by Jack Whitney
“What happened?” Lex asked softly.
“It doesn’t matter—”
“Yes it—” Aydra’s eyes opened just in time to see Lex squeeze and unsqueeze her fist, as though she were wrapping it around someone’s throat and squeezing life from their body. “It does matter,” she continued deliberately. “You are my Queen. I cannot sit back and let you tell me that this is nothing.”
The dark of Lex’s normally bright green eyes made a lump form in Aydra’s throat. She said nothing in response, and instead started rubbing the water over her back.
“Aydra, speak to me,” Lex begged.
“What do you want me to say?” Aydra whispered.
“How did he do this to you? Did you not fight back?”
“Of course I did,” Aydra said fast.
But then she thought about it a moment, and she shook her head and surrendered the truth of it. “I mean… not really. No,” she admitted. “The raven managed to get him once, but…” Aydra sighed and brought her knees to her chest, the shame of it spreading through her shaking body. Her stomach knotted at the admission of her loss, and she swallowed hard beneath Lex’s stare.
“Once his body is of fire, it is paralyzing. You cannot move,” Aydra breathed. “You don’t understand.”
“No, I don’t,” Lex almost shouted. “I don’t understand how the most fearless woman I know was pushed to submission in the middle of the night, burned, and then raped by her own brother.”
“Because I did not know it would be this bad,” Aydra argued. “He hasn’t burned me in years,” she whispered. “Not since the night Vasilis died.”
“And the rape? Are you going to condone that?” Lex balked.
“I am not condoning anything,” Aydra spat. “My brother loves me. He promised a long time ago, his pleasure would be all he would ever do to me, and only on occasion… He has been true to his word since. I learned quickly how to rip my conscious from my body and into the raven’s so that I did not have to endure his nights.” She paused and started rubbing the burns on her wrists, watching the red wash into the liquid as though it were paint on her skin. “It’s my fault he’s like this. Our mother and Vasilis were always so hard on him. Arbina never treated him as her son until he was marked, and Vasilis… Vasilis pushed him to be crude, to lose the sweetness he’d long hugged to just to speak down to myself and Zoria. But… we swore to be better than Vasilis and Zoria. That our youngers would never know the hurt of it. And they haven’t. I’ve made sure to keep them in the dark about this.”
Lex’s nostrils flared. “You’re making excuses for him.”
“I’m not—”
“Yes. You. Are,” Lex growled. “You may think he loves you, but this is not what love is. Love is not this pain. It is not the excuses and the promises he’s made to you.” Tears were in Lex’s eyes, and she started to reach out for Aydra’s hand, but stopped short upon remembering the water.
“I have always supported you, whatever decisions you make, whatever you needed or wanted… But I will not stand here and watch him do this to you as though you are nothing more than a servant for him to throw around. You are the Queen. Not a decoration on his arm. Not just a pretty face wearing a crown. Whatever problems he has faced in his past, they are not your fault. You have never been anything less than the strongest woman I know. Do not let his words get in your head and make you feel inferior.”
Aydra’s jaw tightened, and she inhaled the deepest breath she’d taken in a long while. She nodded slowly and sat her chin on her knee. A moment passed, and Aydra continued rubbing at the red marks on her skin, burying the pain of it washing away deep in her core.
“You cannot breathe a word of this, Lex,” Aydra managed after a few moments. “And you cannot harm him.”
Lex sighed audibly, and Aydra knew the look she would have on her face without looking up. “I know,” Lex finally said.
“I will be ready next time,” Aydra promised.
“Next time?” Lex repeated. “I—”
Aydra held a hand up and shook her head. “He is on edge. Something is wrong, and I’m not sure what.”
“And that is an excuse to hurt you?”
“I am not saying it is an excuse, I am simply telling you the truth of it,” Aydra almost snapped. “I will not pretend to think this is over.”
“What can I do?” Lex asked.
Aydra thought about it a moment, “I want you to stick closer to Bard. Find out if there’s anything going on that he’s not telling me. I want to know everything and everyone he speaks with. Employ Corbin or any of our women if you need to.”
