by Aaron D. Key
“I will do that,” I said and frowned. “Did she have difficulty explaining to you where I had come from?”
“It was a confusing situation,” Rael admitted. “Our other son had only been born a year or so before. It took me a while to understand what she was telling me but it made sense. That was why I couldn’t undo your death. There was more to the story.”
There was an interruption as two plates of food were brought out by a matronly lady who looked at our clothes quizzically as she put cutlery on the table. Rael thanked her and she left looking mellowed.
“Look!” Rael nudged me. In the direction he was looking, I saw a man and woman each carrying a small child. They were dressed in the local style and appeared indistinguishable from those around them, except that now I looked closely I saw that they were Rael and Elena.
“It’s alright,” Rael reassured me. “They can’t see me.”
As he said this, Elena looked in my direction and stared at me with a puzzled expression, as if trying to work out why I looked familiar. I assumed that I had stopped my childhood game of calling to her silently so she had no way of knowing for sure that I was the same person as the child she carried in a material wrap around her chest, although she probably remembered my face from the two times we met before. She said something to her version of Rael that made him turn around to look at me but he stopped her when she made a move in my direction with a shake of the head. Her Rael, out of her sight, gave me a weak smile and a gesture of acknowledgement. The small child who sat on his shoulders and pulled on his hair also looked round at me solemnly as they made their way down to the edge of the sea: the brother I had never met, or at least not remembered I had done so.
“What were you doing?” I asked curiously.
“We were having a holiday by the sea – a thing that people in this world are quite keen on.”
Rael sitting across the table from me was watching me curiously. I wanted to reassure him that he had no reason to feel guilty. A smile had to do.
Even if I had not just seen him, it would have been obvious that he had eaten in this time and place before as his choice of food was good. I felt confidence and strength return to me as I ate.
“I would say that you just need to give your mother time to reflect. She is impetuous and impulsive but not stupid. I’m sure she will soon realise the consequences of what she has done and she will try to sort it out.” Rael twisted the mug in his hand and watched the swirling coffee. “If she does not seem to be coming around, perhaps you could try and remember how you used to communicate when you were young. I’m sure this would remind her of her duty to you, the grown up, as well as her duty to you, the child.”
“If I manage to reclaim the child and put it on Rael’s Hill at the right time, do you think that will be the end of everything that is out of place?” I asked, thinking through all the steps he had advised.
“Well, I think so, except to ask the Elena that is with you if she wants to return to me any time after three weeks from today.”
Rael sounded so sad it was strange to think that he had not yet lost his wife. I wondered whether he was aware of what he was letting himself in for once Elena returned. She was not the same woman he appeared to have enjoyed a few happy years with. Now she had her own source of power and had spent many years being in charge without any form of opposition except the obstinate nature of Aeth. I thought if anyone could cope it would be Rael, but I wished I could have been there to watch them.
“It will be strange to be back to normal,” I said. “It’s been so long since I had a normal day, and the same for you, I imagine. I believe Elena is still in love with you despite everything that has happened,” I said thoughtfully. “She will be very happy to return to you.”
“I do not know what I have done to deserve it but I am very grateful,” Rael said with humility.
We finished our food and drink and walked back to the beach.
“We have no need to rush. We may never meet again and we might as well enjoy this time together,” Rael said. It seemed such a sad possibility after our lives had been so intertwined in recent weeks. We sat on the pebbled beach and tried to outdo each other throwing stones into the quiet waves.
“I do not know if you have had time to consider the matter yet but I have resolved the problem of Glant’s city and its ability to survive,” Rael said. “I hope you do not think I have been officious, but the power insisted that I sorted it out – so I had no choice. I will be giving them a new protector who will ensure that all will go well with them. I’m not sure when this will happen in your time, perhaps it has already, though not yet in mine.”
“A new protector? Who?” I asked, confused that Rael had found someone to do this.
“Your guardian,” Rael replied. “I convinced her that she didn’t want to die really, and once she has rested and been cured she will be grateful for this. She will be happy to look after Glant’s city, I am certain. It will be a task well within her capability.”
“But she did die,” I blustered. “I found her body. I buried her.”
“It was a very good illusion,” Rael admitted. “We wanted there to be no doubt that she had gone for good so that the power could pass to you without complication.”
I remembered the trauma of finding my predecessor, cold and stiff on Rael’s Hill. Even now the thought of it made me feel cold. I could understand what Rael had been trying to achieve but it seemed a heartless way to me. Perhaps it was the same for the people we rescued. They were safe but their relatives would never know. The sorrow and the guilt of the people left behind were important, Rael wrote in his diary – “How else will people learn?” – It was harsh but Rael stuck to what he believed in and I admired him for that.
