by Sosie Frost
Jules approved of this. “Good. Cause you’ve been a monumental dick. Got any more apologies lined up?”
“Probably more than I could give.”
“Why not start?”
I sighed. “Jules, he had a rough night.”
“And you had a rough five years, Cassi.” Jules pointed at me. “And a rougher two weeks when he broke your heart again.”
Rem had never backed down from a challenge. “I’m gonna win her back.”
“Great. So you can complicate her life even more.”
“No. So I can make it better.” Rem’s dark eyes followed me. “I loved her then, and I love her now. I’m not going anywhere. If she wants me…I’ll be here. Waiting. For as long as she needs.”
Goddamn it. I dropped the whisk in the batter.
Should I have yelled?
Kicked him out of the house?
Rushed into his arms?
A quiet resentment poisoned my words. “How dare you, Remington Marshall. First you chase me. Then I fall in love with you. Then you push me away, tell me lies, and spout some garbage about not being a good enough man for me and the kids.” I couldn’t look at him without hurting, so I scolded the floor at his feet. “You ran, Rem. Again. How can I be sure that this was the last time?”
“Because I’m not leaving Butterpond,” he said. “I’m taking the kids. I’m staying to look after Emma. And if you have me, I’m gonna love you.”
“How can you stand there and say that you love me?” My eyes prickled with tears, but I would not cry. “You still refuse to tell me the full truth.”
“That’s because I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because it isn’t my truth to tell.”
“What the hell does that mean?” I gave up, my patience cracking under the weight of all his supposed honesty. “This is your last chance, Rem. I need to know what you’re hiding from me. Why you ran five years ago.”
“Cas…”
“What the hell happened that night? Why did you hurt this family? Why didn’t you stay to help us after the fire?” I sucked in a worthless breath. “Either you tell me the truth…or I will walk away now. I won’t be lied to anymore, Rem.”
“I don’t want to lie.” Maybe the first honest thing he’d ever said. “But can’t we let this go? It’s been so long. It doesn’t matter now.”
“It matters to me. And it should matter to you.”
“Why?”
“So we can both forgive it.”
Hard steps squeaked the kitchen floor. Tidus emerged from the stairs, hair tussled and no shirt. At least he’d remembered pants this morning.
But my brother didn’t crack a smile or his knuckles. He refused to meet our gazes.
Something weighed on him. He nearly dropped to his knees.
“There’s nothing to forgive.” Tidus spoke through clenched teeth. “Don’t blame Rem for what happened.”
Rem’s warning was quick. “No.”
“What are you talking about?” Jules asked.
“The barn fire wasn’t his fault.”
Rem stepped forward. “Tidus, shut your mouth.”
My brother ignored him, his eyes focusing only on me.
“Rem didn’t start the fire,” Tidus said. “I did.”
23
Cassi
The farm hadn’t changed much since we were kids—all that was missing was the barn.
We didn’t have any animals, and we hadn’t grown any crops, but with Rem at my side…it felt like we’d traveled back five years.
I wasn’t sure if that was good or not.
Jules had agreed to watch the kids—or, at the very least, ensure a bleary-eyed Quint didn’t accidentally sit on them when he stumbled out of the kitchen with his Coco Pebbles. Rem had taken my hand and led me outside.
To talk, he’d said.
I still couldn’t speak a single word.
Rem guided me behind the chicken coop. I peeked in on Helena, the eggless wonder. She pecked at the earth, content, plump, and standing by her life-choices one gobble of seed at a time.
He stopped in the center of the field and squeezed my hand. “Remember this spot?”
All of a sudden, I remembered a lot of things. Some good. Most bad. “Should I?”
“This was where I threatened to run you over with the lawn tractor.” Rem smirked. “You stood your ground.”
“And you ran over my shoe.”
“Your foot wasn’t in it.”
“You still mulched my favorite boot.”
“Yeah.” He snickered, tugging my hand to keep walking. “We kept finding flecks of pink rubber all over the damn farm during our chores.”
And Rem had always been diligent with the chores. He’d work with Tidus in the mornings. Help water the animals with Jules. Muck the stables with whoever got stuck on animal duty that afternoon. Mowed the grass with Dad. Harvested the crops with Quint and Varius.
Even helped me water the little sunflower garden Mom and I had planted.
Until that day with the barn, Rem had been another member of the family, putting in the blood, sweat, and tears required to make the farm successful.
And he never did it because Dad threw money his way. And it wasn’t because his friends were stuck doing chores before they could go get in trouble.
Rem had worked the farm because he’d wanted to help.
He’d wanted to be a part of the family.
I still couldn’t breathe. Rem was careful, walking slow with me, unable to answer the questions I couldn’t voice yet.
“Right here?” He planted his feet and leaned against a fence in desperate need of repair and paint. He pointed into the pasture. “Right here was where I watched you ride that black mare.”
“Olivia.”
“I watched you one day, just riding. You didn’t see me. Don’t think you saw anything but wind and grass. You and Olivia just flew across the field, and I thought…I’ve never seen anyone so beautiful in my life.”
“Me or the horse?”
“I think you know.”
