With the demon chanting refrain after refrain of all the heinous phrases in my head, I picked up my phone and sent her a text.
Me: What time you get off work?
Kenzie: In five minutes.
Me: Think you can come to the Clubhouse?
Kenzie: Sure. I’ll be there in thirty minutes.
Me: See you then.
I sat and stared at the texts I knew were going to bring the woman I loved to see something she’d told me she would never forgive me for. She was going to see me with other women. It was the only way.
I waited fifteen minutes, then with feet that felt like they weighed a ton, I went downstairs and beckoned Ree and Mel to me. I saw several of the Brothers see me motion for them.
“Whatcha need?” Mel asked as she and Ree walked up.
“Want y’all upstairs with me.”
Surprise crossed both their faces, but they knew better than to argue. They followed me up the stairs. We passed Eagle’s room as we walked to mine. I briefly thought I was glad he didn’t know I was here. He’d try to stop me.
“Strip,” I told them once we were in the room.
Both of them looked at the door.
“You want me to shut that?” Ree looked at me waiting for my response.
“No.”
I shoved my sweats off and laid on the bed. I didn’t even know if I could get a hard on or not. Maybe if I didn’t, Kenzie wouldn’t notice that.
“Mel, suck my cock. Ree, want you on my face.”
“Bane, you okay?” Mel questioned.
“Just fucking do it,” I snapped.
They both nodded. Soon Mel had my cock her mouth and Ree’s pussy was over my face. It took Mel a few minutes, but she was gifted and my cock started getting hard. Forcing myself to do it, I started running my tongue around Ree’s warmth that was barely a half of an inch over my face. Then I waited for my world to end.
~*~
Eagle
I talked to a few of the guys before I headed upstairs to take a shower. I was tired as hell and just wanted to drink a couple beers and sleep for hours. After affirming I was out of beer, I pulled on a pair of sweats and slid my feet into a pair of tennis shoes, hit the stairs and headed toward the bar. As soon as I walked into the Great Room, I could tell something was wrong. Blood got up and came toward me.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“Bane just took Ree and Mel up to his room.”
“He fucking did what?” I uttered in disbelief.
Blood nodded at me grimly. I turned and ran upstairs until I was standing in Bane’s open doorway.
“Jesus. Christ. Bane.” I yelled. “What the fuck are you doing?” I couldn’t fucking believe what I was seeing.
“What’s it look like I’m doing? I’m getting me some pussy.”
“Did something happen between you and Kenzie?” I questioned as I wondered if I needed to drag the girls off him. Something was wrong, this wasn’t Bane.
“Nah, Eagle. Nothing’s wrong between us. Just felt like I needed a change.”
“Bane, I’m gonna fucking beat your ass,” I snapped as I took a step into the room.
“Go away, Eagle. It’s not like Kenzie is my Old Lady, we don’t have any ties. If I want to sample different pussy, then I’m damn well gonna sample different pussy.”
A gasp sounded behind me and I jerked around. Kenzie was staring horrified at what she was seeing. She was seeing a lot too. Mel's mouth was going up and down Bane’s dick and Bane’s tongue was running up and down Ree’s pussy.
Kenzie turned and started running for the stairs.
“God. Damn. You. Bane.” I growled, then I turned and ran after Kenzie.
I managed to catch her as she was getting into her car.
“Kenzie, don’t go. He didn’t fucking mean this. I don’t know what’s wrong, but this isn’t him, you know it’s not him.”
Tears were streaming down her face and she was shaking.
“I told him, Eagle. I told him that was the one thing I couldn’t ever forgive him for.”
I groaned. Christ, what had Bane done?
“Kenzie, you can’t drive as upset as you are.”
“I’m leaving, Eagle. I can’t stay here.”
I grimaced. I didn’t have anything on but a pair of sweats and sneakers.
“Get out and I’ll drive you.”
