Devan groaned and dropped his head, platinum hair falling forwards, obscuring his face.
Zio ached to comfort him, punch him, fuck him. Punch him some more, then fuck him all over again. “This shit isn’t fair. Why do you get to turn me inside out and walk away every time?”
“I can’t walk away.”
“What?”
Devan raised his head. “I said, I can’t walk away. If I could, we’d have fucked already and that would be the end of it.”
“What about all that crap about the pack and the war?”
“It would still stand, but if we’d had a one-time hook-up, I’m pretty sure life would’ve moved on by now.” Devan removed his arm from Zio’s throat and tugged him upright, faces inches apart, chests grazing. “Before this gets out of control, you need to know . . . I don’t think anything that happens between us is ever going to be a one-time thing.”
Devan pinned Zio’s hands above his head. Somehow in the last ten minutes, he’d lost sight of all reason. Or maybe he’d never had it, and that was why it was now him straddling Zio. Him chasing the heated bolts of pleasure that blinded him so completely to anything else.
Anything except Zio.
Devan gazed down, drinking in Zio’s fast-moving chest, flushed skin, and hooded dark eyes. Gods, he was beautiful. Devan pushed messy sweat-dampened hair out of his own face and leaned back. He ached to fuck Zio, to put an end to the yearning that was driving them both so insane, but he’d meant it when he’d told Zio that nothing they did would be a one-time thing, and his pack’s warnings, though a distant memory while he kept Zio prisoner beneath him, still held true. I can’t fuck him. Not yet.
But he had to do something. Had to set them both free, even if it was just for tonight.
“Devan.”
Devan opened his eyes, unaware that he’d closed them until Zio’s whisper broke through. “What is it?”
“Can I touch you?”
Devan blinked. “Why are you asking me that?”
“Because I need you to feel like I do when you touch me.”
Devan found his hazed memory of the club and then the razor-sharp recollection of the forest. Zio had filled his throat perfectly, as though he’d been made to slide along Devan’s tongue. He remembered Zio’s crazed, ecstatic moans, and desire pulsed through him. “Touch me. Please.”
Zio sat up and closed his hand around Devan’s hard length. Fluid beaded at the tip and created the ultimate alchemy of wetness and friction.
Devan gasped. “Your hand is so warm.”
“Does it feel good?”
“Yeah, Zio. It feels good.”
Zio squeezed, pulled, twisted, bottom lip caught between his teeth. “I need you to be as crazy for me as I am for you. To lose your fucking mind before you come.”
“Why?”
“I need to know it’s not just me.”
“I already told—”
“I need to see.”
Devan shook his head. “You’ve seen it already, every day since we met.”
“Then show me again.”
Devan would show Zio anything he desired as long as he kept jacking him like that. He rarely gave into a shifter’s natural urge to chase pleasure wherever it was available, even when he was alone, but Zio’s touch was nothing he’d ever felt before. Electric. Addictive. And so consuming Devan forgot where he was. Who he was. Forgot everything except the growing pressure in his belly. “Let me touch you too.”
“No.”
“Please?”
“No.”
“If I begged, would it convince you I’d lost my mind the way you want me to?”
“Maybe, but I don’t want you to move. Just lie there, Devan. Let me take this from you.”
A groan tore from Devan’s chest. He thrust up into Zio’s hand and screwed his eyes shut. “I need you to come too.”
“Trust me, I’m gonna. And it’s gonna be quick. Are you ready?”
I’ll never be ready for you.
Zio loosened his grip on Devan’s length enough to wrap his fingers around his own, so they slid together as one, slicked with the silky fluid that had seeped from Devan.
Devan opened his eyes, instantly transfixed. His blood sang, and release ambushed him, spurting out of him a split second before sensation caught up and knocked the breath from his lungs.
It hit him like a freight train. He roared. White-hot pleasure carried him to the precipice of his human form. Raw power shimmered through every facet of him, and only fear of hurting Zio kept him from shifting as new light flared in the connection they shared.
