by Dawn Gardner
“I’m going to be here for the full six weeks. Kim’s leaving tomorrow, and we had an appointment with the doctor today. Mom’s in bad shape, her Alzheimer’s is getting worse, hell, she even gave me power of attorney for her affairs. You know she can’t be right if she did that.” Ellen heard a muffling sound and Richard saying he’d be right there. Was he even listening? “Richard are you there?”
“Yes, Ellen I’m here. It is just not a good time. The facilitator of the workshop wants to hear my thoughts on his program and how I put it into place.”
He was indifferent about her mother’s health, the fact that Ellen may have to stay with her mother for the full six weeks while Kim was gone, and the bizarre fact that her mother had given Ellen power of attorney.
A calm settled in Ellen.
“I want a divorce.” After the words left her lips, she was shocked. A wave of relief, nausea, and hope flowed through her. Richard said nothing.
“Ellen,” he sighed. “This is great opportunity for me. I need to go. I’ll catch up with you tomorrow, okay?” His silence at the words pissed her off, but what pissed her off even more was the fact that he didn’t even acknowledge them.
Ellen didn’t say another word. She ended the call. A single tear rolled down her cheek. Her right hand found the rings on her left hand. She slipped twenty-five years off her finger in one smooth pull.
Chapter 4
Ellen woke up early. Her mother was already up and eating a bowl of cereal at the table in the sunroom. Ellen padded over to the coffee maker and set the machine in action. She then went to the cabinet for the cereal and to her surprise, she found the milk and the cereal.
“Mom, the milk goes in the refrigerator, not the cabinet.” She leaned into the sunroom and playfully scolded her mother. The person Ellen saw in the sunroom was not her mother. It was her mother’s body, but her mother was gone. Joni sat frozen looking ahead with her spoon of cereal and milk dripping all over her lap. Ellen went to her and guided the spoon back into the bowl.
“What do you want to do today Mom?” Ellen said trying to find her mother again. “Kim is heading out on her trip today, remember she is going to be leaving for a while.” Ellen went back into the kitchen to get her coffee.
“Paint.” Joni yelled.
“Paint?” Ellen came back into the sunroom with her steaming mug. Her mother was back.
“Yes, we need to paint the living room. I started it yesterday. I want it to be eggshell white. Do you know how many whites there are at the paint store,” Joni looked at Ellen.
“No, Mom I can’t say that I do. How many are there?”
“Lots!” Joni said and finished her cereal.
Ellen knew that the living room paint project was not started yesterday, it was probably more like eight or nine months ago. The furniture was all pushed into the middle of the room draped with clear plastic. The walls were primed. Ellen knew that her mother must have hired someone to come in and prime the walls because they used to be a deep midnight blue. The kitchen was a bright yellow with white accents, her master bedroom was a moss green and the two other guest bedrooms were forest green and a camel brown. These colors were all relatively fresh, fresh meaning before her father’s death. Ellen was not sure where this obsession with painting came from. Her father was retired law enforcement and her mother had worked at Meredith-Burda publishing plant for years. Neither one of those careers were Picasso oriented.
Kim came out to the sunroom dressed and in full makeup. “Ellen do you want to go over the schedule?”
“I see you have everything laid out in the spreadsheet. I think I’ll do fine.” Ellen looked over at her mother.
“Okay, what’s going on in your world?” Kim asked cleaning up the newspaper that her mother had attempted to read.
“I got let go from my job last week, I just asked Richard for a divorce last night. Thanks for asking.”
“Sorry Ellen, Jesus I didn’t have a clue.”
“I’m happy to help you live your dream.” Ellen said and looked away at the window.
“Dammit, Ellen that’s not fair. You’re being shitty. I’ve been here with Mom for the last two years.”
“Would you two stop your biting, I mean, what is the word,” Joni pounded her hand against the table. “Stop your bic…bic... bickering.” Joni finally got out the word.
Kim looked at Ellen. “This isn’t the time or the place for this conversation. I have to pack. Mom needs to get out for a walk. It’s a nice day, and the exercise is good for her.”
