He led me away, but not before I saw Marie slip her arm through Alexander’s as they turned to head in the opposite direction. Alexander met my gaze briefly, then they disappeared from view.
Ashton glanced down at me, but said nothing. Before we reached a set of doors leading into the ballroom, he pulled me aside into a private nook of the garden and looked down at me in contemplation. Finally, he said, “What happened, Maddy?”
I wanted to tell him that Alexander had kissed me and that it was a life-altering kiss—although it had meant nothing to Alexander. I was just another one of the many girls he’d kissed behind the hedges, I thought bitterly.
“Nothing happened,” I muttered instead.
Ashton frowned, and I knew he wasn’t convinced. He studied me for a moment longer, before sighing reluctantly and leading me into the ballroom without pressing for an answer.
Over the years, Ashton and I had become very close. His friendly, charismatic and playful personality had drawn me to him instantly. He was like my brother, and tonight, I was grateful for his understanding and silent support.
Ashton stayed with me as we sought out Arianna. Between the two of them, they helped to keep my churning thoughts away from Alexander. The rest of the night passed by without incident, but I felt numb, lacking the excitement I’d had at the start of the party. Hoping to keep my mind off the prince, I let Arianna talk me into dancing with a few guys, including Ethan, although my heart wasn’t in it. I saw Alexander watching me throughout the night, but he kept his distance and I was grateful for the reprieve.
As the party started to wind down, Alexander cornered me near the outside entrance to the ballroom. He gently gripped my arm and held me in place near an alcove that blocked us from view. “Maddy, I need to talk to you.”
“I’m sorry, Your Highness. I was just leaving.” I tugged my arm out of his grasp and dipped down into an exaggerated curtsy. Alexander’s eyes narrowed at my formality.
It had always bothered him whenever I refused to call him by name. He’d once told me that it made him feel more like a position than a person. But I was angry and hurt, and wanted to use the distance as a shield.
He moved closer before I could escape, effectively blocking me between his body and the wall. “Please, dolcezza?”
My eyes closed briefly at the sound of my nickname. He used the Italian endearment constantly, and the familiar use of it now made my heart twist painfully. I responded without looking at him. “No, Your Highness. I’m sorry.”
“Will you stop calling me Your Highness already and talk to me?” Alexander demanded, grabbing hold of my shoulders.
“I can’t!” I boldly stood toe to toe with him, bristling with an anger that matched his. “Everything is confusing with us right now and I don’t know where we stand.”
He stared down at me, his blue eyes intense. “I’m still Alex. Just Alex.”
“I’m sorry.” I jerked away from him, trying to put some distance between us. “But that’s not possible right now.”
I turned and fled before he could catch me again. I was so confused. I didn't know where our friendship stood after that kiss. It was embarrassing to look him in the eye, knowing I had confessed my feelings and that he had rejected them. It was too painful to look at him, knowing that no matter how much I loved him, he didn’t feel the same way.
I finally made it outside and climbed into our waiting car. As we drove away, I scowled bitterly. Why was it that I had been able to tell all of the Markhams that I loved them except the one I loved the most? And why, when I had finally told him, did he have to break my heart?
Chapter Ten
For the next two weeks, I spent as much time as possible at the palace. It was wonderful getting the chance to spend time with everyone, but bittersweet because I knew it would be over soon. My heart ached every time I said goodbye, knowing that my time with them was growing shorter.
It was awkward when Alexander was there, yet it wouldn’t have been complete without him. I didn’t know how to act or what to say, so I spoke to him as little as possible. Although every day he would ask if we could speak privately, I always refused, afraid to be alone with him.
It was our last night in Coradova. The king and queen had invited us over for a farewell dinner and to stay overnight in the palace. The ache in my heart was worse than ever.
