by TJ Hines
Will spoke first. "Tyler".
Tyler barely even acknowledged his presence. "Will".
I looked from Will to Tyler. Will was glaring at Tyler, but Tyler was only looking at me. He locked his eyes on mine. "Well, Kinsey. I guess I will see you on Friday night. I can’t wait to see you in your costume. Maybe we can finish our conversation uninterrupted." Then he winked at me and gave me one of those bad-boy smiles. Which I knew was only for Will's benefit and then he strutted off.
I looked back at Will. He was so pissed. I figured that if I asked any random question, he would realize that the whole Tyler thing wasn't that big of a deal. But who the hell was I kidding? Tyler was like two seconds from kissing me. And Will obviously witnessed it.
"Hey. How was class? Did you do well on your midterm? I believe I passed mine." I was rambling. I never rambled. Well, if I did, I never noticed before.
"Class was fine. I passed," he gritted through his teeth. His eyes were still locked on Tyler's back. After a couple of tense moments, he shifted his scowl from Tyler to me.
I have known Will for over two years, I have never seen him act like this—, and he has never looked at me like that.
"What was that about? Are you going out with him Friday night?"
"Um. No. That was about the party Friday night," I said. "Remember the Halloween party that we are going to."
He grinned apologetically to me, "I'm sorry. I guess I kind of overreacted. I should’ve realized that you would never go out with someone like him." He seemed confident with his revelation and began to walk away.
What the hell did that mean? Tyler was a good guy, why wouldn't I want to go out with him. Will's arrogance was grating on my nerves. I grabbed his arm and turned him back around so I could confront him.
"What did you mean by that? Why would I not want to go out with him?" I lashed out angrily at him. "I know you’re not attracted to me, but there are guys who are. Obviously, Tyler feels that way."
"What…that's not what I meant, Kinsey." He looked completely dumbfounded by my ranting. "I didn't realize frat boy was your type," he grimaced.
"Well, I don't know what my type is, but I do like the fact that he treats me like a girl and not just a friend. It's kind of nice to feel wanted by someone and to be shown some attention."
"I show you attention all the time. Hell, I spend all my free time with you."
I knew he was getting mad at me, but my anger trumped his today. I was having a bad day and he was making it worse. So, I kept lashing out at him.
"Will, it's not the same thing. And you know it. You clearly want our relationship to stay in the friend zone. But sometimes, I need more than that. I need to feel pretty and wanted. And Tyler is willing to give me that."
As soon as I said it, I instantly regretted it. We had never talked about this. Then again, he had never acted so...so… What was it? Jealousy? Protectiveness? Honestly I didn't care at this point—whatever it was. I just wanted to go home. I felt completely vulnerable and exposed. And I had just said things to my best friend that I was hoping I would never have to say. I wanted to go home, curl up under my fluffy white comforter, and end this miserable day.
I kept my head down, so I would not have to look in Will's eyes. "I have to go. I'm working the midnight shift at the station tonight and I need to take a nap. I'll talk to you later."
I turned around and walked away. That's when I realized that we had spectators. Good job, Kinsey. I kept my eyes on the ground too embarrassed to look at anyone. Will didn't follow me. I wasn't sure how much I had hurt him. We never fought. Ever. But it wasn't like I was saying anything he didn't already know about our relationship. Okay, well maybe he didn't know that I kind of wanted something more, but he knew the rest of it.
CHAPTER FOUR
Before my mind could start overanalyzing everything that was said—which I knew would lead me to cry my eyes out—my phone started vibrating.
“Jack, it’s about time,” I answered.
“Hello to you too, little sister. Have you forgotten all your manners? I thought Southern Belles were supposed to be hospitable and polite.”
“Yeah, well, I’ve had a really, really bad day. Plus, I’m not a Southern Belle, so I don’t have to be sweet,” I said curtly.
“Kinsey, what’s wrong? You sound horrible.” I could hear the level of concern in his voice. He knew my moods better than anyone else did. Since we were kids, he could always tell when I was upset about something.
“I’m sorry Jack. I’m fine.” I apologized. It was so good to hear his voice, but I did not want to talk to my big brother about my love life—or non-existent love life. Can you say awkward?
“You are a horrid liar, Kinz. I can tell something is bothering you. Just tell me.” He waited for a response from me. “Are you crying? What the hell is going on Kinsey?” His voice rising above normal phone etiquette.
I wiped a few fallen tears from my face. I hadn’t even noticed I was crying. I’m surprised I had hung on as long as I had. I would be home in five minutes so, I told myself to keep it together until then.
“I had a fight with Will a few minutes ago. It’s been a really long day. But I don’t want to talk about him.”
“What did you want to talk about?”
I hesitated because I knew Jack hated talking to me about my nightmares. However, my day couldn’t get any worse, so I decided to blurt it all out and then argue my need for more information in the end.
“I had the nightmare last night. But it was different this time.” He hadn’t interrupted yet, that was a good sign. “You know how I wake up right before the plane crashes. Well, this time something else happened.
“Right before the plane crashed, I saw mom and dad stand up and then they said the word Equitum. I woke up after that. They seemed angry in my dream. I don’t ever think I saw them that upset. What do you think it means?”
