by Karly Lane
‘I know. I’ll apologise when we get home.’
Griff released her to walk around and check the fire couldn’t reignite before coming back to her side. ‘Come on, let’s get out of here.’
Nineteen
‘We’re screwed then,’ Ollie said, leaning back in the kitchen chair the next day as he massaged the bridge of his nose. ‘It’s going to take at least three days to get the new fuel tank and then we need to install it. We’ll be lucky if we get it up and running again within a week.’
‘How much more do we need to get through?’
‘We still have a few up in the top paddock and the corner-post one, further over. Another week at least.’
‘The rain seems to keep getting pushed back,’ she said optimistically. It had originally been forecast for the end of the week but now it wasn’t until the following week.
Ollie gave an unimpressed grunt. They’d made up and moved on, but she knew he blamed himself for the trouble they were in.
‘Should we try and call in a contractor?’ she asked hesitantly, knowing Ollie’s previous thoughts on the suggestion.
‘I already tried,’ he said miserably, and Olivia knew things were bad if he’d resorted to doing something he’d earlier sworn against. ‘There’s no one available.’
‘Something will turn up. It always does, you’ll see,’ she said, forcing a confidence she wasn’t altogether sure she had into her smile. ‘For now, all we can do is wait for the part to turn up and hope we don’t fall too much further behind. Stressing about it isn’t going to make it happen any sooner.’
‘Nope, but at least while I’m stressing I feel like I’m doing something,’ he said, pushing away from the table.
Olivia wished she could help him, or make him feel better, but there really was nothing anyone could do without a working machine.
She opened her computer and brought up her emails. She’d had a response to one of her job applications. The company was very impressed with her résumé and wanted to interview her. She hadn’t expected them to be so interested in her and now she wasn’t sure whether to pursue the possibility or reject it outright.
Would changing jobs make her happy? What if it turned out that it wasn’t her job that was making her feel so restless and discontented? What if she left her job—a job to which she’d devoted the majority of her adult life—only to discover she still felt dissatisfied with life?
She had to admit, since being home she’d felt a lot more content, but that could be due to the break from work. Or it could be due to all the sex she’d been having … No, she quashed the idea irritably, it wasn’t that, not entirely anyway. She was happy. Since she’d been home, she hadn’t felt that emptiness, that loneliness. Griffin made her happy, she didn’t need a degree to figure that out, but was it enough to warrant such a huge change? To give up her steady, reliable job to take a chance on a new one? What if this thing with Griff turned out to be short-lived? There was a lot riding on a decision as significant as this.
Olivia picked up the basket and headed towards the counter once she’d finished finding all the items on her hastily made shopping list. It wasn’t a full shop, of course, since the small store only stocked the essentials, but she couldn’t justify the time it would take to drive all the way into Griffith just for the few things she needed.
There was a queue at the counter, although she wasn’t sure you could call one person ahead of you that. Still, considering that person hadn’t moved for the entire time she’d been in the store, it was probably the equivalent of a crowd anywhere else.
June Partridge was in the depths of delivering some piece of juicy gossip and she was clearly in no hurry to move on. Olivia glanced down at the stack of magazines beside her and read the headlines as she waited to be served: 9 things every naked man wants to hear. Probably not, ‘Wow, I thought it would be bigger …’ Olivia thought with a silent scoff and continued reading: 75 sex moves. Good grief, you’d be either exhausted or incredibly fit after all that, she thought. Maybe she’d been leading an unusually sheltered sex life because, try as she might, Olivia was struggling to come up with anything close to that number of moves. As though it wasn’t enough to feel woefully inadequate in bed, the other headlines also suggested she needed to do some serious work on her body—flat abs, flat stomach, how to eat your way thin, dump the winter bulge—all in huge font just in case you were in danger of missing them. And then there was the endless line of celebrities being photographed, shock, gasp! doing their grocery shopping or, heaven forbid, at the beach without makeup. Presumably these were intended to make everyone who was now completely self-conscious about their weight, sex life and general wellbeing feel somewhat better about themselves. It really didn’t make any sense.
