Heart of Mine

by Lindsay Bergman

  We ate breakfast out on the terrace snuggled close together on a lounge chair, enjoying a rare moment of privacy. I glanced at the stoic Gerard, standing guard nearby with my other personal guards. Well, as alone as we ever were. It had been two days since I’d received the last hate note. True to the king’s command, I had been followed day and night by my own personal guard. I was grateful for their protection, but during private moments with my prince I felt disgruntled over the loss of privacy.

  Alexander’s lips touched my cheek. I turned toward him with a soft smile. He was dressed for business in a dark navy suit and white shirt. His suit jacket was tossed over the back of a chair and his ivory checked necktie loosened. Striking blue eyes explored my face as the corner of his mouth lifted in a smile. “Penny for your thoughts.”

  “It’s nothing,” I said dismissively, then shrugged. “I was just feeling grumpy over our lack of privacy.”

  Alexander smiled in understanding. “It won’t be forever, dolcezza. And it’s worth it to keep you safe.”

  “I know,” I sighed, picking at my plain bagel.

  He clasped my jaw and gently turned my face toward his. The heat in his eyes caused an explosion of butterflies in my stomach. “You know ... they are very discreet.” Alexander smiled, slow and dazzling, and lowered his head. His lips touched mine in a warm, melting kiss. My eyes closed on a sigh as I allowed all thoughts and emotion to be swept away in the torrent of his passionate kisses.

  It was several moments later before we broke apart. When sanity finally returned, I blushed scarlet and glanced at our guards, but all eyes were turned discreetly away. Alexander shot me a smug grin, which earned him an elbow in the ribs.

  “Oh, I forgot to tell you,” he announced a moment later. “I met with several Parliament members yesterday who all confirmed that Simon Mercier has been secretly trying to convince them to reject our petition. It’s not illegal, so we can’t arrest him, but at least it’s been brought to my attention. Hopefully we can undue any damage. Now we just need to tie him to those hate notes.”

  “Alex,” Ashton said, suddenly appearing beside us. My smile of greeting faded when I caught sight of his grim expression.

  Alexander tensed and slid a protective arm around my shoulders. “What is it?”

  “You need to see this.” Ashton handed him a newspaper, then dragged a chair over to us as Alexander began to read the article.

  The headline screamed at me in bold, black letters: PRINCE ALEXANDER PLANS TO ABDICATE! I didn’t need to read more than the first sentence to know that this news had not been well received by the public. I peeked at Alexander’s face, trying to gauge his reaction.

  “Well, it’s just what I expected,” Alexander said, setting down the newspaper. A satisfied smile spread across his face. “Simon took the bait and gave the information to the newspaper. Let’s check with the man who’s been surveilling him.”

  He started to rise from the chair, but I grabbed his arm to stop him. He glanced down at me in question.

  “What about the public reaction?” I asked. “They’re in an uproar over your plans to abdicate.”

  Alexander shrugged dismissively. “We’ll deal with it after we catch Simon. Nothing matters more than your safety right now.”

  Ten minutes later we were in Alexander’s office with a royal guard named Andrew. There was a brief knock before Ethan entered the room followed by a short, balding man that he introduced as an editorial assistant at the newspaper.

  “Great news,” Ethan began excitedly, “Monsieur Banton claims that he saw Simon Mercier drop off an envelope at the newspaper late last night. It has the information about Alexander’s abdication that appeared on today’s front page.”

  “That corroborates with what Andrew just told us,” Alexander said, sitting down in the chair behind his desk, his expression speculative. He glanced at the royal guard. “Andrew, take a few men to pick up Simon and bring him to the palace. I want to have a talk with the Head of the Lower House.”

  “Yes, Your Highness.” Andrew bowed respectfully then left the room.

  “Ashton, please find Father and update him on the situation.” Alexander glanced at his watch as the youngest prince rose from the couch. “I’ll meet you in his study in an hour.”