She looked up at me with tears running in rivers down her face. She nodded then got out and went around and climbed back into the car. I got in, adjusted the seat, started the car and drove Kenzie home. The entire way there all I could think of was what I had just seen and heard. I couldn’t believe Bane would do this. Something wasn’t right. I knew he’d be over to Kenzie’s as soon as he realized what he had done.
Kenzie wasn’t the only one in shock, I was too.
~*~
Bane
“Are they gone?” I managed to get out.
“Yeah,” Mel answered.
“I want y’all gone, turn the lock and close the door behind you.”
“What?” Ree asked.
“Get the fuck out,” I cried out as I pushed her away. Then I slung my right arm over my eyes.
I heard them hurriedly put on their clothes and walk out of the door closing it behind them. As soon as the door was closed, I turned over on the bed, grabbed a pillow and started crying as if my heart was breaking. And it was.
I don’t know how I managed to get all the disgusting things I said out of my mouth. I barely managed to contain my sobs as I spoke. I hadn’t realized Kenzie was upstairs until I’d heard her gasp and I knew then she’d heard my damning words.
I had just lost the only woman that I would ever love. The woman who had grown to love me. I had destroyed what we had by breaking the only promise I made to her. The promise to never cheat on her. I’d known what I was doing. The demon had encouraged me the whole time. It was the only way I knew of to get her out of my life and Eagle into hers. It couldn’t have worked out more perfectly.
Sobs racked my body for what I had just destroyed. I’d thought I’d known pain before. I hadn’t. Now I knew what pain was. It was having your heart and soul ripped out of your body leaving you with nothing but an empty shell. I’d done what I set out to do. I’d forced Kenzie away.
Now I just had to learn to live in the hell of my own making. The only thing is, I wasn’t sure how to do that. Or if I could.
~*~
Eagle
I followed Kenzie into her apartment. She walked over to the couch and sat down wrapping her arms around her. Tremors continued to plague her body. I felt helpless. I didn’t know what to do. It was killing me seeing her like this. I walked over to the couch, sat down and pulled her into my arms. I’d wondered if I would feel anything if I touched Kenzie again but I felt nothing. Not one single spark. I felt fucking relieved.
She pushed her hands up my shoulders, buried her face into my neck and cried. Her sobs shook both our bodies. I held her close to me and rocked her back and forth.
“Shh, Kenz, it will be okay.”
Her weeping continued, breaking my heart. I wanted to go find Bane and kick his ass. I still couldn’t wrap my head around what he had done. He knew that Kenzie wouldn’t ever forgive him doing what he did. Why had he done it? Something else was going on. I’d have to find out later, for now, I wasn’t going to leave Kenzie in the state she was in.
She cried for almost an hour before her violent shaking finally ceased.
“Why would he do that to me, Eagle?”
I winced when I heard her voice. It sounded like her vocal cords had been shredded by glass.
“I don’t know, Kenz. Something’s not right. This isn’t like him.”
“I wouldn’t have thought so either, but I saw it, I heard him. He did it. He did it knowing that was the one thing I could never forgive him for.”
“Kenz, there’s got to be an explanation. Don’t give up on him,” I pleaded. Fuck, what had Bane done?
> “It’s too late, Eagle. Too late.”
“Don’t say that, Kenzie. Y’all love each other.”
“I thought we did, but he doesn’t love me. If he did, he wouldn’t have done what he just did.”
“Kenzie, stop and think, you know this isn’t like him.”
“Doesn’t matter now. Nothing does. It’s over.”
“Kenzie, don’t say that.”
“It’s the truth. It’s over.”
She laughed bitterly.
“I guess this is what I get for choosing the wrong man then falling in love with him. I’m getting what I deserve.”
“That’s not true, Kenzie. You don’t deserve any of this.”
“Is this some biker thing where the men don’t care about the women’s feelings? Is this what you do to the women that love you? Fuck other women knowing you will be caught? Does it get you off?”
“Fuck, no, Kenzie. My Brothers aren’t like that.”
“Bane is. You saw it, Eagle. Bane is exactly like that. Would you have done this to me, Eagle?”
