Chapter 14 - Maria
Jimmy looked up at the house in awe. His mother and father lived in a grand house in Montague Street, which perhaps was larger. But this house had a presence which riveted him. It belonged so completely in its landscape, stone rising from stone, honey coloured hues, embedded within its gardens. This house belonged to and completed this land, giving it living continuity.
Through the open front door he could hear a voice singing, it sounded like an Irish folk song. Alison put a finger to her lips. They came along the passage, out into a sun filled room.
She stood, her back to them, small alongside a broad shouldered older man, working side by side on a bench. Sunlight cascaded through her hair, flashes of red and gold. The older man was humming softly but her voice lilted and soared with a pure ethereal beauty.
He and Alison stood transfixed, caught in the joy of the moment. It was like an invisible signal passed between Alison and the man. He straightened, squared his shoulders and slowly turned round. As he saw Alison his face moved from simple contentment, working alongside his daughter, to a full infectious delight as he saw his beloved wife, there, before him. Despite their years love radiated between them like a stream of pure light.
Jimmy saw this but it almost passed him by, so transfixed was he by the glowing hair and song. On her father’s movement Maria stopped and turned, a half smile to her mother and a look of puzzlement that there was another person here as well. Then a burst of radiance as recognition hit her face, frozen by a flash of uncertainty, self-conscious in the moment.
He could not help it, Jimmy just grinned at her with a forlorn puppy grin, completely lost in the moment. Suddenly they were all laughing to hide their mixed joy and embarrassment.
Alison stepped forward to break the moment. “I think you have met before, but this is Jimmy. He has come to see you, to thank you for helping him the other day.”
Another flash of embarrassment by both of them, but Alison continued on. “He brought me a lovely strawberry-cream cake, so I invited him to join us for afternoon tea”. Then, addressing Maria, “Perhaps, dear, you would help me set up the tea things.”
Charles stepped forward to shake his hand, a man of power apprising his daughter’s visitor with a searching look. Charles had felt the electricity pass between them. Focusing on the scars and half healed cuts on Jimmy’s face, he said “Hah, a man with a penchant for trouble, by the look of that face. Better that than some namby pamby who runs away. Come with me son, I want to show you something while the ladies organise tea things.”
Jimmy followed him across the house. They stepped out of open double doors onto a sandstone paved terrace that looked down a steep hill to a little cove of water, indented slightly into the steep rocky hillside. Near the shore a small boat was anchored, blue hull, white masts and white furled sails. Painted on the stern in bright red letters was “Alison-Heather-Maria”.
“Named after the three women I love the best” the man said. “I had it built soon after Maria was born. I have taught them all to sail in her. Perhaps one day you will come for a sail in her too.”
Tea was served, all sitting around a table on the sandstone terrace. Suddenly, both shy and not sure where to begin, Jimmy and Maria half looked at each other from the corner of their eyes, but avoided direct eye contact. Alison and Charles carried the conversation and entertained with light banter from town. The cake was declared a great success. Maria described her purchases for the shop, hesitant and self-conscious.
Then Alison came in. “Do you know who Jimmy is? His grandmother was my dear friend, Sophia, who lived in that lovely little cottage in Smith St. You know, whose husband died in the wreck of the Adelie in that awful storm far out in the Southern Ocean in 71. She died in January, early this year. She is buried next to Tom and Mary, where she too can look out to the sea.
Jimmy felt his eyes move to the far horizon as a wistful look came over his face. It was as if this broke the spell, Maria looked at him with sudden softness, the embarrassment gone. “You must still be sad, I can feel that you miss her, even now” she said.
Then with a flash of brightness returning to her face. “Would you show me her house? It must not be too far from the Exchange where I work.”
It was time for Alison and Charles to leave them to sit alone. They both excused themselves and went off.
Suddenly Jimmy remembered. He still had not given Maria the brooch. He said. “I bought something for you to say ‘Thank You’ for the other day.” He stood up to pull the little package out of his pocket and walked over, next to her, to hand it to her.
She stood up to face him, holding out her hand to take it, all the while looking at him with those steady serious eyes. Then, with great delicacy, she carefully peeled back the paper and opened the small cloth bag.
