Denim Blues: Montana Heirs 1

by Ashley Kay

  Swiping at a tear that trails down my cheek, I sniff and try to sleep. Maybe my dad had it right. Being alone served him better than a life with someone that couldn’t fill that void. Preston had filled my empty well, but would he ever fill it again? Would he take this time and realize he still loved Scarlett and try to make things right with her, or would he realize it’s me he wants as much as I want him?

  Sleep never comes. I sit up in bed rubbing my temples, willing myself to grow up and face reality like a grown woman. If Preston doesn’t choose to forgive me, then that’s it. Time to move on. But right now, nothing’s decided so I should just sleep, right?

  Wrong.

  Five minutes later, a ping sound ricochets off my window.

  What the heck?

  Another ping and a clatter. I slowly creep to the window and glance down through the curtains. A shadow of a person stands in my front yard. Heart pounding, I grab my phone to dial 911 when the person holds up a lantern; the light glinting off his face. A cheesy grin spreads across it, and I ponder the five hundred ways I’m going to maim that smug face when I get to him.

  I make my way downstairs, careful not to wake my dad, and open the front door with a snick. Brody walks around the corner, holding a bag—a grocery bag—that’s filled to the brim.

  “What are you doing?” I whisper loudly, wrapping myself up tightly in my thin sweatshirt. “Why are you here?”

  He shrugs and I study him with detached curiosity. Other than him showing up at SoS, I’ve avoided him whenever I’m in town, and until now, had been successful. He shuffles from side to side and still looks every bit the boy I left. He’s in an old college sweatshirt, distressed jeans, and scuffed sneakers I swear he wore in high school. Messy, dirty blond hair halos his head, pale blue eyes sparkle with mischief, and that strong cleft chin juts out playfully. All the girls love it.

  Including the one at his office.

  Holding the lantern out to the side and the bag swinging in the other hand, he gestures with his head for me to follow. “Come on, you know where I’m going.”

  “Why would I go with you to our old spot?” I cross my arms, glaring at him.

  He sighs and drops the bag before moving directly in front of me, placing his hands on my shoulders, leaning down to be eye level. “Because I’m the biggest asshole and I just want a chance to apologize. That’s it, nothing more.”

  After a few seconds, I roll my eyes. I came back home to talk with him, so here’s my chance. “Fine. Lead the way.”

  We walk down the familiar sidewalk to the park, and I watch Brody out of the corner of my eye. Was he really just trying to apologize? I don’t necessarily buy it, but I’m intrigued if not perplexed. I’m only here to tell him to stop bugging me with all these texts. It constantly reminds me of our failed marriage and it annoys me as much as it bothers me.

  The short walk to the park is quiet, yet full of coltish energy. I’m not sure what to even say to him. Our lives are in two vastly different places. But … he had been my friend for so many years through so many stages and rough patches, that I believe I owe him a minute to state his case. Not a minute more. If I get an apology out of it, then so be it.

  Stopping at the faded white gazebo, Brody turns and hands me the lantern. I hold it up as we walk in. It still looks the same all these years later. A bench curves around the entire structure with tall hedges and shrubs that add more shade just under the cathedral-style roof. There’s a hole in the center, and the starry skies wink at us from up above. I always tried to read the stars when we were here, scoping out the constellations and hunting for shooting stars, deciding if I saw one, it had to be my mom saying hello.

  I walk to a section of the bench and plop down, setting the lantern on the ground near my feet. Brody sits next to me, giving me some respectable room, the bench squeaking from the combined weight. Clasping his hands together, he fiddles with his thumbs and his dusky hair falls into his face. Twisting to look at me, he exudes a calm demeanor, unlike the agitated guy that showed up at my work, spewing foul insults.

  “I hear you owe me an apology?” I quip, hugging my knees. He reaches into the grocery sack and then tosses a small bag of fruity candy beside me.

  “Figured I’d start with your favorite candy.” He had ripped open a bag of licorice and spoke through a rope of red candy.

  I open it, popping a few red ones in my mouth. “It’s a good start. Thanks.”

