by Barb Han
“I slept five hours?” She shoved the covers off and hugged her knees into her chest. Tremors rocked her body as she slowed her breathing.
The mattress dipped underneath Riggs’s weight. He moved beside her and brought her into an embrace.
“What’s going on, Cheyenne? Tell me what to do to help,” he said. His voice alone soothed more than he realized.
“It’s okay. I’m fine.” She could hear the shakiness in her own voice. “It’ll pass.”
He sat there holding her for more minutes than she cared to count before her body obeyed her request to calm down.
“It happens sometimes. Since...”
“Having the baby?” he finished for her.
“Yes. There are all kinds of fun things that come after...” She didn’t feel the need to go into it all now. “It’ll pass.”
How many times had she heard the phrase? Dozens? More? This too shall pass were her least favorite words.
“Should we call your doctor?” he asked.
“No. It’s nothing worth worrying over. My body has been through a lot of stress with the birth. That’s all.” She didn’t want to go into the mental duress the whole ordeal had caused. And yet, part of her thought she would do it all again if things had turned out differently. “Anya.”
Riggs shot her a worried look.
“We never say her name,” she said.
“We need to change that,” he agreed. Then came, “Anya.”
Their daughter’s name spoken out of his mouth was the sweetest thing Cheyenne had ever heard. He would be an amazing father whether the two of them lived under the same roof or not.
Speaking of fathers...
Hers was supposed to reach out to her. “What did I do with my phone?”
“I put it on the nightstand. Why?” he asked.
“My dad. I told him to call once he was settled,” she said.
Riggs reached for the phone and she tried not to notice the flex and release of his muscles as he moved. His body was athletic grace in motion, and sinning-on-Sunday worthy.
She stopped herself from reaching out and seeking comfort. It would be temporary, at best. Damn good. But stoking the flames of the heat between them would only complicate matters even more. No need to tempt fate further. So why was it getting more and more difficult to fight what her body wanted and her mind knew better than to go for?
* * *
RIGGS HANDED OVER the cell, then sat by and watched the disappointment play out on Cheyenne’s face.
“No messages and no attempts to call,” she said, tossing the phone on top of the duvet.
There was nothing he could say to ease her pain. Rejection hurt like hell. He could only imagine how awful it would be coming from a parent.
“I’ll never do that to my children,” she said low and under her breath.
“Why don’t you call him?” he asked, noting it was the first time he’d heard her mention the possibility there could be more kids since reuniting. Was she having a change of heart? Would she reconsider her position on the status of their relationship?
“You said the two of you were close once,” he said.
“That’s right,” she confirmed.
“Have you tried to talk to him about how you’re feeling?” he asked.
“Well...” She paused for a long moment. “No. Not really. I guess I figured that as the parent, he should know. I’ll just text to make sure he’s okay.” She did. Confirmation came back a few seconds later with no additional explanation.
“I don’t disagree with you, but if the relationship is important to you, I think you owe it to yourself to talk to him.”
She lowered her eyes to the duvet and gave a slight nod.
“Any child would be lucky to have you as a mother, by the way,” he said to her.
“Do you really think so?” She exhaled a shaky breath. “Because I’m not so sure that’s true.”
“Based on our talks during the pregnancy, you had a clear idea of the kind of mother you wanted to be,” he said. “You agree the most important thing for a child to receive is unconditional love. Your priorities have been clear.”
“True.” As confident as she was, everyone needed reassurance now and then.
“There’s not a question in my mind,” he said and meant it.
Cheyenne twisted the edge of the blanket in her fingers. “When I believed she was gone...it shredded me inside and out.”
“Because you love her,” he said. “Anya.”
“Our Anya might be alive, Riggs.” She brought her eyes up to meet his. Hers had an equal mix of heartbreak and hope.
“Yes,” was all he could manage to say. As much as he didn’t want to get either of their hopes up, after hearing Missy’s statement, he had, for the first time, let himself go to the place where his daughter was really alive, and he might have the chance to hold her.
“We could get her back,” she continued.
“That’s the hope,” he said.
“I know we can’t exactly pick up where we left off and pretend the past couple of weeks didn’t happen. I know that would be asking too much,” she said.
“What if the news about Anya isn’t what we’re hoping, Cheyenne? What happens then? Do you move on with your life just like you’d planned, or do you try to come back home?” Those were fair questions that deserved answers.
She worked the hem of the duvet a little harder. “I guess I haven’t thought that far ahead.”
There’d been a determination in her eyes to keep him at arm’s length from the get-go. Riggs couldn’t stand to lose his child and Cheyenne twice. If he was going to seriously entertain the possibility of giving their relationship another shot, he needed reassurance that she wouldn’t bolt if they got bad news.
“As much as I don’t want to go down this road, there’s a decent chance we won’t get what we want, Cheyenne.”
She put her hand in the air to stop him from going further, like she couldn’t fathom it now that she’d dared to allow herself to believe their daughter might be alive.
