“You’ll help? Why would you want to help me? What makes you think you can in the first place?”
“Trust me, I know an alcoholic when I see one. You think I’ve been gigging for as long as I have and can’t spot a drug user when I see one. Don’t insult my intelligence.”
“I don’t do drugs,” Logan barked quickly.
“What are you talking about? You’re a fucking college professor, don’t tell me you haven’t attended drug seminars. Alcohol and tobacco are the two biggest self-administered drugs in the world. You want my help or not?”
He nodded, and for the first time I saw how helpless he really was when he was conscious.
“Okay, let me speak to Billie, but if you move from here before I come back tomorrow the deal is off, and I’ll march your ex-wife to the courthouse myself.”
* * *
My heart sank when I rode up on my bike at 1:00 a.m. and saw the sitting room light still on. Billie opened the door as I took off my helmet and was halfway down the path toward me. “Hey, darlin’ you should have gone to bed.”
Immediately she slapped my chest, tears rolling down her cheeks, crying in distress. “Where have you been, what happened to him?”
“Everything’s okay,” I said in a quiet calm tone. “Come inside and I’ll tell you all about it. Logan is fine, he forgot what day it was,” giving her the least offensive version of everything I’d gone through since I’d seen him.
Hugging me tight, with her arms around my waist, I heard her sigh of relief and knew despite everything my girl and her son had been through, Logan was still important to them. Therefore, although it wasn’t my fight, I’d never have Billie’s one-hundred-percent attention as long as Logan was creating issues for Colby.
It was almost 2:00 a.m. by the time we went to bed, and although I’d spared Billie some of the finer details of my visit with Logan, I had posed a possible solution to help. Billie had convinced herself her ex wouldn’t agree, but she had no idea how low someone on drugs can go.
An addict’s self-respect can be swapped in a heartbeat for their next bottle of booze or the next fix. I’d seen it dozens of times. However, I figured as Logan’s drinking was binge led, and not years of abuse, I was confident the threat of losing Colby, combined with how selfish he was, might have been motivation enough to help him on his road to recovery.
We were about a week out from closing on our new home, so the solution was easy for me. Logan would take over Billie’s place, but I asked Billie to sell it to me. When Logan got back on his own two feet I’d sell it back to her. Meanwhile, I’d figured if I was Logan’s landlord and not Billie, he had no room to manipulate the situation and tug my girl’s heartstrings.
However, I had one last piece to add to my plan and called on Hammer for help. With Wiggy in rehab and us not being able to tour, Hammer had been financially stretched. I had always offered to help, but he was a proud man.
My bandmate was delighted when I offered him the babysitting gig to keep Logan on the wagon, and he was perfect for the job. Being a recovering addict, he knew all the dodges, and was as strong as an ox. Therefore, while Wiggy was tucked away in rehab, which had been looking more like a medium-term thing, Hammer could earn a way and help me out with Logan. I didn’t want him to be Logan’s sponsor, but to stay in the house and ‘police’ Logan’s recovery.
When the arrangements were put to Logan the following day, he knew he had no other way out, and the thought of losing control of Colby to me was the main motivation for him to agree.
Chapter Ten
The following couple of weeks were hectic, as we moved most of our stuff into my house by the beach while we furnished the new one. Logan had settled back into their house with Hammer, and the furniture stayed with him, so we had to order new items for the new apartment. I liked that; a fresh start for a new relationship.
School was a lot farther for Colby, but it worked out quite well. Billie took him there on her way to work and I picked him up in a hired car every afternoon because she finished later than he did. Being worried about his safety, she wouldn’t allow him to ride on my bike. Thankfully, this had been a very temporary measure.
The day we’d moved in we spent all of Saturday having appliances installed, unpacking and organizing furniture. By 8:30 p.m. Colby was happy and settled in his huge new bedroom at the far end of the hall, and I had filled the amazing two-person whirlpool tub in our master bathroom with warm water and foam bubbles.
