by Rona Halsall
‘I’ll have a word with him. See if we can negotiate a truce, eh?’
Frank sighed, like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. ‘I promise I’ll try harder.’
‘Forgive and forget, isn’t that what you used to tell me and Kate when we were squabbling?’
He gave a little snort. ‘You’re right. Doesn’t really do to hold grudges.’ Although he was saying the right thing, his tone suggested his heart wasn’t in it. He glanced at the clock on the wall. ‘Isn’t it time you were going to work?’
‘Christ, you’re right. I’m going to be late.’ She jumped up, stuffing the rest of her toast in her mouth and swilling it down with a big gulp of coffee.
‘Ruth said Mia loves to go for walks. A little bundle of energy who needs tiring out. I think those were her words. Anyway, there’s the nature reserve further down the estuary, so I thought we could walk there and get the bus back.’
Becca checked her watch, flustered now. ‘Oh, Dad, that would be lovely on a normal day, but after last night, I’m not sure she’ll be up to it. Why don’t we save that for tomorrow, when she’s had a good rest? Then I can come as well?’
The cheeriness faded from his face and she felt bad for ruining his plans.
‘How about something a little less ambitious today? Take the buggy so she can ride in that if she’s tired.’
He nodded, looking wistful and not a little disappointed, his mouth drooping at the corners. He gathered the dirty plates and mugs together. ‘I suppose you’re right.’
‘We’ll do it tomorrow, Dad. Promise we will.’ She picked up her phone, checked the time again. ‘Okay, I’ve really got to go.’
She arrived ten minutes late. ‘Oh, thank God. I thought you weren’t coming,’ Carol said as soon as Becca came through the door.
‘I’m so sorry. Mia was poorly again last night. You know the sickness and diarrhoea thing? And I’ve got Dad staying while my sister’s away. He hates being on his own, and to be honest, I don’t think Kate trusts him by himself. Thinks he’ll do something daft. He does tend to dip into these depressions. And Dean’s working away.’ She put her bag down, aware that she’d just been making excuses that had nothing to do with being late. ‘Anyway, you don’t want to hear about that.’
Carol gave her a motherly hug. ‘I’m just relieved you’re here.’ She stepped back and studied her. ‘You’re looking tired, though. Bit peaky actually. You don’t think you’re coming down with this thing, do you?’
Becca frowned. ‘I don’t think it’s a virus. There’s no temperature. Just this vomiting and then her body seems to be expelling everything from both ends as fast as it bloody can.’ She rolled her eyes. ‘Horrendous.’
Carol frowned and pulled a face. ‘Ewww. Sounds horrible.’
‘Poor Dad. I had to rope him in to help. You should have seen his face. Anyway, I was glad to have him there. But it’s got me puzzled. I thought it might be these old toys of mine that Dad dug out, but he says he washed them all before he gave them to her, so I don’t think it’s that.’
‘Something she ate? Perhaps she’s got an intolerance that you’re not aware of?’
Becca nodded. ‘Hmm. Yes, that’s a thought. Ruth has her eating all sorts of healthy things, but perhaps there’s something in the mix that disagrees with her.’ She paused, thinking it through. ‘She has had tummy upsets before but she wasn’t at Ruth’s when it happened this time. Mind you, Ruth did come round to our house yesterday. Perhaps she brought something with her?’ She threw up her hands. ‘Who knows? But that’s a good call, Carol. I’ll do a food diary for the last week and see if I can spot something I might have given her, see if Ruth can think of anything.’ She rummaged in her handbag. ‘I’ve brought a sample in for testing, and I was thinking of getting the practice nurse to take bloods too, just to make sure there’s nothing more serious going on – what do you think?’
Carol pursed her lips. ‘Well, if it’s going to put your mind at rest, it can’t do any harm, can it? I know what it’s like when it’s your own kids that are ill. Especially when you’ve got medical training. It’s hard not to get carried away and think the worst, isn’t it?’ She gave Becca’s shoulder a rub. ‘You start to doubt yourself, then you’re second-guessing everything. But you’re an excellent nurse. I trust your judgement, so maybe you should too.’
Becca sighed, frustrated. ‘But that’s the problem – my judgement says it’s not a virus. Which means she’s eaten something she’s intolerant to or put something else in her mouth that’s poisoned her.’