Lex nodded. “Yes ma’am.”
“And I’ve told Nyssa that we will be traveling to the Forest for the Dead Moons. She’s yet to meet any of the Noctuans. I have failed her training.”
“You haven’t failed anything,” Lex argued. “But I think a break from here would do you both well,” she agreed. “Our trip to rid the Infi was short-lived. Now that the streets are once more safe, I believe a month away would do you a great favor.”
“I’m not sure a month away would be wise,” Aydra said. “A couple of weeks, sure. But not a month.”
“Why not? Your brothers can take care of things in your place. You need a break, Aydra. A real break. Not just one of your skirts off to the cliffs.”
“Where would you like to go?” Aydra asked her.
“We’ll go to the Forest, and then travel back through the mountains on our way back to Magnice. Visit these Blackhand people that I’ve so long heard stories about,” Lex said with a wink.
Aydra almost laughed. She looked down at her wrists then and noticed the redness turned to simply pink, and the rawness of the burns on her stomach now looking of yellow bruising.
“In the meantime, we need to find out what is going on. They’re hiding something from us,” Aydra said.
Lex stood from the chair then and grabbed the thickest robe from across the top of the three-pane divider. “We’ll find out. But today, we go see if Maye can make you a dress befitting of pissing your brother off again. ”
A swell of gratitude filled Aydra’s chest at her Seconds affirmations. She nodded again and forced herself to stand from the tub. “I’d like that.”
CHAPTER EIGHT
DORIAN RETURNED ON the morning of the next week, and Aydra swore he’d grown an inch more and filled out more in the time that she’d missed him. She and Nyssa met him at the gates, and Aydra watched him hug his sister, swinging her around in a circle as the joy of seeing one another exuded from both their cores.
The sight of it brought tears to Aydra’s eyes. She remembered when her own brother had been so happy to see her once, when every time she and Zoria would return from the Forest and he would hug her as Dorian had Nyssa. The smile he would meet her with, the fill of happiness in his eyes… Her heart ached for that feeling again. For the butterflies and swell of chest, for the skipping of heartbeat and jagged breaths that came with the joy of seeing someone you could not explain a love for…
Dorian sat Nyssa back on the ground and then his eyes found Aydra’s a few feet behind her. A small frown slipped on his face, and he eyed her. “What’s this? Did you actually miss me?” he mocked.
Aydra couldn’t help the smile and shake of her head. “Funnily enough, I did,” she answered. Her arms opened to him, and he hugged her tightly.
“Are you okay?” he whispered in her hair.
She pulled back and pressed her hands to his cheeks. “I’m fine,” she assured him. “But tell me, how much trouble did the Venari get you in to while on the road? Shall I have to skin him when he arrives for meetings next month?”
Dorian laughed. “No skinning needed. He stuck around until Scindo Creek and then left me to deal with the other two towns on my own. I think I’m beginning to understand your thirst for blood, my sister,” he added with a wink.
Aydra grinned and then gave his hair a fluff. “Come. I’ve had the cooks prepare your favorites for
breakfast. You can tell Nyssa and I all about your journey. I’m sure she’s eager to hear how exactly you vanquished the Infi.”
Nyssa came up beside Dorian then, and he wrapped and arm around her shoulders. “Oh yes. I’m sure she wants to hear exactly how much they bleed when the roots are taking them back to Duarb.”
Nyssa’s face paled. “I’m sorry, what?”
Aydra and Dorian exchanged a knowing grin, and Dorian started walking with his sister in tow beside him. Aydra heard him telling her an exaggerated story of how the Infi was killed, and she couldn’t help the laughter exuding from her lips.
Lex joined her at her side. “Good thing he hasn’t remembered the deal he tried to make with me,” she muttered in Aydra’s ear.
“I remember it well, Second Sun,” Dorian called back to her. He turned and gave Lex a wink over his shoulder.
Aydra snorted and then covered her mouth with her hand. Lex attempted a glare at her, but it quickly turned to a smile.
“What am I going to do with you Promised children?” Lex mused with a shake of her head.