We had one solitary altar-size candle that had come with a hurricane lamp we’d purchased, so I put that in there to set the scene for a night of relaxation after all that we’d been through. My parents had sent us a chilled bottle of French champagne, some Belgian truffles, and a huge fruit basket so I perched them on a small table by the side of the bath with the aim of injecting romance back into our relationship.
We had been so focused with the house, Colby, and Logan; our relationship had taken a back seat, but now that we had moved in, Logan was doing better, and Colby’s anxiety had settled, I wanted us to get the chemistry we’d shared back on track.
“Aw, it looks amazing, you are too good to me,” Billie said, looking touched as she entered the bathroom in a skimpy pair of briefs and a tightfitting T-shirt. Her gorgeous golden skin shone by candlelight and I couldn’t stop myself from reaching out and smoothing my palm across her shoulder and down her arm. Catching her wrist, I lifted her hand above her head and did the same with her other one. Grabbing the hem of her T-shirt, I pulled it over her head and dropped it on the floor.
“So fucking beautiful,” I said, tracing my fingertips over her slender shoulders, down her arms, and across her belly to meet in the middle. Next, I swept them both up to hold her breasts in my hands.
“I’m sorry about Lo—”
“Shh,” I said, quickly releasing one breast and placing my fingertips to her lips. I caught her bright eyes in a sudden stare and dipped my head to her level. “No more Logan, Billie, I mean it. He doesn’t get to interfere in our lives, outside of Colby’s needs, anymore. He fucked up and he lost you in the process, but he’s in a safe place and Hammer is taking good care of him. He isn’t your responsibility. Unless the calls are about visitation, everything else goes through Hammer.”
She nodded. “I’m sorry, and I agree, I can’t believe how good you’ve been, putting our feelings first, but you’re right. It’s you, and Colby I need to concentrate on now.”
“Stop apologizing. Trust me, I’m no saint, but I’d do anything to make you and Colby happy. I knew if this downward spiral of Logan’s continued there would be more shit to deal with … who knows, there may still be more to come. However, for the time being, our world feels calmer, right? What I’m doing isn’t some altruistic act, this time it’s me who’s being selfish and pushing your past to the side so that we can concentrate on us. Since Poppy threw him out, he’s taken over our lives and if we’re not careful, he could put a lot of strain on our relationship. I refuse to let that happen.”
“I’m so in love with you, Sawyer Wild, I can’t believe what you’ve done.”
“Love doesn’t begin to express what I feel in here,” I said, tapping my chest. “I’d do anything to protect what’s mine, and there’s no doubt about where you belong now. I’ll admit his antics were pissing me off big time, but here we are in our first place together. So … about us,” I smiled. “We’re all that matters, get me?”
She nodded. “Gotcha,” she replied, her ready smile stretching across her beautiful face and lighting the dark shadow that had clung to my chest with all the stress she’d been under. We’d had no time for romance, and I desperately wanted to get us back on track.
“Moving forward, I’ve dealt with drama I swore I’d never tolerate in my life, and yet I’m right where I want to be. These past few months together have been nothing short of testing, but you are so worth it, darlin’,” I said, taking both sides of her head in my hands. Closing the space between us, I sifted her h
air as our lips touched. Pressing her head closer, my tongue gliding past hers as I deepened the kiss.
The second she moaned into my throat, my knees dipped and I swept her up off her feet, my hand sliding under her ass, as I brought her naked torso up to meet my lips and showered her in kisses. Billie’s sweet laugh hit me square in the dick. Desire coursed through me at finally having time to be with her and all bets were off.
Standing her back on her feet I yanked down her panties, slapped her ass hard, and lifted her up in my arms again. “Ow,” she cried out with a scowl on her face, but I knew I’d turned her on the moment I looked into those stormy blue eyes of hers.
“Strip,” she told me, reaching past her body as she tried to reach the belt in my jeans. Wandering over to the bath I dumped her into the bubbles and stood back with a grin on my face.
