by Karly Lane
He needed about a week’s worth of solid sleep, a decent shower … and Olivia. He needed her to make everything feel as though it could be all right eventually. If she was beside him, he could cope with all this mess. Wearily, he pushed open the door and climbed out of the car.
The house was lit up and he could hear music playing inside as he approached the back door. He spotted Olivia on a sun lounge beside the pool. The pool area, paved and landscaped, looked like something out of a luxury resort. Blue lights at the bottom of the pool lit up the water, casting an almost eerie glow across the surface. He had to hand it to the Dawsons—it may have been considered a little over the top to sink so much money into something as extravagant as this, but they’d turned it into an entertainer’s delight. He smiled as he thought about all the parties they’d attended here over the years.
Olivia had her eyes closed, but her foot rocked back and forth in time with the Dixie Chicks playing on the stereo. He grinned at the image she presented in her cut-off denim shorts and a white T-shirt, bare feet and a wineglass in hand.
He hated disturbing her as she looked so relaxed, but he’d missed her and the last couple of days had been so bloody messy that all he wanted to do was hold her and feel her soft curves against his skin.
He eased down beside the lounge and leaned in. Something must have alerted her to his presence because she opened her eyes and the next minute he felt a burning, throbbing pain as her forehead smashed against his face, making him see stars.
‘What the hell are you doing?’ he heard her yell.
As the pain began to subside, he opened one eye, his hand still clutching the bridge of his nose tightly. ‘I wanted to surprise you,’ he said tightly.
‘You almost gave me a heart attack.’
‘Yeah, well … I’m pretty sure you managed to actually give me a broken nose,’ he muttered. Son of a bitch, it hurt.
‘Give me a look,’ she finally said with more than a little irritation, brushing his hand away. ‘It’s not broken,’ she told him in a tone he was fairly sure did not give him the sympathy he deserved. ‘It’s barely even bleeding.’
‘Bleeding?’ No wonder it bloody hurt.
‘What on earth possessed you to sneak up on me like that?’
‘You looked really peaceful,’ he muttered, gingerly moving his nose from side to side to test it.
‘So naturally you thought you’d scare the crap out of me. Great plan.’
‘Jesus, Liv. I’m sorry, okay. This was a mistake, I should have just stayed away.’ He turned around—it had been a crappy day and now it was turning into an even crappier evening.
‘Wait,’ she said, and he stopped but didn’t face her. He was so damn tired. He heard her let out a long breath and knew she was feeling as miserable as he was. ‘We need to talk.’
Suddenly he wasn’t so sure he’d read her right after all. Maybe she hadn’t missed him. He slowly turned to face her. ‘Yeah, we do.’ He waited as she led them towards the outdoor table and took a seat.
He didn’t like the way she was avoiding looking at him.
‘I’ve decided to leave my old job,’ she said, tracing patterns on the glass tabletop idly.
A rush of relief instantly filled him. ‘That’s great,’ he started, but stopped when she looked up quickly at him, the expression on her face anything but encouraging.
‘I’ve been offered a job in London.’
‘What?’ That didn’t even make sense. They’d been throwing around ideas about her job for a few weeks now and all of them had centred around her doing some kind of consultancy work … from here.
‘I wasn’t expecting it. They have an urgent position that needs filling. It’s the offer of a lifetime, Griff. I’m not sure I can turn it down.’
‘You could,’ he said bluntly, ‘if you believed we had a shot at a future together.’
She shook her head slowly and he closed his eyes as though blocking the truth staring him in the face. He’d lost her … again.
‘It’s just …’ she started speaking and his eyes shot open to see her tipping her head back to look at the darkened sky in frustration. ‘If I don’t take this job, I’ll regret it. This is what I’ve been wanting—a change, a chance to travel and explore and … live,’ she emphasised.
‘So this thing with us isn’t living? What is it then, Liv? Passing time?’
She shook her head quickly. ‘No, it’s more than that.’
‘Then I don’t understand. Why aren’t you turning this job down?’