Breakfast consisted of all Dorian’s favorites, from venison sausage to the sweet danishes he had once snuck out of the kitchens at night before bedtime. They took their breakfast in the kitchen at the small intimate table as they used to when Dorian and Nyssa were younger. It was much more comfortable than the stale of the grand table where Rhaif liked to take dinner with them now.
“Will Rhaif be joining us?” Dorian asked as they sat.
Aydra exchanged a look with Lex. Truthfully, she hadn’t seen much of him since the burning. He’d avoided her on most days, taking his dinner alone in his study, leaving Aydra and Nyssa to eat at the large table by themselves.
Nyssa’s gaze met Aydra’s then, and Aydra gave a forced smile to the pair.
“You know your older,” Aydra forced, “always dramatic. He’s likely to show up as we’re finishing and insist we take our food to the big table.”
“I quite like this table,” Nyssa said. “I miss taking our meals here.”
“As do I,” Aydra agreed.
The swell of warmth Aydra felt sitting there with them as they laughed and picked at their food made her heart hurt once more. Dorian told stories of Draven and how fond he was of him now, which completely bewildered Aydra and Nyssa, for they’d not known anything else of the Venari except to be weary of them. Dorian exaggerated his tales from ridding the Infi at Nyssa’s expense, and by the time they wrapped up their eating, Aydra’s cheeks were hurting with laughter.
CHAPTER NINE
IN THE WEEK that followed, Aydra tried to stick close to her youngers. When Dorian found out Aydra was taking Nyssa to the Forest, he argued wanting to go with them, but Aydra insisted he stay with Rhaif so he could help in case another Infi infiltrated their streets.
“He will be useless if another finds its way here,” she told him. “He wouldn’t know what to do with it.”
“Then perhaps he should learn,” Dorian argued.
“That’s why you’re staying,” Aydra insisted. “Let Rhaif deal with the inner workings and small things. You deal with the criminals and punishments. Nyssa will be the one to take over what Rhaif does eventually. But she needs to learn these creatures. You never know when you might need them as allies.”
“Wouldn’t we have to go through the Venari for that?” Dorian asked.
“It’s a good thing you’re friends with him then, isn’t it?”
Dorian huffed amusedly and shook his head. “I suppose.”
As for the information Aydra had hoped to find out about what was happening with her brother, she never did. Reports came to her every night from both Corbin and Lex, but neither heard anything out of the ordinary that would have prompted his attitude as of late. He was more held up in his study than usual.
The first she truly spoke to him was the morning of her departure.
“Do you think you’ve packed enough?” Lex mocked as she hoisted Aydra’s bag on her shoulder.
“You told me a month on the road,” Aydra argued. “What did you expect?”
“I expected you to wash clothes, not bring all of them,” Lex said as they exited Aydra’s room.
Aydra paused and threw one of the bags back into her room. “Very well. Have you checked on my younger this morning?” Aydra asked her.
“I did. She and Dorian are meeting us out at the gates.”
“Did she have on actual riding clothes or—”
“Where are you going?”
The sound of Rhaif’s voice made them stop in their tracks. Aydra tightened her hand around the knife on her belt and turned around. Lex tensed at her side and turned with her.
“My Queen—”
Aydra held a soft hand up to stop her from stepping in front of her. She straightened her riding gloves up on her hands and swallowed hard at the sight of his stare.
“Lex and I are taking Nyssa out to the Forest for training. She is behind,” Aydra told him shortly.
He stepped towards them, hands pushed behind his back. He gave Lex a nod, and muttered a quick, “Leave us, Second,” to her.
Lex didn’t move.
Aydra didn’t lose her stare with her brother. “Lex, wait for me at the gates. Make sure Nyssa is ready.”
Lex’s gaze narrowed, and she turned away from Rhaif to stand at Aydra’s shoulder. “Are you—”
“The gates, Lex,” Aydra demanded.
Lex’s nostrils flared, but she did not argue. She turned on her heel, and as her footsteps grew quieter and quieter down the hall, the siblings didn’t move. The sound of the waves outside turned to white noise in Aydra’s ears, and she almost didn’t find her voice.
