by Eva Brandt
I was reluctant to leave my father’s side when he was still so ill, but his condition had stabilized and he was no longer in lethal danger. My presence wouldn’t help him any. Maybe Delphine was right and having some activity would be good for me.
“Well, if you think I can be of use, I’d be happy to do it. When do I have to leave?”
“Not for a while yet,” Delphine replied. “I still need to talk it over with Mr. Garnier and make all the arrangements with King Sterling.”
“Pierce will be coming with me?”
“He’s as invested in tracking down Mathias Vandale as you are.” Delphine let out a sigh. “To tell you the truth, Lucienne, we were relying on your father a lot to fight that man off. Without him, we’re going to need to resort to some methods I didn’t want to use. But I still have hope that we might be able to find the plagues without making any drastic choices or more sacrifices. The gods only know we’ve had enough of that.”
For a brief moment, the voices that came to me in my dreams echoed in my ears once again. “Monster. Murderer.”
“Drown in the ocean of your sins.”
” You wanted pain? You’ll have it.”
I forced it all away and focused on my aunt. “Yes, you’re right. I’ll do everything in my power to keep our people safe.”
“Are you included in that promise? Because you haven’t been taking care of yourself that much as of late.”
I looked away, knowing what Delphine meant before she even vocalized her train of thought.
“Talk to your fiancé, Lucienne. Pierce needs you just as much as you need him, and you’ll be together on this trip. I’m not sure why you decided to keep your distance from him, but I can make my own guesses. He’s your soulmate, child, and turning him away isn’t doing you any favors.”
“I just don’t want to hurt him,” I answered weakly. “If my magic were to go out of control and I accidentally lashed out at him, I’d never forgive myself.”
“That won’t happen. I have the utmost confidence in the bond you share with him. Otherwise, we would’ve never encouraged your marriage to a twice-blessed.”
I wasn’t sure she was right, but I did miss Pierce and I didn’t want to avoid him. It was difficult to be without him, without his passionate touches and caresses, without the way he held me so gently and whispered ‘mon amour’ in my ear.
“Maybe you’re right,” I told my aunt. “It’s worth a shot at least, and Pierce deserves better.”
“Pierce deserves you,” Delphine corrected me. “Now go on. Scoot. I know for a fact that he’s been hanging around Augustine as of late. I saw him with her in the gardens before the two of us met up for training.”
A pang of jealousy surged through me at the thought of him spending time with another woman. He was my soulmate, not my aunt’s. We were the ones who were supposed to be together. If she tried to take him from me again...
I didn’t realize sparks of flame had started dancing around my fingertips until Delphine reached out to me, her hands glowing with spiritual magic. She didn’t touch me, but her proximity was enough to shake me out of my haze. “Lucienne? What is it, dear?”
Once again, I didn’t have a real response to her question. This time, though, I didn’t treat the inquiry dismissively. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I guess I’ve been more on the edge than I realized.”
Where had that strange jealousy come from anyway? My aunts had no interest in Pierce. He was powerful, brave, handsome, and loyal, yes, all qualities any Dame Blanche would value and appreciate. But he was also my soulmate, and no one would dare to stand in the way of our relationship. Why was I suddenly so afraid of losing Pierce, when he’d proven time and again that he loved me above all others?
“I’ll go talk to him,” I told Delphine. “I’m being ridiculous. I know better than this. Once Pierce and I have a real conversation about what’s been going on, I’ll be calmer too.”
“That’s the spirit, dear. And if you have to do more than just talking, that’s perfectly normal. The two of you are young. You might not be married yet, but that’s just a formality. You can pursue your impulses together.”
My face heated at the scandalous meaning of her words, but I didn’t argue with her. It would’ve been hypocritical to pretend I didn’t want Pierce sexually.
We’d never gone all the way, but I couldn’t for the life of me remember why. Maybe my father had been the one opposing it. He’d always been protective of me and he wasn’t as open-minded about my sexuality as my aunts.
My father wasn’t here now and as guilty as I still felt over his condition, I couldn’t help but crave what he’d denied me.
Maybe the voices in my head had a point and I was a disgusting monster. I shouldn’t be thinking about having sex with my boyfriend when we were all in such a horrible situation. But if my aunt believed it would be good for me, maybe I should stop splitting hairs and go with the flow.
After all, spending time with one’s soulmate could never be bad.
It was on this note that I left the main communication room and headed toward the gardens. I could still hear Delphine chuckling behind me, but I didn’t mind it. Since my ruined wedding, laughter had been in short supply among the Dames Blanches. My aunts might have survived, but other members of the coven had not.
I pushed the thought away, since dwelling on it would force me back into the same vicious circle I’d been trapped in for days. None of those dead or injured would’ve wanted me to destroy myself while mourning them. While my father might not have been happy about me taking things to the next level with Pierce, he would’ve ultimately agreed. First and foremost, he’d always thought of my happiness.
I tried to focus on that, but I must’ve been unsuccessful. The moment I entered the garden, Pierce turned toward me. His whole body went rigid. “Lucienne? What is it, my love? Is anything wrong?”