“At this point?” Confusion and desperation rocked my soul. “I don’t know anything anymore.”
“I fell in love with you that day.” Rem frowned as the fence nearly collapsed under the weight of his arms. Old wood that’d gone too long without repair. “I was standing here thinking…someday, I’m gonna marry her.”
My heart lurched, but Rem didn’t say anything more. He walked away, his pace slow until I reached his side once more.
What was he doing to me?
Did he want to drive me to my knees? Start a panic attack?
Was he trying to make me dive into his arms and never let go?
Cause I was close. And it scared me.
He walked me over the fields, pausing at every place of significance for him. Where we’d shared our first kiss behind the shed. Our fight near the cow trough where he’d landed face first in the water. The secret tree where we’d meet under the cover of darkness while everyone slept. Even Tidus didn’t know about that.
In a matter of minutes, we’d walked through our life. Places where we fell in love. Hideaways where we’d fought. Shadows where we’d teased each other, tormented each other, and tried to hide all of our feelings.
He stopped at the edge of the field where the grass shaded a lighter color. Rusted equipment and junk now littered the corner of the farm where the barn once stood.
“And this is where everything fell apart.” Rem’s voice lowered. “I never meant for it to happen this way, Cas.”
“I don’t understand. What happened? Why would Tidus set fire to the barn? Why would you take the blame?”
“Because I had to.”
“That doesn’t make sense.”
Rem stared over the farm. “Your family was my family, Cassi. My dad lived only to drink, and the bottle gave out same year as his liver. My mom followed him to the grave. I was on my own, but your parents welcomed me to the farm. Every day.
They fed me. They let me stay the night when my folks were fighting. Gave me my first job. Without them…I might have ended up a lot worse. They kept me from going too far. From losing myself.”
“But the fire…”
“I didn’t want anything to hurt your family. I’d already led Tidus down the wrong path. You think he’d have those tattoos if it wasn’t for me? The smoking? The drinking? The drugs?”
“He’s cleaned up now,” I said.
“Because I left. Because I wasn’t there every day, encouraging him.” He didn’t hide the truth anymore, even if it broke our hearts. “I was the one who got us in trouble. We pissed around. We got arrested. Hell, we almost got expelled from high school. Tidus was a good kid, and it was my fault he had that…streak in him. I was mad at the world, but he had everything. And because of me, he never saw how good it was.”
“That doesn’t explain why.”
“There was a lot you didn’t see back then, Sassy. A lot we hid from you, to protect you. You think the fighting is new? It started long before the fire. Tidus never got along with your father.”
It didn’t surprise me. “No one got along well with Dad. He worked them too hard.”
“Because he thought he was saving us. When he looked at Tidus, he saw my influence. Your dad pushed too hard. Punished him for every ounce of trouble we got into. Then he started doubting Tidus. Accused him of lying. The older we got, the less your dad trusted him, and Tidus resented that.”
My chest ached for the brother I’d thought I knew the best. “He never said anything.”
“No one was listening.” Rem shrugged. “Except me. And it shouldn’t have been me.”
“What happened?”
“One day, your mom’s migraine meds went missing. The benzos. Your dad blamed Tidus. Roughed him up when he denied it. Never once believed Tidus when he said it wasn’t him.”
I couldn’t blame Dad. Back then, I’d have assumed any missing drugs to be in Tidus’s pocket too. “Who took them?”
“No one. They were just missing. But Tidus was embarrassed to be called out like that. He got mad. Real mad. He didn’t snap because of the pills, but because of everything. Years of your dad railing on him. Beating his ass. Refusing to listen. So Tidus got pissed, lost his temper, and…”
Same story, time and again. “He lost control.”
“I caught him in the barn, lit cigarette in his hand. He didn’t even say a word. Just flicked the cig into the hay. Then he lit another one.”
Rem rubbed his beard and combed a frustrated hand through his hair. I squeezed his shoulder, but I don’t think it helped the memory.
“I leapt on him before he could toss the second one,” he said. “We fought until we were bloody. He broke my nose. I bashed his head against the barn door. It took a concussion before he realized what he’d done. Then…he panicked. The fire was already out of control. We got most of the cows out, but after that…it had to burn.”
I hugged myself. “It was chaos. Middle of the night. Everyone was panicked. Terrified.”
“It sobered me up, right then and there. I saw everything. It was my fault Tidus had ended up the way he was. He’d taken on his vices because of me. And I never tried to help him, only wanted to get in more trouble.”
“So you took the blame?”
“If your father had known Tidus set the fire, he’d have kicked him off the farm and out of the family. It would have destroyed you guys. Torn you apart. I couldn’t let it happen. The Paynes were the only real family I ever knew, the only ones I’d ever loved. And you did so much for me, all the while I pissed away my chances and made it harder for everyone, including Tidus.”
I wished I could have held him, but my feet didn’t move. “You were a kid, Rem.”
“And I became a man that day. I took responsibility. I said it was me. I told Tidus to shut his mouth, turn his damn life around, and to help his old man instead of fighting all the damn time. I told him I wanted to keep your family together—to spare them the pain that would have come from the truth.” His words hollowed. “And I left that night.”
