seen the pain the mandated separation had caused Alexandra.
It had been her mother who’d spoken on her behalf and insisted Nathan be allowed to pay court to Alexandra. Surprisingly, Father had capitulated. But whenever he’d seen her, which wasn’t often, he’d always made vague references about the scandalous death of Lady Pembroke.
She’d always ignored him or made her pardons from the room. She had not wanted to learn such an intimate part about Nathan from anyone but Nathan himself.
“My mother was desperately in love with my father. The poor, foolish woman. I knew her for ten years, and each year her happiness grew dimmer and dimmer until she was a shell of the woman who’d held me as a child.”
Her heart ached at the thought of Nathan as a sad, forgotten little boy. She imagined he’d have been a solemn young fellow. Poor Nathan. And his poor mother. Even unfinished, she recognized the story was a tragic one.
“What happened to her?”
Nathan dragged a hand through his hair, sending flakes flying to join the others slipping from the sky. “My mother was with child. In spite of her delicate condition and my presence in the house, my father had guests.” The way he said the word guests indicated he did not speak of respectable members of the ton. “The revelry in the ballroom was so loud it reached above stairs. I wandered out and found my mother. She was winding her way through the house, towards the merriment.” He stared out at the thick winter sky. “I followed her and watched as she opened the ballroom doors. What she saw the men and women…” His voice trailed off. “I cannot even speak of what they were doing. My mother ran. She didn’t even hear when I called to her. I saw her race up the stairs, but her foot caught in her gown.”
Alexandra climbed to her feet and crossed over to Nathan, offering him the solace of her presence. She took his hands and squeezed them in encouragement.
He squared his shoulders and continued. “I couldn’t catch her, Alex. I cried out, but she fell backwards. Tumbled down the stairs. She lost the baby and her life that night.” A sharp, bitter laugh escaped him. “Hearing my screams, my father’s guests streamed out of the ballroom. My family’s scandal, my mother’s death, they are all very public, shameful stories, Alex.”
She cocked her head at a defiant little angle. “And you think I’m as fickle as the ton, as those who witnessed your pain?”
A strangled sound caught in his throat. He wrenched his hand free of hers. She looked down, mourning the loss of contact.
“Don’t you understand? I’m not respectable. Your father was, nay, is right about me. And he’s right that you deserve more than wedding the son of a man who all but killed his wife and gambled away most of our wealth.
“He visited me, Alex, and reminded me of my origins. Said if I truly loved you, that I would set you free. And he was right. But he was also right about me being a selfish bastard who only cares about himself. Because as much as I know you are best without me, as much as I know there are many men who can bring you far greater happiness, I want you all to myself.”
Alex felt something hot streaking down her cheek and blinked in confusion. Snow was cold and yet…she wiped a hand across her face and realized she was crying. He’d given her up because he loved her. He’d done so in such a public way that he’d earn not only the further condemnation of the ton who expected nothing less of him, but also in a way that he would earn Alexandra’s scorn and hate.
“You foolish, foolish man. Did you really not trust that my love was strong enough?” Her breath hitched painfully as reality slammed her hard around the middle. She folded her arms over her belly and squeezed to try and tamp out the pain. It was useless. Her inability to have looked beyond Nathan’s motives indicated that he hadn’t really been far from the mark.
Taking her forcefully by the shoulders, Nathan gave her a slight shake. “Don’t you look like that. What else were you to believe?”
She swallowed around a ball of hurt. “I should have believed in you, Nathan. I should have known there was some reason—”
Filled with restless energy, Alexandra pulled away from Nathan’s touch and turned to face the snow-white horizon. Needing something, anything to do, she scanned the vast expanse of Danby’s holdings as the implications of Nathan’s revelation penetrated her roiling thoughts.
“My father betrayed me.”
“By the nature of my decision, I was complicit in that betrayal.”
She turned back to him. “Because you were meant to protect me.” A small mirthless laugh escaped her. “For the first time since I received Danby’s summons, I wish my father had been included in the traveling party.”
The solid, reassuring feel of Nathan’s hand settling on her shoulders grounded her to the moment. He leaned down; his hot breath stirred the hair at her nape. “I’m fairly certain your father will not have it, but—” he dropped to a knee, the snow crunching under the weight of his leg, “marry me?”
Alexandra’s mouth fell open and she had to reach a hand up to close it. Even then, words escaped her. The glint of an oval diamond surrounded by a cluster of sapphires glittered bright in the cold, gray day. It was a ring.
“It is my mother’s ring,” Nathan said, shifting his weight on the ground. In response to her silence, he held the stunning creation towards her. His hands trembled faintly.
Was it fear that she would say no?
With that faint telltale sign of his anxiety, Alexandra held out her own trembling hand. She looked at him, willing him to see the love in her eyes.
“Yes.”
Chapter 11
The desolation that had gripped Nathan since he’d agreed to betray Alexandra lifted the moment she placed her hand in his and he slipped his mother’s ring on her finger. With the snow having picked up in intensity, they reluctantly set out back towards Danby Castle. Her hand nestled warmly in his, they walked with the seamless connection that had always joined them.
