by J. S. Scott
I tossed back the rest of my beer while I wondered how in the hell Jett and Ruby could have bad luck by seeing each other before the ceremony tomorrow.
My youngest brother was so damn in love with Ruby that he’d walk through hell for her, and then he’d do it again if he didn’t make her happy the first time.
“Maybe you should have just gotten married fast like Carter did with Brynn,” I said.
Jett shook his head. “Ruby was so damn young when we first met. And you know her history. I didn’t think she was ready. And it didn’t quite kill me to wait. I’m still alive. She was living with me. But I have to admit that I’m beyond ready for her to be totally mine.”
Jesus! The naked longing on Jett’s face gnawed at my guts. I fucking hated anyone in my family being denied anything they wanted. And Jett needed Ruby. Had for a long time. Maybe waiting to marry Ruby hadn’t made Jett breathe his last, but it hadn’t been a picnic, either.
“The wait will all be over tomorrow. I take it you don’t have any reservations?” I asked, knowing damn well that all my little brother wanted was an end to the torture of not being able to call Ruby his wife.
“None.” He gave me his are-you-fucking-kidding-me look as he got up and went to the bar on the patio to grab another beer. He came back with one for both of us, and he handed me the bottle before he flopped back into his chair across from me again.
“I figured,” I told him. “But I guess I had to ask. I’m the oldest.”
Like Jett really needed some kind of father/son discussion before his wedding?
He didn’t.
But he was still my little brother.
Jett had turned on the fire pit between us, something I’d never done because I’d never been home long enough to do it. I had to admit; it was relaxing. I could hear the water from Elliott Bay lapping against the shore since it was mere feet from the patio.
It was rare that either of my brothers stopped over at my place since I wasn’t right downtown. Hell, I was hardly ever here.
Years ago, I’d wanted a house instead of a condo, right on the water.
Now, I hardly ever did anything but sleep here, and sometimes I didn’t do much sleeping, either.
Jett shot me a grin. “You’re not exactly old enough to be my father. And you already know I’m damn happy. After I tie the knot tomorrow, you’ll be the last Lawson unmarried. Your turn, man.”
I shook my head as I took the top off the glass bottle with a quick flick of my wrist. “You really think I want to hook up with anybody after watching you and Carter go through that kind of hell? No, thanks.”
“You know, it’s really not all that bad,” Jett joked. “Knowing that you have a woman who is always going to love you unconditionally is actually pretty amazing once you get past all the caveman instincts of really falling in love.”
I shrugged. “I’m happy for you and Carter, but I don’t have time for that kind of drama. It’s never even been on my radar, or something I wanted.”
“I call bullshit on both of those statements,” he answered. “We hired upper management and a CEO so that we all had more time after years of spending every waking moment in our offices. Lawson Technologies isn’t a fledgling company anymore, Mason. It’s a global giant. You need to step back and take a deep breath. Carter and I are about ready to believe you don’t even get laid anymore.”
“I don’t. Haven’t in a long time,” I said irritably, before I could think better of telling my little brother anything he could torment me about later.
Jett lifted a brow. “How long?”
“Never mind,” I replied hastily. It had literally been years. Quite a few of them. But that wasn’t something I was going to talk to my little brother about.
“Before Ruby, there hadn’t been anyone for me in a long time,” Jett confessed quietly.
“You were still recovering from your injuries,” I argued.
He shrugged. “That was a good excuse, I guess. But truthfully, there just wasn’t anybody I wanted to be with anymore. Not until I met her.”
“That didn’t seem to bother Carter before he met Brynn,” I grumbled.
Jett chuckled. “He was a man-whore, but I think it was getting old for him, too, although he’d probably never admit it. Look at our family, Mason. Even Dani and Harper. It’s like there’s just one single person in the entire world who can completely make us lose our shit when we meet them. And when we do, there’s nobody else for us except that one person.”
I grunted my agreement. “I guess that makes it impossible for everybody in our family to not be monogamous.”
“I’d never cheat on Ruby. For me, it wouldn’t even be possible. She’s all I think about. And when I’m not having direct thoughts about her, she’s there, in the back of my mind. She’s part of me.”
“Sounds uncomfortable,” I observed drily.
“At first,” he admitted. “And then, it’s amazing. You should try it.”
“Hell, no,” I argued.
He slanted me a knowing look. “Are you really going to tell me that you don’t get just a little bit obsessive over Laura? I know damn well you call her sometimes, but I don’t see a relationship happening. Nothing stays secret in this family very long.”
I could have disagreed with him about not having family secrets that had never been revealed, but I was more interested in what he knew about Laura. “Apparently, she’s not interested,” I answered, trying to sound nonchalant.
Near the end of the rehearsal dinner, Laura had been polite, but it had been like she’d shut down right in front of my eyes. She’d evaded any more personal questions, and kept things light, like we were total strangers.
“Bullshit!” he exclaimed loudly. “You’re out of your mind, bro. She’s interested. Have you asked her out? Did she say no?”
“Not exactly,” I said reluctantly. “But I did offer to be her sperm donor, and she didn’t say yes.”