Ellen finished her coffee. And Joni finished her cereal. Ellen got Joni’s coat and hat and they both stepped outside. Her mother’s physical health amazed Ellen. She was out of breath, but her mother was taking the hills like a speed walker.
“Man Mom, you’re in great shape.”
“Yep, my body is,” Joni tapped her temple, “but my mind is slipping everyday.”
“Does walking help?”
“Yes. I feel clearer when I exercise. How are you and Richard doing? And Danny?”
“Mom, Danny is married and expecting a baby in an couple of months.”
“Danny is not that old! How’s Richard?”
Ellen wondered how many times she’d have to tell her mother that she was leaving Richard in six weeks. “We are getting a divorce. I’m done.”
“It’s about time. I never thought you were right for each other. Did Danny make the high school football team this year?”
“Yep, he did Mom. He’s going to be quarterback.” Ellen gave in. She wondered how these tangles affected mother’s brain.
“You know Ellen, I’m excited you’re here. Kim treats me like a child.”
Ellen didn’t have the breath to answer her mother, they were in the middle of the final hill back to the house. It had been a long time since Ellen had went for a walk, and it felt good.
Joni moved farther ahead of Ellen at the top of the hill and looked back at her with a big smile across her face. “Let’s paint.” Joni said. Ellen realized that if she as going to keep up with her mother, she was going to have to get in better shape. Joni was already in the sunroom with a glass of water before Ellen even came into the house. Ellen grabbed a glass of water and motioned for her mother to follow her into the living room.
The room was a small narrow rectangle, the oversized white plush sofa and arm chair were almost too big for the space. Built-in bookcases flanked a fireplace mantle that housed the gas logs. The large bay window looked out into the front yard and took up most of the wall across from the sofa. “Can you please put the tv on?” Joni said and pointed to the small CD player that Ellen had given her over twenty years ago. She pushed the play button and Motown came blaring out of the little box. Ellen turned it down and watched her mother.
Joni worked on prying the lid of the paint can. What seemed crazy to Ellen was that her mother was doing this task without any trouble. Joni seemed to be free of tangles as she prepared to paint. It was as if her mother was all there again. Joni slapped the paint brushes and moved her body to the music.
“Come on Ellen, these walls aren’t going to paint themselves.”
As the painting progressed, Joni would sneak over to the CD player and turn the volume up. Ellen would notice the volume change and turn it down. This went on for a good hour. At one point, Kim came in to check on them just after Joni had hiked the volume up.
“Hey, I am heading to the airport soon. Mom, don’t you think you should rest now?” Kim stood with her hands on her hips. Joni didn’t even acknowledge her, she kept on singing with the box, Ain’t No Mountain High Enough.
“Mom?” Kim raised her voice to get above the singing. Joni got louder. Kim sighed and walked away.
“I don’t want to rest.” Joni said cupping her hands around her mouth, protecting her words, “I’m tired of her bossing me around.”
“Mom, she just cares about you.” Ellen added, but she couldn’t help feeling a little happy at the fact her mother was annoyed
with Kim.
Ellen went over to pour more paint into her tray. As she was pouring Joni said, “I want to have a little fun sometimes.” And she lightly swiped Ellen’s face with her paintbrush.
“Eggshell white looks good on you Ellen!”
Ellen, in shock and before she could think, swiped her mother right down the bridge of her nose.
“Eggshell white looks good on you too Mom,” Ellen laughed.
Brushes flew. Ellen laughed a deep belly laugh and Joni brushed her in the mouth. The taste of paint filled her mouth. Joni laughed harder. In just a few moments, their clothes, arms and faces were branded with eggshell white. Joni picked up the paint tray.
“What the hell is going on here?” Kim entered the edge of the living room.
Joni put the tray down. “We’re painting, what does it look like we are doing.” And with those words Joni turned back to the wall and moved her brush up and down the wall.
“I’m leaving now, my friend is here to take me to the airport. I was hoping to get a hug Mom, but I guess that’s not going to happen now. ” Kim said and picked up her bags.
