by David Achord
“The other two will be joining you shortly,” she said, did not wait for a response, and pulled the glass door closed. As an afterthought, she opened the door again and tossed my cellphone out. It clattered to the sidewalk. I glared at her, but she did not even acknowledge the act. I picked up my phone and inspected it. The screen now had multiple cracks.
“That bitch,” I muttered.
A couple of minutes later, she returned with Bull and Flaky, performed the same ritual, and let them out.
Bull looked around and spotted Ronald. His eyes narrowed. “Who the hell are you?” he bellowed.
Ronald winced and started trembling.
“Lay off him, he’s the one who got us out of this jam,” I said and briefly explained.
“You did all that? That’s righteous, brother,” Flaky said and patted him on the back. “I’m Flaky and the big one here is Bull. What’s your name, brother?”
Ronald briefly glanced at Flaky before running to the end of the sidewalk and puking.
Chapter 23
We crammed into Ronald’s car, which wasn’t easy. He had a two-door Kia, and four grown men made for a tight fit, even if one of them was only half-grown.
“Where to?” Ronald asked.
“The impound lot,” I replied.
The Memphis Police impound lot was a large area of asphalt surrounded by fencing and concertina wire. It was full of vehicles of all types and ranged from brand new to totally FUBAR’ed. The front office was an atypical prefab metal building. The officer behind the bulletproof glass was a rather snarky old fart and refused to release my Explorer unless I paid the four-hundred-dollar tow and impound fee. I made it clear I thought the exorbitant fee was a scam and he retaliated by claiming the credit card machine was down and insisted on cash only. Lucky for me, I had it on me. I slapped down some hundreds and fed it through the slot. A minute later, he slid my keys through the slot and gave me vague directions to the parking lot where my Explorer was located.
They’d done a job on it. The panels and seats had all been disassembled and were now lying in disarray. The gun safe I had mounted in my console had also been cut open and our two handguns were missing. Looking around, my detective’s kit was missing too. I’d kept my anger in check up until now, but the sight of the desecration of my new vehicle went beyond the pall. I pulled out my phone and tried it, but either the battery was dead or it too was FUBAR’ed.
“Let me see your phone,” I demanded of Ronald. I knew Reuben Chandler’s cell number by memory. I called and it went to voicemail. I took a few photos of my Explorer, sent them, and then called back.
“Alright, you little cocksucker, you want to play dirty? I’m going to ruin you. It’s bad enough you people illegally arrest my friends and me, but you couldn’t stop there. You had to have your people tear up both my phone and my SUV. Based on what you assholes did to me in the past, do you think you’re going to come out of this smelling like a rose? This is going to court, my friend, and the FBI legal staff may delay it for a few years, but I’ll win in the end. And, it may not do any good, but I’m also going to file a civil rights complaint with the Department of Justice against you, Stainback, and Pollard. And, if none of that does any good, I’m just going to hunt you down and beat the ever-loving hell out of you.”
I hit the end button and handed it back to Ronald, who tentatively took it from my grasp and eyed me worriedly.
“Are you okay, Thomas?” he asked.
I took a deep breath. “No, but I will be. How in the world did you end up down here anyway?”
“Um, well, you know I monitor you because, well, sometimes you get yourself into trouble.”
“No shit,” Flaky said and chuckled. I ignored him and kept staring at Ronald.
“Alright, so you saw on the phone’s GPS that I was at the FBI headquarters. How did you know we were in a fix?” I asked.
“Um, well, I put an app on your phone where I can monitor any conversations within a few feet of your phone.”
I continued staring at him, wondering how long that app had been on my phone and how many confidential conversations he’d listened to.
“I had a feeling something was wrong, so I turned on the app and started listening. The first thing I heard was them telling you that they were sending you to prison. I knew then I needed to help you. I tried calling William, but he didn’t answer, and your phone eventually died, so I came up with a plan.”
“You pretended to be an attorney,” I accused.
“Yeah, sort of. I kind of thought it up on the way down.”
“And you drove all the way down here?” I asked.
He nodded. I don’t remember Ronald ever traveling more than a few miles from his home unaccompanied. For him to do so was a major breakthrough, regardless of the circumstances. I set that thought aside for the moment.
“Is that phone app how you knew about their investigation?” I asked.
Ronald nodded again. “One of them had taken it but kept it with them almost the whole time. I activated it at about two o’clock this morning and listened to them talking. They didn’t say a whole lot, but they mentioned Wolf and something about abductions. Apparently, they think Wolf and his people are involved in some kind of human trafficking ring and they were worried you’d messed up their case. They said some pretty harsh things about you.”
“You are certainly a sneaky little shit,” I finally said.
“Are you mad?” he asked.
“Of course not,” I replied. “You did good, didn’t he, guys?” I asked Bull and Flaky.
“Wait a minute, you told the FBI you’re an attorney but you really ain’t?” Bull asked.
When Ronald timidly nodded his head, Bull roared in laughter and draped one of his enormous arms around him. “You got some balls on you, little man, I like that.”
I thought Ronald was going to puke again.
