by Nicola Marsh
‘I’m so sorry,’ she said, her apology sounding trite in the face of his devastation. She wanted to go to him, to take him in her arms and ease some of his pain. But she’d given up that right many years ago, around the time she’d convinced him she’d given up their baby.
And just like that, the wooziness was back, making her clutch at the table. Kody had met Isla. Now Tash had showed up on his doorstep, it wouldn’t take him long to do the maths and figure out she’d lied to him and stolen something major from him: the chance to raise his daughter.
She had to tell him the truth. Now.
But he looked so … broken. The deaths of those concertgoers must be weighing heavily for him to hide out here. She had to be smart about this and ease into the news of Isla’s paternity rather than blurting it like she wanted to.
‘Was anybody else injured? Everyone in the band okay?’
He glared at her like she had no right to ask and the depth of his animosity towards her made her chest ache. His opinion of her shouldn’t matter after all this time but it did. An opinion that would get a hell of a lot worse in the next few minutes.
‘Twenty-three others were taken to hospital, minor casualties from broken wrists to cuts and abrasions. The band is fine.’
Except him. She could see it in the devastation he tried to hide by blinking. ‘Are the guys joining you out here?’
‘Rock Hard Place are on hiatus,’ he said, a haunting edge underlying his icy tone. ‘I’ve walked away from the only thing I ever loved.’
Ouch. But she’d always known music was his first love—his only love—which is why she hadn’t made it hard for him to choose between her and their child or stardom.
‘How long are you in town for?’
He shrugged, drawing her attention to the breadth of his shoulders. Stupid, to notice a thing like that at a time like this. He’d been lean back in Melbourne, wiry, but he looked like he’d been working out since and she irrationally missed being alongside him to see the changes over the years.
‘Don’t know.’ He tapped his temple. ‘As long as it takes to get my head back in the game according to the boys, but that may never happen.’
‘You’d seriously walk away from your music?’
‘I have no frigging idea,’ he snapped. ‘I can’t face touching a guitar let alone singing.’
The urge to go to him was stronger this time and she stood, eager to escape. ‘I’m really sorry you’re going through some tough stuff. And I know me showing up on your doorstep is a shock for both of us, but Isla mentioned she’d invited you round for dinner and when I heard your name I thought it couldn’t be you but I couldn’t take the chance of us meeting in front of her for the first time.’ Damn it, she was rambling like an idiot. ‘I need to tell you something.’
‘I’m not really interested in what you have to say, Tash.’ He pinched the bridge of his nose, a familiar gesture that made her breath catch. ‘For however long I’m stuck here, you stay out of my way, I’ll stay out of yours.’
Bitterness radiated off him, and she didn’t blame him. How much worse would he despise her when she confessed?
‘This is important,’ she said, her voice quavering, and she cleared her throat. ‘It’s about Isla, my daughter. She’s almost thirteen.’
His eyes widened in shock. ‘Thirteen … but does that mean … is she …’
Every self-preservation mechanism in her body insisted Tash turn and run. Divulging the truth would have far-reaching consequences for them all. She’d never envisaged crossing paths with Kody ever again but somehow he was here, now, and she couldn’t lie to him, not again.
‘Yes.’
That one loaded syllable hung in the air between them as their gazes locked, his stunned, hers apologetic.
‘She’s mine?’ He sounded furious and hopeful and wondrous.
She gave a brief nod, watching the colour drain from his face as he staggered and sank onto the nearest chair.
‘She’s mine,’ he murmured, a statement this time, not a question, as a lone tear trickled down his pale cheek.
Tash had never felt so bereft. She reached out a hand to comfort him but when his head snapped up and she glimpsed his fury, she took a step back.
‘Get out,’ Kody said, his tone cold and lethal.
When she didn’t move, he yelled, ‘Get the hell out!’
Nothing Tash said now would make the situation any better so, with a final, regretful shake of her head, she turned her back on him and walked out.