“I think I know what you’re going to say, and I completely understand where you’re coming from.” She dropped the material and clasped her hands. “My emotions get the best of me sometimes. You know?”
“It’s understandable, after what we’ve been through.”
“The truth is that I can’t go through another birth if Anya’s gone.” Her admission caused more confusion.
“I understand not wanting to jump back on the horse in a manner of speaking, but why cut yourself off from the possibility of ever having a family because it didn’t work out the first time?” He didn’t even go into how hurt he was that she didn’t view him as enough in a marriage.
“You want kids, right?” she asked.
“I haven’t changed my plans to have a family when the time is right, if that’s what you’re asking.” He saw the writing on the wall. Cheyenne refused to continue with plans to have a family if she lost Anya. Riggs might not like it, but at least he knew where he stood.
“I just don’t see a middle ground here, Riggs.”
Shame, he thought. Because he’d believed she was the one. And now? He couldn’t fathom devoting his life to someone on condition.
Chapter Twenty
“We should think about something else.”
Riggs wasn’t wrong. And yet Cheyenne wanted to keep talking until they figured out a way to stay together. The disappointment in his tone told her just how badly she’d wounded him.
She hated it. But if she stayed married to him and refused to have children, he would resent her even more. Worse than that, he’d be denied having the family he was so ready for. The news of the pregnancy might have caught him off guard, as it had her, but he sure had risen to the occasion. Was he perfect? No. But then, neither was she.
They were both taking shots in the dark and coming up to the good more often than not. No matter what her heart wanted, she couldn’t be selfish when it came to denying Riggs a child.
“I need a drink.” She moved into the adjacent room and then splashed water on her face. When it came to her father, Riggs was right. She needed to have a conversation with him in private, just the two of them. She exited the bathroom after brushing her teeth. “Do you mind if I let a little sunlight in?”
“Not at all.”
He grabbed a fresh outfit of jeans and a T-shirt from his dresser, and then threw them on.
Cheyenne stared outside, transfixed by the beauty of the land as he moved beside her.
“It’s amazing you grew up here. Do you ever take it for granted?” she asked.
“Not me. I love this place. Of course, I’d prefer to sleep in my own bed but the view from the main house still takes my breath away.” There was so much reverence in his tone.
“My mother would have loved waking up to this sky,” she said, wishing her mother was alive to see it from this perspective.
“Texas is known for its incredible sunrises and sunsets.” He put a hand on the small of her back and then seemed to catch himself when he pulled it back. He mumbled an apology and said something about muscle memory.
“I have decided to talk to my father.” She wanted Riggs to know he was right about coming forward with her feelings. “In fact, I’m going to text him right now.”
“For what it’s worth, I’m proud of you.” Riggs took a step back.
“What you said made a lot of sense. If he doesn’t know how much I’m hurt by his actions he won’t change them. If he does know and doesn’t change them, I’ll be able to move on,” she said with conviction.
“If he’s half the man I think he is, I have a feeling he’ll do the right thing by you, Cheyenne.”
“I hope you’re right,” she said on a sigh. Rejection was never fun but when it came from a parent it was devastating. She sent the text to her father asking for a meetup. The response came immediately.
When and where?
She blinked at her phone. “He wants me to pick a time and place.”
“I’d feel better if he came on property for security reasons,” Riggs said.
“That’s probably a good idea. I’d hate for him to feel ambushed, though.” She wanted her father to be as comfortable as possible during a conversation that might be anything but.
“How about if I drive you to him? That way, I can sit in the truck and keep watch. Make sure no one followed us or finds him,” he said.
“When should I say? Half an hour? Forty-five minutes? I’d like to freshen up and grab coffee before we leave,” she said.
“And a sandwich at the very least,” he insisted.
“Deal. I’ll just clean up.” A shower sounded like heaven about now.
“Hand me your clothes and I’ll run them through a quick wash-and-dry cycle. My mom has been bragging about her new machines that wash and dry a load in ten minutes each.” His smile didn’t reach his eyes.
“You have to find out if that’s true. Hold on.” She darted into the bathroom, undressed and then wrapped herself in a towel. Handing over her dirty clothes, including undergarments, should probably feel awkward. Except this was Riggs and he had a way of making her feel comfortable in any situation.
So she ignored the fact she had a towel wrapped around her when she cracked the door open and tossed her clothes toward him...clothes he caught on the first try.
“Thank you, Riggs.” She realized she’d been saying those words often. Did he know how much she valued his help?
A quick shower revitalized her. Finding a new toothbrush and toothpaste in the top drawer made her want to pump her fists in the air from joy. She was learning to appreciate the little things—things she’d once taken for granted.
Realizing she’d taken the ladybug charm out of her handbag and tucked it inside the small key pocket in her jogging pants caused her heart to skip a few beats. It was small. Would it get lost?