Joni kept painting. Kim looked at Ellen. At that moment, Ellen had a queasy feeling, Kim was the mother now, and Joni was the child.
“Kim, good luck on the campaign. And don’t worry, I’ve got things here.” Ellen said, but she knew she didn’t have it. She knew that the next six weeks were going to be extremely hard.
Kim yelled from the kitchen a thank you and then Ellen heard the front door close.
Ellen looked over at her mother and her paintbrush had stopped mid-stroke and was just resting against the wall. Ellen called her mother’s name three times before Joni turned. When she turned to Ellen, tears streamed down her face.
“Why does everyone leave. They all leave me.” Joni threw her paintbrush into the bay window. Glass shattered and the cool air of winter rushed into the room.
Chapter 5
Joni- July 1966
The window shattered as top of the ladder slipped and fell into the kitchen window. Joni cursed. Her sixteen-year-old body was not strong enough to maneuver the wooden ladder with the strength and grace needed. Reed was supposed to be here today to fix the furnace and a fallen gutter, but he was late. And Joni was impatient.
She lived with Reed, her father, but he was hardly at the house. Their deal, she kept the house clean, cooked—when he was home—and did his laundry. And for that, she lived rent-free and saved almost all that she made working part-time at the newspaper. Reed was a traveling welder, his jobs took him away for days and as she got older it was even weeks at a time. He started leaving her alone sometime around the age of ten. Not a wise choice, Joni now thought. But she had managed to not burn the house down when she was younger. The Wrights next door knew that Joni was left by herself a lot. They were an older couple with no children of their own. Mrs. Wright would often bring over casseroles and fruits for Joni when Reed was gone. And even now, as a self-sufficient teenager, Mrs. Wright still managed to get over an apple pie or some other food at least once a week.
After her mother Maude died, it was hard for Reed to look at Joni. His eyes would tear up. Maude’s sister, Viola, told Joni at the funeral, “you have her face.” Every visit to her Aunt Vi’s house, she squeezed Joni’s cheeks, teared up and repeated the phrase “you have her face.” Sometimes Joni would spend weekends or weeks during the summers with her Aunt Vi. But in the winter three years after Maude’s death, Aunt Vi passed. At the start of her teenage years, Reed stopped looking at Joni completely when they spoke to each other, always keeping his gaze on his work.
Joni repositioned the ladder and started up the rungs.
“Joni, I told you I’d fix that.” Reed said coming out from the side of the house.
“Well, I wasn’t sure if you were really coming.” Joni walked away.
“Joni Faye, I told you I’d be here.” Reed looked up at the broken window. “I guess I’ll fix that while I’m here too. Can you get me a beer?”
Joni didn’t say a word and walked into the house. She went into the icebox, grabbed a can of Schlitz and pulled the tab. She took a deep sip and threw the tab away. Prepping his tools at his truck, Reed had his back to her. Joni leaned in on the tailgate and handed him the can. He held the can and surveyed the weight, keeping his gaze on his tools. He could tell she had helped herself. She gave him a hard stare, almost daring him to mention it. Reed shook his head and turned up the can. In two big sips, Reed had finished the beer, handed the can back to Joni, “We’re burning daylight. I’ll fix that glass first.”
Joni folded Reed’s clean t-shirts and packed them into his bag. She then made him a sandwich and had that ready on the table for him. When he was done fixing the window, he came into the house and headed straight for the kitchen. It was a routine. If he were coming, he would arrive on Saturday mid-afternoon do the repairs and be gone by seven or eight o’clock. Joni wasn’t sure why he even bothered to keep his bedroom here at the house.
Reed finished his sandwich. He thanked her for lunch and then walked down the basement steps to work on the furnace. When he reached the basement, Joni heard his tool bag settled on the ground, basement door to the outside open and radio began playing Monday, Monday by the Mamas and the Papas. Grabbing a plastic bowl, Joni went to the backyard. She picked blackberries from the wild bushes that grew along the fence. With the door open, she was able to watch him work and listen to him sing, it was her way of spending time with him. Maybe if she made a blackberry pie, he would stay pasted dinner.