“Without saying goodbye,” I whispered. “Without telling me the truth.”
“I had to, Cas. I wasn’t anywhere near good enough for you then. I couldn’t take care of you. Couldn’t support you. Couldn’t even keep myself clean. You deserved someone better.” He brushed my cheek with his hand. “So I’m going to be better for you.”
The tears threatened to roll over my cheeks. “Do you know how long I spent loving you and hating you and missing you and trying to get over you?”
“Same amount of time I loved you, hated myself, missed you, and regretted leaving.”
“I would have understood.”
“Maybe. I did so much to protect your family that I forgot to start one of my own. And I want to change that now. I want you, Cas. Me. You. The girls, for as long as they need. I wasn’t born into a family, but your parents gifted one to me. Now it’s my turn. I want to create that family with you.”
I bit my lip, but the words tumbled out anyway. “You always had one here, Rem. I never stopped loving you.”
His smile washed away my fear and anger and hesitance. “I can help with the farm. Work it with Jules and your brothers. Restore it to how your Dad imagined it. We can do it together, Sassy. Rebuild over the bad memories and make new ones. Better ones.”
I slipped into his arms. “What sort of memories?”
“The best kind.”
“Me and you?”
“If you’ll have me,” he said.
“If you think I’m letting you get away from me this time…”
“Got some rope in the truck if you want to tie me down.”
I grinned, sneaking closer for a kiss. “I can do one better.”
“That so?”
“Oh, Remington Marshall…” I nibbled on his bottom lip. “I’m going to make it so good for you that I’ll be surprised if you could even walk, let alone escape me.”
“I’m not going anywhere, Sassy.” He winked. “Except down.”
“That a promise?”
“It’s a vow, if you’ll say yes.”
“Might need some convincing.”
Rem swept me into his arms and headed for the shed. I squealed, but he silenced me with a kiss. “I’ll prove how much I love you if I have to fuck you all day and night.”
“Think that’ll be enough?”
He kissed me again.
“It’s a start.”
Epilogue
Rem
The sunlight hinted through Cassi’s bedroom window, kissing her warm, dark skin.
Not a bad sight in the morning, made even better by her ridiculously small twin bed. I didn’t mind. Just kept her closer to me. Wrapped in my arms. Safe under me while I moved within her all night.
I kissed that lovely shoulder. Tickled my fingers down her graceful arm. Woke her as I shifted her against my chest.
She’d hardly batted her eyes open, but she offered her body.
I slipped inside that tightness with a guttural groan. Her whispered gasp was the only sound I’d ever wanted to hear in the morning.
Tight. Our bodies fit together in delirious perfection. Nothing rushed. Nothing heated. Nothing desperate.
She was mine. I was hers.
And I claimed her body with every stroke just as she claimed mine with the little bump of her hips.
She shook first, tensing over my length with fingertips curled into the pillows. I followed, spilling every drop of seed as deep into her as I could get.
And we rested together. Soundless. Warm. Peaceful.
Like it could have been for so long.
Like it would be from here on out.
Her door clattered open and slammed against the wall. Cassi jumped, covering herself with the blanket. Fortunately, Mellie was too excited to hear.
“Pancakes!” She screeched, her fists drawn to her chin like breakfast was a wicked machination. “Want pancake
s!”
And now so did the rest of the house.
Mellie scurried down the hall and hollered for breakfast. Cassi giggled, pushed from the bed, and quickly wound a robe around her lovely body.
“And here I thought the only early riser was you.” Her eyebrow arched at the tent accidentally pitched in the bed. “Better put that way. You have a big day ahead of you, Mr. Marshall.”
I needed a shower and a cup of coffee before I could comprehend it. “Just amazed Jules went for the idea.”
“He’s wanted that barn rebuilt for months,” Cassi winked. “Who better to help him construct it than the man who…” She shrugged. “Well, the man who watched it burn.”
“Cross your fingers.” I slipped from the bed and pulled on jeans before any wayward children or protective brothers happened to barge into the room. “I heard this zoning officer is a hardass. Citing some new regulations or some bullshit. Barn might be too close to the property line to rebuild or something.”
Cassi pouted. “It was there before. Stood there for a hundred years.”
“I’m only repeating what Emma said. Her new boyfriend’s worked some construction jobs in the area. Said the whole zoning department is fuc—heyyyy. You’re back!”
Mellie waited at the door, impatiently pleading with opened arms for her pancakes.
“Please!” She begged while hopping on one foot. “I’m hungry!”
“Better get you food before you waste away.” I snatched her up and hauled her over my shoulder, winking at Cassi. “Meet you downstairs?”
Cassi smirked. “You’re getting to be a natural at that now.”
I gave Mellie’s tush a smack as she giggled. “Not yet. Soon though.”
The kid giggled, squirmed, and kicked me in the gut.
No better way to start the morning.
No better way to wake up. No better woman. No better kids.
No better family.
The pancakes came, went, and half of them ended on the floor. Wasn’t even Mellie this time. Quint’s ADD rattled him off the ways without the addition of maple syrup. A little scrubbing and a nap later—both for Quint and the girls—and all I had to deal with was Jules stalking the porch.