by Nicola Marsh
‘Here. Drink this.’ Ruby placed a glass of port in front of her. ‘This aged tawny will go down easier than whiskey or brandy. It’s super sweet.’
‘I’m not drinking that, I have to pick up Isla in a few hours.’
‘Fine, then. I will. I need it more for shock than you do anyway.’ Ruby downed the port in three gulps, slamming the glass down hard and making them both jump. ‘Damn, girl, you’re full of surprises.’ She leaned in close and said, in an exaggerated whisper, ‘You shagged the Kody Lansdowne?’
‘Many times.’ Tash winked, relieved she could joke about this now. She hadn’t felt like laughing earlier when she’d told Kody the truth and seen the devastation mixed with fury in his eyes.
‘Wow. Go you.’
Tash knew her friend. She’d want to ask a million questions but wouldn’t want to pry either. ‘It’s okay. Go ahead and ask. I know you’re dying to.’
Ruby grinned, leaned over and poked her in the shoulder. ‘You actually dated him? What happened? Who ended it? Does he want you back? Is that why he’s here? And what about Isla? How will you two parent—’
‘Whoa, slow down.’ Tash held up her hands. ‘But in answer to your questions, yes, we dated for a few months in Melbourne. I fell pregnant around the time he was offered his big break in America and I didn’t want him to stick around because of the baby, so I told him I was coming home.’ Not the entire truth but nobody knew about the abortion lie except her and Kody, and she intended on keeping it that way. The more who knew, the more risk Isla would find out, and she couldn’t have that. There were enough people hurting; she didn’t want to complicate it. Her daughter would never understand. And Tash would never put her in that position.
‘So what’s he doing here now? Pure chance?’
‘Apparently.’ Tash shrugged. ‘The drummer in his band owns the place next to me and Kody’s crashing there for a while.’
Ruby’s forehead crinkled in confusion. ‘He’s really slumming it if he’s in Brockenridge for time out rather than Monte Carlo or Bintan Island or some remote hotspot in the Caribbean.’
‘That’s what I thought too.’ But Tash understood. Kody would be instantly recognised in any of those places whereas hiding out on Wattle Lane meant anonymity when he probably needed it most. That concert accident had to be playing heavily on his mind and until he was ready to re-join the tour he could enjoy some rare quiet time.
There were a few die-hard rock fans in Brockenridge, and Tash knew them because they attended every rock night at The Watering Hole. They punched in the same songs on the jukebox and requested the same songs from visiting bands. Those people would recognise Kody, but the younger generation, not so much. Isla was a perfect example. She knew every hot band in the world at the moment, it’s all tween girls talked about apparently, and had extensive playlists on her phone and laptop. But she hadn’t recognised Kody, so that meant none of her age group would either.
Perhaps Tash could offer to help Kody out, run his errands in town so he wouldn’t be at risk of exposure? It was the least she could do.
Yeah, like that could make up for depriving him of the joys of being a father for the last twelve years.
‘What’s the frown for? I take it Isla’s okay with the truth?’
Tash nodded. ‘She’s been amazing, took it all in her stride.’
‘And Kody?’
‘Not so much.’
‘He wants to be a part of Isla’s life, right?’
‘I think so, though we didn’t really talk about it much …’ Tash cleared her throat as it tightened with worry. ‘But we will. He’s in shock. He needs some time to process.’
‘Yeah, I guess.’ Ruby eyed the empty port glass. ‘Wish I could have another of those. I’m like Mr McHottie Rock Star. This is a lot to process.’
Tash barked out a laugh and Ruby joined in.
‘Does anyone else know?’
‘Alisha,’ Tash said. ‘The truth popped out after a few drinks one night years ago, but she’s respected my request for privacy and hasn’t bugged me about it since.’
‘What about Harry?’
Tash shook her head. ‘Though it wouldn’t surprise me if he knows. Those two tell each other everything. Just like you and Connor—way too romantic.’ She mock gagged.
