CHAPTER X
PATTY'S PRANKS
Somehow the time passed quickly in Boston; in fact, the Fleming familyseemed fairly to push it along, they hurried so.
At any rate they wasted none of it, and after a few weeks, Patty fell intothe ways of the household, and hurried along with the rest.
Indeed she had to do so, or be left behind, for her cousins were like Timeand Tide, and waited for no man, or little girl either.
She went to school with Ruth, but found herself far behind the New Englandgirl in her studies, so she took her place in a lower class, and Ruthkindly helped her with her lessons at home.
Patty did not know what to make of Ruth; she had never seen a girl like herbefore. Of course Ruth was pleasant and amiable, but she was so very quiet,seldom talked and almost never laughed.
Patty joked with her, and told her funny stories, but at most she receivedonly a faint smile in response, and sometimes a blank stare.
She wrote to her father: "Ruth is the queerest girl I ever saw, and Ibelieve she is all out of proportion. She studies so hard that she hascrowded all the fun out of herself. You know 'all work and no play makesJack a dull boy,' and I verily believe Ruth is the dullest girl in theworld."
But Ruth almost always won the prizes offered at school, and was accountedthe best of Miss Goodman's pupils.
Patty liked the school, and she liked Miss Goodman, the principal, but thehours, from nine to one, seemed very long to her, and she would often getrestless and mischievous.
One day she thought she would clean her ink well. Ruth shared her desk, andas the ink well was intended for the use of both, it was a good-sized one,and chanced to be full of ink.
So Patty must need find something to hold the ink while she washed theinkstand. Not having anything appropriate, she made a cornucopia of a sheetof stiff writing-paper.
She turned up the point securely, poured the ink in, and folded down thetop, feeling sure that she could get the ink well ready before the inksoaked through the paper.
Ruth saw this performance and a look of grave disapproval was on her face,but as communication of any kind during school hours was strictlyforbidden, she made no sign.
Just as Patty had completed her dangerous little bundle, and held it in herhand, looking at it admiringly, Miss Carter, the teacher, happened tonotice her.
Now as the strict discipline of the school prohibited anything which wasnot directly an aid to education, Miss Carter felt it her duty toconfiscate the suspicious-looking package, that _might_ be candy, and thatcertainly did not pertain to school work.
"Patty Fairfield," said she, in a commanding voice, "you are out of order.You have there something apart from your school duties. Bring it to me atonce."
"But, Miss Carter,"--began Patty.
"Silence! not a word! hand me that parcel."
"Oh, Miss Carter, I can't! it's--"
"One word more, and you will be expelled from school. I require implicitobedience. Bring me that parcel."
As there was really nothing else to do, Patty walked up to Miss Carter'sdesk, gingerly carrying the package of ink.
She knew what would happen if Miss Carter took it, but she had tried toexplain, and as she was not allowed to do so, she couldn't help feelingthat the result would serve the teacher right for being so unreasonablytyrannical. But she thought she would attempt one more warning, so shesaid,
"You'll be sorry if you take it, Miss Carter."
Angry at what she considered an impertinent threat, Miss Carter grasped thepaper of ink with an indignant clutch, and a black flood streamed over herhand and dress, and spurted out in various directions.
Some drops flew in her face, and on her immaculate white collar, whileothers decorated her desk and papers with black blots.
The pupils, who had watched the scene with interest, though only Ruth knewwhat was in the cornucopia, were horror-stricken at the calamity, and satbreathlessly awaiting the explosion of Miss Carter's wrath.
But a drop of ink rolled down that lady's august nose, and involuntarilyshe put up her hand to brush it away. This produced such an all-over smudgeon the ink-spotted face that the girls burst into uncontrollable laughter,and the unfortunate teacher rushed out of the room.
Patty was not expelled from the school, for after hearing Ruth's grave andcarefully exact version of the case, Miss Goodman decided that though Pattywas blameworthy, yet Miss Carter had been too peremptory in her orders, andso had brought the trouble upon herself.
Patty, who was fun-loving, but not malicious, went to Miss Carterprivately, and made her peace with the irate lady, but it was several daysbefore the ink stains entirely disappeared from the teacher's face; and asfor the blots on the desk and platform, I shouldn't be surprised if theywere there yet.
When Patty told about the ink episode at home, Aunt Hester was exceedinglyshocked, but Cousin Tom said, "Patty, you're a genius. What made you thinkof wrapping up ink in paper?"
"There was nowhere else to put it, Cousin Tom."