‘Because if I don’t take this, I’m going to always be wondering what would have happened if I’d gone.’
‘As opposed to wondering what would have happened if you’d stayed?’ He couldn’t help sounding bitter—he saw that she was hurting, but he didn’t care. This was bullshit. He was once again left without a say in something that affected his future and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it.
‘I never stood in the way of you following your dream,’ she said quietly.
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
‘You left to go to ag college, remember?’
‘And then you broke up with me.’
‘Because you were thinking about leaving to come home because you were homesick and you missed me. I couldn’t let you throw away all that to come home just to be with me.’
‘That’s why you broke up with me?’ He stared at her, feeling shaken.
‘I couldn’t be the one to stand in your way; you’d have regretted it eventually.’
‘You don’t know that,’ he said, feeling gutted.
‘Yes, I do. There’s nothing worse than wondering what if.’
‘That part I know,’ he said harshly. ‘I spent a lot of time wondering what if back then … what if you hadn’t broken up with me, what if we’d stayed together. Where would we be now? Don’t tell me about what ifs.’
‘I didn’t plan any of this, Griff,’ she said sadly. ‘If I’d thought there was any chance I’d get a job like this, I would never have started anything with you again … I couldn’t hurt you like that on purpose.’
‘So you’ve made up your mind?’
‘I don’t know … I’m not sure I can say no to it,’ she said softly, and he couldn’t stand there and listen to her voice catch as she tried not to cry. Inside he was breaking apart, crumbling like a ruin. He’d seriously thought they’d figure out how to make this work.
‘I can’t do this right now,’ he said, turning away.
He didn’t look back and he didn’t stop until he’d reached the car. He couldn’t even bear to look back in the mirror as he drove away. She’d made up her mind and there was nothing he could do to change it. He was about to lose her again.
Twenty-seven
Olivia heard the insistent ringing of the house phone out in the kitchen and groaned, burying her head beneath the pillow in an attempt to stay asleep. She’d tossed and turned most of the night and must have finally fallen asleep in the early hours of the morning—she wasn’t ready to be awake yet. In the distance she could hear a low murmur as Ollie answered, and Olivia breathed a long sigh of relief as she realised he hadn’t left to go to work yet. But the slow drift back into slumber was short-lived as a knock sounded on her door.
‘You better get your lazy butt out of bed, there’s no time to sleep in today,’ Ollie said from the doorway.
‘What are you talking about?’ Olivia muttered, without bothering to remove the pillow from her face.
‘That was Mum,’ he said cheerfully.
‘And?’
‘They’re at the airport ready to leave Sydney.’
Olivia threw the pillow aside and sat up, brushing the hair from her face as she gaped at her brother. ‘They’re where?’
‘Dad wanted to surprise us—they were given the all-clear to travel home a few days ago and they’re due in later this morning.’
‘What the hell? Why would they do that?’ Olivia demanded, not sure if she was feelin
g happy or alarmed. Before they got home she’d wanted to make sure the entire house was spotless. There was cooking to do, cleaning, gardening … Oh dear lord, the gardening that needed doing … While she hadn’t let anything die out there, she was fairly certain a lot of the plants she’d been so diligently tending were, in fact, weeds and she’d wanted to get someone to help her figure out what had to go and what had to stay. There was no time for that now. Olivia kicked the covers off and bustled past her brother. She needed to start on the kitchen and work her way backwards. She glanced at the clock on the kitchen wall and swore. There was no time to change out of her PJs, she needed to clean.
She started listing off the jobs that needed doing as Ollie followed her back into the kitchen, but he only chuckled and shook his head. ‘Nope, sorry, I got a full day out in the shed. You just know Dad’s gonna head straight for the machinery shed the minute the car stops. I gotta get it straightened up out there.’
‘Oh great! Yeah, okay, no worries, I’ll just handle everything in here then!’ she said sarcastically.
‘I got my own problems, kid,’ he said over his shoulder as he opened the back screen door.
