Back in the Neuro Critical Care Unit, just staring into space, it wouldn’t take a psych doctor to tell him he had a problem. In fact, he could probably write a whole book on his emotional defects. Mommy issues. Daddy issues. He could see all of them in himself.
Until now, William had never minded his limitations. He had come to see that his shortcomings had helped make him the doctor he was today. The fact that he could isolate himself from everything around him while operating, including any feelings he might have for his charge, afforded him an innate ability to concentrate all his skills on his patient.
But that did not explain why he was sitting vigil for a patient he had only met once. Except, perhaps, for those mommy issues. Issues that made him fear that by saving Jeannine’ life, he might be sentencing her to the fate of his own mother. If he saved Jeannine’s life but she spent her last years comatose, he would have failed her. She had been a prisoner in her home with her husband; he couldn’t bear to think of her as a prisoner in her own body.
“Hey, Dr. Cooper, how’s it going?” asked one of the more seasoned nurses working the NCCU.
“Hey, Tom. You taking care of Mrs. Jones tonight?” William asked, turning his eyes from the computer screen. He’d reviewed every note that had been made on Jeannine’s visits to the hospital and he couldn’t find anything that might have changed the outcome. There was a paper trail a mile long detailing the escalation of her husband’s violence, but the woman had denied it every time, leaving their hands tied.
“Yeah, I got her. Why don’t you go on home? I’ll call if something changes,” Tom said, taking the seat next to William. “It’s wrong what her husband did to her. So wrong. In my way of thinking, he can’t be much of a man if he beats on his wife. The woman doesn’t weigh a hundred pounds and she’s barely over five feet tall.”
“Yeah, I agree with you. It seems that love has struck again,” William said, hearing the bitterness in his voice but not caring.
“That ain’t love. We both know that. Love can make you do a lot of crazy things, but beating up on the person you love? No, that’s nothing like love.”
Changing the subject, Tom said, “Hey, I saw Hannah at the grocery store with Lindsey and the cute little girl she said was your half sister. That’s crazy, man, right?”
“Yes, it’s been pretty crazy.” William looked down at his watch. Avery would be asleep by now. If someone had told him a month ago that he’d be upset because he’d missed reading a bedtime story to an eleventh-month-old, he would have thought them crazy. Now, he spent all day looking forward to getting home in time to put Avery to bed and to make sure Lindsey didn’t need his help with her homework. And then, finally, when the house was nice and quiet, to enjoying a glass of wine with Hannah as they caught up with each other’s day.
“I know I’ve never seen Hannah so happy and, after everything she’s been through with her own little girl, it’s nice. It’s real nice. Now that is love for you,” the RN said. One of the monitors beside them began to beep. “Gotta check that,” Tom said, “but like I said, you go on home. I’ll call if anything changes on Mrs. Jones.”
Was Tom saying that Hannah was in love? No. He’d been talking about her love for Lindsey. Anyone who saw the two of them together knew that Hannah loved her daughter.
Rubbing his eyes, William stood and stretched. He knew that Tom was right, like always. He needed to go home and get some sleep. If he was lucky, he’d get in six hours before Avery woke and he had to start his day again.
* * *
Hannah filled her wineglass then settled on the couch where she was trying to finish a paper on community healthcare before the weekend. They had planned a party for Avery’s first birthday, along with a trip to the zoo, and she didn’t want to have to worry about homework then.
Unfortunately, she couldn’t concentrate on the words she needed to finish it. It had only taken one evening without William being there for her to realize how much she missed him. No matter how much she had denied her feelings to Sarah and to herself, what Hannah felt for William was stronger than any friendship she had ever had before. Was it love? How would she know? The one time she had thought she was in love had been a mistake.
If she could just forget the feel of William against her back that night in the gym and the touch of his lips when she’d kissed him in the attic. He’d been right when he’d said she didn’t know the rules to playing games with men. The only game she knew was how to play it safe. She had learned the hard way not to trust other people.
Only, something had changed that night in the attic. He had trusted her with his childhood memories. She’d seen the hurt little boy whose life had been torn apart when his mother had been taken away from him. Having her still alive for all those years, but not with him, had probably made things even worse for the young boy; he’d always hoped that she would return to him.
But those were the emotions of a child. Somewhere along the way to adulthood, William had decided to leave behind all his childhood attachments. Did he see himself as weak because of the hurt and pain he’d felt at losing his mother? Or had it been his father’s example—packing up William’s mother’s belongings and relegating them to the cold, dark attic, as if boxing away all the love and pain meant it no longer existed?
Hannah had no right to judge William’s father too harshly. She had never met the man and she knew things weren’t always as they seemed.
As a child, she’d thought she would always be able to trust her parents’ love. Then she’d grown up and realized that their love was dependent on her following what they thought was best for her life, instead of supporting her when she had needed them the most.