I would never get tired of the way he spoke to me in French. He had a bit of an accent, because despite the French roots of his family, he’d lived in America all his life. I’d first met him when I’d been on one of my rare trips to New York with my father. Gods, I still couldn’t believe that he’d allowed me to not only date Pierce but also get engaged to him.
“Can’t I come see my beloved fiancé without something being wrong?”
“To be fair, dear, you don’t do that a lot lately,” Augustine pointed out. She had been seated in front of him, going over a report of some kind.
I’d have been mad at her for stealing his attention from me, but she was already picking up her papers and preparing to leave. She seemed to agree with Delphine in her assessment of my relationship with Pierce. “We’ll continue this later, Mr. Garnier,” she told him. “The books and scrolls aren’t going anywhere. Some things are just more important than others.”
“Thank you, Lady Augustine,” he answered. “As always, I appreciate your help a great deal.”
She left before I could thank her as well, and I was grateful for it, because I didn’t know how to approach Pierce about Delphine’s suggestion. Seriously, why had I come here? To have sex with Pierce? To talk to him? To get some peace of mind?
I was so lost.
Pierce cupped my cheek with gentle fingers and pressed our foreheads together. “Lucienne, tell me the truth,” he whispered, this time in English. “You’re not feeling well at all, are you?”
The last thing I wanted was for him to be even more worried about me than he’d already been. “I’m not ill per se. I’ve just been having some trouble handling my powers. But you already knew that.”
“I did, yes,” Pierce answered with a nod. “But I didn’t expect you to come to talk to me about it. I won’t lie, that worries me more than you staying away.”
I could understand his point of view. I wasn’t the type of person to ask for help, even when I acknowledged that I needed it. I couldn’t figure out when that tendency had started, when I’d become so distrustful of other pe
ople’s intentions. But that didn’t matter right now. For good or ill, I’d come to see him and I couldn’t turn around and claim I’d changed my mind.
“Maybe that’s exactly the problem. I just thought I need to be, I don’t know, a little more open.”
“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, Lucienne. Don’t force yourself into it just because you think it’s what me or your aunts want you to do.”
Was that what I was doing? Maybe. I couldn’t think. The voices... I just wanted them to stop, to give me a moment to catch my breath. Pierce could stop them. I knew he could.
“I’m not forcing myself into anything,” I told him. “I need this. I need to be with you.”
I didn’t bother explaining what I had in mind through words. I’d never been all that good at talking anyway. I preferred taking action and I’d hidden my true desires long enough. If I’d come this far, I wouldn’t hide any longer.
I pressed my body closer to Pierce and brushed our lips together in a brief, chaste kiss. Pierce’s eyes widened and his breath caught as the meaning of my words processed. Clearly, he’d expected anything but that. “Lucienne, I’m not sure you’re in the right place to—”
“Pierce, please,” I cut him off. “Maybe you’re right and this is a horrible idea. But does it really matter?”
Pierce closed his eyes and his whole body shuddered against mine. He looked like he was in pain, and for a few seconds, I almost pulled away, not wanting to push him if he was reluctant to do this. In the end, he didn’t give me the chance.
When he looked at me again, lust burned in his gaze, a desire so fierce it took my breath away. “You’re right. It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters but this, but us.”
The next thing I knew, he was kissing me, and this time, our lip-lock was very different from my earlier attempt. The moment our mouths made contact, fire surged through my veins. It wasn’t the fire of my magic, or rather, not just that. It was a combination of my power, Pierce’s, and something else entirely, an intoxicating, delicious energy that felt familiar, yet so very different than anything I’d ever experienced.
I wrapped my arms around Pierce’s neck and pressed my breasts against his chest, moaning into his mouth, needing him to touch me. All of a sudden, I felt too big for my skin, the power I could barely contain responding to Pierce’s proximity like an overeager pet. Pierce didn’t seem to mind. On the contrary, he growled against my lips, his hold on me tightening to an almost painful extent.
It was kind of funny, because twice-blessed weren’t very strong compared to other Accursed, not physically at least. Their true power lay in their magic, not in their brawn. But maybe Pierce was the exception to this rule, because at that moment, he didn’t lack strength of any kind.
He tumbled me onto the grass, covering me with his larger body, while somehow still managing to cushion my fall and never once ceasing his assault on my mouth. The scent of burning vegetation filled my nostrils, but I couldn’t tell if it was because of me or Pierce. I couldn’t have cared less.
When I began to have trouble breathing, I didn’t mind it either. Unfortunately for me, Pierce did and he broke our kiss, depriving me of his taste and his passion. “Pierce,” I croaked out, “please...”
“You don’t need to ask, mon amour,” Pierce answered. The mix of French and English somehow felt like an enchantment. “I’m here for you and I know what you want, what you need.”
Our bodies were so close together that Pierce couldn’t reach between us with his hands. He didn’t need to. The buttons came undone on their own, followed by the clasp of my bra. I shivered and moaned as his magic drifted over my now bare breasts, making my nipples tingle and driving renewed waves of arousal through me.