Panic seized her as she searched for a robe in the attached closet. Most secondary bathrooms didn’t have walk-in closets but then most homes didn’t belong to an O’Connor. A hotel-sized white robe was folded up and tucked into a cubby. It was large enough to fit Riggs, so she wasn’t worried about coverage. Running through the house with it on made her chest squeeze.
As she swung open the door to the bedroom, she nearly charged into Riggs’s chest.
“Whoa there,” he said. “Everything all right?”
“The ladybug charm...”
Before she could finish her sentence, he held his hand up, palm out. “I grew up with five brothers. My mother taught me to check pockets.”
“Oh, thank heavens.” She exhaled a shaky breath, trying to get her nerves under control. As it was, she seemed to go from normal to raging faster than a roller coaster could plummet down the first hill only to rise again a few seconds later. “I know I’ve said this a million times but I’m not sure what I would do without you, Riggs.”
He stood there for a moment as the air around them grew charged. Then he turned and walked away without so much as a peep.
The move was probably for the best and yet it still stung. Besides, they needed to get on the road. As much as she dreaded having the conversation with her father, a growing piece of her wanted to get it over with.
Twenty minutes later, she’d washed and brushed everything that needed it, dressed, and then joined Riggs in the kitchen where a sandwich waited.
“My mom offered to take care of Ozzy today,” he said.
“She’s good with him.” The little dog seemed to like Margaret O’Connor better than he liked Cheyenne. To be fair, she hadn’t made much effort with him until losing Ally.
Cheyenne gobbled down the burrito and drained a cup of coffee in record time, eager to get out the door. She settled in the passenger seat as Riggs’s cell buzzed.
“It’s Colton,” he said after checking the screen.
Riggs put the call on speaker as he navigated onto the road leading to the ranch’s exit.
“Hey, Colton. What’s going on?” Riggs explained that he was in his truck and that his brother was on speaker.
“Good. I want Cheyenne to hear this, too,” Colton said. “I was able to track down Dr. Fortner and interview him.”
“And?” Riggs and Cheyenne asked in unison.
“He started talking, expressing a suspicion he’s had about one of the traveling ER docs he sometimes works alongside. Turns out they work for the same company and go wherever there’s a shortage,” Colton informed. “It wasn’t uncommon for him.”
“Ally worked in the ER,” Cheyenne offered. “She would have worked with him at the very least. Did Dr. Fortner give a name?”
“Kyle Douglas,” Colton supplied. “Sound familiar?”
Cheyenne smacked the armrest. “It sure does. He’s the one who tried to hit on Ally a couple of times. I remember she thought he was cute, but something warned her against getting too close to him.”
“Well, I learned another interesting fact about him. He drives a gray two-door sedan while traveling for work. He leaves his sports car at home in favor of something more practical, according to Dr. Fortner,” Colton said. “I asked for a description and he matches both the one Missy provided and the one given by the clerk from the grocery store. He’s our guy.”
“What about the other nurses who came forward at other hospitals?” Riggs asked.
“Gert is on it but has confirmed the crossover in at least two instances,” Colton said. “The hitch is that he wasn’t working in the hospital the night Cheyenne gave birth.”
“I’m betting Becca or Sherry was,” Cheyenne said, remembering the two nurses she’d chatted with when she was trying to find Ally.
“That’s right. I have a deputy on the way to pick Becca up for questioning at my office,” Colton supplied. “I have no doubt in my mind about her involvement. In fact, I’m working the angle with the other hospitals, too. My best guess is that he has a network of nurses he cuts in on the deals.”
“But Dr. Fortner was my attending,” Cheyenne said. “How do you explain the amount of medication I was given? Or the fact I remember seeing him?”
“He was called away moments before the delivery and then told the baby didn’t make it,” Colton supplied.
“That’s not how I remember it.” Cheyenne blew out a frustrated breath.
“Given the amount of medication you were on, that isn’t surprising. Dr. Fortner is calling for a review of the case. By the time he got back to your room the nurse said the baby had already been born. He said he had no reason to doubt her word,” Colton added.
“Any idea where Douglas is now?” Riggs asked.
“None. The service he works for has been reaching out to him and he hasn’t returned any calls yet.” Colton white-knuckled the steering wheel as they thanked Colton before ending the call.
Disbelief and a sense of being violated caused anger to rip through Cheyenne. How could anyone do this to another human being?
* * *
RIGGS PULLED INTO the RV park, his mind spinning.
“We have a name,” Cheyenne said. “And all the confirmation I need to know our daughter lived.”
He didn’t remind her of the fact one of the babies had died. The newborn very well could have been Anya. There was no way he could dash the hope and resolve in Cheyenne’s voice.
“Which one belongs to your father?” There were half a dozen RVs sprinkled throughout the park.
She pointed to a white and orange number that looked straight out of the seventies. Riggs made a loop and pulled up alongside the vehicle. He could watch the entrance from this vantage point.
Cheyenne grabbed the door handle. “Are you coming with me?”
“I thought I’d stay out here to keep an eye out,” he admitted.
She chewed on the inside of her cheek. “I’m not sure I can do this without you.”