Even now, she refused to depend on anyone else. She’d separated herself from anyone wanting control over her and had devoted her life to her daughter. She’d only allowed herself to be surrounded by those she knew couldn’t hurt her. She’d locked away her heart just as William had, and she hadn’t even realized it. Until now. Because it wasn’t just his body and his friendship that she wanted. She wanted it all. But that wasn’t in either of their plans.
She stood, sloshing her wine onto the floor. Setting the glass on a side table, she grabbed a rag from the bar, wiped up the spill then deposited the rag in the sink. Unable to sit still another minute, she walked over to the window and stared out at the reflection of the moon against the backyard.
“Hannah?” She heard the voice behind her and turned. William’s face seemed drained of color, his eyes heavy from lack of sleep.
“How’s Jeannine?” Hannah asked as she moved to him. She wanted to open her arms and have him step into them. She wanted to take away the pain she knew he still carried from his childhood. She wanted to be able to fix whatever it was that was broken inside him. She wanted to make him feel all the emotions that locked inside him.
“There’s no change. They’ll call if they need me. You should be sleeping,” he said as he removed his jacket and undid his tie before running his hand through his hair. Never had he looked more human, more approachable, than at that moment.
Hannah pushed his hands away from the top button of the shirt he had been fighting to open.
“What are you doing?” he asked, his voice a low growl that vibrated against her hands and sent her blood racing.
How could she explain the loneliness she had felt sitting there waiting for him? How missing him tonight had become a pain in her chest? How could she explain what she was feeling when she didn’t understand it herself? Could he feel how much she needed him right then? How much she wanted him to take her in his arms and hold her close? Could she make him as desperate for her touch as she was for his? She opened one button and then the next before resting her hands against his chest to support legs that had suddenly gone weak.
“Talk to me, Hannah,” William said, his body tensing beneath her hands.
“Tell me what you’re fee
ling right now,” she said, moving her hands higher to rest on his shoulders.
“You don’t want to play games with me,” he said as his arms came around her.
“I thought you liked to play games. Do you want me to go first?” She shifted until their bodies pressed together and she could feel him hard against her abdomen. She released the breath she had been holding as she’d waited for him to push her away. Stretching her body against his till her hand tangled in his hair, Hannah cradled him against her pelvis.
“I want you to tell me exactly how much of that wine bottle you’ve drunk,” he said. While he made no advances, neither did he pull away from her.
“I’ve only had half a glass. I’m not drunk, William.” Looking into his eyes, she could see that he doubted her words. “Do I need to walk a straight line to prove it?”
She realized what he was doing, but it wouldn’t work. He could think of as many explanations for her behavior as he wanted, it still wouldn’t change the fact that he was responding to her.
“Hannah, I don’t want to hurt you,” William said, though she noticed he still didn’t move away. He wanted her, he just wasn’t happy about it.
“The only thing I want right now is you, William, nothing else. If this isn’t what you want then that’s okay, but don’t walk away because of some misguided fear that I don’t know what I’m doing.”
Hannah knew exactly what she was doing and she refused to regret one minute of it. All she wanted was for him to feel the same desperate desire that had overtaken her the minute she’d touched him. The same ache that flooded her senses with a need she had ignored for too long. But first, she needed to hear him say it, because she didn’t want to spend the night with the man she knew had taken many others to his bed. She wanted the man who had stood in the attic and told her his deepest secrets. The man she had fallen a little bit in love with that very night.
She moved against him. He stiffened, his body rigid with a control she was determined to break. Pulling his head to hers until his lips were just a breath away from hers, she whispered, “Tell me what you feel right now, William. Tell me what it is you feel when I touch you. Tell me what you need.”
“You,” he said as she brushed her chest against him, her nipples hardening into tight peaks against the cotton of her shirt. “I need you.”
* * *
William released the hold he’d kept for so long and reached for what he wanted most. His lips crushed hers and his tongue fought for entrance. She wanted to know what he was feeling? He felt like he would explode if he didn’t get inside her. He was hard and thick, and he fit perfectly against the soft curve of her belly. She wanted to know what he needed? By the time the night was up she’d know the feel of him against her, inside her, surrounding her, until this need that had eaten at him for weeks was erased. She thought she could play games with the cold bastard he was and not get burned? He knew better. She’d hate him when she realized that this was all the emotion he was capable of, that this was all he could give her, but it was too late for either of them to turn back now.
Hannah moaned against his mouth as he ground himself against her. Then she nipped at his tongue and he pulled back. “The kids,” she said as she started on his shirt buttons, yelping as he flipped her over his shoulder and headed to his bedroom.
He pushed the door open without putting her down then he let her fall against the mattress. He couldn’t help but smile when she laughed at his caveman antics before pulling him to her. He found himself laughing with her as they discarded the clothing that separated them.
Then he was inside her with one thrust. Their hands searched and their legs tangled. She moaned into his mouth and he felt pleasure vibrate through him. The strength of her innocent abandonment tore at something deep inside him. Something William fought to hold back from her, but she wouldn’t let him. Wrapping her legs around his hips, Hannah took him deeper until he let go and gave her everything he had. She covered his face with kisses, muffling a scream as her body took all of him and he lost himself inside her.