  “How have you been? I’ve missed you, ya know?”

  I give him the side-eye as I eat another piece of candy. “I’ve been good. I’d be better if you stop texting me all the dang time and never show up at my workplace again. I’m very clear about us never getting back together.”

  Holding up his hands in mock surrender with a strand of licorice hanging between his fingers, he grins sheepishly. “I know, I know, I’m sorry about that. I get it. Besides, your boy toy made it obvious I wasn’t welcome. I don’t know why I keep bugging you, except that I miss you … as a friend.”

  The mention of Preston spikes some anxiety, but I ignore it.

  “Where is your girlfriend? Wouldn’t she be upset to know you’re out here in the middle of the night with your ex-wife?” I lean back on the bench and cross my arms, rubbing them up and down. The air is chilly, and I wish I had worn more under my sweatshirt.

  Brody rakes his hands through his hair. “We broke up a long time ago.”

  Peering at him from the eyes of a stranger that was once a former lover, I feel sorry for him, even though I shouldn’t.

  “I’m sorry it didn’t work out between you two,” I offer reluctantly.

  It’s his turn to look at me sideways. “Yeah, right. It’s ok to say it, Savy. I was a dick and I deserve to be alone after the shit I pulled on you.”

  “Well … when you put it that way … no, I’m serious. I’m sorry it didn’t work out. I think everyone deserves to be happy and with someone they love.”

  “I didn’t love her. Not like I loved you. But I’m not here to rehash all that. I’m truly here to say I’m sorry and that I hope you can forgive me.”

  If only it were that easy. The agitation I’m desperately trying to hide creeps out. “What, so now you just want to be friends? I find it hard to believe after all those texts and you coming to my work, pleading with me to come back, that all you want to do is say sorry.”

  Getting up, I pace the concrete floor—the cold seeping up through my thin shoes. “You really hurt me. You scarred me and it’s taking me a long time to see past all my insecurities. Do you realize I haven’t really dated much because of you? I’ve shied away from relationships—at least ones that had a chance of going anywhere—because I was afraid they would all leave like you did. You were my best friend for so many years and now I feel like I’m looking at a stranger, someone I never really knew.”

  Head in his hands, he’s silent, grasping at everything I laid out for him.

  Tears prick my eyelids. I would not let him see me cry. I did my fair share of that, and I need to be strong. I need to put to bed the demons that haunt me. “I appreciate your apology Brody. I guess better late than never, but it doesn’t erase what happened. We can never be more than friends, if that’s even a possibility. I need to move past this, and I need you to as well. I’ll forever miss our time growing up together. You got me through some really dark times in my life and I thought you were the one who was going to be there until the end of time for me, but you weren’t and there’s nothing we can do about it now. Also, your behavior at my workplace …seriously? That isn’t you, or at least not the you I used to know.”

  Chest heaving, I release a pent-up breath and cup my cheeks with my hands to absorb the warmth. Brody squints his eyes in the dim light.

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to—” I start.

  “No, never apologize. I needed to hear it.” Wiping his hands on his jeans, he glances back over at me. “Look, I get we can’t go back to being friends like we were, but I want you to know
that I can be here for you anytime you need it. I have no right to say that to you, but I wanted you to know. I want to make amends for my behavior. Unfortunately, it took a nasty break-up for me to realize just how much I lost when I messed up with you. Also, I’m sorry I went a little crazy on you at work. I was jealous of the guy. How’s it going with him, by the way? He looked like he wanted to kill me.”

  I huff out a laugh. “I would have killed you first, dude, and you’re lucky you’re still standing here. That was really crappy. Calling me frigid? Come on, that’s low, even for you.”

  Stuffing more licorice in his mouth, he frowns, eyes cast down. Speaking in between bites he says, “It was. God, Savy, I’m sorry. I’m a douche canoe. Can you forgive me?”

  Can I?

  Did I want Preston to forgive me? Absolutely. The only way to move on is to forgive. It doesn’t mean forget. It means to attempt to not let it take hold of you anymore.