“Joni, I need my adjustable wrench, can you get it for me, it’s in the truck.”
Joni looked through the spread of tools on the tailgate, no wrench. Searching the front seat, she decided to check the glove box. No wrench. But inside was an envelope of photos recently processed. Joni lifted the flap and pulled out the stack of twenty-four photos. There was Reed, a teenage girl and a beautiful red-headed woman in a yellow dress that hugged her voluptuous figure, they were standing in front of a small house. Joni wasn’t sure how she knew, but she could tell it was their home. She flipped through the photos. The next photo was of him and the woman kissing near his truck. And the rest of the photos were of the teenage girl’s birthday party. Joni looked at the girl’s face as she blew out the candles, she was beautiful and happy. And then, the next photo made her heart sink. It was Reed kissing the girl’s temple as she blew out the candles. As she stared at the photo, questions began coming like hits of a hammer. Who are these people? How long has this been going on? Is this my sister?
Joni brought the photo into the basement. He was going to answer these questions, he was going to explain this.
“Daddy,” Joni said, her voice shaking.
Reed was bent over the furnace, he didn’t look up. He held out his hand for the tool.
“Look at me, I want you to look at ME. I want you to see my face.” Joni yelled.
Reed stood up, brushed his hands off on the side of his pants and slowly turned to face Joni. When Reed’s eyes met hers, there was a thread of great sadness that passed between them. Joni flashed the photo in front of his face. Reed sighed and glanced at the floor.
“Aw, Joni. Why did you go snooping where you shouldn’t have.”
“Tell me the truth, Daddy, the truth.”
Reed walked out into the backyard and sat down on the concrete steps. Joni followed and moved into the yard, so she could face Reed.
“That’s Sheila. She’s thirteen and she’s Lily’s daughter.”
“Is she your daughter?”
“No. I met Lily right after your mother died. We fell in love, but we fought a lot at first. She had Sheila already. We got married at the courthouse in Danville about four years ago. I didn’t want to take you away from what you knew here. And I didn’t think you’d like another Mama.”
“You didn’t even ask me what I wanted. It’s like you have been living another life without me.” Joni yelled. “You haven’t looked at me si
nce I was ten.”
Reed wiped his eyes with his sleeve. “My hurting was so bad after your Mama passed away. Every time I looked at your beautiful face, I saw your Mama. It just broke my heart, over and over again. Then I met Lily and I started to feel good.”
Joni pushed the photo in front of Reed’s face. “All this time, I wondered why, why you were gone so much. And why you stayed away. Now I know. Don’t you love me?” Joni walked in small circles in front of Reed.
“Joni, I love you in the way I can.”
“That’s not good enough… it’s not good enough.” Joni ran down to the backside of the house, down the field in the back and into the woods. She didn’t come back until nightfall. Reed was gone. He still visited and came to fix things when they broke, but they never spoke of his other family or much of anything else after that visit.
For her nineteenth birthday, the girls at the newspaper shamed her into a trip to Norfolk. Joni should have never answered their questions about how she was celebrating her birthday. Her plan, stay home and read. She didn’t dare tell them the books were about Chinese painting techniques. But, it was too late now, as she sat in the backseat of Patsy’s car gasping for air. Virginia Slim smoke filled the car, the cigarette choice of Patsy and Glenda. The only difference was that Patsy preferred menthol. The two of them clamored on about the good-looking sailors that would be on Tavern Row. Patsy took a long drag and yelled back to Joni, “You’ve come a long way baby. And you’re going to have a fun birthday.” Joni and Glenda both laughed at Patsy’s clever use of the cigarette ad message.
“This dress looks better on me than the girl in the ad,” Glenda said.
“I think Glenda, that you look almost as fab as me, almost.” Pasty laughed.
Glenda and Patsy looked like two go-go dancers. Their hair was teased and big, and the lipstick was heavy. Their short dresses were almost identical, just different colored stripes. Joni wore her brown crushed velvet bell bottoms with a light brown crop top. The girls tried to persuade her to wear one of their dresses, but Joni passed on the offer.