“He had a couple of pillows,” Devan replied to Zio’s obvious curiosity. “And he pinched some blankets from somewhere.”
“What for?”
“To keep you warm. You’re the only idiot who didn’t bring a camp bed. No one else is sleeping on the ground.”
“You are.”
“Got a pillow now, though, haven’t I?”
So many emotions tumbled through Zio, too confused to make sense of. He hadn’t brought a bed because the only one left had smelt too much of Emma, and being cold as he slept was cathartic. At least, it had been until Devan had come along. “I don’t understand.”
Devan left his boots by the tent entrance and stepped into Zio’s personal space. “You don’t have to. Just let me take care of you a little, okay? It’s all I can do right now.”
Zio was struggling to remember a time when Devan’s soft voice hadn’t completely owned him. When he hadn’t obeyed his gentle requests without question. “Whatever you want.”
“No, Zio. Whatever you need.”
Zio knocked his head against Devan’s shoulder, trusting Devan to already know that what he needed was a few hours of solid sleep. A break from angsting over the mess lingering between them and fretting over the safety of his pack. His family.
Devan wrapped his arms around Zio, his embrace loose enough to be platonic if it wasn’t for the supernatural chemistry swirling around them, trapping them in a vortex of instinct and desire. Zio greedily breathed in Devan’s scent, saturating himself in it as a deep-rooted fear that he might not get the chance again drove him to cling to Devan, claws sliding out to hook into Devan’s clothes.
“Easy,” Devan murmured. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“But what if you do?”
“I won’t. Everyone making the decisions has ordered me to stay put. We can’t bond or do anything that might cause us to lose control, but we can be together, Zio. Like this. Like pack.”
Pack. The one thing, until Devan had come along, that Zio had believed he truly understood. “I can’t handle you touching me, but I can’t cope if you stop.”
“I’ll only stop if you ask me to.”
“I won’t. I can’t.”
“Then let it go.” Devan pulled back. “I’ve tried to fight it, to stay away, and it only hurts more.”
Zio couldn’t imagine anything hurting him more than Devan’s absence and the loss of his touch and his scent. He let Devan lead him to the bed-shaped nest he’d made of sleeping bags and pillows. “You’re going to stay, aren’t you? You won’t leave while I’m asleep?”
Devan gestured for Zio to undress. “I’ll only leave if someone gets hurt and they need me, but with the reinforcements Varian is sending today and no active patrols, that shouldn’t happen.”
“Famous last words.”
“I know, but it’s all I’ve got.”
Zio stripped his clothes. Devan did the same, and they crawled into bed. Zio closed the scant distance between them the moment Devan’s back hit the ground, twining their legs and laying his head on Devan’s chest.
Devan’s heart beat like a metronome, slow and steady, while Zio’s pulse ticked like a broken clock. How is he so fucking calm all the time? Then he remembered the crazed beast who’d saved him from certain death, the shifter who’d been so out of control he’d have killed his own pack brothers if Zio hadn’t stopped him. He’s as dangerous as I am. More.
It should’ve scared him, but it didn’t.
Chapter Twenty
Zio talked in his sleep. Devan couldn’t say how he’d never noticed before, but as the day passed to Zio’s fidgeting and muttering, everything seemed brand new. Devan tracked the shadows across the tent as he lay on his back with Zio in his arms, fingers tangled in his silky hair. Zio’s scent intoxicated him, and his bared neck called to Devan like a siren, but as the brief winter sun came and went, he resisted. Pack.
Withstanding the urge to investigate the hot length pressed against his thigh was harder. Human Devan knew that fooling around was among the most dangerous things they could do when it came to controlling their instincts to bond, but natural arousal, combined with the heady madness of simply being together, made rational thought impossible.
As Zio slept, Devan lay awake, imagining all the things they might’ve done if things had been different. Uncomplicated. How throwing each other around in bed would become less necessary and more fun. Perhaps they’d take their time. Find a patch of sunlight to roll around in. Devan had been with too many partners to count, but Zio—
“Gods, whatever you’re thinking about, please stop.”