Finally June Partridge finished talking, turned around and did a double-take. ‘Oh my goodness, Olivia Dawson! I didn’t know you were there. I’ve been meaning to catch up with you. How’s your father?’
Olivia gave the updated report and smiled to herself. It was repetitive, having to answer the same question over and over, but it was also a tribute to how well thought of her parents were in the little community—everyone genuinely wanted to find out how her dad was doing. Of course, it would also be gossip fodder for June, but it wasn’t the bad kind of gossip—it’d be the updated version of events to keep everyone informed. The I just spoke to Olivia Dawson this morning and she said … version.
She carried the grocery bags out to the ute and had just finished loading them when she looked up and saw Lavinia crossing the road towards her. Cars were slowly filling up the hall carpark and Olivia realised there was a meeting of some kind taking place—no doubt Lavinia was on the committee of whatever it was.
‘Hello, darling. I haven’t seen you for ages so I thought I’d pop across and say hello while I had the chance.’
Dressed in jeans and T-shirt, Olivia felt drab beside the older woman, who was wearing tailored trousers and a button-up blouse, her simple gold jewellery adding a sophistication to an outfit that would have looked overly dressy on anyone but Lavinia Callahan.
‘It’s been hectic,’ Olivia said, and they shared a mutual nod of understanding.
‘Oh, I understand that. I can’t even catch a minute with my son lately,’ she said, lifting one elegantly sculptured eyebrow.
Olivia felt a blush start on her cheeks and wished, not for the first time, she could hide her emotions better.
Obviously news of their earlier radio banter had been reported.
‘Darling, I’m over the moon about it,’ Lavinia gave a musical chuckle. ‘Do your parents know yet?’
‘No,’ Olivia said abruptly, feeling overwhelmed by this sudden turn of events.
‘Oh, you must tell them, Olivia. It will make their day. Finally, some good news,’ she said with a sigh. ‘We’ve all been holding our breath that something might eventually happen between you both again.’
‘Well, I’m not exactly sure—’ Olivia began but was cut off quickly.
‘Oh, I know it’s all still new, but everything will sort itself out, you’ll see.’ She smiled widely and slipped her arm around Olivia’s shoulder, giving her an encouraging hug. ‘Anyway, I better get back over there and set up for the meeting. I just wanted to come over and tell you how happy I am.’
‘Thanks,’ Olivia said weakly, waving goodbye to Lavinia as she hurried back across the road to the hall. Receiving Lavinia’s blessing should have lifted a weight off her shoulders, but instead, somehow, it had only added to it.
She climbed into the vehicle and turned towards home. A few kilometres out of town, she wound the window down and took a deep breath. The wind was warm, and it would have been more refreshing to keep the window up and let the aircon do its job, but she was feeling claustrophobic. She didn’t know what she wanted to do with her life, she hadn’t made any decisions, but it seemed she didn’t have to. Everyone else was happy to make her mind up for her.
‘I saw your mum today,’ Ol
ivia said as she and Griff sat at her kitchen table that evening and ate the meal she’d prepared.
‘Oh, yeah?’ He didn’t look up. He was starving after working all day, and was only here to eat and steal a brief few minutes with her before heading back to his place and getting back into it.
‘She was pretty excited about us.’
He glanced up then at her wary tone and eyed her curiously. ‘You didn’t think she would be? Seriously? The woman who had us married off at sixteen?’
Olivia picked at her mother’s green and blue checked gingham tablecloth, which was used through the week but not for weekend meals or with company. ‘She seems to have us married off again.’
‘Look,’ he said, lowering his cutlery, ‘you know what Mum’s like. She’s excited. I’ll tell her to back off a bit.’
