by Erin Noelle
“I’ve gotta get out of here,” I whispered.
He nodded, and I could see the guilt wash over his face. “I’m sorry,” was the only thing he said before rolling off of me and disappearing into the bathroom. I scurried up off of the couch and put my clothes on as fast as possible. I rushed across the parking lot to the safety of my car. I was definitely going to be sick, and I only hoped I could make it home first.
It was then that I realized that I didn’t have a home anymore. I obviously couldn’t live at Mason’s place. Oh… Mason. Thinking his name made my heart and my head hurt. What had happened since I last talked with him on the phone? I couldn’t believe that he would just make the decision to go ahead and move forward with his life like I suggested without telling me. I should’ve demanded to talk to him, to make him tell me that he didn’t want to be with me, but hearing her voice in my drunken state, just ripped my heart out. Not only did he want to move on, but he had already gone back to her. I felt stupid and humiliated.
And then more drinking… more bad decisions… Max.
I couldn’t allow myself to start to think about what had just happened. I drove to my soon-to-be old apartment just in time to lose the contents of my stomach in the toilet. After several minutes of alternating between actual vomiting and the just-as-awful dry heaving, I cleaned my mouth out and began moving in auto-pilot mode. I began throwing my things in bags, grabbing only what I needed. Taking one last look around before leaving Mason’s place for the final time, I began to cry. Hard.
I flew down the stairs, retreating to my car once again, threw my bags in the back, and collapsed into the driver’s seat. I’m not sure how long I sat there and cried, but I could see the sky begin to lighten as the sunrise teased the horizon. My brain was moving so fast that I couldn’t focus on any one thing. My heart was beating so hard in my chest I was afraid I was having a heart attack. I had millions of questions and no answers. I was completely alone… like only one other time in my life.
Sobbing uncontrollably, I reached across the passenger seat to the storage compartment to get some tissues, when I saw the book sitting there. With everything that had happened in the day, I had completely forgotten about the package Ash had left on my car. Forgetting my original objective, I picked it up and opened it to read the message he had written inside.
“Fly with your own wings, Psyche. You are stronger than you think. There will be many trials and tribulations to pass before being rewarded with your ambrosia.”
I’m not sure why or how or what or anything else about that moment, but instantly I knew what I needed to do. I grabbed my phone and made the call.
“Hello?” He answered sleepily.
“I need you.”
ASH
My phone ringing before the sun came up was never a good thing, especially on a Saturday. It usually meant someone was in jail or in the hospital, neither of which I felt like dealing with… at any time really. I reached over and grabbed it off the bedside table and answered without even looking at the caller ID; I was putting ten to one odds that it was my dad.
“Hello?”
“I need you.”
Hearing Scarlett’s voice on the other side of the phone, I shot up in bed and was instantly awake and alert.
“Scarlett? What’s wrong?” I asked, my heart pounding as I was both excited to hear from her and fearful that something was seriously wrong.
“I don’t even know where to start,” she began, sniffling in between words. Knowing someone had made her that upset, that she was crying and most likely alone at a ridiculous hour, filled my body with rage. I was gonna kill whoever did this to her.
“Where are you? I’m coming to get you.” I was out of bed, throwing on my jeans and t-shirt as I spoke. I needed to get to her as quickly as possible.
“No, you don’t need to do that. I can meet you somewhere. I just need… I don’t know what I need… I’m a mess,” she said as she broke down again.
“Scarlett, I’m coming to get you right fucking now. You aren’t driving anywhere in that condition. Where are you?” I demanded.
“I’m in my car at Mason’s apartment. The address is …”
I tuned her out at that point. I knew the fucking address. I had made sure she got home safely from work enough times over the last month to know where the God damn apartment was. Ever since he had moved away and she was living alone, I had taken it upon myself to make sure that she made it home safely on the nights she worked late. Knowing she was driving home alone close to midnight scared me and I wasn’t about to let anything happen to her.
Less than ten minutes later I pulled up in front of her parked car and saw her sitting inside. The entire drive over was a blur, I was completely focused on my final destination. I didn’t even turn the engine off in my car; I jumped out and approached the driver side door. She looked up at me through the window with puffy, red eyes and mascara-streaked tear lines down her cheeks. I opened the car door and didn’t wait for her to say a word. I scooped her up out of the seat into my arms, and cradled her to my chest.
“It’s okay, Butterfly. I’ve got you now. It’s gonna be alright.” I whispered into her hair as I walked her to my car and set her on the passenger seat. “Do have anything you need to bring with you? We will get your car later.”
“I have my bags in the back seat,” she mumbled.
I hurried back to her car and grabbed the three large bags, loaded them into my trunk, and slid into my seat. Looking over at her, I didn’t want to push her to tell me what was going on, but I wanted her to get cleaned up and comfortable. From the looks of her, she hadn’t showered or slept from the night before.
“Is it okay if I take you back to my house? I think you need a shower, a meal, and a nap and then we can figure out what’s going on.”
