‘What?’ I walked towards the kitchen in search of something to eat. I’d had nothing since breakfast.
‘Lover Boy requests your presence up at the Lodge at ten tomorrow.’
‘Why? What for?’
‘Don’t ask me. He wants tae take you somewhere special,’ Cal said as he stood at the kitchen door whilst I cut a thick slice of bread and spread it with margarine.
‘Obviously, I’ll say no. I’m employed here to do a job. I can’t just go gallivanting off to goodness knows where, just because our precious guest wants me to. Besides, what would the Laird say? Or Beryl?’
‘Och, Beryl’s all for it. Says it will get him out from under her feet and she’ll be able to open the windows in the Great Room to give it a good airing from all that cigar smoke. His Lordship doesn’t like the cold, she says.’
‘Christ, Cal,’ I said, as I swallowed a mouthful of bread. ‘I feel like I’m being prostituted! I’m a wildlife consultant here, not an escort service! I’m sorry, but it’s a no. I’ll go up to the Lodge now and tell Beryl that I have a lot of work to do on . . . erm, investigating European elk. Or something,’ I added as I opened the fridge door to see what there was for supper, which wasn’t a lot, so I slammed it closed again in frustration.
‘Come on, Tig, it’s no’ like you to get so wound up. He’ll be gone soon enough and, let’s face it, you’re not exactly chock-a-block with things to do around here, are yae?’
‘And whose fault is that? I’ve been here almost a month and I still haven’t sat down and had a proper conversation with Charlie to discuss the future. I’m used to being busy, Cal, and I’m absolutely not playing hostess for some weird rich guy who thinks I can just drop everything to be at his beck and call.’
‘Tig, what’s wrong with you tonight? You’re in a real blather. Here.’ Cal indicated two bottles of red wine that had appeared on the worktop. ‘Beryl sent them down to thank us for our help on New Year’s Eve. I’ll open one now. Looks to me as if you need a drop o’ the hard stuff this evening.’
‘There’s nothing to go with it for dinner, Cal. I didn’t get out to the shops today, because I was with Chilly and . . . oh dear,’ I sighed, feeling the tears welling up. ‘Sorry, I’m just not myself tonight.’
‘I can see that,’ Cal said gently as he pulled the cork out of the bottle as easily as a plug from a bath, and reached into a cupboard for two wine glasses. ‘Now then.’ He proffered me a brimming glass. ‘You take that with you, go and have a wee soak while I pull something together for supper.’
‘But I’ve told you there isn’t anything and—’
‘Shoo . . .’ He propelled me to the door of the bathroom. ‘In you go.’
By the time I emerged half an hour later, feeling a little calmer, a delicious aroma was drifting from the kitchen.
‘Tatties, neeps – that’s potatoes and swedes tae you – an’ my granny’s secret gravy recipe,’ Cal said as he plonked two plates down on the table. ‘I’ve added chicken to mine, but I swear there’s nothin’ animal or dairy in yours.’
‘Thanks, Cal,’ I said as I gratefully plunged my spoon into the steaming bowl of vegetables, covered with a rich-looking brown sauce. Cal topped up my wine and sat himself down opposite me.
‘Actually, this is really good,’ I said after a couple of mouthfuls.
‘It may surprise you tae know that I did manage tae feed myself before you arrived. So now, who is it that’s upset you? Just Zed, or was it Chilly too?’
‘Both.’
‘Well, you’ve already explained your feelings about your billionaire thinkin’ he can buy your company, so let’s move on to the barmy gypsy.’
‘You’ll just say he’s crazy, Cal, which he probably is, and that I’m crazy for believing anything he says, but . . .’
‘What?’
‘He says he was told when he was younger that one day he would guide me back home. He also says he knows who my grandmother was. And he told me all about her today.’
‘Right. An’ you believe him?’
‘I think I do. There were things that he told me that my father told me too in his letter and . . . it’s all ridiculous really, but . . . I don’t know. I’m probably just confused and emotionally drained. Even if I’ve always believed in another level – I mean, a spiritual level – even for me, what happened this afternoon was far out. And the thing is, I just don’t know whether to trust what he’s telling me.’