“Yeah? Like this?” I teased, opening my buckle painfully slowly.
“Sawyer,” she warned, starting to stand in the bath, her brow set in a frustrated frown.
I chuckled. “Okay, I’m only kidding,” I informed her, as I quickly opened my belt and jeans and stepped out of them. Reaching behind me, I tugged my T-shirt over my head and cast it aside, stepping into the water at the same time.
Settling myself into the opposite seat I winked, turned to the champagne bottle and poured us both a drink. “To us, your tempting little body, and our incredible future together.”
Billie shook her head slowly, her bright eyes staring adoringly into mine. “You’re too much, all this…” She held her drink up and waved it out into the room and began to cry.
“Hey,” I said, in a soothing tone, placing my drink on the table. “Get over here,” I ordered, reaching out and grabbing her wrist. Taking her drink from her I set it beside mine, turned her around when she stood and sat her back down between my legs. “What’s going on in there?” I asked, my wet hand patting her hair.
“Sometimes I feel delirious, like since the moment I met you has been some fabulous hallucinating trip, and I’m waiting for the crash and none of this will have been real.”
Placing my hand on her chin, I turned her head to look over her shoulder at me and gave her a hard, serious stare. “This is the last time I say this, and I need you to process it, because I know how I feel. I’d never have asked you to marry me if I wasn’t sure.” Blinking slowly, I could see Billie’s confidence waning again. “You are not enough for me. You are more than enough. Since the day I met you, my heart has never felt fuller. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you, darlin’.”
“I know, and it’s crazy how much I love you already. These are happy tears, you need to forgive me if I get overwhelmed sometimes, it’s been a long time since I’ve felt loved, and never as much as you’ve shown me.”
“Okay, then that brings me to our wedding. You said May 3rd, right? Just five weeks away and we’ve still got a lot to plan.”
“How big does it have to be? I mean I have no family, a few work colleagues from my old job, and Tricia, her family and my boss from work now, like I said most of our friends were Logan’s from college.”
“I had a talk with my mom about this and told her how you felt about having a grand affair. She completely understood and suggested we get married in the ballroom at home.”
“The ballroom?” she asked, her eyes wide as she turned the top half of her body to stare at me.
“Yeah, it runs the length of the house at the back, overlooking the landscaped gardens and seats about a hundred, I think. They only use it for very special events, the last time was for a wedding breakfast for Tammy when she got married.”
“But the tents at New Years?” she asked, confused as to why they’d hire those and not have their party in there.
“Apparently, my grandparents were married in that ballroom and my mom likes to make the distinction that it only be reserved for very special family occasions.”
“And she wants us to marry there?”
“No, if she had her way, we’d be at the Muttontown Club, where they socialize a lot. It’s where Tammy got married. Caitlin’s was at The Mansion at Glen Cove.”
“They sound so grand,” she muttered. “This isn’t my first…”
“Rodeo, I know,” I replied, smiling. “But it’s mine, and our last,” I wanted her to be comfortable and the alternatives my mom may have come up with would have totally overwhelmed her. “If we have it at my parents’ house, you’d have your say. Mom isn’t a difficult person, and it would save on the venue rental,” I teased.
Money was no object, but I knew it was important to Billie that our wealth wasn’t thrust in her face. If anything, I thought it embarrassed her at times. “Come on, it’s weeks away and we haven’t figured out any of the details except Colby wants to play a part in it.”
“Okay, one bridesmaid, Tricia, and your nieces can be flower girls, Colby can carry the rings, and Brock can … escort the girls. Your turn.” Her reply told me she had been thinking, even if she hadn’t shared her thoughts.
“Jenson … or Hammer for best man,” I stated.
“Won’t you consider James?” I stiffened at her suggestion.
“Are you fucking serious?” I knew I sounded aggressive.