CHAPTER
8
Betty’s Bakery had been Jane’s go-to place since she’d been a kid, despite her mum’s insistent warnings that ‘once past the lips forever on the hips’. Jane hadn’t cared back then, she’d been a sporty kid and burned off the calories from Betty’s amazing baked goods. These days she had to be more careful, but she’d always had curves no matter what she ate and nothing would soothe her like a prize-winning vanilla slice.
After ducking home to change, she parked near Nancy’s op shop, the scene of the infamous incident where she’d framed Ruby for stealing a necklace, all because she’d been green with envy that the handsomest guy in school, Connor Delaney, had asked Ruby to the graduation ball and not her. She’d done some shitty things in her life since, but that had been a particular low point. Ruby had left town that night and hadn’t returned until her mum died and she’d taken over the roadhouse. If she were in Ruby’s shoes she wouldn’t have been so forgiving. Maybe Ruby understood however many apologies Jane uttered, there was nothing she could do that would truly make up for her blunders over the years. That was something she had to live with every damn day.
Her decision-making had gone downhill since she’d discovered the truth about her parents. Foolish, considering no amount of disrepute she brought on Gladys Jefferson seemed to make the slightest difference. Her mum continued to swan through life, pretending that her marriage had been perfect, that she didn’t lie like everyone else. Jane hadn’t hurt her mum with her shoddy behaviour over the years. The only person still hurting was her and she was done.
Needing that custard-filled slice of heaven more than ever, she picked up the pace and had almost made it to the bakery when a man stepped out of a doorway directly into her path. She tried to sidestep him but her foot tangled with his and she would’ve gone down in an ungraceful heap if he hadn’t grabbed her arms.
‘Watch where you’re going,’ she muttered, brushing off his grip as she straightened, only to lock eyes with a startlingly handsome guy. He looked familiar … probably one of the guys she’d gone to high school with who had left town and only visited family occasionally. He hadn’t been one of the cool crowd—she would’ve remembered him. He was tall, about six-four, with wavy dark blonde hair, brown eyes and the kind of chiselled jaw that usually adorned superhero movie posters.
‘You’re the one who ran into me.’ The deep voice, filled with censure and disapproval, made her bristle and step back. ‘So an apology wouldn’t go astray.’
That voice—the moment she heard him speak she recognised Mason Woodley, because his gruff voice used to hurl insults at her on a regular basis.
Jane had been popular in high school—with everybody but Mason. She’d enjoyed being the centre of attention back then. Everybody liked her and she thrived on it. So when Mason didn’t fall for her charms, she’d taken it as a personal challenge. But no matter how hard she tried to sweet-talk him, he’d cut her down with snarky comments that never failed to rile. She’d hide her chagrin behind saccharine smiles that he saw right through and it annoyed the crap out of her. She couldn’t wait to see the back of him at the end of year twelve.
Yet she adored his mum now. The few times Betty had mentioned her son and how proud she was of him, Jane would change the subject and Betty soon got the message. She’d rather not remember the many times Mason had laughed at her expense.
‘An apology?’ Her nose crinkled like she smelled something bad. ‘You expect me to say
sorry for something you did?’ She folded her arms, annoyed that a flicker of heat shot through her body as he stared at her. She’d just spent the last half-hour chastising herself for hooking up with a stranger yet here she was, noticing how hot Mason was, from the golden stubble dusting his jaw to the deep tan that set off hair naturally lightened by the sun. He must take really bad selfies because he looked nothing like the photos Betty occasionally showed her on her mobile.
‘Still the same supercilious princess, I see,’ Mason said with a dismissive shake of his head. ‘Some things never change.’
Supercilious princess? He was right about one thing, though. Some things never change. Still the same old Mason: a judgemental prick. Before she had a chance to tell him exactly where he could stick his unwanted opinion, he pinned her with a withering stare.
‘You don’t even know who I am, do you?’