‘I understand.’ Cal nodded, motioning for me to continue.
‘The bottom line is . . . I’m ashamed to say that I’m having a crisis of faith. I’m always the one who’s telling everyone else to trust the universe, to believe in a higher power . . . and here I am tonight in a mess because I’m scared that all Chilly told me might only be the vivid imagination of an old and lonely man. Do you see?’
‘I do. Well now.’ Cal set his tray aside. ‘I’ll tell you something for nothin’; I may joke about Chilly being as mad as a March hare, but I cannae say he has a malicious bone in his body. My dad told me that in the old days, people round here flocked tae him, with their animals, for his herbal medicines and tae have their own futures told. And I never heard o’ him putting anybody wrong. And yes, now he’s old, and no one wants him and his ways any more, but he’s a good man. An’ if I believe anyone has a special gift for seeing and healing, it’s him. Plus it’s obvious for all tae see how fond he is o’ you. He would nae do yae any harm, Tig, really.’
‘I know all that, Cal, but what if he has lost it in his old age? Maybe he just wants to believe that there’s some connection between us, that I’m the girl he was told about . . . that I am related to him in some way—’
‘Sounds tae me like you’re almost too scared to believe him. You know what a cynic I am, but even I cannae see any reason why he would put you wrong. Remember, he is a gypsy, and how many thousands of people have trusted tae their skills o’ second sight? An’ if your daddy told you this too, why do you doubt it?’
‘Because I am scared,’ I whispered truthfully. ‘Maybe it’s because it’s so very personal . . . I mean, my biological family, where I come from . . . it’s overwhelming.’
‘Mebbe one day you’ll tell me what Chilly said about your family, Tiggy, but I definitely think you should go an’ see wherever it is for yourself.’
‘Yes, but I can’t just up and leave my job, can I? What there is of it.’ I rolled my eyes at Cal and took another large gulp of wine.
‘The Laird’ll come good soon enough. You just need tae have patience.’
‘Another bizarre thing is that one of the first things Chilly told me was that I’d be leaving soon. I mean, the cats are basically fine now. Charlie’d be much better off employing someone to help you maintain the estate.’
‘As a matter o’ fact, I have Lochie starting in a couple o’ days’ time. I called the Laird and he sanctioned it.’
‘Cal, that’s really good news! Lochie seems like just the kind of person you need.’
‘He only agreed ’cos Lochie’s bein’ subsidised by the government on one o’ their trainee programmes, mind you, but I’m happy anyway. Now then, it’s obvious you’re wrecked. Why don’t yae have an early night?’
‘You mean get my beauty sleep for Zed? Maybe I should get out my best lingerie and paint my toenails too . . .’
‘Aye.’ Cal stood up. ‘Yae’ve made your point an’ I agree. I’m going tae go across to the Lodge now and tell Beryl that you’re busy tomorrow, okay?’
‘But then I’ll feel bad for Beryl. I mean, it’s not her fault, and she seems so stressed at the moment . . .’
‘Don’t yae worry, lassie, I’ll sort it.’ Cal was already walking towards the door. ‘You get off tae your bed.’
*
I was relieved that I slept a dreamless sleep and woke up the following morning feeling much calmer. As I fed the cats, I decided I’d have to brave the Lodge at some point, not only to chase up my European elk contact, who hadn’t yet r
eplied to my email, but also to look up Sacromonte and Lucía Albaycín on the internet. Only then would I know if Chilly was telling the truth.
‘Feeling better this morning?’ Cal asked me when I got back.
‘I am. Sorry about last night, I wasn’t myself, but I’m fine today. Thanks for being so great, Cal.’
‘Don’t be daft. Now listen, why don’t you come out wi’ me this morning? I’m off to do a headcount of the deer in the main glen.’
‘So you can reduce their number tomorrow?’
‘Aye, but there’s no harm in you knowing more about where they like to hide themselves, is there? And it’ll put you out o’ harm’s way this morning in case his Lordship won’t take no for an answer from Beryl.’
‘You told her then?’