Zio came with a ragged yell, the very tips of his claws scraping Devan’s cock. Sweat and blood merged with their combined release. The scent was dizzying, and Devan fought to stay conscious as Zio fell forwards.
He caught Zio and broke his fall with his body. Zio reached out with trembling hands to rub his seed into Devan’s skin, but Devan stopped him. “Don’t. We won’t come back from that.”
Barely awake, Zio gazed up at him. “From what?”
“You really don’t know?”
Zio started to shake his head, but the obnoxious buzz of Devan’s neglected phone cut him off. For a long moment, they didn’t move, then reality kicked Devan in the nuts, and he dove for the phone.
Varian greeted him. “Sorry to disturb you. They need you at the clinic. Human emergency. Can you help?”
Devan rolled off the bed. “Of course. I’m on my way.”
Chapter Twelve
“I didn’t hear you in the woods last night,” Varian said. “Did you find rest?”
Zio kept his gaze on the satellite navigation app he was using to map out the weakest points in their defence lines. Some were obvious—sparsely populated and scenes of previous conflict—others less so. He’d heard rumours of wolves duping their way into regiments of the human army. “Yeah. I slept.”
Not on purpose. After Devan had run out on him, he’d fought to stay awake, but drained of his haunting desire for Devan—for a short while, at least—he’d knocked out. Slept naked and clinging to one side of the bed so there’d be room for Devan when he came back.
He hadn’t come back.
Varian rounded the table and scented Zio’s neck, a gesture that often soothed Zio.
Now, though, Zio battled a primal urge to shove him away. To protect any remnants of Devan’s scent from anyone’s attention but his. Mine.
Zio shuddered. The fuck is wrong with me?
Varian stepped away. “I’m struggling with you, Zio. You’ve always been somewhat of an enigma, even as a child, but I see things in you I don’t understand, now more than ever. I wish you would talk to me.”
Tell him.
It seemed like madness. Varian had never pried into the private lives of his pack, even the combat units he worked so closely with. Even Zio, who he’d changed himself and mentored his entire childhood. He’d never asked why much of Gale’s crew, and Zio’s alike, had all passed through Danielo’s bed when it was obvious to the whole fucking world that Danielo was forever devoted to Michael. He’d never asked Shannon about his human companion in the township. Or Kate why she’d cried when Ishmail had found his mate. It wasn’t that he didn’t care . . . it was about respect.
They were a pack with many beating hearts.
Besides, confessing to Varian would mean Devan’s Shadow Clan alpha would have to be told too, and Zio didn’t know enough about that relationship to betray Devan’s trust. Not even to Varian. My alpha.
Zio’s heart skipped, and he forced himself to focus on the tablet screen. “If I was commanding the southern forces, I’d plan small incursions at the weakest spots in the divisional lines while infiltrating easy access points in the all-human areas.”
After a loaded beat of silence, Varian followed Zio’s gaze. “Where?”
“Here.” Zio pointed to an area of the unmarked border that was notoriously hard to defend. “And here—at the NHS hospital a few miles north of the line.
It’s overused, understaffed, and lacks funding from the human government. It’s ripe for corruption.”
“So you’d do that? Use the misfortune of others to gain a strategic advantage?”
“If I was a heartless bastard, yes. But I’m not sure our enemies are that clever. I might be overthinking.”
“Underthinking is far more dangerous. Say they did covertly take the hospital. What would the advantage be?”
“At the very least, a place to pool soldiers until the time came to deploy them. That way they wouldn’t be seen at the border.”
Varian nodded, though his eyes gave nothing away. “And what would you do if you were the military commander of this pack?”
“You’re more than a military commander. You’re the alpha.”
“Humour me.”
Zio shrugged. “We could infiltrate the hospital first, but the southern commanders would simply find another target. I think we should show strength at the border, repel any attacks with heavy firepower. Let them think that’s our focus while we monitor the hospital.”