  Ashton nodded and winked at me before heading off to do his brother’s bidding. Ethan took Ashton’s vacated spot beside me on the worn leather couch. We listened as the prince spoke with Monsieur Banton, verifying that the man would testify to what he had witnessed. After agreeing to the request, Monsieur Banton handed Alexander the aforementioned envelope and grinned shyly when the prince thanked him for his assistance. Red-faced, the editorial assistant bowed deeply before leaving the room.

  “Thank you for your help, Ethan,” Alexander said, turning to my friend. His smile was genuine.

  “You’re welcome, Your Highness. What do we do now?” Ethan lounged back casually, as if he had all the time in the world to spare.

  “I have physical proof that Simon gave secret information to the newspaper, but I still need to link him directly to the hate notes.” Leaning back in his chair, Alexander rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

  “What makes you so sure that Simon is behind the notes?” I questioned. I was hesitant to reveal my full suspicions, but I also didn’t want him wasting time chasing a man who might not actually be involved. I was already disappointed that Simon was indeed working against us with Parliament, but I couldn’t believe he was involved with the hate notes.

  Alexander replied, “You received another note the morning after I told him of my plans to abdicate regardless of Parliament’s decision. It not only mentioned my abdication but also threatened you, and it was purposefully left in your room as a scare tactic. It’s too suspicious to be merely coincidental.”

  “But was Simon even in the palace yesterday?”

  “Yes, he was. There was an Executive Council meeting yesterday morning. I saw him there myself.” Alexander’s long fingers drummed absentmindedly against the top of his desk. His face was turned toward the open glass doors, gaze fixed out on the sea.

  “There were also two hundred different noblewomen here for Arianna’s brunch. Including Adelia, Marie and Emma ... to name a few,” I cautiously pointed out.

  Alexander glanced at me, his eyes narrowing suspiciously. “What are you implying, Maddy?”

  My eyes lowered briefly before I straightened my shoulders and looked back up with determination. “I don’t think Simon is behind the notes. I think it’s a jealous noblewoman.”

  Alexander held my gaze for a long moment, then he looked at Ethan and spoke with command. “Would you please excuse us, Ethan. We need a moment alone.”

  Ethan nodded. Our eyes met briefly before he rose and left the room. Alexander watched me quietly from behind his desk, his expression speculative. Although I felt nervous about his reaction, I stubbornly held my ground, knowing in my heart that I was right about my suspicions.

  “You think it’s someone I dated,” Alexander verified. “Is it someone specific?” His blue eyes hardened at my nod; I thought I could detect a subtle accusation in them.

  My chin lifted slightly in defiance. “Yes. I think it’s Emma Rousseau.”

  Before his mask could settle into place, I saw the angry denial that flashed across his face. My heart squeezed painfully as I waited to see what he would do. I had known he wouldn’t be happy when he heard my suspicions against his ex-girlfriend. But I’d hoped he would at least be able to distance his emotions long enough to hear me out before tossing aside my allegations outright.

  One long finger tapped agitatedly against the top of the desk, the only visible sign of his emotion. His dark, expressionless blue eyes studied my face. When he finally spoke, his voice was rough. “Emma wouldn’t do this. You don’t know her, Maddy.”

  “I know that she’s still in love with you ... and she hates me for taking you from her.”

  “Do you have any proof?”


  “No,” I admitted. “It’s just a gut feeling.”

  “Without proof, there’s nothing I can do,” Alexander said shortly. He straightened in his chair and started flipping through the papers on his desk. I was certain that it was merely as a front.

  Tension wrapped around me as the awkward silence between us lengthened. I rose and slowly approached his desk, moving around the edge until I was standing next to him. “I know you love her, Alex,” I murmured, hoping the pain in my voice wasn’t obvious. “And I know that you don’t want to hear anything bad against her. I’m only asking you to be open-minded. To be aware of at least the possibility.” I paused and looked anxiously at his face. He still refused to meet my gaze. I sighed softly. “I’m sorry, Alex.”

  As I started to turn away, his hand reached out to grasp my wrist, drawing me to a stop.