“I actually dined with the rather innumerable Danby family last evening. I can assure you, our absence has not been remarked upon,” he said, accurately reading her fears.
Alexandra snorted and swatted him playfully on the arm. “And I assure you, my mother will be awaiting my return. Along with any number of my male cousins.”
Nathan waggled his brows. “That sounds like a threat, love.”
“It is not a threat. I am merely stating a truth.” She paused. “You dined with my family?”
His lips quirked. “You’d be stunned to know your grandfather was quite cordial.”
She raised her brows in surprise.
“When I received Danby’s summons, I set out fully expecting to be hauled over the coals. Within the hour of my arrival, I was shown to his office prepared for a well-deserved lashing, and found myself more than surprised.”
Skepticism flickered in Alexandra’s eyes. “Following the scandalous reports on our connection, Danby was cordial?” She chewed her lip contemplatively. “That does not sound at all like the duke.”
A chuckle rumbled up from Nathan’s chest. “Compared to the chilly reception I received from certain members of your family, I’d say the duke was as warm as a cup of chocolate.”
Alexandra passed a hand over her eyes and groaned. “I cannot even imagine—”
“No, no, you cannot. In particular your
sister was, ah—rather vocal in her displeasure. I spent an exceedingly long morning meal listening to Lady Olivia’s rather jaded opinions on love. She did assure me, however, that her opinions were exclusive to our circumstances”
She nodded, fighting back a smile. “Yes, that does sound like Olivia. I suppose considering your compliance with my father’s efforts to separate us, a lengthy meal with Olivia is the least of what you deserved.”
He dipped his head in agreement. “She is a very loyal and opinionated lady.”
They came in view of the fully-lit monstrosity of a home. The gentle teasing of their exchange dissipated under the actuality of their circumstances, and they continued their trek to Danby Castle.
“Mother and Father will never give their consent,” she said quietly into the winter stillness.
The despondent edge to her words pricked at Nathan and he grasped her hand in his, guiding her closer to the estate, up the steps, and to the front doors. “When did you become so grim?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Since my father schemed to separate us and you fell in line with his plan out of some kind of misguided honor,” she said dryly.
Nathan opened the door and Alexandra passed through. They wound their way through the kitchens, and through the castle’s endless corridors in contemplative silence.
He halted. “If I secured Danby’s blessing, surely your father cannot protest to a union between us. And with the marquess in London—”
“The marquess is not in London,” a voice boomed.
Nathan and Alexandra both started as they were brought face to face with the Marquess of Tewkesbury.
Why couldn’t she merely be entitled to a small bit of joy without the intrusion of life’s cold reality?
Funny that a short while ago she’d longed to see her father so she might lash out at him for hurting her. In that moment, however, all she wanted was for Nathan to leave. Alexandra’s mouth went dry with a panicky fear. “You weren’t not supposed to be here,” she blurted.
Father’s eyes narrowed, and he folded his arms across his chest. “Release my daughter, you scoundrel.”
Alexandra’s hand went slack, but Nathan determinedly held onto to her hand, giving it a firm, reassuring squeeze. His jaw hardened and all traces of warmth melted from him, replaced with a barely suppressed fury.
“Tsk, tsk,” Nathan said. “the Marquess of Tewkesbury dragging a private matter out in the foyer where any passing servant might happen to hear.”
A dull flush colored her father’s cheeks in a mottled demonstration of his rage. He held out a shaking finger. “You—”
“Are correct, Pembroke.”
Three pairs of startled eyes swiveled up and landed on Danby, who surveyed them from the landing of the first stairwell.
Nathan bent a low, respectable bow for the elder gentleman. “Your Grace.”
Danby inclined his head in acknowledgement and then fixed his ducal stare on her father. “I wouldn’t expect my son-in-law to have the good sense to be mindful of sharing private information in the middle of my foyer. Not even a bow, Tewkesbury? The…what did you call him? Scoundrel, before me, has far more manners than you.”
Her father dipped a hasty bow and muttered an apology that Danby pointedly ignored.
“Come, come, then. Let’s adjourn to my office.” The duke peered down the length of his hooked nose at Father. “Even you, Tewkesbury.” With that, he turned on his heel and climbed the last stairway, not needing to look back to see if the trio followed in his wake.
This time it was her father’s jaw that set so firmly, she heard his teeth grit.
Alexandra wanted to rail at her father, wanted to call him all kinds of vile insults but Nathan gave her hand another squeeze, and she took a deep breath.
“He is expecting you to be emotional and will view it as justification that you don’t know your mind to make a decision about our future. Do not give him the satisfaction,” Nathan murmured into her ear.
She nodded jerkily and with Nathan on her arm, stormed breezily by her father, and up the stairs towards Danby’s office.
The marquess called angrily after them, “Don’t think I’m going to allow you to marry my daughter.” His clumsy form clambered up the steps; his breath came in raspy pants from the exertion of his efforts.