Olivia glanced nervously at the clock and let out a strangled yelp before grabbing a bucket, mop and bottle of cleaning spray.
It was busy in the airport this morning; it seemed everyone was heading out of town, although a large contingent of the people waiting were here for the Dawsons. The Callahans were here to greet their old friends, along with two lots of Dawson cousins from Griffith and a scattering of her mother’s close friends from the CWA. Word had spread like wildfire and Olivia felt a sting in her eyes as she looked around at the faces of the people here to welcome her parents home.
Griffin walked in a little later than his parents and Olivia felt her breath catch a little as their gaze met. They hadn’t spoken since their last encounter and she was surprised he’d shown up.
‘How’s your nose?’ she asked when he came to a stop beside her.
‘It’s fine,’ he said, looking down at her seriously. ‘We need to talk.’
‘Not now,’ Olivia said, swivelling her gaze around the gathered crowd.
‘When? I mean, you drop a bombshell about moving overseas on me and that’s it?’
‘I said I got the offer. I haven’t accepted it yet.’
‘You sounded pretty certain the other day.’
‘Yeah, well, that was before Mum and Dad came home. I don’t know what I’m going to do yet, all right?’ she said, lowering her voice.
‘They’re here!’ Lavinia’s excited call drew their attention to the big sliding glass doors that separated the waiting area from the tarmac outside. A plane was slowly taxiing towards the building.
‘Can we talk about this later?’ Olivia said quietly.
‘Yeah, sure. We’ll talk later,’ he said tensely.
He turned away to talk to Ollie, and Olivia forced herself to focus on the small plane outside. Her parents were finally home.
They were last to disembark, and her heart dropped a little as she saw her father in a wheelchair being lowered from the plane in a small lift. Like everyone else, she plastered a smile on her face and moved towards them as they came inside.
It was an emotional reunion for her parents and their friends—some hadn’t been able to get to the city to visit and there was a long line of people welcoming them home. Olivia was concerned that it might be overwhelming for her father, but he genuinely seemed to be enjoying the impromptu party. Thankfully, after they had said their hellos most people left, only wanting to make sure Bill knew he’d been missed.
After collecting the luggage, Ollie and Griffin loaded the bags in the car before coming back inside to help Bill. Olivia was grateful that the two of them were handling the logistics of manoeuvring a wheelchair and getting their father into their vehicle with a minimum of fuss. The damn stinging in her eyes started again and Olivia had to bite her lip hard to ensure it didn’t turn into tears. The wheelchair was confronting. Sure, she’d seen him at his worst in those first few days after the accident, but here, back where he belonged, it seemed hard to comprehend that he was so incapacitated.
A surge of pride filled her as she watched her brother helping her father. Ollie didn’t blink an eyelid as he took the chair away and folded it, slinging it into the back of the car as though he’d been doing it all his life. She saw her father relax as her mother slid into the seat beside him and took his hand. Maybe he hadn’t been sure how this would all go either.
It was a blessing that their house had been built with plenty of wide halls and big rooms, so very few modifications had needed to be done for Bill’s return. Ollie had built a ramp to fit over the back steps into the kitchen, the door that was most often used to enter and leave the house, but Bill protested loudly when modifying the ensuite was suggested. ‘I won’t be in the bloody chair long enough to warrant rebuilding the whole flamin’ house,’ he said irritably over lunch once they were home.
‘Are you sure?’ Olivia asked, looking across at their mother for reassurance.
‘It’s all right. Ollie measured up the main bathroom a few days ago and your father’s happy to use that for the time being.’
It was probably a good thing that her father was so determined to get out of the chair; she just hoped he wasn’t putting pressure on himself to do it too quickly.
The day’s travel had clearly taken its toll on him, and much to his frustration he had to concede he needed a rest. Olivia knew he was itching to get outside and reassure himself that everything was okay.