Standing outside the front parlor, I tried to get my emotions under control, and thought about the hours I’d spent that afternoon getting ready. I had pulled out every gown I owned from the packing boxes before finally deciding on one of my favorites, a dark blue dress with ruffled lace. I smiled humorlessly as I thought of why it was a favorite.
It was the color of Alexander’s eyes.
“Is everything all right, mademoiselle?” The head butler was waiting patiently beside me near the closed door.
Leverett had been employed with the Royal Family for over forty years. In his early sixties, he was short and thin with silver hair. His movements were graceful and he possessed a kindness that was endearing. When I was a child, he had loved to tell me stories and would sneak me treats from the kitchen. I had become very fond of him during my time in Coradova.
“I’m fine, Leverett,” I answered softly. “Just trying to gather my courage.”
He smiled in understanding, opened the door at my nod, and sent me an encouraging wink when I passed him.
Blue wallpaper in a damask print covered the walls of the parlor, adorned with golden framed portraits. On a Louis XIV table sat a porcelain vase of peonies and yellow roses. The king and queen were sitting on the long pale yellow couch, chatting with my parents. Arianna, Ashton, and my sister were sitting in the French antique chairs by the large bay windows, laughing at something the younger prince was saying.
Beside the white stone fireplace, Alexander stood with one arm braced against the mantle as he gazed into the empty hearth, looking lost in his thoughts. He was dressed in beige slacks with a dark brown belt and dress shirt in a steel blue that I was certain would bring out his eyes. It was unbuttoned at the collar, exposing the golden olive-toned line of his throat.
My breath caught in my chest at the sight of him. Despite everything that had happened, I still loved him deeply. Although I was grateful for the chance to put some space between us, saying goodbye to the prince I had loved for the last ten years was going to be difficult.
As if he could feel me watching him, Alexander glanced up to look right into my eyes. The intensity in his dark blue gaze pierced me to the core. I stood transfixed, unable to look away.
We stared at each other for several moments, with my heart pounding and butterflies fluttering in my stomach, then the king called my name, startling me.
King Mathis patted the cushion next to him. “Come sit here with us, ma chérie.”
I smiled warmly and moved around the couch while carefully avoiding Alexander’s intense gaze. I couldn’t think straight when he looked at me like that. When I reached the reigning monarchs of Coradova, I hugged them both tightly and sat down beside the king.
Seated on his other side, Queen Gabriella reached across him to grip my hand tightly in hers and gave me an affectionate and motherly smile. She was an Italian noblewoman by birth, the daughter of a diplomat and heiress to her family’s vast wealth. Elegant and graceful, with a stunning beauty that was enhanced even more by her kind and generous heart. Her long raven-black hair was styled atop her head with little wisps curling around her ears, and her eyes were the same striking blue as her three children.
I watched her share a melancholy look with my mom as we reminisced over the years we had spent together as a family since moving to Coradova. Years of friendship had a forged a bond stronger than blood, one that had carried through two generations, and would undoubtedly carry on to our children someday.
We socialized amicably, laughing and enjoying each other’s company. I could feel Alexander watching us, though he didn’t join in the conversation. It was nearly twent
y minutes before a server entered the room and announced that dinner was ready.
Alexander came over and offered me his hand. I hesitated as my emotions warred inside me. My pride was still bruised from his rejection, but my heart yearned for him. I knew he had been trying to make amends these last weeks, though I had been too bitter and embarrassed to accept. But this was our last night together. It was time to suck up my pride and reconcile with my friend.
I carefully placed my hand in his.
With a dazzling white smile, Alexander pulled me to my feet, tucked my hand through his arm and led me into the dining room. “You look beautiful, Maddy,” he commented along the way.
“Thank you, Alex,” I murmured, feeling unusually shy.
We entered the dining room behind everyone else. It was light and open, with a touch of the vintage French style I had grown accustomed to seeing in the palace. Soft green walls with white wainscoting surrounded the long chestnut dining table that dominated the center of the room. It was set on an Aubusson area rug with a ring of fifty vintage chairs.
