“It’s still possible—”
I held my hand up because I wasn’t finished. “I want to live in a house where my wife doesn’t feel uptight and worried her son is going to hear her reaction every time I touch her body, because I intend to do this very often. Now for all of this to happen, I need the woman I love to place her trust in me to give her that. I asked you to marry me, when in fact, the question you should have been asking yourself is can you place your trust in me, because if you can’t there’s no point in setting a date.”
I knew by the tone of my voice both my frustration and hurt had come through, but I was scared Billie had made a commitment and had begun to talk herself out of it.
“I just don’t want Colby’s life to change right now,” she said quickly.
“Even if it’s for the better? Colby will be fine, like you he figures in my thoughts, I’m not marrying you to the exclusion of him.”
“Then I do trust you, and I don’t care where we live,” she replied.
“If no barriers, then I’d ask you to consider the house that I have as our family home when I’m not touring. However, before you say anything, I know it’s too far for work and school, so the solution I have is this. We buy a house close to where you live now and live there during the week. This way, Colby’s schooling, friendships, and such aren’t interrupted, and you are still close to your work. On the weekends we live by the beach.”
“That’s a lot of expense …”
“It’s only money and another property would add value to our lives. The money is sitting in the bank doing nothing, and I can afford it,” I replied. I’d had the money for almost four years and I saw this as a good use of some of it to get us off to a good start in our married life.
“If you’re sure, then I’ll try not to worry about anything else,” she said quickly, as she rose up out of the chair, stepped forward, and hugged me. Pushing her back to look at her, I stared adoringly into her big blue eyes and felt as if the final barrier to us being together had finally been resolved between us.
Chapter Six
After an idyllic weekend with my girl, we collected Billie’s car from her work on Sunday afternoon, and Colby was dropped off at the house at 5:15 p.m. Oddly, Logan didn’t say much when he arrived, but since Billie had decided to keep her ring on, she asked me to keep their son busy while she went outside to tell him our news.
Taking Colby upstairs, I set up his gaming machine with the new game we had bought him as a distraction and realized this was how Billie had managed the arguments with Logan in the past. With Colby all set, he sat with a smile on his face, but within two minutes I could have danced naked in the room and I swear the kid would never have noticed me in there with him.
Slanting the plantation shutter in his room, I saw Billie place her hand on Logan’s car door, over the open window when she spoke. Grandma’s ring glinted in the late afternoon sun, and he immediately placed his hand over it on top of hers.
Seeing him touch her in such a tender way tightened my gut. Billie looked up at the window, I knew she couldn’t see me, but her eyes were blurry with tears and she wiped a stray one away. Jealousy tore at my chest as I stood rooted to the spot, willing myself not to react, and for the first time I saw the intimate side that had once been between my girl and her ex-husband.
There were several more minutes of intensive discussion between them, while I watched and waited for them to finish, and the longer it went on the more my anxiety tightened my chest. My insecurities from what happened with James and Charlotte unexpectedly gnawed at me again, and I empathized with the hurt Billie must have felt in her heart at being in love with one man and bound to another.
The rational side of my brain told me, It’s fine. Billie loves you, she won’t let you down, and my irrational side argued how could I hope to be enough against the man who had given her a child.
A heavy sigh of relief escaped my lungs when I saw him reverse out the drive, but this was quickly followed by another bout of anxiety when Billie had been back in the house for some time, and she hadn’t come upstairs to see us. Leaving Colby playing his game, I headed downstairs to find out what had happened.
The moment I saw her I knew she was feeling emotional about what she had done and rushed to comfort her. Turning, she bawled into my chest, and for the first time I considered the courage it must have taken to tell the man she had married she was marrying someone else.
“It’s okay, darlin’, I got you,” I told her, smoothing down her hair and kissing the top of her head. I cradled her tightly in my arms. “Did he get mad at you?” I asked, knowing from what I’d seen, it hadn’t appeared that way.
“No,” she sobbed, her breath hitching a couple of times as she tried to compose herself enough to tell me. “I think that was the most tender response I’ve ever had from him,” she blurted and hiccupped, before bursting into tears again. I continued to hold her securely, allowing her all the time she needed to feel ready to talk. When she pushed her head back and looked up at me, the haunted look in her eyes crushed me.
When I saw how hurt she looked, it tortured me to think I played a small part in that with her moving on, and I wished I could have felt it for her. Telling Logan she was marrying another man was another hurtful memory she would carry for the rest of her life.
“He said he hoped you’d treat me better than he did. Wished us all the best for the future, and said he was devastated with how he’d behaved toward me. I’ve never seen him accept responsibility for what happened and mean it, until today.” It was and it wasn’t what I’d wanted to hear. On the one hand, he was giving her permission to move on, and on the other, he was chaining himself to her with a heartfelt apology.
“I’m glad he wasn’t a dick,” I said, kissing her head and cradling it to my chest again. I knew my words sounded cold and flat, but in that moment, I didn’t trust myself to say anything else, and I couldn’t bear to see how his apology had affected her. My girl had been getting stronger by the day, but I knew her emotions were fragile and immediately felt guilty for pressing her for a date for the wedding.