Normally, I didn’t discuss my private life with my little brothers because I didn’t really have one, but I was getting a little desperate to figure out why Laura was so reluctant to choose a man she knew to get her pregnant. Our arrangement made sense. At least it did to me.
She wanted a child.
I could give her one.
Problem solved.
“What?” Jett looked at me like I had two heads.
“Laura wants to have a child. She was looking into artificial insemination. I offered to knock her up. She wasn’t thrilled about the whole idea,” I grumbled, wishing I’d kept my mouth shut.
Now, I kind of had to explain myself and my actions.
I swore Jett to secrecy before I dumped the whole story about what had happened at his engagement party, and why I called Laura every week.
“Damn,” he mumbled after he’d heard the entire story. “I already knew she was considering an anonymous sperm donor because she mentioned it to Ruby. But how did I not know you had it this bad for Laura? I knew you called her, but I had no idea it was actually a weekly thing. And how could I not know that you cared about her so much that you offered to help her have a child?”
“Because I never mentioned it,” I said matter-of-factly. “Our phone conversations have always been brief. It’s not like Laura and I have a relationship.”
“But you want to,” he nudged. “For fuck’s sake, Mason, you offered her your sperm. What guy does that unless he’s crazy about a woman? You must want a hell of a lot more than just friendship.”
“I don’t know what the fuck I want from her,” I said, annoyed. “Except to get her gorgeous ass in my bed.”
“Pretty damn badly if you offered to get her pregnant,” Jett insisted. “Mason, don’t screw this up. She’s the one. That one woman who can make you crazy and irrational.”
Jett said that like it was something I was actually supposed to want to happen.
Maybe he liked losing his shit over a female, but I didn’t.
“I’m never irrational,” I argue
d. “I simply laid out my resume and my personal information in case she decided to accept my offer. It was all very businesslike.”
I frowned as Jett let out a bellowing laughter that didn’t stop until he choked out, “Jesus, Mason! Seriously? Please tell me that you at least told her how you felt before you did that? And I hope to hell you took her out to a nice dinner. Maybe some flowers. Gifts of affection. Anything?”
“We were actually having dinner already at your rehearsal dinner,” I said defensively.
Hell, maybe he was right. Should I have gotten her some flowers or a gift?
Then I reminded myself that it was a business proposition, not a romance.
But Laura had said she wanted things more personal. So maybe some romance might have been appropriate.
“I presented her with my personal portfolio at the rehearsal dinner tonight,” I informed him in a disgruntled tone. “I didn’t think all that other stuff was necessary.”
Jett started laughing again, so hard that I wanted to reach across the fire pit and slug him to shut him up.
He snorted. “Where in the hell have you been, Mason?”
“Working,” I said tersely.
“When’s the last time you actually had a girlfriend?”
“College,” I said in a clipped voice. “Shut the hell up and stop laughing at me.”
“Bro, I’m not really laughing at you. But holy hell, it sounds like you’ve never had a real romantic interest in your life, and you have no idea how to handle how you feel about Laura. That true?”
I glared at him. “Maybe.”
Truth was, Laura Hastings had completely fucked me up, and I’d been in that same pathetic state for over a year.
Not that I wanted to admit that.
Ever.
But I couldn’t completely deny it anymore, either.
The woman was completely fucking with my ability to concentrate fully on Lawson Technologies. She was a distraction. A big one.
“Why in the hell haven’t you just asked her out so you could spend some time together?” Jett asked, his tone astonished.
“When we first met, all she wanted was a sperm donor.”
“Because she hadn’t found the right guy,” Jett added. “Come on, Mason, level with me. I don’t know what’s been happening with you, but you’ve tried to distance yourself from Carter and me for years. Yeah, we’ve physically been together a lot because of Lawson Technologies. But that’s business. I’m your brother, too.”
I had to stop myself from visibly flinching at Jett’s last statement. Probably because it was absolutely true, and I could hear a thread of hurt in his tone. I had been distant with Carter and Jett, with good reason and deliberate intent, or so I’d thought at the time. But over the years, I’d realized that my reasons didn’t matter as much as they had over a decade ago, and dropping some of those walls I’d put between me and my siblings because of something I couldn’t change was long overdue.
They were my brothers. And I fucking missed being close to both of them, and my sisters.
So I decided to start reaching out by getting real with Jett right now.
“I wanted Laura the moment I saw her over a year ago. I’d hoped that the way I thought about her all the time was just temporary insanity, and that it would go away, but it hasn’t. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me. I haven’t been nearly as focused as I used to be on Lawson Technologies, and you know our corporation is my whole goddamn life. It has been since Mom and Dad died. I don’t want to want a woman this damn badly.” I took a deep breath and continued. “But I can’t seem to stop it from happening. I call her every damn week just because I want to hear her voice. I can’t stand the thought of her getting pregnant with somebody else’s kid. In fact, the thought makes me insane. Which is why I finally decided to offer her an agreement. I thought maybe it would help if I knew she wasn’t going to have another guy’s kid. Christ, Jett, none of this shit is normal. I’ve given myself a year to get over it. But I just…can’t.”
