by Kate Gable
"What about now?"
"I don't know. It's weird when you're living your best life and you deal with death and missing people all day long. You start to wonder, "Is this all there is?’"
"Yeah, that's kind of how I felt," Luke says. "Besides, I wasn't lying when I said that we broke up because I didn't want to be an absentee dad. I'm not judging any other men in this profession, or women, but for me, what I want is more, everything. I want to be there for my baby. I want to be there for all the nights and all the days and see them grow into a person. I don't want to miss that stuff. I want to go to the playgrounds and the soccer games."
"Your career is not that important?" I ask.
"It was for many years, but there are other things that I like to do."
"Like what?"
"Woodworking, music, fighting even."
"Wow. So, like hobbies?" I ask, half joking.
"Yeah, hobbies, I guess. It seems sort of inappropriate to call them that if that's actually what you want to spend your time doing. I have interests and I want to have a job that allows for them a lot more than this one does."
"Well, I don't know if you're looking for a sugar mama, but you know what my pay grade is and I can't exactly say you opened a nice lifestyle," I say, taking a bite of my fish taco.
"Who's saying anything about you being my sugar mama?" He laughs and leans over, pressing his lips to mine.
We kiss for the first time in days.
After we finish the meal, I expect us to get back into the car, but instead he just points to the Robin Hood Resort on the corner and we walk down the picturesque main street with lights wrapped around poles and beautifully landscaped bushes in between various little shops. There's my favorite store that sells homemade fudge and ice cream so I invite him inside to show him the goodies.
The whiff of chocolate and sugar overwhelms the senses as soon as you get inside and Luke's mouth immediately starts to water as he leans over the glass enclosure to look at the fudge, the chocolate eclairs, the chocolate covered cherries, and almonds, and other goodies in all different shades of chocolate, in all the different shades of brown.
I order a quarter pound of chocolate covered cranberries and he gets cordial cherries that are perfectly round balls, a four pack. The woman across the counter asks us if we are also interested in their homemade waffle cones and pistachio ice cream, but we force ourselves to decline.
Luke bites into one before we even close the door and step outside.
"This is amazing," he says, chewing with his mouth open. I pop a chocolate covered cranberry into mine and let the explosion and taste of sweetness mixed with bitterness and a bit of tartness overwhelm my senses.
Robin Hood Resort has a carving of two big bears out front, at least five feet tall each and a small parking lot. It hovers somewhere between a hotel and a motel with doors that go straight outside, but with a few amenities like breakfast and whirlpool spas in the rooms to make it a little bit more upscale. There's no tacky sign advertising the prices or whether or not there’s a vacancy and everything about the small lobby makes it look quaint but cared for.
The elderly woman at the front waves to us as we walk by and he asks for another key because he has forgotten his.
"Well, that's not a good sign," I whisper to him while we wait.
The woman up front types into the computer and looks up once to ask him to sign the enormous leather-bound book right in front of him and explains, "This is our guest book and we'd love it if you wrote your name, where you're from, and what brought you here."
I make a little face at him knowing full well that he can't exactly write the truth in there.
Two thirteen-year-old girls have recently gone missing in your picturesque little town, and the sheriff’s department brought in the FBI to help investigate.
I lean over his shoulder and look at his little chicken scrawl, barely making out the phrase in the reason line.
A few minutes later, he opens the freshly painted green door to his room and he wraps his arms around my waist as soon as the door slams shut. The light see-through curtains are still closed but letting in just enough light to let me see his body, his face, and the way that his eyes twinkle when they look at me.
He presses his lips to mine and pulls me tight against him. We're both dressed in professional clothing, constricted and tight without much pull. I reach over his shoulders and pull his suit jacket off, letting it slip off his arms.
I run my fingers up and down his toned muscular arms and watch his hands make their way around my neck to tilt my chin up and to kiss me again and again.
A few minutes later, he pulls off my skirt and I unbutton his shirt. We fall into bed together and we don’t even bother to turn on the light.
Afterward, lying in his arms in a state of contentment and ecstasy, I look at the time and know that we can't stay here long. I have to get back to the search headquarters. I have to talk to the captain.
"You know no one can know about this, right?" I ask, tilting my head up to look at him from the crook of his arm.
"Of course, I'd be in as much trouble as you, actually, probably more."
"This wasn't a great idea. I mean, we shouldn't have done that."
"Are you saying that because of work or are you saying that because of us?" he asks, suddenly looking very vulnerable and surprised.
I'm tempted to ask what we're doing. I'm tempted to try to define this relationship, if we can even call it that.
My mind is cloudy with so many different tasks and uncertainties. I don't want to add an argument with Luke to that.
"I like you," I say. "A lot."
I lean over and give him a kiss.
When I pull away, he grabs my arm and pulls me closer and kisses me again, harder and more passionately. "I guess you like me, too?" I ask with a smile.
"You could say that." He winks and we both know that it's time to get back.