‘No,’ Olivia groaned, ‘don’t say anything. It’s just,’ she paused, trying to find the words to make him understand, ‘we still don’t even know what this is … if it can even go anywhere, and now our families are getting excited and it feels like a lot of pressure.’
Griffin seemed to be weighing up his words carefully as he searched her face. ‘I know this happened unexpectedly and all, but it feels kinda right … don’t you think?’
It did feel right. ‘But it’s not that simple,’ she said, levelling him a long look.
‘Because you’d be moving back home permanently?’
‘Because I’d have to give up my entire life in order to move back here,’ she agreed pointedly.
‘People do it,’ he said earnestly. ‘Chelsea Monroe moved back a few years ago to marry Tommy Edgewood. They’ve got kids and she works the farm. They seem happy.’
‘I’m not saying it can’t be done, but it’s a big sacrifice to ask of someone—to give up their entire life, including job, friends, lifestyle,’ she listed on her fingers, ‘to relocate.’
‘I guess it depends if the person considers it important enough to be worth the sacrifice,’ he said slowly.
Olivia didn’t reply; there was really nothing to say. Griffin had pretty much summed it up. She had to work out if he was worth the sacrifice. And that was the big question.
‘I have to get back,’ he said, pushing away from the table and leaning over to kiss her tenderly. ‘Thanks for dinner.’
She smiled and found herself staring at the empty doorway for a long time after the sound of his car had faded away.
Twenty
Griff made another turn. One more run and he’d be ready to dump another load into the bin. They were making great time so far. This paddock was all but done, and tomorrow they’d be moving over to the next one. He liked working at night. There was a certain comfort in being swallowed by the utter darkness that blanketed the endless plains out here. There was no moonlight tonight to shine on the distant ranges. The headlights of the other header and the chaser bin bounced along across the adjoining paddock, and bugs swarmed and dive-bombed in his headlight beams.
He usually couldn’t wait till harvest was done—the long hours behind the wheel, the bloodshot eyes and endless coffee definitely got old pretty quickly—but this year he was looking forward to it finishing more than usual. This year he had Liv waiting for him at the end of a shift, but exhaustion was playing havoc with their sex life when both of them were dead tired after a long day or night harvesting. At same time he realised that the sooner they reached the end of the busy time, the sooner Liv would have to go back to the city. They hadn’t talked about it much. Every time he had tried to bring it up, she had shut down on him, so he had decided it was best to keep quiet and enjoy the ride until they had time to work out the details.
If there are any details to work out, a small voice warned. There had to be. These last few weeks had been perfect, if you didn’t count the bleary eyes and the fact they spent more time in bed sleeping than doing anything else. But even that was great. He loved waking up and finding her snuggled beside him. He loved bringing her coffee in the morning or sharing a shower before they both headed off in opposite directions for the day, or night, depending on what shift they were doing. He could get used to it. Too bloody easily. And that was the problem. What happened if she decided to go back to the city and it all ended? Liv was right, she would be the one giving up everything to make a future together. It was a lot to expect from a person. He knew he wouldn’t be able to do it. Even for Olivia? a little voice asked. If she refused to give up her life in Sydney, would he consider giving up Stringybark to move closer to her?
It wasn’t really the same thing, he rationalised. For starters, Olivia had already been thinking about a change because she wasn’t happy in her job. And she wouldn’t be moving somewhere unfamiliar and unknown. This had been her home. Her family was right here. If he moved to Sydney he’d be giving up the only thing he knew how to do. He’d be moving to a city—a completely alien environment for someone used to wide-open spaces. He felt his stomach drop sickeningly at the thought and sighed inwardly. He didn’t envy Liv having to make a decision. He just didn’t know how to persuade her to make the one he really wanted her to make.
His phone rang and he reached for it, giving the screen a brief glance before he answered.
‘Hi, darling. How’re things going?’ His mother sounded chirpy for this late at night.
‘Good. We should get this paddock done tonight.’