“Koa will be relieved that his city is safe and guarded,” I said, trying to change the uncertainty in my mind, and I thought of him with affection and warmth, wondering if Rael would feel like Aeth when he read my mind because they came from the same background. I felt fragile, like a statue of glass, under his gaze, remembering the pure contempt that Aeth expressed. I did not want my father to think less of me so soon after meeting. Yet I could not help my nature and there was nothing I could do about it. I tried to be prosaic about it and even brutal as I thought his opinion should mean nothing to me because I would never see him again, but I was reluctant to look at him in case disgust was the expression on his face.
“I’m ashamed to think I have done anything to make you think that I resemble Aeth in that way,” Rael said. “And I’m sorry that I continue to read your mind without permission or apology, at least until now. I don’t seem to be able to stop it when talking to you without disabling the thinking part of my brain.”
“I don’t object to that,” I said. “I think it a useful reminder that this is an ability I should not abuse. I shouldn’t have considered you and Aeth in the same breath.”
“In a way, you are right. Aeth and I were brought up in the same time, nearly the same way, although I’m surprised he gave you the impression of despising you. I think he was just trying to unsettle you,” Rael said with a twisted expression.
“But this is why I try very hard to ignore the lessons I learned in my youth and to be open to everything new. What I have come to realise in my travels in many worlds and in many times is that the concept of wrong quite often is a matter of fashion, just like the clothes you wear or the style of your hair.”
Rael sat up tall to throw a stone that skidded across the calm surface of the sea six times before dropping into the cold water.
“I’m sure you have seen it too,” he continued with a slight grin of triumph. “Worlds evolve between the primitive and sometimes enlightened to the sophisticated or confused. Wisdoms are passed down in words, often in the form of religion. The passage of time and the influence of many voices change the significance. Kindly messages intended to help people to live u
seful and comfortable lives are converted into messages of hate and intolerance. Customs devised to improve lives mutate and are misapplied so their original intentions are lost in the practice of them, and there’s no more chance of deriving their benefits than of finding one grain of silver in a desert of sand. The more I see it, the sadder it makes me, and I realise how powerless I am to interfere. The least I can do is realise that I do not need to conform to any of the fashions I see or experience.
“So I am never completely fashionable. It would probably be impossible in Herron where we have people from every conceivable sort of background, with many different viewpoints of what is fashionably wrong and right. I have to make my own rules as to what I think is right and wrong. I believe that a wrong thing is that which is intended to hurt someone, and a good thing that which is intended to benefit someone. Sometimes I am wrong about my choices – sometimes a thing I intended to be good turns out bad, and this is unfortunate, but I am only a mortal. I forgive myself and move on.
“Fashion comes and goes. Trying to live your life according to fashion is to be blown by a continually changing wind, allowing it to dictate the course of your life instead of aiming for the direction you originally intended. I know you know these things but I wanted you to know I know them too.”
The sun was hidden behind the cliff but its pink light was held and enhanced in the clouds. Abnormally light, the sea reflected the clouds in patches of pale ripples as far as the horizon where it met the dark band of teal sky. The sea represented the enormity of life, the infinity of possibilities that each life held. I understood what Rael was trying to say. He was right that I knew what he was explaining, but listening to him strengthened me and reminded me of the part of me I liked: the part that stood tall and followed what I knew to be right, the part that was no longer a child.
“I want you to know that you have no need to feel guilty about me,” I tried to explain as I stood up to leave. “I have enjoyed my life and never regretted my upbringing or wished it to be otherwise. Until recently I knew nothing about my background, and learning that I am your son makes me proud, not sad.”
“I think I will always feel guilty,” Rael admitted with a grimace, standing up beside me, “but I’m grateful we had this time together. I hope, at any rate, it has helped you remember that no one is perfect; that your mother and I are just ordinary people with no special gift for getting things right. Our intentions are good but sometimes our methods are obscure or questionable.”
There was a faraway look in his sea-green eyes that made me think he was not so much talking to me as to himself. He rested his hand upon my shoulder and I had a moment of sudden clarity in which I saw Rael as he saw himself with all his flaws laid out like a map and Elena as a painting with each stroke of paint another flaw that, lying together, made the whole perfect, at least in Rael’s eyes: an intricate and many layered study. Not flaws, I corrected myself, just elements of a character that made each person an individual.
Then we said goodbye.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
A Dangerous Loophole
I shut my eyes and was once more inside the circle of trees on Rael’s Hill. Coming home felt especially good this time as there was someone to come home to. I had enjoyed my time with Rael but I was glad to be back and to feel more like myself again.
I stepped through the protection of the trees and saw Ann walking towards the hill with a smile.
“Welcome back!” she said as I joined her. “I hope that your meeting with Rael was pleasant but you will be relieved to know that Elena has returned. She has been shopping. She said she was sorry she didn’t think to tell us but didn’t realise we would be worried. Your younger self is now the best dressed baby on the planet and looking as if he had never had any traumatic experience.”