"I suppose if you hadn't had any paper you would have dumped it into yourpocket, eh?"
"Tom," said his sister Barbara, "how careless you are in your diction.'Dumped ink!' One can only dump a powdered or granulated substance. By theway I've joined a new club. It's a Society for the Improvement ofAdvertisers' English, and we work in such a novel and efficacious way.To-day Miss White and I were appointed a committee to go through the shopsin a certain district, and call attention to any errors which we noticed onsigns or placards. Well, we went into a large dry goods house, and thefirst thing that caught my eye was a sign 'Dotted Swisses, twenty-fivecents.' I sent for the advertising manager and he came. Then I said to him,'Sir, this is a reliable house, and of course you advertise nothing thatyou cannot supply. A Swiss is a native of Switzerland, and experience hastaught me that a Swiss is often an admirable servant, especially clever asa cook. So if you can sell me a Swiss for twenty-five cents, I'll take one,and I don't care whether he is dotted or not.' The man looked extremelymortified and stammered something about meaning muslin goods sold by theyard. 'Oh' said I, 'if you mean dotted Swiss muslins, why don't you sayso?' and Miss White and I stalked out of the shop."
"That club of yours is a good thing," said Mr. Fleming, meditatively, "Ihope you will banish the signs which announce 'Boots Blacked Inside,' andthose others which always rouse false hopes in the minds of people who havelost their umbrellas, by promising 'Umbrellas recovered while you wait.'"
"Yes, we will, and we're going to do away with those atrocious doggerelrhymes in the street cars and substitute real poetry. It will cost a greatdeal to get it written, but we have funds, and the public taste must beelevated." The work of such clubs as this, and constant endeavors towardseducational or literary attainment of one sort or another, engrossed theattention of the whole Fleming family.
Amusement or recreation not of a literary nature was never indulged in.
So serious were they in their aims and purposes, that all fun was crowdedout, and to fun-loving Patty this was a sad state of affairs indeed.
As she wrote to her father, "the worst kind of misproportion is that whichleaves out all fun and jokes and laughing. And I'm going to play a joke onthe whole family, if I can think of a good one, just to stir them up foronce."
Then Patty tried her best to think of some hoax or trick that would beharmless, and yet would startle all the Flemings out of their usual busyroutine.
As the first of April drew near, she did think of a plan, and she decidedthat April Fool's Day gave her a legitimate excuse for teasing herserious-minded relatives.
As a family, their habits were most methodical; meals were served exactlyat the appointed hours, and every one appeared in the dining-room as if bymagic, punctual to the minute. Breakfast was at eight, and Patty had oftenheard Cousin Elizabeth say that she always woke on the stroke of seven.None of the others woke earlier than that, as a rule, and rules in theFleming house had very rare exceptions.
So Patty d
ecided to try a bold scheme, which was nothing less than to seteverybody's clock two hours ahead on the morning of the first of April, andlet the people waken to find they had apparently overslept.
She could not have managed this very well, except for the fact that CousinTom had remarked a few days before that he had left his watch at ajeweler's to be cleaned, and was carrying an old one which was veryunreliable.
So mischievous Patty woke very early on the morning of the first of April.Indeed she had waked several times during the night, so anxious was she forthe success of her trick.
As soon as the dawn made it light enough for her to see her wayindistinctly round the house, she slipped on her dressing-gown, and creptsoftly down-stairs.
It was just half-past five by the old grandfather's clock in the hall, andPatty opened its glass door, and pushed the hands around until they stoodat half-past seven. Then she went to the dining-room and kitchen, andchanged those clocks to correspond.
The library clock was harder to manage, for it was a cuckoo-clock, and shehad to stand on a table to reach it.
But Patty was a determined little girl, and having set out to fool thefamily she was not to be baffled by small obstacles. Then she went up tothe second floor and into her Aunt Hester's room. She felt a little bitlike a burglar when she saw the dear old lady peacefully asleep in her bed.
But it was only the work of a moment to change the time of the little clockthat ticked softly on the mantel, and then Patty slipped into the nextroom. Cousin Elizabeth's watch lay on her dressing-table, and as it was alittle stem-winder just like Patty's own, it was easy to turn the tinyhands two hours ahead.
Cousin Barbara's watch was under her pillow, but as the sound sleep of thatlady was proverbial, audacious Patty slipped her hand under her cousin'shead, took out the watch, changed the time, and replaced it, and MissBarbara Fleming slept on in blissful ignorance.