Ruby opened her mouth to speak but Tash beat her to it. ‘Yeah, you can tell him.’
‘I’ll make sure he knows to keep it secret.’
Damn secrets. Tash had had a gutful of them. Her mobile rang, the impersonal tone of an incoming call from an unidentified caller, and she wished her stomach wouldn’t flip-flop with nerves that something could be wrong with Isla. She hit the answer button and held the phone to her ear.
‘Is that Natasha Trigg?’
Her gut twisted at the official tone and she clenched the mobile tighter. ‘Yes.’
‘This is Babs McCalp from Echuca Regional Hospital.’
Tash’s stomach went into free-fall before common sense kicked in. Isla was nowhere near Echuca.
‘We have a Kody Lansdowne here with a fractured ankle, and he asked us to call you to pick him up. Is that possible?’
Relieved Isla was fine, she said, ‘Yes, I’ll be there in forty-five minutes.’
‘Good, I’ll let him know.’
Kody had to be desperate to ask for her. When the nurse hung up, Ruby leaned forwards and laid a hand on her arm. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘Can you cover the rest of my shift? I have to go.’
Ruby nodded. ‘Is it Isla?’
‘No, thank goodness. It’s Kody.’
With that, she gave Ruby’s shoulder a quick squeeze, grabbed her bag from behind the bar and made a dash for the car park.
CHAPTER
12
Kody had enough painkillers rattling around inside him to take the edge off his pain, but they did nothing for his temper because the minute he laid eyes on Tash striding into the hospital short-stay waiting area, he wanted to kick something with his good leg.
Damn her for looking so attractive. She’d always favoured denim and her skinny jeans were moulded to legs he remembered all too well. Her red T-shirt was plain but highlighted curves he’d explored in intimate detail. In that moment, he wondered how it had all gone so wrong.
He’d always been a stubborn bastard, born from years of self-preservation as a kid growing up in places no child should have to live, but on the odd occasion, usually after a gig and a few beers, he’d pondered if he should’ve chased after Tash the night she’d ended it. She’d never know why her decision to abort had gutted him but he could’ve been a man and stood up to her. Demanded she give him more of a say. Instead, he’d let her walk away and, if he were completely honest, a small part of him was glad. Would he have had the career if he’d had a child?
He’d seen what life on the road did to families. Daz’s wife had divorced him two years after Rock Hard Place hit the big time and he rarely saw his kids. Roger and his wife had an open marriage, meaning the bass guitarist slept with as many women as humanly possible—guilt free—so why stay married? Blue and Yanni were confirmed bachelors, but both had had serious relationships when the band first arrived in LA, relationships that didn’t last under the strain of long days, long nights and long-legged women.
Ultimately, it had been Kody’s decision to let Tash walk away. But she’d robbed him of almost thirteen years of his daughter’s life and for that, he’d never forgive her.
She shot him a tentative smile as she stopped in front of him. ‘Are you okay?’
‘Just peachy,’ he muttered, brandishing a crutch. ‘Can we go?’
‘Sure. Do you need anything—’
‘I’ve signed the discharge papers and organised a follow-up orthopaedic appointment, so there’s nothing you can do.’
She stiffened and a sliver of guilt wormed its way into his angry heart. But then he remembered Isla and how she’d made him laugh for the first time in forever and the guilt faded. He had to hang
onto his anger against Tash because if he didn’t, he’d be right back to where he was while lying in that paddock: feeling sorry for himself. He’d wallowed in pity the last four weeks, used it as a shield against anyone, including his best mates when they got too close. No way in hell he’d let the woman who’d deceived him so badly get anywhere near him.
To her credit, Tash didn’t bug him with questions, nor did she hover as he struggled to master the crutches. Instead, she waited until they reached the front door before saying, ‘Give me a minute and I’ll bring the car around into the pick-up area.’
He grunted but even then she didn’t respond, giving a slight shake of her head instead.