I use his comb to brush my hair and tie it up in a neat ponytail. We look at one another and check each other's clothes for any irregularities, smoothing the few wrinkles.
I turn to him and ask, "So was forgetting something in your hotel room just a ploy to get me into bed?"
He narrows his eyes, tilts his head to one side, and asks, "What do you think?"
"I think it was, I think it worked."
"I'm not that smooth. I'm not very good at being a player."
"Is that not what all players say?" I joke.
"I actually forgot my laptop here. I thought it was in my briefcase, but it wasn't. That's what I wanted to get." He points to the laptop sitting neatly on the desk next to the television.
I glance at the wire to make sure that it's plugged in and it is, making it difficult to stage.
"Well, either way it kind of worked out," I say, giving him a peck on the cheek and telling him to wait a few minutes before following me out.
When we get back to the VFW, I check the time again and see that we've only been gone two hours. Now, that's what I call a quickie.
As soon as I walk through the doorway, my face falls.
Neil is sitting in front of my sister's missing poster on a flimsy metal chair and talking to my mother. She has her arm draped around his shoulder and he is holding a small cup of coffee that looks like it's about to crumble and spill everywhere all over his legs.
He's crying in big powerful sobs. They come into his body like a gust of wind and then are expelled just as quickly. Luke and I stand in the doorway. I take a quick look around to see if anyone is there and somehow, everyone has gone.
No deputies, no captain, there aren't even any volunteers. It's just my mom and Neil alone in the far corner of the room near the makeshift stage and the velvet curtains, as if they're in some sort of two person play with no audience.
I take a few steps. I lift my foot to take a step forward, but Luke stops me. It's almost as if he's reading my mind.
I glance over at him and he shakes his head.
"Why?" I mouth.
"It's not a good idea," he says without using words and just his face.
"Why?" I mouth again.
"They're having a moment," he says in a barely audible whisper. "He's telling her something. If you interfere right now, he may clam up and never tell us the truth."
I can't believe that I have to force myself to be quiet, to stand here and wait for my mother of all people to get some information from the person who might be the last one to have seen Natalie alive, but I know that Luke is right.
I know that this is the best thing to do.
I have no proof besides maybe just the hunch that Neil is involved at all. His parents have been acting overly protective and shady, but that doesn't mean that he's guilty.
He comes from a wealthy family and his father is a prosecutor, meaning that he knows exactly how this game is played and what some of the things are that his son should and should not say to law enforcement.
I take a step back to shift my weight and suddenly the floorboard creaks and both Neil and my mom snap to attention. My heart jumps into my chest and I don't dare take a moment to breathe. Instead, I examine his face. There're tears. It's wet, splotchy like he's been crying.
"Honey, come over here," Mom says, waving her hand in my direction.
I glance over at Luke who furrows his brow, neither of us expected this. I walk all the way across the room keenly aware of the three of them watching me. This is probably what it feels like to walk as a model on a catwalk, only I'm so much less graceful. My arms fall uncomfortably to my sides. I feel myself slouching and I straighten up my posture. My walk is interminable and I can't get there fast enough.
Mom introduces us and Neil says that we have already met.
"Will you please tell my daughter what you just told me?" she asks, still letting her arm droop off his shoulder but then grabbing on to his hand and giving it a squeeze for support.
"What is it, Neil?" I ask in my most non-authoritative voice possible. I want him to think of me as a friend, someone that he could share anything with, like apparently he did with my mom.
"I wanted to come here and talk to your mom in person, without my parents, lawyer, or other cops. She told me that you don't have jurisdiction here so you're not officially on the case."
"Yes, that's true," I say, clearing my throat, somewhat annoyed at my mom for going this far in divulging my employment status.
"I thought that she should know that we had plans to meet up that night, just me and Violet together."
"You did?" Luke approaches, but doesn't introduce himself and stands a little bit away from us. Just within earshot.
"We made plans for me to just pick her up right when Kaylee's mom dropped her off."
"Okay. So, what happened? Where did you go?" I ask.
I kneel down sitting on the back of my heels because I want to be on his level, but the nearest chair is a mile away on the other side of the room.
I'm tempted to ask Luke to grab me one, but I don't want him to miss a word of what Neil says for corroboration purposes.
"We just went and drove around," he says.
"That's it? For how long?”
"Like forty-five minutes. I was already there when Kaylee's mom showed up and I saw her leave the car. I was parked a little bit down the street, so I flagged her down before she went inside."
"Why didn't she just call my mom and tell her that she'd be late?" I ask.
"We weren't allowed to see each other," he says, looking straight at my mom and she nods to confirm this fact. Violet wasn't allowed to be out with boys.
"How did you get to the house?" I ask. "I mean, you don't drive?"
His cheeks start to burn and I can't tell if he is flushed with embarrassment, pity, or anger.
"I actually took my scooter over there. I'm not supposed to, I'm not even supposed to drive it on the roads, let alone at night, but it was going to take forever to bike over and she could get on the back of the scooter and we could go somewhere."
"So, what did you do exactly?"