“You’re crazy about her,” Jett stated firmly. “It’s not going to go away.”
I glared at him. “I think I’m just crazy. Period. This isn’t fucking me. I feel like some lunatic has taken over my brain, and the bastard is refusing to leave. I don’t lose my head over a female. Ever.”
Jett grinned. “Welcome to insanity, bro. You’ll get used to it. It’s not going to get any better. I’m telling you from experience. The only thing that’s going to help is knowing you’re committed to each other. So what did she say about your offer to father her child? You said she didn’t say yes, so I assume she didn’t refuse, either.”
“I think she thought I was nuts,” I answered. “And I wouldn’t disagree with her. I don’t blame her for freaking out. After the fact, I think it was probably a bad idea. I think she assumes that I’m doing it because I’m busy, and I’d like to have a child, too.”
Jett nodded slowly. “Maybe. You haven’t really put in an effort to get to know her. Like I said, some kind of dating relationship first would have made more sense. But it’s a Lawson thing. We aren’t reasonable when it comes to our women. At all. We fall so hard it’s like an obsession.”
“Exactly,” I agreed.
“But that still doesn’t explain why you haven’t made a move on her.”
“If she turns me down flat, I’ll probably never talk to her again. I’d feel like a damn stalker if I still called her every week after she turns me down.”
“Do you care?” Jett questioned.
“Yeah. I care. I don’t want to scare the shit out of her. Hell, I scare the shit out of myself. But I probably wouldn’t be able to stop myself from calling her anyway. I think I’m losing it.”
“Do you want some brotherly advice?” he queried gently.
I hesitated for a moment before I reluctantly nodded, hating the fact that my little brother was about to give me advice. However, I needed to formulate some kind of new plan, because what I’d been doing for over a year definitely wasn’t working.
“If you’re going to win Laura over, you’re going to have to stop treating everything like a business transaction. You’re going to have to make yourself vulnerable.”
Yeah, well, that was an idea I wasn’t all that crazy about. I’d shut down that part of myself years ago. The vulnerable part. I had no idea if I could ever open that door again.
Laura
I have to tell Mason the truth.
It was almost six p.m.
On Sunday.
And rather than waiting at home for Mason’s call, I was in the offices of Lawson Technologies, entering the elevator that would take me to the top of the high-rise where I knew Mason was working.
How could I not know where he was? He’d called me from this location every Sunday at six p.m. for the last year.
I was clutching the envelope that he’d given me at the rehearsal dinner. I planned to give it back to him in person. I owed him that since he’d given me so much of his personal information.
One of the security guys had just entered a code to allow me up to the top floor, and I watched as the doors slid closed.
Before I’d left my condo, I guess I’d never considered the fact that getting into Mason’s building on a Sunday would be as difficult as it had been. The place was as guarded as Fort Knox, so Mason was already aware that I was coming. His team downstairs had called him to get permission to let me breech the executive offices.
I slumped against the wall of the elevator, my heart racing as I felt the lift start to move.
Maybe I should have just told him on the phone. Why in the hell am I here? I could have sent his information back with a courier to make sure it was put directly into Mason’s hands.
I shook my head. In my heart, I knew why. My conscience was eating me alive, and I felt guilty that I hadn’t just spilled the beans earlier. Granted, the rehearsal dinner hadn’t been the time of the place to have a deeply personal discussion. But I could have ref
used to take that information and peruse the contents.
After opening the envelope full of data on him, I’d realized how much he had trusted me with, and I hadn’t liked myself for not nipping this whole thing in the bud months ago.
Jett and Ruby’s wedding had been beautiful, but I’d barely seen Mason yesterday. The ceremony and reception had flown by, and as part of the wedding party, Mason and I had been so busy that we hadn’t had time to really talk.
Not that I would have tried to have this conversation with him during a wedding anyway, but I hadn’t even had the time to warn him that I was stopping by his office in person.
I should have just told him the truth at the rehearsal dinner instead of promising him I’d look over his personal information.
I should have confessed over one of our many Sunday phone calls during the last year.
But I hadn’t.
“It would have been so much easier,” I whispered to myself aloud.
However, if those phone calls ended, I would have had absolutely no connection to Mason. After some soul searching, I realized that deep down, I’d wanted to keep that line of communication open.
Okay. Yeah. Maybe the man made me crazy sometimes, but in his own twisted kind of way, he cared.
For some weird reason, I hadn’t wanted to let that go.
It wasn’t until I’d started to look at his personal information, like he’d asked me to do, that I’d gotten disgusted enough with myself to face the real reason why I hadn’t been completely honest with him.
I could have told Mason to go screw himself at any time.
I could have just stopped answering his calls.
Problem was, I liked hearing from him every week, even if he could be totally annoying, and I hadn’t wanted that to end. Even if he was lecturing me about what was best for me.
I’d enjoyed his attention, no matter how twisted his reasons were for calling. Probably because I’d been drawn to him by some inexplicable attraction from day one.
I had to admit that maybe somewhere in the back of my mind, I’d hoped that he might ask me to meet up with him in person. Alone. Maybe something resembling a date.