I truly expected her to tell me no, to give me reasons why she shouldn’t or couldn’t, but instead she just nodded. She was completely defeated, and my heart broke for her. No matter what her and my relationship status was, her happiness was paramount. I would do anything to ensure that she was content and completely enjoying life, as hard as that was for me sometimes.
Just before the sun finally became fully visible, we arrived at my house, and I looked over to tell her that I would get her inside, to find her passed out against the window. I scurried over to the opposite side of the car, lifted her up, and carried her inside. Of course Jess was leaving for her morning run at the same time that I walked through the living room with Scarlett.
“What in the world are you doing up?” She stopped mid-stride on her way to the kitchen when she noticed who I was holding. She looked up at me and smiled, knowingly and sympathetically.
“Be careful, Ash. I know how you feel about her, but I don’t want you getting hurt either.” She squeezed my arm as she walked past me, resuming her mission to fill her water bottle.
I continued down the hall to my room, where I laid Scarlett on my bed. After retrieving her bags from my car, I tried to nudge her to get her stir, but she wasn’t reacting whatsoever so I decided to just let her sleep. She could shower and eat once she rested some. Not knowing what to do with myself at that point, since I was wide awake and dying inside to know what had happened to her, I got out my sketch pad and began to draw the face that graced my dreams on a regular basis. The face that I was searching for before I even knew I was looking. The face that was sleeping in my bed at that moment. The last face I wanted to see every night before going to sleep, and the first face I wanted to see every morning.
A couple of hours and six drawings later, she rolled over and attempted to open her eyes. Shutting them quickly and hiding her face into my pillow, she groaned. “Ugghhh… turn the lights off please. My head is pounding.”
Unsure of how much she would remember or what kind of mood to expect her in, I approached the bed and gingerly sat down next to her. “The lights are off Scarlett. It’s just the daylight outside,” I said softly.
She tilted h
er head enough that one eye peaked out at me. “I’m so sorry I bothered you. I will get myself together and get back to my car and be on my way.” Her voice was still shaky and scratchy.
“Stop. Just stop,” I wasn’t going to let her run from me again. “You are gonna get up and take a shower while I make you something to eat. You don’t have to tell me right now what happened, but I know something did otherwise you wouldn’t have packed up all your shit from that fucker’s apartment and called me crying in the middle of the night. Now I’ve left you some pills for your head and a glass of water on the table. Your bags are on the chair over there but if you need anything of mine, you know where it is. I haven’t changed anything.”
I got up and went to the kitchen, hoping she would listen. I needed to talk to Jess and Meg as well to let them know I was going to tell Scarlett she could stay as long as she wanted. I would sleep on the couch or whatever, but I was going to be there for her this time. I had sworn to myself I would never let her down again, and this was my chance to show her. What the fuck had happened?
Jess and Meg were both sitting at the kitchen table as I emerged from the hall, and they awkwardly stopped talking as soon as they saw me. I rolled my eyes at their obviousness.
“Come on, out with it,” I said as I began getting out ingredients from the refrigerator. “What are y’all whispering about? What story have you come up with? ‘Cause I’m curious as hell too.”
Setting the food down on the countertop, I looked up at their faces and smirked. Just as Jess was about to say something, I heard my bedroom door open and close followed by the bathroom door and I smiled at the small victory. She was at least going to stay long enough to shower and eat.
“What happened? How did it happen?” Meg asked.
“Yeah, why were you carrying her in, passed out, at six o’clock this morning? Where did you get her?” Jess added.
I continued working in the kitchen, throwing together a grilled ham and cheese with some soup, as they peppered me with questions I didn’t have many answers for.
“She called me early this morning and said she needed me, she was in her car at her and Rat’s apartment with her shit packed up, and from the smell of her she had quite a bit to drink. So I brought her back here. She passed out in the car and she’s been out cold up until about ten minutes ago.” I looked up at them and shrugged. “That’s all I got. I’ll do whatever she needs me to do.”
“Like I said this morning Ash, be careful,” Jess warned. “I don’t want you getting your hope up for something that’s not gonna happen.”
“I want her to be happy and healthy, Jess. That’s it. If I can help her be one or both, I will do everything I can to do just that.
“Well, I like her and want her to stay, so I’ll help keep her here Ash,” Meg chimed in, as she folded her long, dangly legs underneath her. “Just tell me what to do.”
“Thank you, Meg, I appreciate the offer, but I’m not looking for a hostage or kidnapping scenario here. We don’t have to keep her here, but I want her to feel welcome for as long as she needs to stay.” I finished up the food just as I heard the shower turn off. “I’ll keep y’all updated if I find out any more.” I turned my focus to Jess and pleaded with her, “You know what’s coming up on Tuesday. I don’t think this is related, but when that happens, I’m scared I’m gonna lose her again. Forever. Please.”
I knew she couldn’t tell me no when she knew what this meant to me. I also knew that it was hard for Jess to see Scarlett because she reminded her of Evie. It had gotten easier for her as she had gotten used to seeing her at Empty’s over the last four months. I had stopped going after she and I had our discussion in the parking lot. I didn’t want to see her there with him, I was glad to hear that she had seemed to be happy, but I didn’t need it thrown in my face either. Jess and Meg would tell me when they saw her, and that was good enough for me.