It was going to be a long forty-five minute drive back to Brockenridge.
The last thing he needed was to be holed up in her car while he craved a hot shower and a bourbon chaser. He was dusty, dirty and sweaty, and the alcohol would mix nicely with his painkillers. Sadly, both the shower and the bourbon were a pipe dream, as he couldn’t get the plaster on his lower leg wet and getting blotto might result in him damaging more than his ankle. He’d been in a foul mood since he arrived in Brockenridge and no amount of alcohol would change that.
An old blue Holden sedan pulled up in front of him and he struggled to hide his surprise. She still owned the same car. That’s when it hit him. While he’d been swanning around the world in the lap of luxury, indulging in the best of everything, it looked like Tash had been doing it tough raising his child. He knew nothing about her life now. Was she working as a nurse? Did she have the support of her parents? Had some other guy raised his kid? Was money a problem?
Shame burned his cheeks. He’d been so wrapped up in his fury that he hadn’t given her a second thought. They had a lot to talk about but now wasn’t the time. He’d wait until he had a clear head, not this weird cottony feeling from the painkillers.
She left the car running and came around to the passenger side to open the door for him. He hopped towards her, gritting his teeth against a sharp stab of pain as the end of a crutch knocked the plaster.
‘Careful,’ she said, and got a filthy glare for her warning, so she compressed her lips and waited with folded arms while he reached the car, swivelled and backed up towards the seat.
She waited until he’d sat and got both legs in the car before taking his crutches and storing them in the boot.
When she got behind the wheel, he said, ‘Thanks for picking me up.’
‘Not a problem.’
But it was. The taut silence between them as she navigated back to the highway headed for Brockenridge held a multitude of untold problems and the thought of addressing the main one, her thirteen-year lie, made his head ache more than his ankle.
‘What happened?’
Small talk he could do, just. ‘I was pissed at you, so after you left I took a quad bike out to blow off steam.’
‘Are you nuts? You shouldn’t be riding those things if you’re inexperienced.’
‘I don’t need a lecture from you,’ he said, hating that she saw him as some pampered, clueless rich boy. ‘I’ve done my fair share of ag riding.’
She muttered something unintelligible under her breath but it sounded suspiciously like ‘dickhead’. ‘I’m surprised the hospital contacted me to pick you up and you didn’t hop all the way back to Brockenridge.’
It was a direct jibe at him wanting nothing to do with her and he didn’t blame her, not after the way he’d yelled at her to get the hell out of Yanni’s place.
‘If you expect me to apologise for shouting at you, you’ll be waiting a long time,’ he said. ‘I was so bloody mad at you. Still am, but despite what you think, I’m not an idiot. I want to get to know Isla and you’ll be part of facilitating that.’
A soft sigh escaped her lips. ‘I’ve told her the truth and she wants to get to know you too.’
‘All of it?’
‘Of course not,’ she snapped, the hint of vulnerability beneath her anger making him feel like a bastard for pushing this issue. ‘How do you think she’d feel if she knew I’d lied about aborting her?’
‘As shitty as I do for you lying to me about it?’ He wasn’t the bad guy here, and he’d be damned if he sat back and let her off the hook.
‘Touché,’ she muttered. ‘I told her it was my fault, that I deliberately drove you away because I didn’t want you missing your big break, so I’d appreciate if you kept the abortion lie out of it if she asks you what happened. It would devastate her to think she wasn’t wanted.’
‘Of course,’ he muttered, hating that she thought him so heartless she had to spell it out.
He wanted to ask so much but the faint rose fragrance she’d always favoured befuddled his head with every breath he inhaled. It catapulted him straight back to those days and nights in Melbourne when they couldn’t get enough of each other. He’d been an ambitious, cocky upstart, hiding his insecurities behind a microphone. She’d been a shy, innocent introvert who’d stared at him with wonder in her eyes from the moment they met. He’d wanted to warn her off him back then—he’d never be any good for a girl like her—but they’d clicked in a way he’d never anticipated and every second spent in her company made him feel a foot taller. Like he could do anything.