“Listen. About the weekend, I was wrong to press you for a date. I guess I’m far more selfish than I realized. I’m not going to push you, Billie, I want you to tell me yourself when you think you are ready.”
Fresh tears immediately followed the sob that caught in her throat, and I held her again with a heavy heart and another new knot in my stomach. A thought came to mind about the mantra I chanted to stop me loving anyone like this again after Charlotte and James betrayed me.
Love hurts, no one loves without it leaving a scar, when you open your heart you invite pain. When I felt Billie’s small body in my arms, her head close to my chest, nothing I’d been through could have prevented my raw feelings of love, lust, and my need to protect; which had driven my compulsion to make Billie mine.
After some time, Billie pushed me away, went over to the fridge, and pulled out a bottle of wine. “Colby playing his new game?” she asked, her eyes flicking over toward the stairs.
“He is, I had him put his headphones on, he didn’t hear a thing … me neither.”
“I know. I feel guilty for thinking the worst of Logan. I had expected him to get mad, shout, and scream, belittle me or for there to be a threat of some kind, but he didn’t do any of that.”
“Good, after how he behaved at Christmas, you were right to be on your guard. I was concerned he’d blow up as well. I watched how he was with you out of Colby’s bedroom window.”
“I wondered if you would, I looked up, but I didn’t see you there.”
“Oh, I was there, Billie,” I answered, my determined tone leaving her certain I was. “Do you think I wouldn’t want to protect what was mine?” My reply drew a small smile from the otherwise destroyed look on her face and my eyes softened. “I meant what I said about the date. I see how difficult this is for you, and I’m not going to push anymore. When we do this, it has to be on your terms.”
“Meaning?”
“I said, May 3rd. It’s a date … unless it’s you that’s gotten cold feet.”
Stepping around the counter, I moved behind her and encircled her body in my arms. Dipping my head, I pressed my lips to her neck and felt her shiver. Smiling against it, I stole another small kiss at her nape and moved my mouth to her ear. “So, responsive, I’d be a fool to back out now,” I whispered, and felt her sigh as she sagged against me.
“Can we get takeout pizza?” Colby asked, standing at the foot of the stairs by the edge of the kitchen. I loved the way he ignored me holding his mom.
“No, you’re going to turn into a pizza, baby,” Billie replied, stiffening and straightening up in my arms. Stepping away, I watched her move toward the drawer where she kept the takeout menus then focused on Colby.
“How did your weekend go?” I asked innocently, wandering around and sitting on the counter stool beside him.
Colby’s eyes flashed to his mom’s then back to mine. He climbed onto the stool next to me and I grabbed his forearm to ensure he didn’t fall over. “Okay … better. Dad and I went for a hike, but he spent most of his time on his phone arguing with Poppy.”
“Arguing?” Billie asked, her mouth suddenly set in a line so as not to express her displeasure.
“Yeah, she didn’t come home on Friday night, then came home for breakfast and left again, but it was better because it was only me and Dad.”
“What about today?” Billie probed.
“I never heard anything today. Dad didn’t call her, but she didn’t come back while I was there.”
Billie snatched her phone from the counter. “Sawyer can you and Colby order some chicken and greens for me, please? I have to make a call, I won’t be long.” Without waiting for me to answer, she left the house through the garage door and I knew she was fuming because Colby had been subjected to more distressing issues between Logan and his partner.
Kids take in a lot more than the adults in their lives give them credit for and Colby relayed a strained relationship between Logan and Poppy. Although she was around my age from what Billie told me, Poppy had decided after years of academic study she wanted a little more from life.
Apparently, one of her friends had moved to New York City and had persuaded Poppy to go clubbing for the first time. After realizing what she’d been missing, the academic woman had turned into some kind of party animal.
Colby had gleaned enough to know that while he was there, Poppy hadn’t come home from a nightclub. Apparently when Logan had challenged her about this, she left him to entertain his son and went to stay at her friend’s place for the weekend.
Billie was naturally pissed about this, but I found myself defending Logan for once when I told her she couldn’t blame Logan for Poppy’s behavior. When she’d calmed down she accepted I was right.
Chapter Seven
During the following ten days Billie hit up all the realtors to find our first property together. We had decided it should be between her work and Colby’s school. I steered us toward an apartment with keypad entry, security on the front door and a key system in the elevator, which only allowed residents onto their floor. Also on the wish list was a good CCTV system, my way of protecting my family when I was on the road.
Billie took some persuasion about this, as she loved her outdoor space, but when the realtor showed her around the penthouse apartment, I’d picked out as a potential purchase, she quickly changed her mind.
The eight-story new build had a rooftop terrace for the first seven floors and a separate one for the three thousand five hundred foot, five-bedroom penthouse property we viewed. It had a twenty-foot swimming pool and a small loggia as well, and I thought the apartment was perfect for Billie and Colby’s needs.