All I had in the way of tools was a Leatherman and a crescent wrench that had been left in the glove compartment. And, it seemed like we were missing a few nuts and bolts. While we tried to get the seats bolted back down, the old fart from the impound office drove up in a golf cart and demanded to know what was taking so long. When I explained and showed him what the FBI agents did, he grunted like it was our fault, but relented and brought us some tools. He pointed at a wrecked Explorer the next row over.
“You can probably find some replacement bolts off of that, but don’t get greedy. Also, those tools ain’t gifts, bring them back when you’re finished,” he instructed before driving off.
It took us an hour, but we got the seats secure enough to ride in. After a stop at a gas station, we headed back to Nashville. Bull opted to ride with Ronald. He gave me an anxious look but I assured him it’d be okay. As soon as Bull got in, he reclined the seat. I had no doubt he’d be asleep within minutes.
“He’s an odd little guy, but I like him,” Flaky commented.
“He came through for us,” I replied. “If not for him, we’d be sitting in jail right now.”
“Yeah, he’s alright.” With that, he made himself comfortable and closed his eyes. He was soon breathing deeply.
I fumed in silence as I drove. My car was a mess, my phone did not work, my handgun was gone, and I had no doubt those two Fibbies were going to try their hardest to make good on their threat.
Since it was a Sunday morning, traffic was light and we made good time and arrived back in Nashville by three in the afternoon. We parked our cars, got out, and stretched. I looked around, wondering where Anna was, but her car was absent.
“So, what’s next?” Flaky asked.
I was looking at the exterior of my new car and spotted a couple of dings and scratches, causing me to sigh heavily.
“I’m not sure yet, my friend. I have to think this over.”
“Are those Feds going to charge us?” Bull asked.
“I seriously doubt they’ll charge you two, but if they do, I’ll have legal representation for you.”
“What about you?” Flaky asked. “Are they going to charge you?”
I started to let out another sigh, but caught myself. “I honestly don’t know. I’m going to fix myself a drink. Do you two want one?”
Flaky shook his head. “Nah, man, we need to get going.”
“I understand. I appreciate you two, I really do,” I said.
“One thing’s for sure, you never know what’s going to happen when you’re around,” Flaky said.
Bull laughed in agreement. He then walked over to Ronald and grabbed his shoulder. “Alright, little man, you got yourself a couple of new friends, and we take care of our friends, ain’t that right, Flaky?”
“Damn right,” Flaky agreed.
Chapter 24
Ronald and I shook their hands and watched them exit my driveway. After they’d left, I motioned for Ronald to follow me inside.
“I’m going to fix myself a drink, do you want anything?” I asked.
“I’ll take a Coke, if you have one,” he said. “Lots of ice.”
Refreshments in hand, I motioned for him to sit with me at the kitchen table.
“So, tell me how you came up with this scheme?”
He took a sip of coke and shrugged. “I don’t know. I mean, I keep tabs on you. You want me to, right?”
“Yeah, but I didn’t know about this spy app you put on my phone,” I rejoined.
Ronald shrugged. “Anyway, I kind of monitored your trip down to Memphis and saw where you had parked and figured that was where the fights were taking place.”
“Keep going.”
“So, I had it on one of my computers and just kind of watched some while I played one of my online games.”
“When did you activate the spy app?” I asked.
“Um, sometime after you left the fight. I was kind of curious what kind of guys Bull and Flaky were, so I turned on the app and was listening to you guys talk.”
He hastened a glance at me to try and gauge how I felt about him spying on us.
“Go on,” I directed.
“At one point, I heard you guys get real tense and then I heard the sirens and the police on their loudspeakers and I realized you guys were in trouble. It took me a while to figure out when that woman FBI agent took your phone, but I was able to hear everything she said, and she doesn’t like you at all.”
“And you came up with the wild idea of posing as my attorney,” I said.
Ronald gave a deprecating shrug. “I tried calling William, and then Sherman. When they didn’t answer, it was the only thing I could come up with.”
“You didn’t call Anna or Percy?” I asked.
Ronald now looked decidedly uncomfortable but didn’t answer.
“When did you start recording?” I asked.
“They left your phone somewhere while they were interrogating Bull and Flaky. Maybe somebody’s office, but then they’d come back and talk about the interrogations.” He looked somberly at me now. “The man suggested to the woman that if you didn’t confess anything, they could, in his words, create some kind of incriminating evidence.”
My blood ran cold. These two were already playing fast and loose with their authority as government agents, but if they were willing to fabricate evidence, this put a whole new perspective on the matter.
“Alright, and then what?” I asked.
Ronald finished his coke and sucked on an ice cube. “I was on the road by then. At first, I was just going to tell them I was your business partner, but when they started talking about setting you up, I knew I had to do something drastic.”
“Set me up?” I asked.
“Yeah. They were talking about planting evidence in your car, but it was like two stupid people talking. First, they couldn’t decide what to plant. So, they finally decided on drugs, but then realized they didn’t have any drugs on hand to use. It was funny listening to them. If not for the fact that they were, you know, trying to screw you.”
“You had a business card with the Goldman Law Firm embossed on it,” I reminded him.
Ronald blushed. “Yeah, I made those to impress Barbie.”