“I’m greatly relieved,” I said as we walked towards the archway of Herron again. Rael was right in his assessment of Elena. She was not reckless, only working on another plain.
“Where is she now?”
“In your room, I think. She’s having a sleep.”
“What time is it?”
“It’s just before supper, about six. What was Rael like?”
“He was really mellow. We lounged around mainly but it has been a long day.”
“That sounds nice,” she said with pursed lips, which made me think that her day had not been so relaxing. “Koa has been keeping Cailo busy. More impressively he’s got Monta and Herai helping out.”
“They are good workers,” I said for something to say.
“They certainly work hard for Koa,” she said in a tone that made me think she had something on her mind.
“I think Koa and I are lovers …” I said. I did not want to take too much for granted but she needed to know.
“I’m glad you’ve finally worked it out,” she said, smiling. I did not want to explore her worries further, so instead I tried to distract her with something that had occurred to me earlier.
“I don’t like to say this but I think I have to,” I said. “I’m worried that you seem to be attracted to Cailo.”
“And why is that?” she replied with a dangerous tone in her voice.
I had to admit it. “He was the man I found torturing Rael.”
“Oh, I know about that,” Ann said in complete relief. “He has told me all about it and I have managed to forgive him his part.”
“I saw him torturing a man,” I said. “I knew what was in his mind and the resources he had to cause pain. I would be very reluctant to embrace him as a brother-in-law, if things got so far.”
“I only met him a few days ago. Give me a chance. Still, if I want to marry him, you’ll have to trust me that he is alright because I will not give him up just to please you, and you should trust my judgement that I’m able to tell the quality of a man.
“So what’s the next move for Elena?” she asked, in an obvious attempt to change the subject.
“If Elena is asleep I won’t wake her up. When she wakes up, or perhaps tomorrow, I will talk with her about returning the baby to the past and herself back to Rael. He wants her to go back and I think she wants it too, unless she has changed her mind. She needs to leave here quickly before any more complications occur.”
“Is that her destiny?” Ann said, sounding a bit more cheerful. “I’m so glad. I think you’re right. She couldn’t forgive him for giving away her son, but now she has met you perhaps the loss of you will be more bearable.” She laughed wickedly. “I can’t think of any better fate for her. I will see what she thinks.”
We parted at the archway to the garden. Ann had other business outside the walls and I wanted to stop by briefly to reassure Koa that all was well. The herb garden was beginning to take shape. All the unwanted plants had now been cleared and some new plants had even been transplanted from other areas.
Koa’s helpers had finished for the day. At least, they were nowhere to be seen. Koa was inside the dark room attaching shelves to the stone walls with competency. He looked absorbed and happy. “You’re back! How did it go?” he asked.
“Well, and Elena has returned again? I know the last piece of the puzzle now. All should be returned to rights soon.”
“You will not know yourself,” Koa said as he came closer. This closeness affected me with an almost breathless pause of awe. I remembered Rael talking about never being in fashion and I felt able to put one arm around Koa’s back and draw him closer so that the pause became an eternity.
I loved him with all my soul, despite barely knowing him, as if knowledge was not necessary for love. My intellect struggled with this idea, but I knew that as I grew to know him my love would adapt and change to fit him; to curve around every flaw and imperfection, making them beautiful.
“You seem more relaxed,” Koa said gently.
“I think I have received a father’s blessing,” I replied. “I f
eel different: more real and in control of my life. Soon I will be able to return to my normal work.” I thought how long it had been since I had done any of that.
I looked at the almost spotless room. The impressive-looking wooden table lining one wall like a workbench was scrubbed and almost ashen. He looked around too as if proud of his new space. I thought of the dark cave that had been his home and was scared at the thought of anything diminishing his happiness, but surely it wasn’t long now before the last step of returning time to its normal pattern would be complete.
“Shall we go to dinner now, and tonight I will visit you so we can be alone at last, if you’d like me to?” Koa said, moving away from me.
I was not particularly hungry but I was eager to make the night closer. We made our way to the Great Hall, through the foliage-lined paths. When we got there Koa asked, out of politeness, it seemed, “How was Rael?”
“He seemed very tired. He said that he was looking forward to when his life wasn’t already mapped out by time. It seems that everything he has done so far has been under a shadow of knowing what was inevitable.”
We reached the Great Hall at this point and found purpose for a while in the procuring of food. As we sat down at an empty table, I suddenly remembered something I believed would cheer Koa up from the subdued mood he was lapsing into.
“Rael said he has plans to provide your city with a protector like me, so you need not worry about them running out of food or any other supplies, or even needing your medical expertise.”
I was rewarded with a smile and a thoughtful question.
“Where did he find such a person?”
“My guardian, who used to be the protector here in Herron before me. We all believed she had died, but instead she had made a pact with Rael to leave here and start another life.”