As William drifted off to sleep in her arms, he realized that Hannah had been the one surrounding him for all this time.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
HANNAH WAITED AT the entrance to the zoo while Lindsey entertained herself and Avery by pushing the stroller back and forth. William had left that morning before she’d awakened, leaving only a text message that he would meet them by noon.
Before leaving the house this morning, she had called to check on Jeannine Jones. Her nurse had informed her that Dr. Cooper had already been in to see her and there had been no changes overnight.
A part of Hannah felt vulnerable after the night they had spent together. She didn’t regret it. She’d never forget it. But in the early morning, she had realized that either last night would be the end of the relationship they had shared or it would make it stronger now that they had acknowledged their mutual attraction. Either way, things were going to change and William had already said that he didn’t like change.
A silver sedan, top lowered, swept around the corner and pulled into a parking spot. Hannah let out a breath. She’d planned the day carefully so that Avery and William’s first trip to the zoo would be a great experience.
“Hey,” he said as he jogged up to them.
“Hey,” she said, the heat of a blush climbing up her face. She had known this was going to be awkward. She had expected it. What surprised her, though, was the sharp flash of desire that struck her midsection and made her catch her breath. It was a need inside her that had her standing dumbstruck in its intensity. She had never felt anything like it before. For a second, Hannah understood William’s desire to keep everyone at bay. This man could break her in two. Her brain warned her to protect her heart while her heart told her it was already too late.
“Mom? Will? Hello, you two?” Lindsey said, pushing the stroller between Hannah and William. “Y’all can stare at each other later. Me and Avery are ready to see some lions,” Lindsey roared at Avery, sending the toddler off into giggles.
“Okay, then. Let’s go,” William said as he broke the connection that had ensnared them both. To her surprise, he took her hand in his.
“Lindsey, slow down,” she said, catching up with the two.
Once inside, they meandered the paths, Lindsey leading the way.
“She knows her way around here pretty well, doesn’t she,” William observed.
“There wasn’t a lot we could do together before she had her transplant. Most things were either too strenuous or too expensive. So we spent a lot of time visiting the zoo,” she said.
“You don’t talk a lot about it. Her heart transplant,” he said as they paused to watch the pale pink flamingos flap their wings.
“The transplant was the easy part. It was the waiting for the transplant that was hard. The time she spent in the critical care unit of the hospital, knowing that time was running out and there was nothing I could do to help? That was the hard part, the part I know I might have to relive someday. That’s why we don’t talk about it. You learn to take each day as it comes when you don’t know how many you have left.”
“You’re a strong woman, Hannah,” William said admiringly as they left the flamingo exhibit to follow the kids down the next path.
They both watched as Lindsey made faces at the lemurs, Avery clapping her hands at the monkeys jumping from tree to tree. Instead of things being awkward between the two of them, Hannah and William fell into the comfort of a friendship that, while new, seemed much older. It was as if they had known one another for years, but were still learning a lot about each other.
“Have you heard anything from Avery’s great-aunt?” she asked.
“I got an email from her saying she’d be in town in the next two weeks. I’m kind of nervous about it, too. I spoke with one of my father’s estate lawyers. It seems that being Alison, Avery’s mot
her’s next of kin, she could take me to court for custody. It doesn’t mean she would get it, but I don’t want to take that chance.”
There had been a time when Hannah had worried that the woman would show up. That she’d push the point that William was not prepared to care for a child Avery’s age. But not any longer. William had worked hard, with a dedication that had been surprising. He could not be any more involved in Avery’s care than if he had been her real father. She understood why the possibility of losing Avery worried him.
They tried to catch up with Lindsey as she sped away with Avery. “Lindsey, slow down.”
“I’m fine, Mom,” her daughter said, a big helping of preteen exasperation thrown in.
“She’s in such a hurry to experience everything, as though she could make up for all those years she missed, that sometimes she does overdo it,” Hannah told William.
“How about we let Avery out of the stroller for a while?” she asked Lindsey when they finally caught up. Bending to unbuckle the toddler, she added, “She needs her diaper changed, and that way you can go explore on your own. Do you have your phone?”
“Of course.” Lindsey pulled it from her pocket and showed it to both adults.
“How about you meet us back at the small cat exhibit? Thirty minutes?” Hannah asked as she checked Avery and found her bottom dry.
“Okay! But I want to be there when Avery sees the big cats. She’s going to love the lions.” Lindsey rushed off, leaving the stroller with them.
“You don’t think the lions will give her bad dreams or anything, do you?” William asked Hannah.
“She’ll be fine. Bend down,” she said as she lifted Avery and placed her on William’s shoulders.
“Is she okay up there?” William stood frozen in place, his hands gripping the toddler’s chubby legs. “She won’t fall?” he asked as Avery laughed and rocked back and forth as if sitting on the glittery pink rocking horse they’d brought back from Dallas.
The Neurosurgeon's Unexpected Family Page 10