  Sighing, I reach over and pat his bicep. “Yes, you’re forgiven. Do it again and I’ll let Preston leave you as bear bait.”

  If he’ll ever speak to me again.

  I’m ready to go home, and by that I mean SoS. I have work to do and a life to live. I don’t want to spend it avoiding the shadows lurking in the corners of my past, and thanks to tonight, I don’t think I will. If only Preston could do the same.

  Walking past all the sleepy houses, my heart clenches just thinking about him. I miss him, and I wish on any shooting star nearby that he banishes his past too.

  24

  PRESTON

  Avoidance is my weapon of choice. For a few weeks, I went to work, came home, ate, slept, and did it all over again the next day. It’s my private version of Groundhog’s Day.

  I’ve ignored all my texts and silenced any calls, however, each time my phone pings, part of me wilts when I realize it isn’t Savy. She’s followed through with what I told her and has left me alone. I got what I wished for, but I don’t feel victorious. Each day that passes brings me closer to the day I go back to New York, and that revelation alone leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.

  Focusing my eyes out the office windows, even the sun shining and the mountains can’t hold my attention. My mind keeps wandering back to the night Savy got drunk. Drunk and alone. I went to her—not out of gentlemanly obligation—but, despite everything, I can’t erase her. She looked so small and fragile; I didn’t hesitate to take care of her. I fought the overwhelming urge to lie next to her and pull her to me, just to feel her soft skin on mine. I wanted to kiss her tears away and tell her it was all going to be ok and that we would get through it, but even I don’t know if that’s possible. Damaged goods, my head screams. Undeserving of a meaningful relationship, my mind loops on repeat.

  I grasp my wrist, expecting my watch to be there. The absence of it leaves me resentful. I lost it in the woods the night of the dance and haven’t been in the mood to go search for it. Not being able to stand another minute sitting here pretending to give a shit about work, I push back from my desk and stalk down the stairs. As soon as I round the corner, Greyson is waiting for me by the vending machine.

  Agitated, I jab at the numbers after swiping my card. “Grey, I don’t really want to deal with this right now. Move.” I bite out while he leans casually against the machine with his arms crossed.

  I just want to eat my candy in peace. Is that too much to ask?

  “No. I’m not leaving until you agree to come with me.”

  Crossing my arms, we look ridiculous to all the staff. Carbon copies in a stare down akin to a game of Mortal Kombat.

  “We don’t need to talk about anything. I believe it’s all very clear to me.” Sarcasm drips off my bared canines.

  “You’re running away. It’s what you’ve always defaulted to. Don’t run away this time. If you won’t come with me for yourself, then do it for dad.” He turns around, expecting me to follow.

  “I don’t run away.” Self-preservation is a bitch. I’m aware I’m lying to myself, but I want to hold on to something, anything, instead of watching everything evaporate before my eyes.

  “Yes, you do, and you know you do. It’s time to stop fleeing the scene and face it head on.” The intensity in his face and the steely glint in his eyes dare me to deny it.

  I don’t want to admit it, but he’s right. I’ve been a coward in the face of adversity. I can’t let my dad’s death, nor his wish for a reconciliation between my brother and I, be all in vain.

  I reluctantly trail after him outside to his truck and hop in. He’s silent as we pull out of the parking lot, waving at Shelby when we pass him on the road.

  “Where are we going? Finally decide to off me and dispose of me in a ditch?” I ask dryly, masking the anxiety rolling off me. He takes turn after turn that I’m unfamiliar with.

  “You wish,” he replies, a corner of his mouth lifting slightly. “We’re going to a park.”

  “A park?” I’m skeptical about any earth-shattering character development ever happening in a park.

  “Yep.”

  That’s all I get out of him. I watch out the window, shielding my eyes from the blinding afternoon sun.

  He pulls into the gravel parking lot—me holding on as we bounce to a stop. Getting out, I have no choice but to follow. We walk along a trail, trees on both sides, until we reach a clearing. There’s a small playground for kids to run around in and some benches for the adults to sit on and watch their spawn. My eyes immediately hone in on Scarlett occupying one bench. She looks serene as she observes some kids fighting over the swings, their shrieks filling the air. The wind pulls her hair out of her face, and she struggles to tame it back down.