Alexander pulled out my chair, waited until I was seated, then claimed the spot next to mine. While I wondered how to repair the rift between us, he studied me with speculative eyes. “Have you finally decided to forgive me?”
The corners of my mouth twitched. He knew me so well. “Maybe,” I answered.
“I hope so.” His gaze was suddenly intense. “Please forgive me, dolcezza. I never meant to hurt you.”
“I do forgive you, Alex. I’d like us to be friends again.”
“I’ve never stopped being your friend.” His sincere blue eyes held mine until the first course was served, forcing us to break eye contact.
The remainder of the night was wonderful—or as wonderful as our final night together could be—with none of the awkwardness or tension that had been present every day of the last two weeks. It was still bittersweet, but the uplift in the mood was perceptible. After dinner, we returned to the parlor where Alexander and I were left alone by the large bay windows.
We talked for a while, careful not to mention the night of our first kiss. It was nice being friends again, as effortless as breathing. The way it had always been between us. I studied Alexander as he stared out the window, admiring his handsome profile.
He looked over and flashed me a warm, lazy smile. “Would you like to go for a walk?”
I bit my lip, debating. The last time we had gone for a walk, it had been the best and worst night of my life. Alexander watched me patiently, as if he understood why I hesitated.
“Yes,” I decided, smiling softly. “I want to see the garden one last time before we leave. They won’t have such exotic flowers in Montana.”
Alexander’s answering smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. He rose from the chair and grabbed my hand to pull me up. We were standing very close, so close that I could feel the heat from his body. Alexander brushed the hair away from my face and tucked it carefully behind my ear, making me shiver at his touch.
He smiled softly, then turned toward the door. “If you’ll excuse us, we’re going to take a walk in the garden,” Alexander said to the room at large.
When we moved past the king, he shot a stern look at Alexander. The prince inclined his head ever so slightly.
When we were out of eyesight, walking under the beautiful canopy of stars, Alexander offered me his arm with a gentlemanly bow and an affable grin on his face. Smiling, I slipped my arm through his, my thoughts flashing back to the hundreds of times we had walked companionably through this garden together. We strolled along the pathway in silence, aimlessly wandering past the various flowers and shrubbery.
At one point, he stopped and slowly turned to study my face. I let my hand fall away from his arm, still feeling awkward and nervous after everything that had happened between us.
“I didn’t get the chance to explain myself after I kissed you, and I’d like to do it now if you’ll let me,” Alexander said slowly, his look meaningful.
I nodded, eager to understand what had gone wrong between us. He gestured toward the bench near a row of tall cypress trees. I sat down, breathing in the lovely fragrance of the pink-flowered Daphne shrubs surrounding us, and turned expectantly toward the prince when he joined me.
Although apprehensive, his eyes held the determined gleam I was used to seeing in him. He was never one to back down from a challenge, and I had often admired his unwavering resolve in the face of conflict.
“When you told me you loved me, I was caught off-guard,” Alexander began solemnly. “I hadn’t realized how strong your feelings were, and I was angry with myself because I couldn’t return that love.”
“Because you love Marie?” I asked carefully.
“No, dolcezza. I’m not in love with Marie,” he assured me vehemently. “There’s nothing going on between us. I’m sorry that she interfered and made you think we were involved.”
I was relieved to hear that he didn’t love Marie Delacroix. It was hard enough knowing that Alexander didn’t love me, but it had been even worse when I’d thought he felt something special for her.
Alexander frowned suddenly, his handsome face transforming into a scowl. “I’ve hated myself for hurting you. I’ve always looked out for you and tried to protect you, but I failed to protect you from myself.”
He stood abruptly and turned away, his hands clenching into fists at his sides. He paced along the pathway for a moment, his stride agitated, then stopped and slowly turned to face me.