Devan blinked and glanced down.
Zio stared back at him, gaze heated. Hungry.
“How do you know I’m thinking about anything in particular?”
Zio canted his hips and fluttered a hand over Devan’s groin. “Are you taking the piss?”
Devan smiled in spite of himself. “Not on purpose. Sorry. My, uh, mind got away from me.”
“Your mind is obviously a filthy place to be.”
“It would seem so.”
The tension in Zio’s body melted away a little. He brought his hands back to Devan and ghosted them over his chest, his abdomen, and the very place Devan wanted him most. His touch was featherlight. Gentle. Curious.
Devan bit his lip. “If you want me to retrieve my mind from the gutter, you’re gonna have to stop doing that.”
“Uh-huh.”
Zio’s tone was noncommittal.
Devan groaned and flexed, chasing his magic hands. “Now it’s your turn to stop.”
“I don’t want to.”
“I know. That’s why you have to.”
“I don’t have to do anything.” Zio moved fast, straddling Devan in the blink of an eye. He dropped a hand either side of Devan’s head and ground down, softly at first, but then, when he met no resistance, harder, with more purpose, drawing another moan from Devan. “We could fuck,” Zio whispered. “Just once. No one would know.”
“Everyone would know,” Devan gritted out. “But that’s not the issue.”
“Then what is?”
“Don’t play dumb.” Gods, why am I having this conversation again? “You know if we mess around like this, the chances of us biting and completing the bond are a million times higher.”
“I don’t care.”
With Zio playing him, neither did Devan. The bond swirled around them, tendrils snaking into his brain, clouding his rational judgement, overriding everything, even his commitment to keep the pack safe.
He gripped Zio’s wrists and flipped them over. They’d slept in underwear, but it was gone before Devan could contemplate what he was doing. Naked, all bets were off. His body ached to be inside Zio. He closed his hand around Zio’s neck, the other shoving Zio’s legs apart. His cock pressed against Zio, demanding entrance.
Zio snatched a shaky breath. “Kiss me.”
Devan leaned down. Skin touched skin, and Zio’s legs came around him, drawing Devan closer, their lips millimetres apart. This is it. He’s mine—
“Um, guys?”
Reality crashed in, slamming into Devan like a tsunami. He reared back, a fierce growl escaping him. “Fuck. What do you want?”
Shannon looked on, expression an irritating mix of wary and amused. “The reinforcements have arrived. Varian came with them, and he wants to see you, Devan.”
“What about me?” Zio asked.
“He didn’t mention you, and he’s not stopping. Just said to find Devan.”
Confusion broke through the hormone-haze clouding Zio’s eyes. He frowned but said nothing as he scrambled out from beneath Devan.
Devan’s hand shot out to stop him, but he caught it in time and sprang to his feet. “Where’s he at?”
“Comms tent. Peace out.”
Shannon disappeared, taking with him the heat of the moment. Devan shook his head, trying to clear it. His body still throbbed with desire, but with alpha orders hanging over him,
it was easier to control.
He retrieved his clothes from the floor and threw them on while Zio watched, the emotions seeping from him so conflicted Devan couldn’t pin them down. Want. Relief. Sadness.
Devan stamped into his boots and crouched at Zio’s side. “I’m sorry. That was my fault. I let my imagination run away with me while you slept.”
“’S okay. It’s not like I did much to stop it.”
“That’s the point. You couldn’t, because how I was feeling influenced you before you even woke up. I’ll work on it, I promise.”
“I don’t want you to work on not wanting to jump me.”
“Yeah, well. I have to, or I’ll have to leave.”
Like that’ll ever happen. Even without the risks to Zio, it wasn’t something Devan could contemplate, but the threat worked. Zio blinked. Shook himself. Banged his head on Devan’s shoulder and nodded. “We’ll both work on it. Should I come with you to see Varian?”