  “What’s going on, an intervention?” I grapple with the words, knowing this is exactly how an intervention begins.

  “We decided it was a good idea to have both of us talk with you. We need to resolve this Preston, so we all can move forward.”

  Panicking, I stumble past the bench to a bank of wooded trails. The trees blur, and the laughter of children taunts my misery. A small, soft hand pulls back on my elbow, halting my escape. “Preston, wait.” Her breathy voice comes out in a rush.

  Closing my eyes, I turn around. I can’t look at her yet—it makes it too real. Flashbacks of college resurface, assaulting me. Movie nights, midnight dinners at the local taco joint after a night of drinking, and lazy Sunday afternoons where neither of us left our room—Scarlett snuggling under her covers, reading her books, and me on my laptop. The memories are so vivid, I almost forget there’s seven years in between them and now.

  Forcing my eyes open, I take her in without all the distractions. She’s still beautiful, even after all this time. She’s aged into a postcard of grace, her soft hair in short blonde waves, and her blue eyes crystal clear. Even now, they aren’t clouded or disturbed, just patient and understanding.

  “Preston, please just listen. All you have to do is listen, ok?”

  She’s here in the flesh, not a ghost, but the real deal. The one I almost gave my whole heart to. My voice isn’t working, it’s closed tight so all I do is nod and start walking down the trail, assuming she’ll fall in line.

  We walk several minutes in silence, the only sounds being the crunching under our feet and the birds above.

  “You want to know the worst part?” My voice muffled—nestled in between perpetual anger and unrelenting pain. “I would’ve forgiven you if it was anyone other than my brother. I would have married you anyway and raised Theo with you, that’s how much I loved you.” I never admitted that to anyone out loud, mostly because things are different. But, I would have back then.

  Her eyes well up with tears, and she sniffs as she swipes them away with her sleeve. She then turns and smiles up at me. Placing a hand on my cheek, she says, “I know that. Your heart is golden, always has been, even when you guarded it closely with Grey.”

  Taking in a deep breath, she continues, “It was the worst and best night of my life. One I wish I could take back, bu
t it gave me my son, and he’s someone I could never regret. It should have never happened, but it did.” Her tone turns serious. “It was truly an accident. Not a mistake, Preston, an accident. Your brother and I didn’t have a secret relationship. We were friends. My heart belonged to you. I never would have betrayed you like that. Grey was a lot of things, but he was finally getting his life together, you know? You gave him a chance to reconcile after all the crap he put you through and he was good, so good. Until that night. It’s his story to tell, and he’s ready to tell you if you’ll listen.”

  Pulling at my lips, I let her words settle deep into my bones. For years, I blamed Grey when I should have blamed other forces at work. God, fate, or just a series of events that have no rhyme or reason? Take your pick. If it hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t be here, in Montana. I wouldn’t have met Savy.

  I rub at my chest. Savy. The hazel-eyed beauty whose wit, charm, and overwhelmingly pure soul took me in and saw me for me.

  Perhaps dad was right. Our demons don’t stay locked up forever, and they shouldn’t be. They should be let out, dealt with, and then escorted away to torment us no longer. I clung so hard to the notion that I was no good, that my essence pushed away the people I loved the most, when really, I had no control over the things that happened. Instead, I saw what I wanted to see, and if I only opened my eyes, I wouldn’t have wasted the last seven years in misery. Deep down, I may have always known that Grey was telling the truth. I just didn’t want to believe it.

  Clarity shreds the last of my armored walls. “I’m sorry.” I clear away the cobwebs, pulling her tiny body into my side. Squeezing her tight, I repeat myself, “I’m sorry for not listening and for abandoning you and Grey.” The tears I held back spring forth and fall in her hair. I lie my head on hers and cry. Seven years of pent-up anger and resentment flow from me, soaking her tresses. She soothes me by rubbing her hands up and down my arms, murmuring nonsensical phrases like a mother to a child.