‘I did that, an’ she agreed. So I’m off in ten minutes, and we’ll take Chilly’s lunch with us too. By the way, turns out it might be me who has tae deal with our guest, rather than you. He caught me as I was leavin’ the Lodge last night and asked if I’d organise a gun and some target practice for him while he’s here.’
I pondered on the information Cal had imparted as I donned my habitual layers in preparation for going outside. I stood in the courtyard and whistled for Thistle, who lumbered out of the barn and happily hoisted his gangly body onto the back seat of Beryl. Then, armed with binoculars, we drove slowly down into the main glen. Cal stopped every so often and pointed to clumps of trees, under which the stags and hinds were taking shelter in separate groups on opposite sides of the valley.
‘They’ll be off up tae higher ground to graze soon, so early morning is the best time tae count them,’ said Cal, pointing out a small copse that lay just across the frozen burn that snaked through the valley. ‘How many over there, Tig?’
I focused my binoculars on the copse where seven stags huddled close together, then I looked again. And again . . .
‘Cal, quickly!’
‘What?’
‘Oh my God! I think there’s a white stag, just there, to the left . . .’
Cal shifted his own binoculars to my window.
‘Can you see him? He’s just between those two, standing apart right at the back . . .’
‘I cannae, Tig.’ He dropped his binoculars after a while and shook his head at me. ‘That’s what comes o’ staring at snow for too long. It starts to move and take on strange shapes in front of your eyes.’
‘No! I’m sure I saw him!’
Without waiting for Cal’s response, I heaved open the door and leapt out. Once off the narrow track, the snow was up to my knees, the wooden bridge a treacherous ice rink. Having negotiated it and now only forty metres or so away from the copse, I retrained my binoculars, but the stags must have heard the crunch of my footsteps approaching and had disappeared into the trees.
‘Damn it!’ I swore under my breath. ‘I saw you, I know I did.’
I made my way back to the car and saw Cal sitting with his arms crossed against his chest. He gave me one of his special frowns, which indicated he thought I was being flaky.
‘Any sign o’ him then?’
‘No, the whole herd had vanished.’
‘Really?’ he said, sarcasm dripping from his voice as we drove off. ‘That’s what comes o’ spending too much time with our gypsy friend. You’ll be seeing unicorns next, you dafty.’
Outside Chilly’s cabin a few minutes later, Cal put a hand out to stop me leaving the car.
‘Under the circumstances, best if I take his dinner intae him today. You wait here.’
While Cal was gone, I closed my eyes and saw a picture of the white stag in my mind. ‘I did see him,’ I whispered to myself. ‘I really did.’ Thistle laid his head on my shoulder as if in sympathy, and I patted him absent-mindedly.
Cal was back ten minutes later, and reassured me that Chilly seemed fine and had asked after me. As we drove back home, we heard a thundering noise over our heads and I looked up to see a helicopter skimming low over the glen.
‘Wow, I’ve never seen one fly over here before,’ I commented.
‘Probably a search an’ rescue taking some poor soul to hospital in Inverness. It was a rough ol’ night out on the sea, so the shipping forecast said.’
Yet as we arrived back at the cottage, we saw the helicopter sitting in the centre of the lawn in front of the Lodge.
‘Must be for his Lordship,’ Cal said as we climbed out. ‘Perhaps he needs it to take him intae town to buy a bottle o’ the best brandy and some more cigars.’
Five minutes later, as Cal and I were warming up with a cup of coffee, there was a knock on our cottage door.
‘Well now, I’m guessin’ this is trouble,’ he muttered as he went to answer it.
‘Is Tiggy in?’ asked a familiar clipped voice.
‘Yes,’ said Cal brusquely. ‘I’ll get her for you. Tig? You have a visitor.’ Cal turned towards me with a small shrug. ‘I’ll be in the sheds.’
‘Hello, Tiggy,’ said Zed as he stepped inside, while Cal stepped out, despite my frantic eye contact imploring him to stay. ‘It seems you’re back just in time.’
‘For what?’
‘A scenic tour of the surrounding area. Then lunch at a little place I know in Aviemore. It is a ski resort only half an hour’s helicopter ride away from here.’