  Alexander finally looked up at me. “I’m sorry, too. I don’t like your accusations against Emma,” he began slowly, “but I’m also not willing to risk your safety. If you’re certain that your gut feeling is more than just jealousy, then I will look into it.” He kissed my hand and released his hold, his soft smile meant to be reassuring. He didn’t wait for a response before returning his attention to the papers on his desk.

  “Thank you, Alex.” I kissed the top of his bent head and paused with one hand on his raven-black hair.

  I was grateful for his acceptance, but couldn’t stop the claws of doubt that were clutching at my heart. There was a sudden distance that separated us. I wondered if the new cracks in our relationship could be repaired.

  “I’ll let you get back to work,” I said, letting my hand fall away. He didn’t respond with anything more than a nod before I left the room.

  As I slowly walked away, the blackness within grew until my heart was nearly consumed by it. Over the next few days, we learned the true extent of the countries upset over Alexander’s plans to abdicate. Article after article angrily accused me of bewitching Coradova’s crown prince.

  Overwhelmed by the countries hatred toward me and the growing distance from Alexander, I fought against the consuming darkness less and less, lacking the strength or conviction to fend it off. Then one morning we received a piece of news that sealed the blackness permanently within my heart. It’s grip on me extended to the very depths of my soul.

  “Parliament has rejected our bill to abolish the Royal Marriage Act.” Striking blue eyes met mine from across the room, but as Alexander’s words registered in my brain I could only stare at him, feeling numb.

  The prince was standing near the fireplace in the front parlor, his expression grim. He had tossed his suit jacket carelessly over the back of the couch, his dark navy tie loosened and the top button of his pale blue shirt undone. His black hair looked rumpled, as if he had repeatedly run his hand through it in frustration.

  “Did you hear what I said?” Alexander asked quietly. “The marriage law still stands.”

  I swallowed dryly, then forced a nod. “Yes, I heard you.”

  “It was Simon,” Alexander fumed. “He changed their minds before the bill could pass to the Upper House.”

  As I watched him pace angrily across the room, my thoughts and emotions were a tangled whirlwind within me. I took a deep breath, trying to gather my courage to speak, even though my entire being felt numb. “Maybe it’s for the best,” I said slowly. “I think ... I think this is a sign.”

  Alexander stopped in his tracks and turned narrowed eyes on me. His emotions were very carefully contained behind his aristocratic mask. “A sign of what?”

  “That we shouldn’t be together.” My heart ached from the pain that viciously stabbed me, making even my breathing painful as I forced out each word.

  “What are you saying?” Alexander demanded, his hands clenching into fists at his sides. Behind his expressionless mask I could hear the pain in his voice. “Are you trying to tell me that you don’t want to marry me?”

  “What I want doesn’t matter anymore,” I hedged. “I won’t let you abdicate because of me. And you can’t deny that we’ve been at odds since Tuesday, anyway.” Alexander opened his mouth as if to argue but I pressed on defiantly. “I know you’ve been busy, but you’ve barely touched me in days. Everything has just been too hard, too challenging. It’s all a sign that we’re just not meant to be together.”

  Alexander stalked toward me, his eyes glinting dangerously. “This is not a sign.” Once he was close enough, he reached for me. Holding me tightly against his chest, one hand slid purposefully up my back to clasp the back of my neck. “We are meant to be together, dolcezza. No matter what challenges stand in our way.” He kissed me fiercely, and I knew he was trying to prove my earlier accusations wrong.

  I slipped my hands between us and pressed hard against his chest in an effort to shove him back. He resisted my attempts at first, until I tore my lips away with a gasping sob. “Alex, please don’t make this any harder.”

  Doubt flickered across his face. His arms loosened. I quickly stepped out of his warm embrace, desperate to put distance between us. Alexander’s wary blue eyes were fixed on my face as he reluctantly allowed me to move farther away. “Maddy, you’re overreacting. You just need some time to process everything.”

  “I’ve had more than enough time to think about this. The truth is ... it’s about more than just us and our love for each other.” I held his gaze, needing him to understand. “If you abdicate, it will affect the lives of every single person in Coradova. Particularly Ashton.”