“Goodness, it feels so spacious. It’s like a large single story house, without being a house and with this incredible outdoor space it feels so private and secure.” Her reaction was music to my ears, and I had the added bonus of knowing Logan couldn’t turn up at the door without security as a buffer zone.
Making an offer on the spot, the realtor called the seller who accepted. When Billie squealed with joy and threw her arms around my waist, I knew she was fully invested in us moving forward together. Her reaction told me I had made the right decision and she hadn’t felt forced into moving from her current house and she’d welcomed a new beginning for all of us.
When she spoke to the realtor about her house I pressed my fingers to her lips and shook my head. “No, darlin’. There’s no rush. Keep it until you’re ready to let it go. Rent the place out or whatever. This is my way of knowing if you don’t feel happy, you have somewhere else to go.”
Billie frowned, looking puzzled and hurt. I shook my head and knew she’d read this as I had doubts. “You once told me there were times when you had felt trapped with Logan and had nowhere to turn. I never want you to stay with me for that reason alone. If ever I made you feel that way, I wouldn’t deserve you. The house keeps me on my toes and reminds me never to take you for granted.”
She became emotional and swallowed desperately as she tried not to cry. My own chest tightened to see her so overwhelmed and I cushioned her into my side. “Darlin’, I want you to be happy and I know how hard you’ve fought for the independent life you’ve built. I love you so much, I never want you to feel owned by me, except in the right way. I got you, Billie, and Colby too, so keep the house until you feel certain you want to let it go.”
* * *
The night before Colby was due back at Logan’s place Billie called him, and he assured there would be no more arguing between himself and Poppy during his weekend visits. I loved Colby to pieces but after two weeks I was looking forward to another date weekend alone with my girl.
This time when Logan turned up to collect his son, there were no wisecracks or jibes toward Billie, and by the time he left I felt as though her ex-husband had finally accepted he was no longer a contender for my girl’s heart.
After I offered her a choice of how to spend the weekend, we had chosen to stay at my house away from other people. Although I had housekeepers they were never seen and kept to their own side of the house whenever I was home.
As we had time on our hands and didn’t need to rise early, I cooked Billie a special meal on the Friday evening. Keeping the weekend simple and intimate was important because I knew Billie wasn’t one for grand gestures, and to be frank, neither of us needed them when we were together. Therefore, all my effort went into focusing purely on her and giving her time and attention rather than material possessions.
It had been a cold frosty night, but we’d still made love in the hot tub on the deck under the stars, and later as we sat on the rug by our cozy fire. By the time we’d gotten into bed I had even taught her a basic tune on the guitar. It always amazed me at how doing everyday things with Billie never felt dull.
Not since Charlotte had I just laid in bed and held a woman, but as I held Billie in my arms in the dark, it put what I’d had with my ex-girlfriend in the shade. Where my ex was tall and leggy, my financée was petite and felt perfect no matter which way I held her. Front to front, back to front, every position and in between had always felt right.
After a long night of talking and making love we’d fallen asleep just before dawn. Billie’s cell suddenly woke us up playing, “Breathe,” by Faith Hill and my lips curved upward because it was something I’d often told her to do when she felt stressed. We had been spooning so comfortably and I hadn’t wanted to move.
Stretching sleepily, she turned and lifting her cell lazily off the nightstand and immed
iately stiffened when she saw who was calling. Freeing herself from me she scooted up to a sitting position.
“Logan? Is everything…” she listened for a few seconds and my chest tightened.
“Seriously? Oh my God,” she stated, as she rushed out of bed, her hand holding her head. From her reaction I knew something was wrong. For a moment I thought something terrible had happened because all color had drained from her face, and for a moment I thought she was going to faint.
“What’s wrong?” I asked frowning, and immediately went to her side. I grabbed her by her waist, making her feel supported as I tried to listen. She shoved me away and stuck her index finger in her ear and turned away from me. My heart clenched and I felt hurt because whatever had happened she hadn’t wanted my support.
“Where are you? A hotel?” she said, her voice shrieking in disbelief before she bit her lip. For a moment I thought something had happened to Colby and Logan had taken him into the nearest hotel for help. “Okay, baby, is there a phone in the room? Baby? God, it’s Colby talking, I thought.
“Colby?” I asked and she nodded, looking terrified.
“Good, lift the handset and hit zero to call the front desk.” Her eyes widened as she listened, and my heart raced at the urgency in her tone. “No, don’t hang up. Tell them what you told me and then tell them your mom is on your dad’s cell phone. I need you to find out where you are,” she said, grabbing her jeans from the previous day off the floor and pulling them on with the cell under her chin.
“Logan has Colby in a hotel and Colby can’t wake him up,” she said, looking terrified. I pulled on my jeans, grabbed her T-shirt and helped her pull hers on. “Don’t cry, baby, it’s okay. I know it’s scary but they’re getting some help. Go open it, Colby, it’s all right,” she said, then to me, “Someone’s at the door.”
Dare Me, Part Two Dare Duet Sawyer and Billie: Unchained Attraction Series Page 7