‘I . . . thanks, but I’m afraid I have to work.’
‘Surely you have a lunch hour? You will be back by three, I promise.’
Obviously anything Beryl had said to him about me not being available had fallen on deaf ears.
‘Now, you need to get into these.’ He handed me a black Chanel carrier bag.
‘What’s this?’ I managed to squeak.
‘Just a few things I picked out for you and had sent up here in the helicopter. I realised you might not have your full wardrobe with you. Now, go and change, please, and we can get going.’
Given I was so shocked that I couldn’t think of a thing to say, I decided the best thing was to retreat into the bedroom and take a few seconds to regroup in private. Closing the door behind me, I sank onto the bed, the carrier bag between my legs.
Curiosity getting the better of me, I opened it and brought out various parcels, all wrapped beautifully in white tissue paper with a little white camellia stuck to each. The first one I opened contained a cream jumper, similar in style to my holey Aran one, but made of the softest cashmere. In the next parcel was a pair of beautifully tailored black woollen trousers; the third and largest package contained a gorgeous quilted cream ski jacket, and in the last was a black cashmere beanie with matching scarf and mittens.
I couldn’t help stroking the jumper and feeling the tug of desire towards such a beautiful thing. A thing that could be mine if . . .
Tiggy, behave!
Hating myself for the regret I felt as I re-parcelled the clothes, I took a deep breath and went outside to face Zed – aka my personal version of Richard Gere in that Pretty Woman film.
‘Thanks for getting this stuff for me, but I’m afraid I can’t accept it.’
‘Why not?’
A million answers – every single one of which would be beyond rude – came into my head. I managed to desist because I knew Charlie needed Zed’s business. I offered him only a lame, ‘I just can’t.’
‘Good.’ To my surprise, he clapped his hands together with what seemed like glee. ‘You just passed the first test! I can now declare that, without a doubt, you are different from every other woman I have ever met.’
‘Really?’ I said, anger rising inside me. ‘Well, I’m glad I’ve made you happy by passing a test I didn’t even know I was taking. Now, please, can I just get on with my job here?’ I turned to walk away, but he stepped forward and gently grasped my arm.
‘Tiggy, I see I have made you angry. I am very sorry; in retrospect I can see it was a stupid thing to do. But, well, you cannot imagine what it is like being me.’
‘No, I can’t,’ I agreed with feeling.
�
�I mean, the women I meet . . . It may sound like first-world problems, but I can never be sure if they like me for me, or for what I can offer them.’
And I can’t be sure if I like you at all . . .
‘Yup, first-world problems,’ I said. ‘About as first world as they get, actually.’
‘I just wanted to make sure that you could not be bought.’
‘Right. Well, now you know I can’t be, I need to go out.’
‘Yes, of course. I will cancel the helicopter – it was a ridiculous idea, but I wanted to fly us both out of Kinnaird so we could get to know each other better. The whole thing was well intentioned. Forgive me.’
‘Sure. Thanks for the thought anyway.’
He walked towards the door, then turned round.
‘By any chance . . . I mean, as the helicopter is here, and it seems like a waste, would you like to take a trip over the estate? No strings attached, I promise, and I will have you back down by two.’
I actually would love to, I thought, it would be amazing to see it from the air. But . . .
‘Er, no thanks, Zed. I’m afraid I really hate helicopters. I had to fly in one when we transferred from La Môle to my father’s boat in Saint-Tropez and it just made me feel sick. Now, excuse me, I really do have work to do.’
With that, I walked to the cottage door and opened it for him. Finally taking the hint, and with his head bowed like a naughty schoolboy, Zed left.
16
Opening the front door the following morning, I found a huge bouquet of flowers and an envelope addressed to me on the mat outside. I picked them up and went back inside to open the missive.
I unfolded the sheet of paper from the envelope and studied the beautiful scripted hand, written in ink.
Kinnaird Lodge
5th January 2008
My dear Tiggy,
A small token to once again offer my apologies for my crude and thoughtless behaviour of yesterday.
Can we start again, please?
Zed
‘Humph!’ I said to Thistle as I walked across to the Lodge.
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