My body tightened up at her question. I couldn’t lie to her. I wouldn’t do something like this to any woman.
“No, Kenzie,” I said quietly. “I wouldn’t have done this to you or to any woman.”
She was silent for a while.
“I chose the wrong man, didn’t I?”
“No, you didn’t. Bane is a good man.”
“Yeah, I saw that today,” she muttered bitterly. “He’s a real good fucking man.”
I grimaced. I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t blame her for the way she was feeling.
“I’m sure he’ll be over here apologizing and begging for your forgiveness soon.”
“It won’t do any good, Eagle.”
“You won’t forgive him?”
“No. He knows that too.”
“Why Kenzie? Why wouldn’t you forgive him?”
“My dad cheated on my mom, she eventually killed herself over it.”
My head hit the back of the couch at her damming words. Bane was screwed. She’d never forgive him. He had to have known that.
Fuck, he did know that. What the hell was he thinking? I needed to go talk to him. I would soon, I just couldn’t leave Kenzie like this.
“Damn, Kenzie. I’m so sorry.”
“I don’t get why, Eagle. Everything was going so good. Why would he do this knowing I wouldn’t forgive him? He told me he loved me the last time he was here. He made love to me. He was so gentle, so sweet. I don’t get why?” her whispered voice floated into the room.
“It’s so funny, I thought at first you were who I really wanted, but once I was with Bane, that changed so fast. God, I loved him so much. I still do. Dammit, I still do.”
I didn’t have answers for her. All I had was a gut feeling that something was very wrong.
“Will you stay with me, Eagle? Just for the night. I don’t think I can be alone yet,” her softly spoken words begged.
“Yeah, Kenz. I’ll stay with you. I won’t leave you. I’ll be here for you.”
“Thank you, Eagle.”
“You don’t have to thank me, Kenz. I’ll always be here to help you out.”
Christ. It was the least I could do. If this thing with Bane wasn’t fixed, I’d be here for Kenzie, only it would be as a friend. I didn’t want anything more with her than that.
~***~
Chapter 25
So it’s true, when all is said and done, grief is the price we pay for love.
~E. A. Bucchianeri~
Bane
March 11th, 1999
Finally, after what felt like hours, I sat up. My entire body ached with pain. A pain I knew I would feel the rest of my life. I’d always thought I’d known what being in agony had felt like before, I was wrong. I hadn’t even come close to that feeling.
I looked over at the clock. It was a little after ten. Eagle hadn’t come back to kick my ass so I had to assume he was with Kenzie. That’s as it should be. That’s what I wanted.
God, that’s such a fucking lie. I didn’t want her with him. She was mine, she’d always be mine.
Since I knew I couldn’t raise my kid, then I wanted the best man I know to take my place and raise my child. Eagle was that man. He knew what a dad was supposed to be like. He knew what he was supposed to do for his kid. He knew how to love a kid. He’d been shown those things his whole life, so I knew I was going to leave my child in good hands. I didn’t know any of those things. I didn’t need to be the one to raise my kid. I wasn’t the man for that job.
I picked up my phone in hands that hurt. Hell, my entire body hurt. I pulled up a number then sent a text.
Me: You busy?
Dog: No.
Me: Need to talk to you.
Dog: Now?
Me: Yeah, now.
Dog: Office in 20.
I got up and went into the bathroom. I turned the shower on and stepped in it. I had to get the smell of Ree and Mel off me. It was making me sick to my stomach. When I got out, I scrubbed my mouth almost raw. As I looked at myself in the mirror, I saw all the grief inside me shining out of my bloodshot eyes.
Robotically, I dressed and made my way downstairs to Dog’s office. That’s how I had to get through this, I had to keep myself numb, to not feel, to become a robot so I could get through the next hour or so. I had to, if not, I’d fly apart and might never come back together again.
~*~
Mad Dog
As I stared at the text on my phone, I had a bad feeling. My gut started to tighten up. I knew what was to come wasn’t going to be good. Every instinct I had was screaming that something was seriously wrong. I punched in a number.