Varian hummed and left the table to fiddle with the coffee machine. He came back with a mug for himself and a handful of biscuits for Zio. “In case you haven’t got round to eating yet.”
“I ate last night. Devan made pizza.”
“That’s nice.”
“Is it?”
“Yes, Zio. I was worried you wouldn’t get on with someone living in Emma’s space, and I had no wish for you—or him—to endure more upheaval than necessary.”
“You know, you could’ve put him in the spare room at Bomber and Danielo’s place. Or asked Michael if he’d share his flat at the barracks.”
“I could’ve.”
“So why didn’t you?”
“You may crave solitude, child, but it’s not good for you.” Varian cupped Zio’s face. His palm held all the warmth of Devan’s, but none of the heat. “And Devan is a natural healer. I’d imagine his close presence is benefitting you already, even if you don’t yet know it.”
I know it. Zio cleared his throat. “How many soldiers am I taking to the border?”
Varian let his palm drop. “Your unit and the ground company—fifty-six of you, in total, while Gale’s unit will target the hospital.”
“Fifty-six? That’s bad maths, boss. Me plus my unit, plus fifty squadies is fifty-five.”
“Plus our resident healer.”
“Devan?”
Varian nodded. “Yes. For some reason, my gut won’t allow me to separate you.”
Zio left Varian’s house at sundown. He jogged through the trees, eager to link up with Gale so he could search out Devan and go home.
Home. It was a strange concept that after weeks of avoiding it, there was presently nowhere he’d rather be.
Right, cos it’s all about the bungalow. The shit hot-water tank and the broken springs in your mattress.
Zio let his mind drift as he emerged from the wooded area and circled the compound to where Gale lived. As ever, there seemed to be a separate place in his brain reserved for Devan and a fuzziness to his memories of the moments leading up to encounters he could recall with crystal clarity. He remembered every second he’d been naked in bed with Devan, but not entirely how it came to be. How his sensibilities had led him to believe it was a good idea. Away from Devan, he could think clearly, but the trouble was, he didn’t want to. Because thinking clearly would bring regret, and he wasn’t in the mood for that shit. Nah. Been there, done that, and what had it changed?
Fuck all. Devan was still living in his house, and for whatever messed up reason, Zio still wanted him. But he’s not a wolf. Not a wolf. Not a wolf. Not a wolf. Three words that haunted Zio when he let them. But did it truly matter? Shit, we’re just hooking up. It’s not like I’m marrying the guy.
Huh. Perhaps that was it. Varian was always advising them to embrace their human nature. Maybe, just maybe, this was about men, not a wolf and whatever mutant creature Devan was—
Zio crashed into a warm, solid body. “The fuck?”
Devan steadied him, his grin as supernatural as anything Zio had ever seen from him. “You should pay attention to your surroundings better, even on the compound. Complacency is a bad habit.”
“Yeah? Well, so is creeping up on people like a stalker. Again. How do you do that? Do you have a shield?”
“Nope. I took advantage of your distraction again, hence my advice to be more self-aware.”
Zio glared.
Devan grinned some more.
“You’re not funny,” Zio snapped.
“I’m not laughing.”
“Liar.”
“No. I’m not a liar, Zio. Ask me anything, and I’ll always tell you the truth.”
Zio rolled his eyes. “Damn. Is this what you snuck up on me for? Deep and meaningful conversation?”
“I came to say hello. I haven’t seen you since last night.”
Oh. Mollified, Zio relaxed his stance. “Well, hello then. Where’ve you been all this time? Varian said you’d been called out for a human emergency, but he didn’t elaborate.”
“Childbirth.” Devan motioned for Zio to keep walking. “I’m sure you don’t want the details, but the baby was stuck. The human doctors could save the mother, but not the baby, so I assisted them.”
“The baby lived?”
“Yes, and I was able to heal the damage done by the compression on the placenta.”