“I kissed you that night because I do have feelings for you as more than a friend. I’ve wanted you for a while now,” he admitted, watching me from across the distance that separated us. “But I shouldn’t have kissed you because I can’t be with you—and I can’t tell you any more than that. It’s complicated.”
I watched his aristocratic mask settle into place and realized that there was more at play here than our hearts. It was political. Alexander had always shared everything with me unless it was related to the political secrets he was required to keep to himself. There was something going on that he couldn’t tell me, and I’d bet anything that this political complication was what was keeping us apart.
“I didn’t intend to lead you on, or to hurt you by pushing you away,” Alexander continued, running a hand through his black hair, his expression filled with self-reproach. “You didn’t deserve that. It was unfair of me and I’m sorry. It was a mistake only because it hurt you.”
The pain of my bruised pride disappeared. Alexander had feelings for me. Yes, he had openly admitted that we couldn’t have a relationship, but I was moving to America tomorrow and a long-distance, bi-continental relationship would have been impossible anyway. For now, I was over the moon just knowing that he cared for me as I cared for him.
I stood and slowly covered the distance separating us. Alexander watched me with a wary and unusually nervous expression. Over the past year, I’d caught guys watching me on more than one occasion, their interest a boost to my self-confidence. But I’d been more interested in Alexander’s reaction to me.
An expert at masking his emotions, he had managed to hide his attraction to me very well, until he’d kissed me at Arianna’s party. Now as I approached, I marveled at the flash of longing I could clearly see on his face.
With my eyes on his, I came to a stop with less than a foot separating us. I gazed up at him, trying to see him through the eyes of my childhood: as the big brother I’d adored, as the protective friend I could always count on. But it was beyond my grasp. All I could see now was the handsome, dashing young prince who held my heart in his hands.
“I don’t know if we can go back to being just friends,” I said softly, “and I don’t really want to.”
My face flushed with heat as the implication of my own admission hit me. I didn’t want to be just his friend. I wanted more. I wanted to feel his arms around me again, holding me close against him. I wanted to see his longing for me warm up his eyes. I wanted him to kiss
me, at least one more time.
I moved closer. Alexander braced himself, the lines of his jaw and shoulders tense.
I knew I was making him nervous, so I paused mere inches away from him and spoke quietly. “Alex, will you kiss me again?”
Alexander stared at me. For a moment, it looked like he couldn’t decide between kissing me or throttling me. He let out a tense, frustrated breath, his hot gaze never leaving my face. “Are you insane? Don’t you know what you’re doing to me—standing there with your brown eyes begging me to kiss you? I’ve told you that we can’t be together.”
“I understand that, and I’m not asking for a relationship. Just one kiss.” I took that final step forward and reached up to touch his face. “A goodbye kiss, since I’m leaving tomorrow.”
His eyes narrowed. “Touché.”
A heartbeat later, Alexander yanked me into his arms and kissed me with a fierce, demanding need. I had to admit, it was quite the goodbye kiss. Knowing it would be our last, I clung to him. My arms wrapped around his neck and fingers threaded into his black hair. After another moment, his touch softened, the kiss growing tender. Alexander held me snug against his chest and kissed me senseless before finally easing back to look at me.
Our eyes held for a long moment, a thousand unspoken words flashing between us. I didn’t know if Alexander was in love with me, but I knew without a doubt that he cared for me and would always be my friend. I smiled affectionately, no longer afraid to let him see the love in my heart—even if it was only for a friend.
Alexander reached up to gently tug on a strand of my hair and murmured, “I can’t let myself love you, Maddy.”
“I know,” I sighed, feeling regret pierce my heart.
Stepping closer, I slipped my arms around Alexander’s waist and hugged him tightly. I felt his arms wrap around me, his face pressed into my hair. I savored the moment, trying to commit it to memory. The feel of his strong arms holding me close, and his warm breath against my cheek. We stood in that tender embrace for a long while. Saying nothing, yet feeling everything.
Heart of Mine Page 7