“No. Rest here.”
“I just slept all day.”
“Yeah, and you’ll be out all night. Humour me.”
Devan slipped out of the tent before Zio could argue. He was under no illusions that Zio would consider his instructions an order but had faith that he wouldn’t want to leave their scent addled sanctuary unless he had to. Devan certainly didn’t, and his displeasure at doing so led him to greet Varian with a surly grunt.
Varian scented the air. “Hard day?”
“Is that a joke?”
“I doubt it. Tomas has spent our entire relationship reminding me that I’m distinctly unfunny.”
“Lucky you.”
Varian’s eyebrow twitched. Amusement or annoyance, Devan couldn’t tell, and he didn’t care. He folded his arms across his chest and leaned against a stack of crates. “What can I do for you, Alpha?”
“Michael let slip that he told you about the risk to Zio if you are forced apart before the bond completes.”
“The bond we’ve been forbidden to complete?”
Varian sighed. “You will never know how much that haunts me.”
Devan could debate that all day, but he lacked the patience. “The semantics aren’t important. Michael confirmed what I had some vague knowledge of already, but I doubt I’d have found the willpower to leave anyway. And I’ve no intention of abandoning my pack.”
“I knew that, which is why I didn’t tell you of the risk to Zio. Perhaps I was wrong, but it never crossed my mind that you would leave him, even if your clan alphas ordered you to.”
“They didn’t.”
“I know, and I’m forever grateful to Dash and Luca for their friendship. They have risked much to support us, and so have you. Devan, I need you to believe how much I appreciate all you’ve done in the short time you’ve been with us.”
“I do know it, but this bond . . . it’s leaving me a little irrational. I don’t mean to be rude.”
Varian smiled. “And I don’t mean to irritate you, so I suppose we’re even, but I am sorry I didn’t tell you about Zio. I thought it was for the best, but Michael convinced me otherwise.”
“I haven’t told Zio.”
“Hopefully you won’t have to. It’s a rare thing in my living memory, at least, but the way our luck is going, you never know.”
“Trouble at home?”
“No. And not much here. Worrying, don’t you think?”
“Perhaps your enemies have given up.”
“If only.” Varian straightened. “But after decades of this war, I think it would take more than a rogue tiger to scare them off. No offence.”
“None taken.” Devan observed Varian as he prepared to leave, all the while wondering if the point of the conversation would ever reveal itself. He found it hard to believe that a leader as stretched as Varian would summon him for a pep talk. “Is there anything else I can do for you?”
Varian took a last glance at the latest drone footage on the computer screens, his frown deepening before he schooled his features, and turned back to Devan. “Not that I can think of, but stay vigilant. Look for things you’ve never seen. Right now, it’s all we can do.”
Devan saw Varian to his waiting vehicle, then let himself be drawn back to the tent, instinct reassuring him that Zio was exactly where he’d left him.
And he was, though he’d put clothes on.
“Did someone give Michael a lobotomy?” He waved a plate of food in Devan’s general direction. “He’s acting like he went to sleep one day and woke up the next thinking he’s somebody’s mother.”
“Maybe Varian told him to chip in a little more.”
“Why would he do that? Michael works as hard as the rest of us.”
“How would I know? He’s been your brother far longer than he has mine.”
“You’re hiding something.”
“Yup.” It was pointless to deny it. “But I can’t tell you what, so don’t waste your energy worrying about it. Speaking of which . . .” Devan fished his supply bag from beneath a pile of Zio’s crap. “I want you to take some of these.”
He pulled a pouch of herbal pills from his stash and held them out to Zio.
Zio hooked the pouch from Devan’s fingers as though he’d been handed poison. “The fuck are they?”
“A blend from home. We use it to give shifters strength after injury.”
“I’m not injured.”
“But you have been, many times, and you’re shifting every day.”