When she looked up there were tears in the corners of her eyes. “Oh thank you. This is the most beautiful present I have ever been given”. She reached up on tiptoes and kissed him gently on the cheek.
For a second they stood facing each other. Then she took his hand and led him down the path to the cove. When they reached the beach she turned to face him again, a luminous light in her eyes.
This time she came right up next to him, her body touching his and reached up for his face, then pulled herself up and kissed him, ever so slowly and gently, on the mouth. “I so wanted to do that when I saw your poor hurt face the other day but I made myself stop. Today I just had to do it.”
He put his arms around her and held her too him. She felt so small and soft and vulnerable against him, as her body melted in to him and she clung to him and pressed herself against him. He wanted to kiss her back, and lifted her face again towards his.
But her eyes were brimming with tears and she stifled a sob. “Oh Jimmy, there is something I have to tell you. I am so scared you won’t like me after it. I can’t help myself from loving you and I want you to love me too. But I can’t pretend everything is alright and tell lies with you.”
Jimmy looked at her with puzzlement and went as if to brush it aside.
“No I mean it, just listen,” she said.
She took a deep breath and sat down on a rock. She made him sit next to her, not touching, just far enough away so she saw all of him clearly. Looking intently into his eyes, she began.
“I was born a long time after my brother and sister and they seemed grown up from when I remember. They were so clever and good at things. Heather was tall and really beautiful, with long dark hair. She was really clever at school, and she was so good at making things. She could make beautiful clothes and she could draw. By the time I was at school she was already selling her clothes for money. Everyone would compare her to Grandma Hannah, who was a famous dressmaker, and say she was just as good. People were always saying how clever she was. Before long she had a big millinery shop in the town. She was so beautiful, she always dressed in beautiful clothes and she had lots of money for jewellery and going out.
“My brother John was just the same, good at everything; school, sailing, making things. He often helped Dad with his new electric machines, and he mixed with lots of other clever, handsome boys. These boys swooned over Heather, always wanting to ask her out or ask her advice. She was always nice to me her small kid sister, and John was just the same.
“But, after a while, I started to feel angry. Why they should get so much attention and so many good things. I felt I was just a plain little mouse; not very clever in lessons, not beautiful or successful. I did not want to be called ‘Nice, Good Maria’, while they laughed at my silliness and dullness.
“It was not that Mum and Dad favoured them, or did not give me things or love me. But I thought I was the ugly duckling alongside two beautiful swans. So I began to behave badly, to get in trouble at school, be rude to teachers, argue with Mum, tell her she was stupid and what would she know.
“One day, when I was fifteen, I went to a party in Sydney with my family at the Governor’s house. There w
as a man about ten years older than me. He had been a soldier and sailed on ships. His father was some Lord in England. He was nice to me and danced with me for half the night. He made me feel so special. Mum and Dad were happy to see me having a good time and did not pay too much attention.
“At the end of the night he made me secretly promise to meet him after school the next day, and then the day after. He was witty and charming and would take me to quiet places where we could sit and talk, just the two of us. He would bring me little gifts and hold my hand. And then he would start to kiss me. Before long he was doing things to me when we met that Mum and Dad would have got angry about, touching me, stroking me in private places.
“One day he arranged for me to come to his rooms in town. There he undressed me and made love to me on his bed. I knew it was wrong but he was so charming and I thought I loved him and he loved me. Next week he was sailing away to Malaya, so he made me promise to come with him.
“On the night, just before the ship sailed and the other sailors came on board, he sneaked me into his cabin. So I sailed away with him. I left a short note for my parents just to tell them I had gone away, nothing more, that was all. Before they discovered it I was gone.
“I stayed in his cabin and for a few days no one knew I was there, but then I got found out. The captain was angry but it was too late to put me ashore and anyway the Lord, his father, owned the ship, so there really wasn’t anything the captain could do.
“We called at Malaya for a few days and then sailed on to Hong Kong. By then my man had become bored with me. He even offered to let the other men try me out, ‘sample my wares’ he said.
“I locked myself in the cabin and would not let anyone in. When I finally came out I brought a knife and when one man tried to grab me I cut him. After that they left me alone, but when we came to Hong Kong two sailors crept up on me, grabbed me and tied my hands. I heard them say that his Lordship, that’s what they called him, had paid them money to get rid of me.