‘Poisoned?’ Carol pounced on the word. ‘If you think her symptoms fit with poisoning, you need to check at home, make sure there’s nothing she’s had access to that she shouldn’t. Medication that looks like sweets. Cleaning fluids. Could there be anything?’
Becca’s mind sorted through the contents of the cupboards, but nothing obvious came to mind. She was always very careful about that sort of thing, to the point where Dean took the mickey out of her for putting everything on the top shelf, out of her own reach let alone Mia’s.
It was a puzzle. If her daughter was ingesting a poison of some sort, the question was what and where was she getting it from? Becca was absolutely sure that her house was child-safe. After everything she’d been through at the hospital, she always checked and doubled-checked and triple-checked that medication was out of reach.
Medication! Suddenly she knew that was the answer.
As far as she was aware, Dean wasn’t taking any medication, but her dad was another matter. She remembered Kate telling her that he was on quite a few tablets and kept forgetting to take them, so she had to put them out for him in one of those trays marked with days of the week. What if he left them out and Mia took them? It was a strong possibility.
Relieved that she’d found something to explain Mia’s symptoms, she got on with her morning, determined to ask him as soon as she got back to the house.
14
Becca arrived home to find no sign of Frank or Mia. With medication on her mind, she took the opportunity to go and check his room. The bed was all neat and tidy, his bag zipped shut. His clothes folded in the drawer she’d emptied for him. No medication anywhere. She went into the bathroom and found his toiletries bag stashed on top of the bathroom cabinet. No medication in there either. Perhaps he forgot to bring it? But if he had forgotten, she’d have to rule that out as the cause of Mia’s illness.
Puzzled, she went to her en suite bathroom, checked her own tablets were still where they should be. Satisfied that everything was there, she went and sat on the bed. Dean’s side. She hesitated, then pulled open the drawer of his bedside cabinet. It felt like a violation of his privacy for some reason, but a quick rummage found no tablets of any sort.
In one way, it was a relief to know that medication wasn’t the cause of the problem, but it didn’t solve the mystery. She checked her watch, wondered when her dad would be back with Mia. She made herself a sandwich and a cup of tea, still feeling jittery, wanting to make sure that Mia was okay but keen not to appear like she was fussing. She wolfed her food down then couldn’t wait any longer and called her dad.
‘Hi, love,’ Frank’s cheery voice answered, and she could tell he was outside, the sound of seagulls in the background. And voices. ‘How was work?’
‘Fine. It was fine. I was wondering… I thought you’d be back by now. Where are you?’
‘Oh, we’re having a lovely day. We got all the way to Conwy.’
‘Conwy?’ Her voice rose to a squeak. ‘You walked four miles with Mia?’
‘Well, she had to ride the last bit. Poor love was dragging her feet, but she’d been running round like a puppy up till then.’
Becca tried to keep her voice even, but there was no mistaking her annoyance. ‘Dad! I told you not to go far today after her being poorly. I thought we agreed to let her have a rest and do a walk tomorrow. All of us together.’
She heard him tutting, and when he spoke, his voice
had that ‘calm down’ tone to it that she knew so well. ‘She’s been fine. Honestly, love. Right as rain. And anyway, I met up with Ruth, so she came along to help. I did ask her opinion, to see if she thought Mia would be okay, and she said she walks miles with her. And Mia was totally up for it. In fact, she’s had a lovely time. We’re just having fish and chips by the harbour, then we’ll be coming back.’
The idea of her dad and Ruth both ignoring her wishes regarding the care of her child added fuel to her anger. ‘I’m coming to get you. You’re not going to make her walk all the way back.’
‘I didn’t make her do anything.’ His voice hardened. ‘She wanted to do the walk. Insisted on walking, in fact. And she’s been tucking into fish and chips, no sign of any tummy problems at all.’
Becca’s jaw tightened. ‘I’m still coming to get you.’