“I’m a wolf, bro. I don’t want to take these and grow whiskers or some shit.”
Devan laughed. “You’re ridiculous. Do you think I’ve only ever healed my own kind? Granted, wolves aren’t my speciality, but there’s more to my world than big cats.”
“Seems to me there’s only big cats in my world right now. One of you, at least.” Zio shovelled the last of his dinner/breakfast into his mouth. “And I’m not down with swallowing random pills, but something tells me I’ll end up doing it anyway, so I might as well get it over with.”
He tipped the chalky pills into his palm. “Why are they all different colours?”
“I made them on different days. Nature changes every minute. Some days the berries were red; by the end of the week they were black. Same with the leaves.”
Zio held his hand up to the light. “I’ve never taken . . . medication before. That’s a human thing.”
“It’s not medicine. It’s holistic.”
“I don’t know what that means.”
“It treats the whole person—shifter and human—rather than one specific thing.”
“There’s nothing wrong with me.”
Devan ran out of rope. He sighed and flopped down on the bed. “I know that. Think of it more as a supplement. An energy boost. Or at the very least, a harmless intervention. If you have no faith, you’ll feel no different, but if you do . . . it can’t be a bad thing, eh?”
“Nothing about how you make me feel is bad.”
Suddenly, Zio was on top of Devan. Again. Unwilling to lose control this time, Devan braced himself. “You don’t make me feel bad either.”
“Don’t I? You don’t smile as much around me as you do everyone else.”
Devan’s lips twitched. “I wasn’t aware that I’d smiled much at all since I got here. No offence, but your way of life is kind of intense.”
“True that, but you are different with the others. I’ve seen you with Michael, and Bomber when he was still here. You’re relaxed with them . . . a brother. With me it’s like you’re waiting for a grenade to go off.”
Devan turned it over in his mind and realised Zio was right. In many ways, being with Zio in any capacity was so right he couldn’t imagine it feeling wrong, but the reality of fighting a bond was markedly different. It was hard to smile when his instincts were taking such a battering. “I don’t mean to be miserable.”
“That’s not what I said.”
“All the same, I am sorry. I like being with you. You do make me smile.”
“
Show me.”
“What?”
“Show me,” Zio repeated. “I have to go in a minute, and I don’t want to leave again knowing you feel like shit.”
“I don’t feel like shit.”
“Prove it.”
In spite of himself, Devan smiled, and for a fleeting moment, his world narrowed to the grin he got from Zio in return. War, packs, clans, they faded to black. They were alone with the addictive warmth they shared, and its origins didn’t matter.
Devan cupped Zio’s face in his hands and tugged him down for a gentle kiss. His body thrummed with desire, but he ignored it—ignored everything save the sensation of lips that were made for his. Zio melted against him, his sharp edges a distant memory. The kiss went on and on and on. Fresh magic sparked, and Zio’s contented wolf called to Devan’s shifter soul.
Mine.
Ours.
Too soon, though, Zio pulled back. “I’m not sorry I jumped on you.”
“I don’t want you to be.”
“Good, cos I’m not, and I can’t promise it won’t happen again before this operation is over.”
“And what about after? Our orders are to deflect the bond until the war is over. That could be years.”
Zio shrugged. “The bond will have faded by then, and we can be friends . . . maybe even friends who fuck. Seriously, man. I think we should stop worrying about it. Neither of us is going to disobey our alphas.”
“You think the bond is going to fade?” Devan’s stomach dropped through the ground, leaving a crater in its wake. “Even though we’re both stuck here . . . together?”
“Of course. You have to fuck to complete it, right? And bite each other. We’re not going to do that.”
The glow Devan had absorbed from their kiss evaporated. There’d been moments when he’d been grateful for the fact that Zio had learned little about the shifter world in his short, tumultuous life, but in this moment, Devan wanted to scream. How can he be that naive?
But Devan already knew the answer—because he didn’t know any better. “Zio, we—”
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