It was so quiet on the other end that I started to wonder if we had got disconnected. Finally, he answered, “I don’t know what it means, Kinz. You know I’m not a dream expert. Your guess is as good as mine.”
He may be able to sense my moods, but that went both ways and I could tell he was lying to me. He knew something.
“Are you sure you don’t know what it means?” I knew how far I could push him before he shut me down.
“No. But I am sure that it is nothing to worry about. How is school? How are midterms going?” He asked. He was trying to change the subject, which definitely meant he was hiding something from me.
“Fine, I hope I passed my Spanish midterm today. Why would mom and dad say the word Equitum? It doesn’t make any sense.”
“That’s great news, Kinsey. Emily will be happy to hear that. She misses you and so do I.” He danced completely around my question, which meant the conversation on my nightmare was over.
“I miss you guys, too.”
“Emily and I are going to be home for the holidays this year and we would really like it if you came home for winter break. It would mean a lot to both of us.”
How was I supposed to say no to that? Jack gave up everything for me when our parents died. He transferred colleges so he could take over as my guardian. He never wavered from his decision and he never seemed to regret his choice. Nevertheless, I knew it had to be difficult for him. He’s only five years older than I am and he basically had to become a parent to a teenager overnight.
I haven’t been home in two years. Being home was difficult…too many memories of mom and dad. Jack and Emily knew how hard it was on me, so they never pushed the issue. Until now.
“Oh, well, I hadn’t really thought about it. Don’t you two usually go to Em’s parents for the holidays?”
“They are coming here for Christmas this year. Caleb is coming, too. Emily called him this morning. He told her to tell you he can’t wait to see you. Plus, Emily needs you to get measured for your dress.”
Ugh. I had forgotten about the dress. Jack and Emily are getting marri
ed in March. I get to be a bridesmaid. Woohoo for me! Two hundred people staring at me while my brother and future sister-in-law profess their undying love for one another and I am supposed to get through it without passing out or making gagging sounds. They have got to be kidding!
Jack and Emily are literal high school sweethearts. They even went to college together, before the accident. They are so in love that being around them automatically makes me want to throw myself off a bridge. Okay, so I am exaggerating a little. But not by much. They are soul mates—two pieces that fit together perfectly. Jack is serious and responsible (however, he can be hilarious—we share those dark humor and sarcasm genes) and Em is light-hearted and bubbly. Perfect match. My parents were like that. However, I doubted that I would ever have anything close to what they had.
“Okay. I’ll come, but I will have to clear it with Frankie first.” Frankie was my boss at the station. He could be a real douche, but I have bailed him out so many times lately that he owed me.
Winter break wouldn’t be that bad. Caleb would be there, and I haven’t seen him since the day I left for college. We emailed on occasion, but we were both busy with school. Caleb is Emily’s brother and my pillar of strength that I have come to rely on so very much. He helped me through the worst time in my life. He never left my side after the accident. He even missed school, not that school ever really mattered that much to him. I missed him so much, especially on days like this.
If it wasn’t for Jack, Emily, and Caleb, I don’t think I would be able to function as well as I do. They were my rocks, just like Will. Well, he was, before today. Before I ripped his head off—before I bared my soul to him—before I altered our relationship that I valued so much. But I didn’t want to think about that right now. I would have time to break down later.
“Hey Em.” Jack was yelling through the house. “She said she’d come home.” I heard Em squeal with glee, which made me smile. I loved her so much. I could not choose a better person for Jack and I could not ask for a better sister. “I’ll call the airlines as soon as you clear it with your boss.”
“Okay, I’ll call you back as soon as I find out. Tell Em I love her and can’t wait to see her. And I guess I can’t wait to see you, either.” I said the last part with sarcasm, knowing he would sense it.
“That means so much, kid.” He snorted. Never failing to point out my age or to find humor in my sarcastic tone. “I’ll talk to you later. Love you, sis.”
“Love you too, big brother.” I hung up. I had not even realized how much I missed them both. Caleb. And home. I started to feel a little optimistic about Winter break. I could feel my face warm up and I had almost forgotten about my horrible day.
I walked up the stairs to my apartment, rounded the corner, and froze ten feet from my door. Because he was leaning next to the door, with his arms folded over his chest. He looked miserable. And suddenly, I felt the same way.
Breathe Kinsey. You will get through this. I repeated to myself as I headed towards my apartment. I unlocked the door and stepped inside knowing my unexpected visitor would follow. I prayed silently while peering down the hallway, please, oh please, let Abby still be in class. I heard the door close behind me and knew it was time to get this over with. I spun around slowly to look at him in the face.
“Kinz, can we talk?” Will asked.
“Yeah. I suppose we need to,” I muttered. I had to look away because it hurt too much to see the pain in his eyes. “Do you want to sit down?”
“No. I think it will be easier if I stand.”
Ah, the sweet sound of rejection. This sucks. Not that I didn’t expect it, but it still stings. I could feel the tears start to well up in my eyes, so I quickly took a seat on the couch.