With that, Becca hung up, grabbed her car keys and set off, quietly steaming about Frank’s behaviour. And Ruth’s for that matter. She was still simmering when she pulled into a parking space in Conwy. At least she could ask Ruth about food now and work out if she might have given Mia something that had caused the illness. It was funny that up to this point she had trusted Ruth completely with Mia’s care, but over the last couple of days her view of Ruth had shifted. As soon as Ruth had thought she would no longer be looking after Mia, she’d become a little clingy, obviously panicked at the idea that she wouldn’t be in her life. Is that normal for a childminder?
She started jogging when she saw them at a table by the edge of the harbour, Mia running round, chasing seagulls. She grabbed Mia’s hand and picked her up.
‘Christ, she could go falling in the water. That wall’s only low. Were you even watching her?’
Ruth looked shocked at her outburst. Frank scowled and said, ‘I had my eyes on her, no need to worry. Honestly, what is wrong with you, Becca?’
She took a deep breath, realising how unhinged she sounded. ‘Sorry, I’m just… I’m feeling a bit flustered.’
‘Shall we go for a coffee?’ Frank suggested, looking between her and Ruth before glancing up at the sky and the grey folds of clouds that were gathering, blocking out the sun. ‘Might be in for a shower.’
‘That’s a lovely idea,’ Ruth said before Becca could reply. ‘I’m sure this young lady might enjoy a babyccino. What do you say, Mia?’
Mia jumped up and down, clapping her hands. Ruth glanced at Becca, who wasn’t sure what to do now. She’d come barging in like a lunatic and accused them of not looking after Mia when, in reality, there wasn’t a problem. Even though she just wanted to get home, she didn’t feel she had a choice.
She forced a smile. ‘Lovely, I think that’s just what I need.’
Becca made sure she sat next to Ruth, and while Frank and Mia were having a conversation about the pigeons, which were pecking about on the pavement in front of the coffee shop, she saw the perfect opportunity to quiz her.
‘I was talking to my boss today and she had an idea about Mia’s sickness. She wondered about food intolerances.’
She had Ruth’s full attention now. ‘Oh, yes, that’s an idea, isn’t it? Mind you, I suffer from a number of food intolerances myself, you know.’ She frowned, pensive. ‘It’s hard to avoid everything, to be honest, but if I eat something I’m intolerant to, it’s not a violent reaction. It’s more bloating and stomach pains. Lethargy, low mood, that sort of thing.’
‘I don’t suppose there’s anything Mia had to eat when she was last with you that might have triggered a violent reaction, is there? If it was an allergy, rather than an intolerance, then the reaction would be more extreme.’
Ruth seemed horrified, her jaw dropping, a hand clasped to her chest. ‘Oh, gosh no. I wouldn’t have thought so.’ Her voice became shrill, drawing curious glances from neighbouring tables. ‘I’m so careful about what I give the children. She only eats natural foods with me. No nuts, if that’s what you’re thinking. Nothing allergenic whatsoever. It’s all part of my risk assessments, which have been passed as excellent.’ She shook her head. ‘No, honestly, Becca, it really isn’t a possibility. Not at all.’
Becca felt the force of Frank’s stare. ‘You’re not fussing about this sickness thing again, are you, Becs?’
‘She thinks I’ve given Mia something that’s… made her ill.’
Becca was appalled to see tears shining in Ruth’s eyes, and she reached out, put a hand on her arm, feeling terrible to have upset her.
‘No, I wasn’t suggesting anything… I just thought maybe… she had a nut allergy or something.’ It sounded feeble and she wasn’t sure what she had, in fact, been thinking. ‘I’d forgotten you’d have all that covered with procedures. I’m sorry, Ruth. I didn’t mean to suggest you’d been negligent in any way, I just…’
Ruth was blinking furiously. ‘I’m so careful, Becca. Really, I am. I’m sure there’s nothing in my house that a child would have a reaction to, and she’s not eaten anything recently that she hasn’t had dozens of times before. But maybe I’m wrong. I’ll have to check when I get home.’ She covered her mouth with her hands. ‘Perhaps it was me?’
Frank glanced at Ruth and leant towards his daughter. ‘Now, let’s just drop it. Ruth has the healthiest diet on the planet. We were talking about it earlier. How age alters your body as you get older, how it tells you what it doesn’t want any more.’
Ruth wouldn’t look at Becca, who felt a creeping heat work its way into her cheeks.