Barbie, the crack whore who had bamboozled him. I finished my scotch and started to pat him on the arm but remembered he did not like to be touched. He was still rubbing his shoulder where Bull had grabbed him.
“Like Bull said, it was ballsy, and I have to admit, I’m proud of you, but I’m not happy with you eavesdropping on my conversations. You probably put the same app on Anna’s phone too, didn’t you?”
Ronald turned a deeper shade of red and reluctantly nodded.
“She’d be furious with you if she finds out. We’re going to get it deleted immediately, copy?”
“Yessir,” he answered.
“And, even though you saved our asses, it was risky. Too risky. If they figured out who you really are, they could have arrested you, and we can’t have that. Unless you want your current lifestyle to make a drastic change, we have to keep you under the radar.”
Ronald nodded and slurped on another ice cube before his face lit up.
“Oh, by the way, the doctor’s office called. I don’t have any STDs.”
He started grinning like a Cheshire cat. In spite of things, I couldn’t help but laugh. I held up my tumbler of scotch in salute.
“Congrats.”
Ronald downloaded the snippets of conversation he had recorded onto my laptop before leaving. Some of it was garbled, but the part where they discussed setting me up was crystal clear. Like Ronald said, those two agents actually talked about planting evidence in my vehicle. It would seal the deal on a lawsuit.
I looked at my cellphone; it was trashed. Yet another thing those idiots were going to answer for. Perhaps it was the lack of sleep coupled with my downing of the scotch quicker than I normally did, but I decided to pen an eloquent email to Special Agent-in-Charge Reuben Chandler. True, I’d already left him a profanity-laced voicemail, but in my opinion, that wasn’t enough.
My verbiage was slightly more civil this time, but I made it clear I was not pleased. I included a photograph of my SUV and phone, and emphasized I was holding him personally responsible and had every intention of filing a lawsuit. I clicked the send button with a slight amount of satisfaction and went to bed.
The aroma of coffee roused me the next morning. Anna was sitting at the kitchen table doing something with my laptop when I walked in. I poured myself a cup and sat across from her.
“Where’ve you been?” I asked.
“I tried calling you last night,” she replied. I pointed to my broken phone sitting on the table and explained. She listened in incredulity as I talked.
“Can they do that?” she asked. “I mean, can they tear up people’s property like that and arrest them?”
“Not legally. I’m going to call William in a little bit and get the ball rolling on a cause of action.”
Her expression tightened and she gave me a cool stare. It wasn’t difficult to know what she was thinking.
“Listen, I love Sherman, he’s a good man and the best lawyer I’ve ever known, but he’s getting old and winding down his career. So, my second choice is William. You know he’s a damn good attorney.”
“What about Hal?” she asked. “You’ve always said he’s good.”
“Yeah, he’d be a good one for this as well, but he has too much on his plate at the moment. Besides, William came through like a champ when I sued Nashville.”
I know she did not like it, but after a moment she gave a slight, reluctant nod.
“You two still aren’t talking?” I asked.
“No, it’s over.” She got up and carried my coffee cup over to the pot.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” I said.
She acknowledged my conciliation with a slight, sad smile and sat back down with my cup refilled. She then changed the subject.
“Do you want some breakfast?” she asked and then stood again. “I’ll fix some eggs and bacon.”
“No, th
at’s alright,” I said. “I need to head to the phone store and get this fixed. I can stop at a restaurant on the way.”
She nodded and sat back down. She fidgeted some more, but now focused on me. “I need to tell you something.”
“Okay, what’s on your mind?” I asked.
“You may have noticed I didn’t come home last night. I called to let you know, but obviously your phone wasn’t working.”
“Yeah, no worries,” I said, and meant it, but when I made eye contact with her, she immediately looked down at the table.
“Alright, I’m not the guy to stick my nose in your business, but I’m getting the impression there’s something you think I should know but you’re reluctant to tell me.”
“I spent the night with Percy,” she blurted. “I mean, we didn’t sleep together, but I stayed over.” She looked at me anxiously and waited for my reaction. I nodded slowly and sipped my coffee.
“Say something,” she implored.
“Um, I’m not sure what to say.” I was telling the truth. I was at a loss for words, but I now understood why Ronald had looked so uncomfortable earlier. Thanks to his spy app, he knew she was with Percy.
“You don’t approve,” she said.
“I didn’t say that. I’m not sure what to say. How long has this been going on?”
“Last night was our official first date. He took me out for my birthday,” she said.
“Oh, shit, I totally forgot. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay,” she said. “So, let’s hear it, what do you think about Percy and me?”
“Um, well, that’s not an easy question to answer. Percy’s a good man, a complicated man, you might even say he’s a troubled man, but a good man. He’s also a few years older than you.” In fact, he was forty-two, only two years younger than me, and Anna was twenty-two. Correction, twenty-three.
“You don’t like our age difference.”
I struggled to find the right words. “I mean, it’s not an issue for me, but it could prove problematic for you two in certain social situations.”
“Like what?” she pressed.
“People like to think of themselves as enlightened, but the truth is they’re still prejudicial hypocrites. There will be many who will disapprove of your age difference.”