“Kinz, I really hate this. I hate fighting with you. Okay, well, this is our first fight, but I still hate it. I hate that I upset you. I never meant to. I am very, very sorry. Please say you forgive me and that we are still friends?” He pleaded while pacing back and forth in front of me.
I didn’t know what to say. This was not what I was expecting. Two conversations played out in my head before he spoke. One was him yelling at me for what happened earlier. That was the most likely conversation. The more far-fetched one was him telling me that he loved me and wanted to be with me. I know it was a delusional fantasy, but a girl can dream, can’t she?
I was completely shocked and dumbfounded by this reaction. Never in a hundred million years would I have thought he would feel the need to apologize to me.
“Kinsey, please say something?” Will asked stopping the babbling in my head.
When he stopped pacing, I looked up at him. He was staring at me—the look in his eyes made me think of a wounded animal.
“I don’t know what to say, Will.”
“Please say you forgive me—for my immature and ridiculous actions from earlier today?” He asked kneeling in front of me.
“There is nothing to forgive you for. I was the one who blew up at you. I should be the one to ask for your forgiveness.” I felt so ashamed for what I had done earlier that I had to look away from him again.
“No, Kinsey. This is not your fault. This one is on me. I was insensitive and I completely overreacted. Do not think for one minute that any of this is your fault.”
His words were so adamant, which made it that much harder to argue with him. But I was not about to let him blame himself for what happened. He has always been there for me and I acted like a spoiled brat today. How could I actually justify getting mad at him for not having feelings for me? I am so self- absorbed sometimes. I grimaced at my own revelation and his need to be self-sacrificing.
“No, Will. It was my fault. You were looking out for me and I—.” I was about to say that I overreacted, but he took my hand in one of his and brushed my now tear soaked hair away from my face with his other hand. His touch made me hesitate, which gave him the opportunity to interrupt.
“How about this…we will both forgive each other for what we said and how we acted. Deal?”
He pulled my chin up, so he could look into my eyes and give me that sexy crooked little grin that makes my heartbeat reach hummingbird levels.
I looked back into those beautiful blue eyes, which melted the last of my resolve to argue my point. He was so earnest about what he was saying that I didn’t have the heart to argue with him anymore—even if I was right (which I was).
“I’m really sorry, Kinz.”
“I’m sorry, too. You have no idea how truly sorry I am…still friends?” I asked biting my lower lip.
“Always and forever.”
He squeezed my hand one more time and sat down in the chair next to the couch. We sat there for what felt like three days—staring off into space waiting for the other one to say something. Obviously, everything was not back to normal. We never had this awkward tension between us but the only way to make the tension go away would be to act as if it wasn’t there. Therefore, I decided to bite the bullet and speak first.
“You’re still going with me Friday night, right?”
“You still want me to go with you?” he asked with a confused look on his face.
Me being completely oblivious to why he thought I wouldn’t want him to go with me asked the obvious follow-up question. “Why wouldn’t I? You are my best friend and like you said earlier today you may have to protect my innocence,” I stated sarcastically.
“I figured…because of Tyler…,” Will said in a low voice, dropping his eyes to the floor.
Ah, man. This Tyler thing was going to haunt me for the rest of my life.
“Nothing happened between me and Tyler. He wanted something to happen, but I haven’t decided if I want something to happen.” I assured him.
He didn’t say anything. He just kept staring at the floor. I was glad I couldn’t see his face because I was sure that the look, he had on it, would send me into another bout of agony.
“Besides, I want to go with you. I’ll have more fun that way and I
really want to see you dress up in a costume.” I said knowing he would look at me after that comment. When he looked up, I grinned mischievously at him.
He tousled my hair and said, “Fine, I’ll go. But I want it on the record that I’m being forced into this.”
“Noted.”
“You know you can be really pushy and annoying sometimes. But you are also the most wonderful person in my life—even when you are manipulating me.” He added.
“Yeah, I know. What can I say—it’s one of my talents.”
“One of many, I have no doubt. Um, not to change the subject but you said earlier that you thought you passed you Spanish exam. Were you saying that, or did you mean it?
“I’m pretty sure I passed, but who knows,” I said shrugging.
I stretched my arms above my head and yawned. My almost sleepless night was finally catching up to me. I am actually surprised I hadn’t already passed out somewhere. I stretched out on the couch. I really need a nap before my shift at the station.
Will moved from the chair to the end of the couch, turning on the TV as he went. I was about to doze off when he asked if Jack had called me back. I had almost forgotten about all that. It is amazing what a little self-absorption can do to your priorities.
“He called while I was walking home. He said he didn’t have a clue why my nightmare changed.”
“You don’t believe him?”
“Nope. I could tell he wasn’t telling me everything. He’s holding out on me. I’m not sure what it is, but I’ll have plenty of time to pester him about it over winter break.”
“Winter break?” Will asked confused. He knew how I hated to go home.
Oops. Forgot about that too.
“He and Em want me to come home this year. They were adamant about wanting me there this year, so I agreed—reluctantly. It shouldn’t be all that terrible. Caleb will be there, and I do miss Jack and Emily.”
“You don’t sound all that thrilled.”
I shrugged.
Will knew I didn’t like to talk about home, so he let the subject drop.