  “Ashton is a big boy. He’ll be fine,” Alexander argued, crossing his arms.

  “Ashton doesn’t want to be king! He doesn’t want to take your place on the throne and neither does Arianna. What we’re asking of them is the most selfish thing I could ever do. How can I let him make such a sacrifice on our behalf just so we can be happy? It’s not fair to make him take the crown if he doesn’t want it.”

  “But it’s fair to make me?”

  “You want to be the king, Alexander! You always have. It’s what you were born to do and it’s more than just your birthright or your responsibility. It’s who you are.”

  Alexander glowered at me, denial burning in his eyes. I looked away, fighting to keep control of my emotions, desperate not to let him sway me. From the moment I’d heard about Parliament’s rejection of the bill, I knew in my heart what I needed to do—even though my decision was tearing me apart from the inside out.

  “I want you more,” Alexander said ardently, making my heart clench painfully.

  I knew that he meant what he’d said, but I loved him too much to ever allow him to make such a great sacrifice. Especially when I was confident that he could have both love and the crown if he chose to marry someone else ... like Emma Rousseau.

  Even though he had promised to be cautious of Emma based on my suspicions, Alexander had been bothered by my accusations of her to the point that it had caused a strain in our relationship. For the past three days he had been so busy that we’d barely been alone for longer than ten minutes, our embraces brief and slightly tense. I knew Alexander loved me, but his reaction only confirmed that his love for Emma was much deeper ingrained in his heart than either one of us wanted to admit. If I were gone, I was certain that Alexander would eventually fall in love with her and make Emma the princess I wasn’t meant to be.

  I let out a slow, deep breath and looked over at Alexander. He was watching me, his expression defiant.

  Lifting my chin, I straightened my shoulders in determination. “We need to consider what’s best for everyone even if it’s not what we want. You were meant to be the King of Coradova and I’m not going to stand in your way. This is what it means to be a ruler: to sacrifice your heart for your duty. If I’ve learned anything from you over the years, it’s that the greatest gift you can give someone is a sacrifice of yourself.”

  “Maddy—,” Alexander warned, recognizing what I was implying.

  I spoke over him. “You’ve shown me what true sacrifice
is in your willingness to give up your birthright for me. If you can love me that much, then I can love you enough to not let you make that kind of sacrifice.” There was a quiver in my voice at the end. When I saw his broken expression, my heart lodged in my throat as the tears I’d been fighting spilled over down my cheeks.

  Alexander flinched and closed the distance between us within a heartbeat. His mouth stole my very breath as his strong arms enclosed me within his protective warmth. He crushed me against his chest in an iron grip and kissed me with a near desperation. His lips burned on mine. I clung to him and kissed him back with such a demanding fierceness that my lips felt bruised. My heart thumped with a desperate longing, but the blackness was all-consuming. I knew there was no turning back now.

  Several moments later Alexander eased back. Desolate blue eyes met mine. “Ti amo, dolcezza.” His voice was thick with pain.

  “I love you too, Alex,” I whispered. “But you know this is the right thing to do.”

  Alexander’s arms tightened around me, squeezing the breath right out of my chest. His mouth pressed hard against mine, his words whispering raggedly against my lips. “For once in my life I don’t want to do the right thing. Not if it means losing you, cuore mio.”

  “I know.” I reached up to lovingly touch his cheek. “That’s why I’m making the choice for you.”

  “There’s nothing I can say to change your mind, is there?” His voice lacked hope; Alexander knew my stubbornness well. Even if he refused to accept my decision, he couldn’t force me to marry him. My prince was smart enough to know when he was fighting a battle he couldn’t win.

  “No, there isn’t,” I answered, my heart thick with regret.

  Alexander slowly raised his head. Our eyes held for a long moment as emotion surged between us. When he kissed me, the yearning I could feel in his touch matched mine. I held onto him tightly, allowing myself to be temporarily lost in his loving kiss ... for one last time. Then I pulled away from him with a sob. After a moment, he let me go. Though only inches separated us, it felt more like a deep, gaping ravine.