“Yeah.”
“Need you at my office in fifteen minutes.”
“On my way.”
I got up and reluctantly handed Troy to Ava.
“Everything okay?” she asked me worriedly.
“No, babe, I have a feeling it’s not. Bane wants to talk to me.”
“This late?”
“Yeah, that’s what has me concerned. I know it deep inside something is wrong, Ava. I don’t know how long I’m going to be.”
“I’ll be here waiting.”
I leaned down and softly kissed her then I kissed Troy on top of the head. I’d give anything if I wasn’t about to go to this meeting. A dread settled into my stomach as I made my way to my office. Viper got there five minutes later.
“What’s going on?” he asked as he studied my face.
“Got a text from Bane. He wanted to talk to me.”
I watched Viper’s eyes close and he shook his head. Yeah, he felt it too.
“This isn’t going to be good, Brother.”
“Yeah, that’s what I’m afraid of.”
I grabbed each of us a beer and then we sat silently and waited on Bane.
~*~
Bane
I didn’t even knock on Dog’s door. I just walked in and closed it behind me. I wasn’t surprised to see Viper here. Dog knew something was up with me asking to see him this late.
“What’s up, Bane?” Dog’s deep voice rumbled in his chest as he spoke.
I took a seat in front of his desk.
“Need to ask a favor,” my voice came out flat, monotone.
“Go ahead,” Dog replied as he studied my expression. His face looked grim.
“Is there any way you could set up with one of your friends in another MC to let me visit?”
“What the fuck, Bane? Why do you want me to do that?”
“I need to leave for awhile, Prez. I’d rather do it and keep my cut, if I can’t then I’ll leave it with you tonight.”
God damn that hurt to say. I didn’t want to leave my club, yet if that’s what it took to get out of here then I’d do it. Fuck, what was one more thing when your soul was already gone?
Dog jerked in shock at my response.
“Talk to me, Bane. What the fuck’s going on? Did Eagle make a move on
your woman and she accepted?”
I laughed harshly. If only that was all it was.
“No, Prez. Eagle’s too good of a man to do something like that.”
“Then what’s going on?”
“I want to go nomad for awhile.”
“Why’s that, Bane? Give me a reason.”
“Got some personal shit I need to get right in my head.”
“God dammit, Bane. Fucking talk to me.”
“Kenzie’s pregnant.”
Dog stared at me hard.
“I take it you aren’t happy about that.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Why not?”
“I’m not father material.”
“Bane...”
“No, Prez. I don’t want to hear it.”
“So you’re just gonna run out on the girl?” Viper inquired.
“I set it up where Eagle will take care of her.”
Dog growled, “What the hell you mean by that?”
“Kenzie doesn’t know that I know she’s pregnant. I called her to come over here tonight.” I swallowed hard.
Fuck, this hurt so damn bad. I had to push that down. I had to keep forcing myself to not feel anything, maybe then I’ll make it until I can get away.
“She found me upstairs with Ree and Mel.”
“Christ, Bane. Why would you do that to her?”
“Because she told me that was the one thing she could never forgive me for,” I whispered as I closed my eyes.
“Bane,” Viper spoke softly, “tell us why you don’t feel like you would make a good father.”
Harsh laughter rang out of my mouth again.
“Viper, I have no clue what a dad does. I’ve never had a dad. How am I to know if I could love a kid? That I wouldn’t be a danger to a kid?”
“What makes you think you might hurt your kid, Bane?”
“Because I have a fucking demon in my head all the time tormenting me with shit.”
“Like what, Bane?” Viper’s quiet voice rolled over me.
“Hell, I’m a bastard. Isn’t that enough?”
“No, it isn’t, Bane. Tell us what the demon says to you.”
“He tells me shit like how my own dad wasn’t even around. That there was no way he loved me. He constantly taunts me by calling me a bastard over and over, by saying that my own dad must not have wanted me, if he had, he’d be here.
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