Frank patted Ruth’s hand. ‘Becca didn’t mean anything by it. She has this problem, you see. When she’s stressed. Gets all OCD about everything. It’s happened before and I think—’
‘Dad, stop it!’ Becca snapped, afraid that he was going to dredge up her whole medical history. ‘I’m fine now. There’s nothing wrong with me. It’s Mia I’m worried about.’ She took a deep breath, aware of the sharpness in her voice. ‘I know you think I’m fussing, but I’m going through all the possibilities, that’s all I was doing. I’m sorry if it came out as an accusation – I really didn’t mean it like that.’
‘I would never do anything to harm Mia.’ Ruth’s chin was trembling. ‘You must know she’s the most precious little person in my life?’
There was a hardness in Frank’s eyes that warned of trouble. Mia became silent, sensing the tense atmosphere around the table. Becca averted her eyes, wanting the floor to open and swallow her up. Panic bloomed in her chest, like an inflating balloon, until it filled all the space. She started to hyperventilate, felt dizzy and stood, desperate to be outside.
‘Sorry, I’m not feeling too great.’ She grabbed the back of a chair as her body swayed. ‘I always get anxious when I’m under the weather.’
‘Maybe it’s the same bug Mia’s had,’ Frank said, pointedly. ‘Why don’t you get off home and have a lie down. We’ll see you later.’ He glanced over at Ruth, gave her a reassuring nod.
Mia shuffled on to his lap, snuggling against his chest, thumb in her mouth.
Becca gave a tight smile, unable to do anything but agree. They didn’t need her. She’d only managed to upset everyone and make a fool of herself. What is wrong with me? she thought as she hurried down the pavement to her car.
Even though it looked like rain, Frank and Ruth had been adamant they were happy to walk home, having come prepared with waterproofs and the cover for the buggy. She didn’t blame them – who’d want to be in a car with someone who behaved all kinds of crazy?
She sat for a few moments until she’d calmed down and the dizziness had passed. Everyone thinks I’m overreacting. But she knew in her heart that she wasn’t and came back to the only thing that made sense: Mia was ingesting poison of some sort. If it’s not medication, or food, then what the hell is it and where is it coming from?
15
Becca arrived back at the house, too agitated to rest. She scoured the place for anything that Mia might have swallowed by accident but found nothing. She lay on her bed, trying to make herself relax, going through the pro
cess her therapist had taught her, and finally she was able to feel a little calmer, her eyelids heavy.
Her phone pinged. A message. Immediately she was alert. Perhaps it was Frank, wanting a lift after all. But it wasn’t. It was Dean.
How’s it going, love? Event’s going great here. Back Monday night, not sure what time. Don’t wait up. Love you xxx
She read it again, disheartened. She’d been hoping he’d be back at a reasonable time and she’d be able to talk to him about her concerns, but it was apparent that wasn’t going to happen now. He hadn’t even asked how Mia was. She started typing a reply then quickly deleted it and let the phone rest on her chest as she turned on her back, eyes fluttering closed. There was no way she could fit everything she wanted to say into a message, and she’d sound like a lunatic if she started accusing a mystery person of poisoning their daughter.
If that’s what is happening. Perhaps Frank was right, and this was her old troubles coming back again. The fears in her head manifesting themselves in reality.
A horrible thought struck her.
Is it me? Could I have given her something different to eat and not remembered? Or given her something that was past its use-by date? Or forgotten to put something away?
There’d been a time before she went to Australia when she’d done things and had no memory of doing them. It had been brought on by the anxiety of fighting the accusations at work, which smashed her confidence, making her disassociate from reality. It had felt like she was watching life as an observer rather than a participant, her thinking fuddled and sluggish, as if she was operating in slow motion with big blanks where her memory should be.
Am I overdoing it? Tears welled at the thought of how terrifying life had been for her in the middle of her mental health crisis and how hard it had been to get herself back to normality. The thought that it might be happening all over again was quite overwhelming.
She sniffed back her tears, got up and went into the bathroom, pulling her tablets from the top shelf of the cabinet and counting each one. Is that how many there should be? She rubbed at her forehead, not quite sure if there were a couple missing. But would that give Mia sickness and diarrhoea? She didn’t think so – it was more likely they’d knock her out, make her really sleepy, and there was no sign of that.