Zio winced. “That sounds painful.”
“It was, for everyone involved, but the outcome was good.”
“Was the baby human?”
“It’s not yet known. The father was a wolf—I think he works on the arable farm—but the mother is human, so I suppose we won’t know until the child is older.”
Zio couldn’t name the emotions that rolled through him as he contemplated that. “I can’t imagine growing up without knowing. I was raised by humans, but for as long as I can remember, I counted the days until my first shift.”
“How old were you?”
“Eleven.”
It was Devan’s turn to flinch. “That’s . . . young. The development in hereditary shifters is much slower.”
“And much faster in adults who are bitten. Did your change hurt?”
“Yes. Very much. But I was never alone, and it was something I’d chosen. I think that helps.”
“I didn’t choose to be bitten, and it didn’t hurt.”
Devan’s expression grew distant, the way Zio had noticed it often did when he was reaching for the wisdom Zio lacked. “There isn’t much literature on shifters who are bitten as infants. Years ago such things were forbidden, and the ruling councils would’ve destroyed you and Varian both.”
“Yeah, he told me that. He probably told me what changed too, but I never paid much attention to his history lessons.”
“What changed was the leadership of the supernatural world. Vampires and werewolves were defeated by shifters. New alliances formed; new laws made. By the time you were born, it was no longer permitted to destroy supernatural infants without just cause . . . no longer up to, say, Varian, to prove you weren’t dangerous, and instead up to the authorities to prove you were.”
Zio turned his gaze to the sky. Varian had warned him many times that the world was far greater than he’d ever see, but the idea that shifters he’d never meet had held his fate in their hands disturbed him.
Devan stopped and caught Zio’s hand, tugging him back until they were face-to-face. “I can’t vouch for the ruling wolves of the world, but you were never in danger from Shadow Clan.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do. I may not have known about you, but I’ve heard of other shifters who were bitten as infants, and never once witnessed Dash advocating their death.”
“What about Luca? Your war general, huh? I bet he’s not so—”
“So what? You’ve already admitted that you have little knowledge of supernatural history, so why do you have such concrete
opinions?”
“Am I annoying you, Devan?”
Devan’s gaze flickered, turning his bright eyes a stormy blue. “Would that make you happy?”
“I—” Zio opened his mouth. Shut it again. He couldn’t deny that riling Devan was amusing. That his reaction was off the scale hot. But did upsetting him make Zio happy?
That was a hard no.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you.”
Devan’s scowl remained for a moment longer; then his face softened, and he shrugged. “I’m not offended. Perhaps spending the last twelve hours with wolves who didn’t care for my presence has left me more irritable than usual.”
Irritable wasn’t a word Zio had associated with Devan in the short time he’d known him. “What wolves?”
“The father of the baby and his extended family. They didn’t want a non-wolf healer near his human mate and his child. It took some persuading and the actual threat of death to change their minds.”
“I didn’t want you here either.”
“I know.”
“But death didn’t have to persuade me otherwise if it’s any consolation.”
“It’s not, to be honest. Your pack is on the verge of being wiped out by a threat as grave to supernatural peace as many living shifters have ever known. Do you think your prejudices about those who aren’t exactly like you are more important?”
“No—”
“Then perhaps you, a highly revered soldier, should do more to educate the masses. That is, if you have truly changed your mind and you haven’t merely developed a fetish for me.”
“Wow.”
“What?”
Zio squeezed Devan’s hands. “You really are pissed off.”
“Am I?”
“Yes. I can’t feel your emotions the way you can mine, but you’re doing a pretty good job of projecting.”
“Sorry.”
“Nah. I like it better than never knowing how to read you.”
“I wasn’t aware you spent much time trying.”
Zio chuckled. “You’d be amazed what I do when you’re not paying attention.”
Devan closed the minute distance between them, his lips tantalisingly close. “I think you’re overestimating my ability to ignore you.”
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