In that moment Jane knew how to get back at him for his holier-than-thou attitude: wound him in his precious ego. Besides, if she pretended she didn’t recognise him the sooner she could get that vanilla slice.
She peered at him, forcing a confused frown. ‘Uh, no.’
‘That’s because you only deigned to notice the pretty boys.’ He snorted in disgust. ‘Too bad for you, because the geeks were the smart ones who actually made something of themselves.’
It irked that he was partially right; she did only notice the kids like her back then: rich, popular, cool. But they’d left high school a long time ago and she didn’t deserve this level of vitriol, so she mustered her best blasé mask and quirked an eyebrow.
‘Bitter much?’
‘Just stay out of my way,’ he growled, his frown doing little to detract from his exceedingly good looks.
‘I will if you get out of mine.’ She pointed over his shoulder. ‘I have a date with Betty’s sublime creations.’
Some of the tension pinching his mouth eased but his frown didn’t. ‘I’ll make sure to tell Mum to lace whatever you buy with arsenic.’
Her incredulity at his overt rudeness must’ve shown on her face because a faint pink stained his cheeks. ‘Remember me now?’
‘Yeah, but you haven’t changed a bit, Mason Woodley.’ She rolled her eyes. ‘I recognised you earlier and was pulling your leg, but looks like your sense of humour is the same as it was back in high school. Pretty damn crappy.’ She blew a raspberry.
She hoped he might laugh. She really liked Betty and having to fraternise with the enemy during however long he was visiting wasn’t something she looked forward to if he couldn’t lighten up.
‘Still a game-player, huh?’ Disapproval radiated off him. ‘For the record, I’ll be helping Mum run the bakery for a while, so if you want to feed your sweet tooth, you better be a hell of a lot nicer than you were in high school.’
Maybe it was her plummeting blood sugar levels, maybe it was the morning she’d had, or maybe it was yet another person in a long line of people judging her, but Jane wanted to slug him; tiny pinpricks of black danced across her vision as anger made her hands shake.
‘I can’t believe you’re dredging up the past.’ She stepped in closer, hating that he smelled so good, an enticing combination of citrus and freshly showered male. ‘For the record, high school was a long time ago and some of us have matured, so why don’t you grow up?’
She pushed past him and strode towards the bakery, her desire for one vanilla slice morphing into a desperate need for three.
CHAPTER
9
Tash had no recollection how she made it home from next door. She must’ve traversed the path automatically, one foot trudging in front of the other as she tried to hold herself together.
Kody Lansdowne was her neighbour. He now knew the truth.
Which meant she had to tell Isla before he did.
A wave of nausea swept over her and she staggered to the bench in their backyard. She collapsed onto it, dragging in deep breaths that did little to settle her roiling stomach. She’d always instilled honesty in her daughter, so how could she turn around now and admit to a monstrous lie?
Isla would never trust her again … A sob clogged her throat and she hung her head, unable to stop the tears from falling. She’d learned to live with the guilt of not telling Kody the truth, but had never imagined it would come to this.
‘Mum? Are you okay?’ Isla sat next to her and rested a tentative hand on her shoulder.
Her daughter’s concern only served to make the tears fall faster but she had to pull herself together to get through this.
‘Mum, you’re scaring me.’ Isla tugged on her arm this time and Tash lifted her head, dashing a hand across her eyes. Isla’s big hazel eyes were filled with worry and Tash hated that her daughter’s concern would soon give way to derision, maybe even hate, once she learned the truth.
‘I’m okay, sweetie.’ She wrapped her arms around Isla and squeezed tight, wishing she could infuse her with strength to help her cope with what she was about to hear.
Isla hugged her back but all too quickly wriggled out of the embrace. ‘You never cry—what happened?’
Tash’s chest tightened and her feet and hands tingled, like she was on the verge of a panic attack, so she took a deep breath and blew it out, then repeated the process under the wary gaze of her daughter.
When the tingling and tightness abated, she said, ‘I need to tell you something important and it may be hard for you to understand at the start, but know that whatever I’ve done, I did to protect you.’