Telekinesis wasn’t something a lot of twice-blessed could use. It was a delicate art, a combination of classical mind magic and the energy manipulation that came naturally to all twice-blessed. As far as I knew, even Alarians had trouble with it and they were, by their nature, more versatile in their skills.
The fact that he’d do it now, in such an intimate moment, should have shocked me. It didn’t. Somehow, it made sense. My magic was going crazy too. We’d waited for so long to be together like this—too long, maybe—and I felt like I would explode if I didn’t take him inside me in less than a minute.
Like this, Pierce was more intense than ever before, and I loved it.
He also had about as much patience as I did, which was to say, none at all. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered. “I want you so badly. Let me have you. I’m the only person you’ll ever need. You’re mine, aren’t you?”
The avalanche of words almost overwhelmed me. I wanted to reassure him, to make it clear that yes, of course I belonged to him. But the words didn’t come, because even as he spoke, he moved down my body, pressing frantic kisses to my feverish skin. He went from nibbling on my ear to swirling his tongue in the hollow of my throat. I’d never realized that was an erogenous zone for me, and maybe it hadn’t been, not before Pierce had gotten to me.
Pierce could take and change everything he wanted about me, as long as he never left me behind, as long as he always stayed by my side, as long as he never stopped touching me like this.
He didn’t. Instead, he went lower down, his tongue traveling over the swell of my right breast, the physical caress entwining with the sizzling touch of his magic. It felt so good, and yet, it was not enough.
I spread my legs invitingly, hoping he would understand and take what was already his. Pierce had never needed to ask. I’d been the one who’d initiated this. It was part of the reason why I’d come to the garden in the first place. The other part... Well, that didn’t matter right now. Only Pierce did. Just him and the simple truth of the passion and love we shared.
“P-Pierce,” I stammered. “Please. Fuck me. Baise-moi.”
The language combination did the same thing to him as it had to me. Pierce snarled like a feral animal. “You have no idea what you do to me. Gods, Lucienne. You’re killing me.”
I opened my mouth to tell him I wasn’t interested in death. It was life I wanted—his life, maybe even another life, growing inside me. The words died in my throat when the teasing, but still careful magic exploded into a rush of savage lust.
He reached for my pants and jerked them down with harsh, almost uncoordinated motions. I tried to wriggle out of the material, to give him more room to work, but I couldn’t do much. My head was spinning, and my limbs felt weak. Every single inch of me pulsed with lust, need, and something else I couldn’t quite identify.
My pussy clenched around empty space, and I needed him to fill me, to fill that hole inside me that I’d never noticed until now. If he claimed me, the world would make sense again. I was sure of it.
I had no idea how he managed to take off my boots, because I couldn’t keep track of his motions anymore. He was moving far too quickly and I was drifting, as if I was suddenly underwater. He kissed every inch of skin he exposed, whispering frantic, sweet words that swept over me like a physical caress. “Gods, you’re beautiful. So beautiful. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve you, but I’ll take such good care of you. I won’t fail you, Lucienne, I promise.”
His fierce oath held a desperation that made me ache inside. “I know,” I croaked out. “I believe you. I believe in what we have.”
The words didn’t have the desired effect. His hands twitched against my knees, and I got the feeling that in some strange way, I’d hurt him. The tension faded before I could figure out its true cause and he smiled at me. “I swear you’ll never regret it.”
He didn’t wait for me to answer. Instead, he buried his face between my legs, flicking his tongue over my swollen clit, and just like that, all hope of conversation faded into a haze of overwhelming heat. It was a minor miracle I didn’t come on the spot. If I didn’t, it must’ve been because I was too overwhelmed to process the full extent of what I felt. The fire inside me was getting stronger, and I w
as beginning to think it would consume me whole.
I probably wouldn’t have minded it at all if it meant I could get Pierce to fuck me.
“Pierce!” I cried out. “Pierce, please!”
In response, he suddenly thrust two fingers inside my wet channel. My body welcomed him, desperate for the invasion, always desperate for more. I flailed underneath him, trying to reach for him with everything I was, with my magic, with my soul itself. His power responded to mine, and I felt the fire of his passion echo inside every fiber of my being. I moved against him, fucking his face and his fingers, writhing on the grass and trying to pull him closer.
Why had we never done this before? I couldn’t remember. I couldn’t remember anything except how much I wanted him, how much I needed him inside me.
I was so close I could feel the imminent orgasm hovering just outside my reach, burning at the back of my spine.
That was when it happened. All of a sudden, Pierce pulled away, and his absence was so unexpected, that at first, I couldn’t even process it. I still hovered at the edge of that precipice and couldn’t drag myself away from it, not immediately.
But even through my haze of pleasure, I noticed the way Pierce’s magic flailed and recoiled, responding to something I couldn’t see. And I instantly knew something was very wrong.
Four
Drowning in Secrets
Mathias
Being stuck in one’s own mind sucked.
This was a lesson I’d learned a long time ago, and I’d had no desire to experience a reminder. Even so, I’d been aware when I’d traded places with Darius that I was taking a significant chance with both my mind and his.