“I guess, I mean forever is a long time and this decision is one you can’t change later. Think about it. You said you forgave him, was that a lie?”
“I can forgive, but this? There’s nothing to think about, Billie.”
“If you are really over Charlotte, you should be thanking him.”
“That’s not the point, it’s the principle of what he did.”
“And you won’t reconsider?”
“No.” My chest felt tight she would even suggest him.
“I want Charlotte there.”
I scoffed. “Yeah, as if…”
“I do, and I want Yvonne Fair singing, ‘It Should Have Been Me,’” she added with a chuckle.
My fingers found her waist and I tickled her. “You’re evil,” I jibed, but loved her response. When I considered how shy she could be, I marvelled at the noir humor that lived inside her.
“Only where Charlotte is concerned,” she turned and caught my eyes in another stare. “Please talk to James.”
“No.”
Immediately Billie pulled away from me and sat back on the tub seat opposite me again. She reached for her drink and took a long swig of it. “Okay, exactly how is this relationship supposed to work? It’s fine for you to get up in my business with Logan, but I’m supposed to stay out of your family affairs?”
“Interesting choice of words,” I snapped back, all thoughts of a romantic evening crushed at the mention of this again.
“You know what I mean. I’m supposed to trust you to make things better on my end, but you won’t listen to me when I try to do the same?”
“Better for whom? Me or James? This situation is different,” I insisted, feeling annoyed.
“Different how. Both Logan and James cheated, yet, you make it sound as if what Logan did was less offensive than your brother. You say you’re willing to help my ex-husband redeem himself for the sake of his family, but I’m not allowed to do the same for James with his? For you?”
Standing abruptly, she stepped out the water, grabbed a towel, and wrapped it around her. “If there’s this one thing we can’t get on the same page with, perhaps there are others. I may be reserved and a little shy, and I don’t have the confidence perhaps a large family brings, but that doesn’t mean my voice doesn’t count or I can’t connect the dots. I’ve been here already Sawyer and I’m not going backward.”
“Backward with what? The way I see it, this is my choice. You can’t force me to talk to my brother,” I replied, standing and climbing out of the water as well.
“I won’t, but isn’t that what you did when you took charge of Logan? Forced him to do what you wanted, for our sakes?”
“You would rather I’d left him to die in some motel room?” I was furious with her reas
oning and from my point of view the circumstances were hardly the same. With her hand on the bathroom door, she stared me down.
“Of course not, but I sold my house to give you control. How much trust do you think that took? You figured out what was best for everyone and asked for my contribution, when it was almost a done deal. You told me your solution, but I felt so desperate for Colby I didn't argue.”
“I was just trying…”
“Like I am, Sawyer, like I am.” Heaving in a sharp breath she blew it out slowly. “Look, I am very grateful for what you did for us, but you made decisions on my behalf with the best of intentions. I haven’t told you to do this, but I’m asking you to consider the benefits of having a brother you are on speaking terms with, instead of allowing Charlotte to destroy the relationship you might have going forward.”
“What he did eats me up in here,” I said, stabbing my chest with my middle finger.
“Forever is a long time to stay angry, Sawyer. You said it yourself, you and James were never close, but you are both grown men now. What happened was awful, but you need to find a semblance of peace in all of it, or it will continue to come between you and your family. Since the new year everyone is back on speaking terms with James, and you still haven’t gotten the full story from him. You promised to listen over two months ago now.”
Before I could respond any further, Billie left me standing, went out and banged the door.
Chapter Eleven
Refusing to go to bed on an argument, I dried myself off and considered everything she’d said. The thought of sitting down with James choked me, but I figured if I did it and I still felt the same then no one could blame me if we continued to go our separate ways.
As I wrapped my arms around Billie, she stiffened for a few seconds then sighed and I felt her relax against me. “I don’t want us to argue like this darlin’, it hurts my heart.”
Dare Me, Part Two Dare Duet Sawyer and Billie: Unchained Attraction Series Page 10