“You don’t fuck this up either, you got it?” she replied.
“Yeah, I got it,” I said, chuckling. There was no way in hell I was gonna fuck this up. I put the dishes on a food tray and took it back to my room; I assumed that Scarlett wasn’t going to be in the mood for socializing quite yet.
She was sitting in the middle of the bed staring off into space when I walked in carrying the tray. I didn’t like the empty look on her face one bit.
“Here you go, Butterf-.” I stopped myself before completing the word. “I brought you some food. Do you feel better after your shower?”
“The bed,” she responded, still not looking at me.
“Huh?”
Turning her head and locking her big sad brown eyes on mine, she said, “The bed. You said nothing had changed, but this is a different bed.”
“Yeah, I got a new bed a while back.” I hoped she would not ask anything else about the bed. I scooted the tray in front of her. “Wanna watch TV or something while you eat?”
“Can you play me something? I think I need music therapy right now.” A half-smile played on her lips as she took the first bite of sandwich. “Mmmm… I was so hungry.”
“Good. You look like you need to eat.” I grabbed my acoustic and sat down on the chair. “What kind of music therapy do we need?”
“Something chill… nothing too sappy,” she said in between bites. “Why did you get a new bed?”
Ignoring her question, I began playing for her, loving the smile spreading across her face. Hoping the lyrics of the Sleeping With Sirens song I had recently learned would inspire her to not only open up to me, but to remind her that she had ultimate control of her life.
The last thing I meant to do was to make her cry, but when I looked up after the last chord, the tears were pouring down her face. I quickly set the guitar down and went to her side on the bed, wrapping my arms around her and holding her close to my chest.
“It’s gonna be okay, Scarlett. I promise, it’s gonna be okay.” I attempted to soothe her.
“I don’t know what I’m doing Ash. Everything that I believed about my life yesterday morning is no longer true. I no longer have a boyfriend, a best friend, or a place to live. I know damn well that I’m to blame for all of it… I just don’t know what to do about it. I don’t know where to even start,” she confessed. “I’m just so tired of everything. I wanted to leave town last night so fucking bad. I just wanted to drive away… just like last time shit happened, but I didn’t. NOOOO… instead I stayed and involved you in my mess. I’m really sorry.”
“Don’t say you’re sorry again. I’m serious- that’s enough. I’m glad you called me and didn’t leave.” I rested my chin on the top of her head as I squeezed her tighter. “Okay, what’s first? A place to live? You can stay here as long as you need to. I will sleep on the couch to make you more comfortable. What’s next? Do you have any finals left?”
She shook her head, “No, I just finished yesterday. I just have Mina and Noah’s wedding next Saturday.”
“So you don’t have anything between now & then?” I asked, the wheels in my head were working in overdrive.
“No.”
“Do you want to go to California to my sister’s house just to get away from all of this for a few days? Give you a chance to think about things clearly.” I offered.
She pulled away from my grasp and stared up into my face. “Are you serious?”
“Dead,” I replied, quickly losing myself in the closeness of her.
“When?”
“Today.”
“Let’s go,” she agreed.
Less than an hour later we were both dressed, packed, and on our way to the airport.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN ~
Down ~ Jason Walker
Who’s Going Home With You Tonight ~ Trapt
SCARLETT
When Ash asked me if I wanted to go to California to get away from everything for a few days, the idea sounded perfect. I didn’t want to face anyone, I didn’t want to have the conversations that needed to be had, I just wanted to run as far away from it a
ll as possible. However as I sat in the terminal of the airport, I began to have second thoughts about my hasty decision.
I had pretty much been silent for the entire day since we had left Ash’s house. He had taken care of everything at ticketing and check-in, only asking for my driver’s license on several occasions. I followed him around like a lost puppy, which wasn’t too far from how I felt. My life was in shambles and I was putting my trust in the one person that I knew could drag me down even further. Sounded like a brilliant plan.
“Do you want to talk about it anymore?” Ash asked sincerely as he turned to face me in the uncomfortable blue chairs that we waited in.
I continued to stare straight ahead out the window at the planes taking off and landing. My thoughts drifted off to the memory of Mason’s last night in Houston when we had sat on his motorcycle doing the same thing. Well, we did more than just sit, but nonetheless, the planes made me think of how happy we were together that night and how I had really thought we had a chance to make it work. If I’d had any tears left, I definitely would’ve been crying, but instead I just sat there expressionless.
“Whenever you’re ready Scarlett,” he said with a small smile. “No rush.”
I tilted my head slightly so that our eyes met and my stomach tightened. Once he knew what I had done with Max, he would lose all respect for me, and I didn’t even want to think about how Jess or Evie’s parents were going to react. I was realizing that with one drunken bad decision, I had pretty much alienated myself from the majority of the people in my life who cared about me. I wasn’t even sure if I would be welcome at Mina’s wedding the next weekend. Max was one of Noah’s groomsmen, and I honestly had no idea where in the world we stood at that moment.