Rhaif’s weight shifted, and she watched as he began to fumble with his hands, something she hadn’t seen him do in years.
“You’ve avoided me for two weeks,” Aydra said, eyeing his nervous figure. “What is it you suddenly want?”
“I wanted to apologize.”
Her brows narrowed. “Excuse me?”
He did a double-take up at her, eyes softened with shame spread over his features. “My behavior of two weeks ago… I realize I should not have hurt you as I did. You did not deserve it. You were right. We did promise to be better than them.”
She didn’t say anything, and he abruptly took three long strides to come to a stand directly in front of her. She saw his hand move up towards her face, and she flinched backwards out of instinct as his hand rose to hover by her cheek. His fist clenched, and he avoided her gaze nervously.
“You burned me,” she managed. “I had to sit in our mother’s waters for an hour—”
“I know, I know.” He turned in a pacing circle and pushed his hands through his hair. “I know, and I’m sorry.”
The thick air made her breaths quicken to a nauseating pace. “Rhaif, you cannot think I will simply forgive you so quickly for what you did.”
“My temper can get the best of me,” he said, a glisten rising in his eyes that she almost fell for. “You know this.”
She swallowed hard and hugged her chest tighter. “I do,” she agreed in a whisper. “But that doesn’t make it okay.”
A deep exhale left him, and she watched a tear fall down his cheek. She cursed the day she was born beside him in the waters as her heart fell for his apology. He reached out for her again, and she felt her skin become rigid against his touch.
“I am so sorry, Aydra,” he whispered.
She didn’t speak. She couldn’t.
He leaned forward then and kissed her deeply, to which she pushed away after a brief moment. He swallowed hard and took a step back, still holding on to the tips of her fingers.
“How long will you be gone?” he asked.
“Two weeks,” she answered. “Perhaps longer. I need a break, Rhaif. I need time to think about things.”
“Don’t leave because of me,” he begged.
“I would be leaving with her whether you had done what you did or not,”
she affirmed. “Nyssa does not know the Noctuans. She is behind on her training. She deserves better than what I’ve done for her.”
“The Dead Moons rise in three. Come back in ten days. Do not stay longer.”
“I will stay as long as we need to,” she argued. “I am not asking for your permission.”
“Why can you not—” A loud grunt of frustration left his throat, and his hands shot up as though he would grasp her face. She flinched backwards at such a rate that she nearly fell. His now black fists clenched and unclenched in the air as an angered strain of breath left him. A flash of blue poured like a blink beneath his shirt. And her eyes widened at the display of him standing before her.
“Did you just—”
Her raven landed on her shoulder. Rhaif pushed his hands on his hips and turned in a circle, eyes staring at the ceiling as his jaw tensed and the blackened webs receded into him.
She nearly laughed at the rate in which his apology had turned to anger.
“Wow,” she managed, her arms crossing over her chest. “Just wow, Rhaif…” Her feet began to move backwards, and he met her eyes, quickly shaking his head.
“To think I almost fell for your bullshit—”
“Please, Aydra—”
She swatted his hand away this time. “No,” she cut him off. “No. You are out of control. Whatever is wrong with you, fix it. I cannot stand to see you reduced to this person you haven’t been in years.”
She turned on her heel, and he grabbed her arm, whirling her back around to face him. She snatched her arm back just before the flames of his grasp reached her skin.
His eyes widened, and he took a step back, cowering at her gaze and raising his hands. “I’m sorry,” he managed.
“Sorry?” She felt the wild swell of shortened breaths rise in her core as she ogled at his audacity. “Three times—that’s three fucking times in a matter of a minute, Rhaif!” She could feel her body shaking, her words barely coherent in the high pitched voice she had used. Her fist clenched around her knife again, and she shook her head. “Sorry is not good enough. We are done,” she managed, her words shaking. “I hope you can work out whatever is wrong with you while I’m gone. I expect my brother to be waiting on me when I return. Not this monster.”