“So they took me into the town and left me with a madam, Mrs Chan, saying I was a wild one and, if she could tame me, she could have me for nothing. By now it was two months after we had left Sydney and I knew I was going to have a baby, but no one else could tell.
“First Mrs Chan was kind to me and tried to get me to go with men as a favour to her. But I would not. Then she got angry and they fed me drugs so I was half asleep and could not stop it when the men did it. After a while I did not care anymore. So I would just lie there and pretend it was not real while they did their things with me. But I hated it.
“After a couple months Mrs Chan saw that a baby was coming and she did not want to lose me. So one night she made me take some medicine, it tasted awful, opium I think. Then three big ladies came into my room and undressed me and held my legs apart. One stuck a long needle thing up inside me, which hurt so much. She poked it around until blood came out, then they left me. A few hours later I had violent cramps and there, between my legs, was a tiny baby, the size of my finger. I was so sad, so angry and so ashamed, all together.
“They thought I was asleep with the medicine and had not locked the door. So I put on my clothes and ran out in to the street. A kind old man brought me to an English gentleman’s house. His wife came to the door and knew almost at once what had happened.”
Maria had barely drawn a breath as she said all this and her eyes had never left his, and his eyes never left hers. But he felt as though he had been hit by a steam hammer. For a second he broke her stare, he had to think.
She let out a muffled sob. As he looked back at her, her shoulders were shaking. Soon she was sobbing and sobbing.
Jimmy felt too as if his heart would break, but it was not anger at her, just a sharing of such a profound grief. He could feel the broken place that ran through her, much bigger but like the hurt inside him.
He moved right next to her and put his arm around her and held her close, gently stroking her hair, feeling her body gently convulse against him. “Dear Maria, dear Maria, it’s alright, how could I like you less for this.”
She looked at him with a look that spoke of a mixture of fear and joyous amazement, as if she was scared that he could still like her but so, so wanted it to be true.
Then she took another deep breath. “I must finish, I will never be able to say it again. Even Mum and Dad don’t know the half of it.”
She continued. “I got very sick for a few weeks, they said it was blood poisoning from the dirty needle, but eventually I got better, and the family who cared for me were very kind. They wanted me to stay on with them and write to let my parents know I was safe and then send me back to them. But I was so ashamed.
“Finally I agreed to write a short note to tell my parents I was alright, if they would book me a passage to Melbourne. I so, so wanted to go back to Australia, but I could not bear to face my parents or for them to really know what had happened.
“So I came to Melbourne. I found a job in a dress shop, sewing hems and lace, something that Heather had taught me. I stayed there for a year. Once I tried to write my Mum a letter, as I so wanted to see her and come home. But I could not find courage to post it. So I threw it in the river.
“One day I was doing an errand, delivering a dress. The boy, whose sister it was for, answered the door. He was someone from my school before and recognised me. He asked me how I came to be in Melbourne and I mumbled some silly reason, but I don’t think he believed me. It turned out he told his Mum. His Mum sent a letter to my mother saying she had seen me in Melbourne, working at a dress shop, asking if everything was alright?
“A month later, just as I was finishing work, there were Mum and Dad waiting for me, standing outside the shop. I cried and cried and they held me tight and finally I could tell them some of what happened, about the man and going to Hong Kong, but not about Mrs Chan and the baby and the needle. They brought me home and showed me they loved me more than ever, and now, after another year, I start to feel better, and be able to help my Mum in the shop and even serve in a parlour.
“But, when the men look at me in that funny way, I know what they want to do to me and I get all scared inside and want to run away. So I act angry with them just to show I am not scared.
“Then you come and look at me with those big sad eyes, and that puppy dog face. I see that you are scarred and broken a bit too, and I can’t help but love you a little and want to hold you and make you better.
“Then I see you lying in the corner and your face is a mess, and the men tell me they caught you cheating and what you got serves you right. I have to help you and as I help you I just want to kiss and love you.”
Finally she stopped talking, all her words were said, and she felt like a broken kernel with just a tiny seed of hope. Even if he did not really love her she had told the worst and told it all. In the telling a bad part of it was gone.
But he did not leave her, he just sat there looking at her and smiling his sad happy smile. “If I wanted I could not stop loving you, even if it cut my heart out.”