"We drove around a little then ate some food."
"Did you stop somewhere?" I ask, immediately making a mental note to check the video cameras to confirm his story.
"No," he says. "I brought a couple of sandwiches from home, so we had a picnic out by the conservatory ... observatory," he corrects himself.
"You mean on the other side of the lake?"
"Yeah."
I know that there's a big park out there that's pretty popular with teenagers at night.
“So, you went out there and you just had a picnic?"
"Yeah."
"What happened then?"
"We hooked up."
"Did you have sex?"
My mom gasps and looks at me.
"Please ignore her. I have to know the truth. You're not in any trouble," I say, suddenly hating the fact that my mom is here making her judgements on someone who has to tell me everything.
"No, we didn't. We were taking it slow. We just made out and we were going to see each other again."
"Why didn't you tell me any of this before?"
"Natalie and I just got back together, but it wasn't working out, again. It was our fifth time and I was pressuring myself to give it a go. We've been together already for two years, so I figured I owe her that much."
I suddenly realize that he's barely thirteen, if that, fourteen and making plans for the rest of his life. I remember thinking this way when I was his age as well.
"So, you got back together with Natalie?"
"Yeah, just like the weekend before and then I saw Violet in school and I just had to be with her. I asked if she wanted to meet up and she said yes. I thought that she got an extension of her curfew or told you that she was still going to be with Kaylee. I just wanted to come and tell you, Mrs. Carr, in person that this is what happened and that I had nothing to do with her disappearance." He looks earnest and truthful, yet I don't know if I can believe him.
"So, what happened?" I ask. "I mean, how did you end things?"
"We stayed by the observatory for forty-five minutes and then she said she had to get back, so I dropped her back off and that's it. I never knew that she went anywhere else. I had no idea that she was even missing until the next day."
"What do you mean by went anywhere else?" I ask.
"Sorry, I just misspoke," he mumbles. "I mean, I had no idea that she was missing."
I nod and suddenly a group of volunteers comes to the door and I know that our conversation is over.
18
I glance over across the hall and see Captain Talarico walk in with a thick hoagie in his hand.
My face drops. Luke and I exchange a brief glance and we both know that we're about to catch hell for what happened here with Neil.
The captain has a jolly expression on his face, eager to dive into his lunch. He's holding a large, seventy-two-ounce gulp of soda in the other hand, wrapping his big sausage-y fingers around the top and sucking down on the straw. He waves to us.
I watch the way that the lines in his face strain out and the smile disappears when he sees Neil.
"What is he doing here?" he whispers, walking over to me in what seems to be two giant steps.
"I have to go," Neil says, "before my parents notice that I'm not home."
"Neil, I'm Captain Talarico," he says, extending his hand. "I'm the one in charge of looking for Violet and Natalie. I'd love to have a word with you."
"No, I can't," Neil says. "I really have to get back. I already told Mrs. Carr and the detective here everything that you need to know."
The captain is about to ask him again to stay, but Neil just brushes him off and walks out. The door slams and he turns toward us narrowing his eyes with anger.
"What the heck was that?" he snaps. "You interviewed a possible suspect or witness in this room right here without any recording equipment, without his parents?"
"This was not an interview," I say, throwing m
y hands up. "Not at all."
"It sounded like an interview."
"I didn't even know he was here."
My mom approaches.
"Captain, captain.” She tries to cut in, but he continues to rant.
"I wasn't here," I insist.
"What about you?" he snaps at Luke. "Where were you?"
"We went and got lunch together," Luke explains in his most professional tone of voice. "She caught me up on the case."
"Oh, yeah. I bet."
"What is that supposed to mean?" I snap. "Are you trying to say that I did something improper?"
"Yeah. You interviewed Neil Goss without me or any of my deputies present. You have no jurisdiction here, Detective Carr. I don't know how many times I have to remind you of that."
"No. I came here, and I saw him talking to my mom. He found her and he wanted to tell her something. That's all that happened."
"Tell her what?" Captain Talarico finally turns his attention to my mom, who folds her hands across her chest, proudly, and waits for him to actually request an answer. "What is it that he told you, ma'am?"
"He sought me out. He knew what I looked like, but we’d never met. He asked to speak just to me, and we sat right there in those two chairs. He told me that he and Violet were together that night, after she got dropped off by Kaylee and her mom. They’d made plans earlier in the day at school. He picked her up on his scooter and they went out."
"Where?"
"To the observatory. They had a picnic. He brought two sandwiches." I'm surprised by my mom's succinct explanation of the facts.
No elaborations, no emotional details. It's the way that they teach you in the academy.
It's something that I have always struggled with, without adding in additional details. Like the fact that he was sobbing and how that made me feel.
"He cried,” Mom says. "He was really upset. Kaitlyn and Luke can corroborate that."
The captain doesn't seem particularly satisfied with my mom's answers, but he focuses his discontent on me and Luke, the other law enforcement officers in the room.
"Did you talk to him about the inconsistencies in his statements about where he was that night?"