He’d shared more of himself with Tash than with anyone, even his best mates in the band. And she’d crapped all over him. Which brought him back to being stuck in this car with a bung ankle and a smouldering resentment he’d never get over.
‘When can I spend some time with her?’
Tash shot him a quick sideways glance and he saw so much in her eyes in those few seconds—fear, hope, regret, sadness—before she blinked and re-focussed on the road.
‘She’s had a lot to absorb today, and you’ve had a big day too. I’ll check with Isla and see if she’s okay with catching up tomorrow.’
It made sense, considering the painkiller fog hadn’t lifted, but he hated having her make presumptions about him; just like she had thirteen years ago when she’d ripped away any choice he had about his child.
‘I may have had a “big day” but if I want to get to know my daughter, I will.’ He sounded like a sulky brat and expected her to call him out on it.
Instead, she laughed, a short burst of amusement that shocked the hell out of him. ‘At the risk of exacerbating your wrath, you look pretty rough and you smell worse, so wouldn’t you like to get cleaned up and hold off on seeing Isla until tomorrow?’
She made perfect sense, damn it. ‘Way to go with the flattery,’ he said, earning another laugh.
‘I get that you hate me right now, Kody, I really do. But Isla is my world and I’ll do anything to protect her, so I suggest you lighten the hell up before you spend time with her because she’s smart and will pick up on how much you loathe me. And that won’t help.’
‘I don’t hate you,’ he said, surprised he actually meant it. He couldn’t hate Tash, not when she’d once been his everything. They’d only dated for a few months but in that time he’d fallen hard, so hard he’d contemplated asking her to accompany him to LA. He’d been torn over it, knowing how much her nursing degree meant to her but wanting her by his side as he embarked on a huge adventure that could result in his dreams coming true. In the end, she’d made the decision for him and it had taken a while to get over her.
‘Is there a medical centre in Brockenridge or do you work at the hospital in Echuca?’
She took too long to answer. ‘I’m not a nurse. I work at a local roadhouse as a waitress.’
Surprised, he glanced at her. Her chin was tilted, her jaw clenched. If being famous had been his dream, being a nurse had been hers. He’d assumed she would’ve completed her degree, even if she’d kept Isla. The thought of this smart, caring woman serving people meals rather than dispensing meds or offering comfort really irked.
‘It’s rude to stare,’ she said, sounding cold and haughty.
‘Why didn’t you finish your degree?’
‘Beca
use I had a daughter to raise, no money and minimal support, Einstein.’
‘But what about your parents—’
‘Turns out religious zealots don’t take too kindly to having their only child return home pregnant and unwed, so they disowned me and moved several hundred kilometres away to make sure my evil didn’t taint them.’
‘Fuck,’ he said, unable to stop the pity sneaking under his guard. ‘So you’ve done it tough.’
‘I’ve done what I’ve had to do to raise my daughter, who I adore.’ Her chin tilted higher. ‘And I’d do it all again in a heartbeat because Isla’s an amazing kid, and I’d like to think I’ve had something to do with that.’
The right thing to do would be to thank her for bringing up his kid right, but the way she’d said ‘my daughter’ rammed home yet again how she’d deprived him of so many years. He knew nothing about Isla and it made his chest ache in a way he never could’ve anticipated. He’d interacted with people from all walks of life over the years: eager fans; swooning teens; parents who’d eye him with suspicion like the mere fact he sang rock songs made him the devil. But he’d never spent a lot of time with kids and he hoped he’d get a clue before he interacted with his daughter, because he wanted her to like him.
‘She seems like a good kid, but you had no right to keep her from me all these years.’
Tash flinched at his bitterness and blinked several times.
‘You better not cry—’
‘Shut up,’ she said, the quiver in her voice ensuring he did exactly that for the remainder of the ride back to Brockenridge.