Isla’s eyes filled with suspicion and Tash reached for her hand, surprised when her daughter allowed her to clasp it.
‘What have you done, Mum?’
Lied to the man she loved. Deliberately drove him away. Kept secrets from her daughter for almost thirteen years.
She settled for: ‘This is probably the oddest timing considering Swap Day at school and what happened with Dennie, but your father’s in town.’
Isla froze, eyes wide, mouth open, so Tash hurried on: ‘I didn’t know. I thought I’d never see him again—’
‘Who is he?’ Isla gripped her hand so tight Tash’s went numb. ‘Can I see him?’
‘He only just found out about you so we need to give him time and space, then I’ll discuss it with him.’
Tash knew she’d made a blunder when Isla snatched her hand away. ‘What do you mean he only just found out about me? You said he knew but he chose to walk away.’
‘I—I left him in Melbourne and I returned here to have you.’
‘So you lied to him, and me.’ Isla leapt to her feet. ‘Why would you do that? Why?’
Her plea reached deep into Tash’s bruised soul and tweaked it, hard. She’d never seen her daughter so angry and she didn’t blame her. Her greatest fear, that Isla would hate her for withholding the truth all these years, was coming true. And there wasn’t a damn thing she could do about it. Tears burned her eyes but she couldn’t cry again, not when Isla needed her.
She hadn’t lied about one thing: she’d hidden Kody’s identity to protect her daughter and she hoped to god that Isla would understand.
‘Things got complicated between us. Your father was about to launch his career and I didn’t want to force him into making a choice between us and that.’
‘You still should have told him.’
Relieved her daughter was mature enough to understand life’s hard choices, Tash nodded. ‘Maybe I should have, but I made the decision I thought was right at the time. Now he’s turned up in Brockenridge and we all have to figure out where we go from here.’
‘I want to meet him.’
‘You already have.’
Isla’s brow furrowed in confusion for a moment before understanding lit her eyes. ‘Kody?’
Tash nodded. ‘Kody Lansdowne is your father.’
Isla whipped her mobile out of her pocket, brought up the search engine and typed in the name. When the screen filled with results, Isla looked up, stunned all over again.
‘My
dad is the Kody Lansdowne?’
‘Uh-huh.’
‘No shit.’
Tash didn’t tolerate swearing but in this case, she let it slip. The situation warranted it.
Isla’s stunned gaze moved back and forth from her mobile to Tash, so Tash stayed silent, giving her time to assimilate the revelation, knowing there’d be plenty of incoming questions.
‘There’s millions of hits on him,’ Isla said, her voice tight with emotion. ‘This is so surreal.’
‘I know it’s a lot to take in—’
‘I’m really mad at you.’ Isla’s glare was hostile and a small piece of Tash’s heart splintered. ‘All those times I asked you about my dad and you fobbed me off with a bunch of BS.’
Tash bit her lip to stop from blubbering. ‘I know, honey, and I was wrong. I should’ve trusted you enough to deal with the truth.’
‘You should’ve.’
The resentment in Isla’s eyes made Tash want to bundle her into her arms again. But this wasn’t one of those times when a simple hug would make everything better.
‘I made a mistake, and I know it’s going to take time to adjust to this, but whatever you need, I’m here.’
Isla grunted in acknowledgement but the anger in her eyes faded as she glanced at her mobile again. ‘Having a rock star at Swap Day is going to seriously shut up every one of those cows at school,’ Isla eventually said.
Considering the mood Kody had been in when Tash had dropped her bombshell on him, she had no idea whether he’d be up for parenting Isla, let alone spending a day with a bunch of high school kids. But they’d deal with that problem when it eventuated. For now she wanted to ensure Isla was okay.
‘Do you have any questions, honey?’
‘Stacks, but is it okay if I go chill in my room for a while?’ She waved her phone around. ‘I want to look him up on my laptop. This screen is too small to read all the stuff on.’