She moved in again, close to him and he held her and he held her, and still he held her, as the light slowly faded out to the west. In the dusk they walked up to the house, knowing that their souls were joined and their new life together begun.
Alison knew in a glance that all was well and rushed over and hugged them both tightly. “Welcome to our family Jimmy” was all she said.
To Charles, “I want to sit and talk with Maria a small while. Can you bring Jimmy up to the town in the carriage?”
For most of the way Charles and Jimmy rode together in silence. Then finally, as they came close to the town lights Charles said. “Seeing how you look at Maria brings to mind how I first looked at Alison all those years ago.”
Then, a minute later, he said. “Where is it to lad?”
Jimmy started from his reverie. First he thought to direct him to the boarding house in the docks. Then he said. “My Mum and Dad live in that big house
on Montague, near the corner with Darling. I have much news for them. Could you drop me there, please?”
Back at the house Alison sat with her arm around Maria. First they sat in silence. Then Maria turned to her with shining eyes and said. “Oh Mum, I told him all and at first I thought my heart would break. But he just sat there and listened and looked at me with those big sad eyes, and then he put his arms around me and held me tight and I knew it would be alright.
“O Mum, I just want to burst with happiness that he doesn’t hate me. I want to make him so happy too. I have been so scared since you invited him to visit at the shop, but it is better now.”
Next day Maria worked with Alison at the shop. In the mid-afternoon, getting near to closing time, the door opened. There was Jimmy, flushed with exertion and holding a flower for them both. He looked at Maria and said. “You said you wanted to see the house. I was hoping when you finish for the day that you would come with me and I could show you.”
Maria wanted to stay and help her mother lock up but Alison shooed them. So they walked along, Maria lightly holding his arm.
Jimmy had spent all day fixing, cleaning, tidying and sweeping. He had enlisted his mother and father to help as well. His Dad had called on Jim Roberts from down the road and, before the sun was well up, they were at it. His Dad set too, with hammer and nails inside, fixing loose boards and patching holes, while Jim and Jimmy worked at the outside, cleaning and straightening gutters, re nailing shingles, trimming branches and removing the rubbish. Rosie cleaned the floors and polished the windows. By lunch their work was done and they left Jimmy to do the finishing touches. He decided to start all over and re-clean everything, just to be double sure. By three o’clock the house shone like a new pin. All it needed was a new coat of paint and some fresh flowers to grow in the front garden.
With aching muscles and raw hands, he headed up the hill to the shop. Passing Mrs Jones house he saw she had several red roses in full bloom in the front yard. A quick jump over the fence and he picked the two best.
As he was leaving he looked over his shoulder. She was looking at him and wagging her finger. “Ah Jimmy Williams, tis for ye new sweetheart, tis it. Tis the talk of the town. Mind you tell her they are my very best.”
Coming back along the street all the neighbours were out to see. “Good day Jimmy”, “How ye doing Mr Jimmy”, “Coming back to the old house I see.” Jimmy doffed his hat and Maria smiled and nodded politely. Jimmy opened the door with a flourish and they stepped inside.
Coming into the passage, Jimmy steered her to the front room with the fireplace. “My grandmother, Sophia’s, favourite room”, he said. “She would hold court here and all the neighbourhood gentlemen and ladies would call to visit. Often I would sit with her for hours, just quietly telling stories and reminisces, while we watched the life pass in the street.”
Maria came up to him and lay her head on his chest. This will be our new Sophie’s room. When you make a girl baby inside me I will call her Sophie and this will be her room.
She walked over to the window and pulled closed the curtains. In the half-light she unbuttoned her dress and pulled him against her breast, then placed her hands under his shirt and stroked his back and belly. “Will you love me now, and fill me with you.”
On a rug, on the timber floor, they joined their bodies just as they had joined their souls in that last evening. Two months later he placed a gold ring on her finger in the Catholic Church at the top of the hill. While he cared little for any church he knew that this was what his grandmother, Sophia, would have wanted.
As they lay together, in their Balmain house on their wedding night, two months later, Maria placed his hand on the soft skin of her belly. “Already I know that a new life has begun in there,” she said.
The Old Balmain House Page 18