‘Lovely. I have good news. I’ve just got off the phone with your brother. He’s managed to get some time off work and he’s coming home to help out with harvesting.’
‘Linc? Why?’
‘He heard about Bill’s accident and the fire trouble, and figured an extra pair of hands might come in handy.’
Linc was coming home. The news threw him for a minute. While he knew Linc had been getting help, and he’d put the fight into some kind of perspective, there was still the slightest hesitation whenever he heard his brother’s name. Last year Griff had been at a pretty low point in his life. He’d always loved farming, but stress had taken its toll. There had been a lot of pressure on him. A bad harvest the year before had meant they couldn’t afford anything to go wrong, and he’d spent more than a few sleepless nights worrying. He wasn’t proud of the fact he’d allowed himself to become so bitter. He’d known he was acting like a jerk after Cash had rejected him, but somehow he hadn’t been able to do anything about it. He regretted it deeply now, and perhaps it was partly his sense of shame that made him flinch ever so slightly when he thought of Linc.
His mother said goodbye before informing him she’d put dinner in his fridge, then hung up.
He put his phone down and reached for the radio handset, calling the chaser bin to get ready for him, but his mind was still on his mother’s call. He couldn’t wait until last Christmas was put firmly behind them—the whole ugly mess. He wanted to be able to look forward to seeing his brother, without what happened between them overshadowing everything. Maybe this would be the turning point, he thought.
Olivia listened to their breathing slow and ran her hand lightly through the hair on Griff’s chest.
‘Did Ollie mention we’ll be finishing up here sooner than we thought?’ he asked eventually.
‘Yeah, he did.’
‘We’ll be able to get over to help out on Moorbrook sooner than we expected.’
‘The help will be great. But how come? I didn’t think you were that far ahead.’
‘We’ve got an extra pair of hands coming out,’ he said, and something about his tone alerted Olivia to his unease.
‘Really?’ she asked, resting on one arm as she looked down at him curiously. ‘How’d you manage that?’
‘Linc’s coming home.’
‘He is?’ she asked slowly.
‘Yeah. He wanted to come and help out after he heard about your dad’s accident, but he had to finish up a job or something. He wants to get out here and lend a hand with the harvest, wherever he’s needed.’
‘That’s nice of him. I know Ollie will appreci
ate whatever help he can get,’ she said, before tilting her head to look at him carefully. ‘How do you feel about him coming home?’
‘Fine,’ he said quickly.
A little bit too quickly, Olivia thought, watching him closely. ‘Are you really?’
He picked up her hand and began playing lightly with her fingers. ‘I mean, we’re good … we’ve sorted out all the crap we were dealing with.’
‘But?’ she asked quietly.
‘I don’t know, I guess there’s still that bit of … I don’t know. He’s my brother, it shouldn’t be a big deal.’
‘Is it Linc you’re worried about … or Cash?’ she asked hesitantly.
‘Cash? Why would I be worried about seeing her?’
Because you were in love with her last year? ‘I don’t know. Forget it.’
‘You can’t still think there’s anything between Cash and I?’
‘Well, you’re worried about seeing your brother again … It’s not unreasonable to think maybe you’re nervous about seeing her too.’
‘There wasn’t anything between the two of us.’
‘That’s not exactly true, Griff,’ she said. ‘Maybe you weren’t in a relationship, but you had feelings for her.’
‘Yeah, and they weren’t returned. It’s always great to be reminded about making an idiot of yourself.’
‘I wasn’t trying to make you feel like an idiot. You have nothing to be ashamed of.’
‘Yeah right.’ He pulled his hand away from hers and rolled over.
‘I’m sorry I brought it up,’ she said, staring up at the ceiling. Why had she done that? Because deep down you’re not sure he really is over her. She’d never been the jealous type before, but meeting Cash Sullivan last Christmas had somehow triggered all sorts of insecurities in her. She didn’t want to feel this way, but Cash was beautiful. Cash was fun and rebellious and … interesting. And she was coming back.