She spent the afternoon with her mother, sitting over cups of tea and preparing dinner together, and already Olivia could feel everything changing. With her mother back in her domain, Olivia felt as though she were back home visiting again. She didn’t have her nose out of joint, far from it—it was lovely to have her parents back under the same roof—but there was a subtle shift. With her mother happily pottering around the kitchen and clearly in her element, Olivia felt redundant.
Griff arrived back at the shed, parked the ute and spotted his father and Linc standing by the work bench, drinking a beer. His dry throat suddenly became even drier. He’d been dreaming of a long cold beer all afternoon.
He accepted the icy can his brother handed him and ripped open the top, downing most of it in one long chug. Nothing had ever tasted better. ‘Thanks,’ he said afterwards, dragging his arm across his mouth, before taking a more civil sip of the remaining beer.
‘Big day?’ Linc asked, raising an eyebrow.
‘Bastard of a day.’
‘Didn’t have to be,’ Bob put in gruffly.
‘Wouldn’t have been if anyone had helped,’ Griff shot back.
‘Bit hard when everyone was out actually harvesting,’ Bob threw back at him. ‘Speaking of which, we’re now down a paddock.’
‘Thanks to me?’ Griff said with a small, disbelieving scoff.
‘I told you what to do.’
‘Dad, that leak was substantial. It needed to be fixed.’
He’d noticed the cattle hanging around the water trough in the next paddock and thought it weird, so had gone over to check it out only to find the water trough empty. It was the last thing he needed right then. The paddock he was doing had to be finished because rain was expected the next day.
He’d called to get his dad or Linc to come out and take care of it, but they’d both been too far away to be of any use, so he’d had to fix it himself, which had taken precious hours out of his already over-stretched day.
‘Like I said, why the hell you didn’t just wrap it with duct tape and leave it, I don’t know.’
‘Because everything around here has been temporarily fixed for years, Dad, and that’s why we’re constantly chasing our bloody tails patchin’ everything. If we fix things properly when they break, then I wouldn’t have to waste my entire day fixin’ them again when I can’t afford the time.’
‘Right. I forgot. What would I k
now?’ Bob said, downing the last of his beer and tossing it in the old drum they used as a bin. ‘I’m headin’ in before your mother comes out lookin’ for me.’
‘I’ll be up in a sec, Dad,’ Linc said, hanging back in the shed.
They watched their father leave. The old man was still formidable, his stride long and sure. Griff remembered walking beside him as a kid, doing his best to keep up, needing to take three steps to match one of his dad’s. As he got bigger and his legs grew longer, the steps grew more even. That’s how it’d always been. He’d always tried to imitate his father—he’d wanted to be just like him. Sometimes he wished everything could be that simple again, back when there was no pressure to make sure he didn’t stuff up. He hated disappointing his dad.
‘If it makes you feel any better, I’d have fixed it too,’ Linc said, breaking the silence that had fallen after their father’s departure.
‘You’d be getting a pat on the back from the old man,’ Griff grunted.
‘I don’t know. I think he’d still be pretty ticked off.’
‘Come on, Linc. You can do pretty much anything around here and still be the golden child.’
‘Not anything,’ Linc said, and the dull sound to his voice made Griff glance up at him.
Griff knew he was thinking back to New Year’s Eve and felt a shift inside him. ‘I didn’t mean about … that,’ he said awkwardly.
‘I know you think I’ve always had it pretty easy with Dad, but you haven’t heard how many times he’s used the “I don’t know why you can’t be more like your brother” speech over the years.’
‘Yeah, right.’
‘It’s true. That’s all I used to hear before I left home. I know he bangs on about my career now, but when I first wanted to join the army, he was dead against it. Thought I was mad. I felt like the biggest disappointment for years about that.’
This was all news to Griff.
‘I know he doesn’t say much to you, but he drove me around the place when I first got back, and you were in every second story. “Remember when I sent you out to find the cattle that time and that big old mean bull we used to have bailed you up in that tree and Griff had to come and find you?”’ Linc said, imitating their father’s gruff voice.