No one said a word until they entered Danby’s offices. For one so advanced in years, the duke was surprisingly agile and quick. By the time Alexandra, Nathan, and her father entered the room, the duke was already seated behind his desk, a glower fixed to his otherwise unreadable face.
At last, Danby spoke. “Well?”
Before Alexandra could speak, her father launched into a rant. “That, scound—, ah—rogue, is not fit to marry the daughter of the Marquess of Tewkesbury, nor for that matter the granddaughter of the Duke of Danby. His father was a notorious whoreson.”
Alexandra gasped even as Nathan tensed at her side, his hands balled into tight fists.
Father continued as though there’d been no interruption. “And he all but killed his wife.”
Who was this man before her? How could they even share the same blood? It shamed her. She looked up to Nathan to see how he’d been affected by the tirade, except his face was set in an inscrutable mask, which seemed to further infuriate her father who turned to Nathan so quickly he nearly lost his footing. “You bastard, do you have nothing to say?”
“I do, Tewkesbury,” Danby bellowed from across the desk, the sound startling both Alexandra and her father. Nathan, however, appeared wholly unaffected by the stern tone.
“God forgive me, Tewkesbury, I thought you were a good match for my daughter. The only reason I gave you her hand was because your father and I were friends, and I respected him. There aren’t many I respect, but I respected your father. Shame on me for judging another man by his father. You are nothing like your father. Just like Pembroke is nothing like his father.”
Red splotches stained her father’s cheeks and he sputtered, attempting words. Alas, Father had never been eloquent.
Danby slammed his fist down. “Silence,” he barked. “It’s time you listened. I’ve had to accept that my daughter is miserable because of a match I put together, but I’ll not see my granddaughter committed to the same fate. You are a cowardly, conniving, manipulative fellow and undeserving of my daughter. Well, that is a mistake I cannot correct. But I can save my granddaughter the fate of allowing you to select her husband.”
Alexandra felt a sting behind her eyes and her vision blurred, turning the duke’s image into a kaleidoscope of light from the sconces and salted tears. Nathan’s hands came to rest on her shoulders, reminding her of his love and support.
“She’s my daughter,” her father blustered.
Apparently he had more backbone that she’d credited him with.
“More importantly, she is my granddaughter. Listen good and listen well, Tewkesbury.” Placing his elbows on the desktop, he leaned forward. He spoke with lethal calm. “When I issue commands, I expect them to be obeyed. I expressly bade you to remain in London. You ignored my directive. I am telling you now, Pembroke is marrying your daughter.” He paused and shifted his attention to Nathan. “I presume you want to wed my granddaughter?”
Nathan claimed Alexandra’s hand and held it aloft. The candlelight illuminated the massive diamond on her finger, sending a prism of light radiating off the walls. “More than anything, Your Grace.” His hot gaze fell on Alexandra, and he caressed her with his eyes, before returning his attention to the duke. “I love her.”
A tremulous smile tipped the corners of Alexandra’s lips.
“Well, there you have it, they are to be married.”
“Now, off, you two. I’m sure my offspring are hovering outside this office for details on what was discussed in here.”
Alexandra curtsied as Nathan bowed. Without sparing so much as a glance for her father, Alexandra started to leave. Upon reaching the door, she paused, turned, and hurried the twenty-th
ree steps across the room to her grandfather’s seat.
She leaned down and kissed his wrinkling cheek. “Thank you so much, Grandfather. I love you,” she whispered.
His throat bobbed up and down, and he deliberately cleared it. “Off with you now, Alex.”
Alexandra rose and hurried to Nathan’s side. She smiled up at him and they took two steps to leave when Grandfather’s next words reached them.
“Oh, and Tewkesbury, with only three days until Christmas, I’m going to insist you return to London. I’ll not have you spoil any of my offspring’s Christmastide.”
Chapter 12
Alexandra sneaked down the second stairwell of Danby Castle, stealing a peek over her shoulder to make sure one of the many cousins, aunts, uncles, or various other relatives in attendance for Christmastide were not privy to her actions.
An eager excitement to see Nathan flooded her, filled her, and for the first time she wasn’t able to count steps, stairs, or anything other than the moments it took to see him.
She reached the kitchen doors and shoved them open. In dire need of oil, the door hinges creaked. She flinched as the sound resonated from the walls like a gunshot in church.
The Duke of Danby’s doors did not creak. But then the Duke of Danby did not display affection or play the role of matchmaker, and yet this Christmastide he’d done all those things. Looking around to verify she remained alone, she stepped inside.
The soft glow from the kitchen fireplace illuminated the large room, casting the room in flickering shadows.
Until the day she was an old woman gone grey, Alexandra would always remember Nathan that Christmas night, as he stood looking at her across the long kitchen like she was the only woman in the world.
“At last,” Nathan called quietly, his deep mellifluous voice flowing over her like a silken caress. He stood beside the long, rectangular table where the staff would take supper. There were two flutes of champagne.
She moved deeper into the kitchen and stood before him. His hands clasped her at the waist, as he gently tugged her towards him.
A Little Winter Scandal: A Regency Christmas Collection Page 6