Patty was afraid that Cousin Tom would spoil the whole joke. But she knewthat he had no clock in his room, and only awoke when his mother knocked athis door each morning. She hoped that in this case he wouldn't look at hiswatch, or if he did, he would have no faith in the uncertain oldchronometer he was carrying at present, and anyway it wouldn't be believedagainst the testimony of all the other timepieces in the house.
Last of all, she slipped up to the servants' room and changed the time oftheir alarm clock.
Bridget, the cook, and Molly were sleeping, each in a narrow bed, andBridget was snoring loud enough to wake them both, but she didn't.
Then Patty hurried back to her own room and jumped into bed again to awaitresults.
Ruth had no clock or watch. She seemed to get up at the right time byinstinct, and Patty, after carefully thinking it all over, concluded shehad done her work very thoroughly.
And so she had,--and her trick was a great success. Of course the alarmclock went off apparently two hours late. Bridget woke with a start, lookedat the clock, rubbed her eyes and looked again, and then she turned toMolly.
"Arrah, Molly," she cried, "will yez luke at that now. The alarrum is jistafther goin' off, an' it's eight o'clock! Whativer will happen to us?"
Molly jumped up in great excitement, and the two maids hastily dressed andran down-stairs. Of course it was really only six, but as the sun was nowshining brightly, they had no thought for astronomical calculations, andbesides, they were frightened nearly out of their wits. Such a thing hadnever before happened in the well-regulated Fleming household.
As no one was astir, they went on down to the kitchen, corroborating thetime by the various clocks, but utterly unable so understand why the familywere still all asleep.
Patty heard them whispering as they went down, and choking with laughter,she prepared to wait another hour for more fun,--and it came.
Elizabeth woke just at seven, and rising, glanced as usual at the watch onthe dressing-table.
"Nine o'clock!" she almost screamed, running to her sister's door.
"Barbara! what does this mean? It's nine o'clock! Are you asleep?"
Barbara _was_ asleep, but she awoke at her sister's call and drew her watchfrom beneath the pillow.
"It is," she cried, "it's nine o'clock! What shall I do? There's arehearsal of the Historical Tableaux at ten, and I have to make three wigsbefore I go."
"But even that isn't as important as my engagement," wailed Elizabeth, whowas splashing her face with water. "I have to be at the Authors' Club atnine-thirty, to prepare the room for the reception at eleven, and nothingcan be done until I get there. And I must do several errands on my waythere. Oh, it _can't_ be nine o'clock. Perhaps my watch stopped at ninelast evening. No--it's going. Oh, how unfortunate I am. Mother, mother,"she called.
But Mrs. Fleming was already up, and came through the hall with a scaredface.
"Girls," she said, "it's after nine o'clock, and Tom has to go away on the9:45 train. We have overslept ourselves."
"I should think we had," began Elizabeth, but Mrs. Fleming had already goneto her son's room. "Tom, Tom," she called, as she knocked vigorously at thedoor, "get up, it's after nine o'clock!"
"What!" came from Tom's room, accompanied by a sudden jump out onto thefloor.
Ruth had heard the commotion, and she and Patty each appeared at theirdoors.
"What is it, Aunt Hester?" asked Ruth, roused at last, Patty was glad tosee, to some degree of animation.
"Why, Ruthy, it's nine o'clock! We have all overslept. Hurry down-stairs,children, you'll be late to school."
Well, such a commotion as there was; everybody compared watches and clocks,and exclaimed in wonderment and dismay. Tom said that his watch said it wasonly half-past seven, but of course, as he had said it didn't keep perfecttime, it was not believed, when all the others said half-past nine.
After they were all down-stairs and seated at the breakfast table, Pattyremarked quietly,
"April Fool! It isn't half-past nine at all; it's only half-past seven. Iset all the clocks forward two hours."
"What!" said Cousin Elizabeth, looking as if she would annihilate her. "Youlittle witch! You dared to--" and then she felt such a relief to think shewould have ample time to keep her engagement after all, that the ridiculousside of the affair struck her, and she began to laugh.
"Why, Patty Fairfield," said Barbara, and then she too laughed; and CousinTom, when he found he could catch his train, thought it all the best jokein the world.
Bridget and Molly enjoyed it the most of all, perhaps because, being Irish,they had a greater sense of humor than the Bostonians, but all agreed thatPatty had played a very successful April Fool joke on them. All exceptRuth,--she didn't see any fun in it at all, so Patty gave her up as ahopeless case.
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