by T. S. Snow
Shit, shit, shit, shit.
That was not supposed to happen. I didn't mean to hurt her. I'd never meant to hurt her.
I grabbed at my own hair, barely registering that I'd released all my magic and gotten rid of both the dagger and the shield. I pulled a chunk of my own hair, trying to use the pain to ground me through the emotions whirling inside, bubbling to get out.
"I didn't mean to. She got in the way. It was meant to be you." I kept repeating the same thing over and over again as I watched Theo rock Charisma back and forth in his lap, murmuring softly until her body stopped spasming.
I’d done this. It didn’t matter that it’d been an accident, that it had been meant for the Soulbinder. I’d hurt her. I was no better than my father.
I crouched down so I could touch her, make sure she was okay. I knew I didn’t deserve it, deserve her, but I needed to make sure Charisma was okay. Before my hand made contact, Theodore looked at me with pure rage in his eyes.
"I think you've done enough, don't you? Go get a fucking Healer so we can make sure you didn't kill her."
He was right. I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t be near her.
I felt like hot knives were piercing through my heart as I got up and left her.
I'd fucked up yet again. I'd fucked up big time.
10
Charisma
I regained consciousness confused. I didn't remember having fallen asleep again. I tried to move, but the iron bands around me tightened and my eyes flew open.
What the hell? Why was I tied up?
And why was the bed so fucking hard?
I whipped my head around and noticed two things at once:
One, I was on the floor;
Two, the iron bands around me were actually arms.
I moved my head a little bit to try to see whose arms before I completely freaked the fuck out, but a rumbling voice stopped me.
"Shh, Char, it's okay, you're okay. It's just me. Shh. It's okay."
I recognized the voice, even if I hadn't heard that level of concern in it in a really long time. Theo.
He started to rock me back and forth like one would a child and I just laid there, dumbfounded.
What the hell is going on?
"What happened?" I rasped. My body felt weird, heavy, like I'd run a marathon and then pushed through a triple session in the fighting ring. Everything hurt; painful tingles and spasms ran all over my body. I tried to rake my brain for memories, but everything was fuzzy.
Had Blaze showed up? Yes, I vaguely remembered him bringing me clothes. And then... something. Had Blaze and Theo fought? Had I dreamt it?
I looked around the hospital room, but I couldn't see anyone else in here, at least not from this perspective. And by the tightening of Theo's arms around me whenever I tried to move, I didn't think he'd let me search for Blaze just yet.
"Was Blaze here?"
Theo's soothing words stopped and he tensed completely, his grip on me becoming painful.
"Fucktard hurt you. I sent him away to get a Healer, and he better not fucking come back in here," he growled.
I frowned.
Why would Blaze hurt me? It made no sense. If that had been his goal, he’d had plenty of opportunities to do that before now.
I forced myself to move so I could tap Theo's arms, indicating I wanted him to release me.
He sighed and held me for a moment more before he relinquished his hold, and then he helped me sit up so I could look at him.
Theo looked miserable. His eyes were desperate, and there was a red line of blood on his neck like someone had cut him
"What happened to you?" I screeched.
Just then, the door to the room opened and I whipped my head toward it to see a pretty redheaded woman in green scrubs, and Blaze rushing in.
The Healer cast a quick look around the bedroom, analyzing everything and storing the information before she approached me.
I dismissed her, though, and focused fully on Blaze. There was so much remorse, so much guilt in his eyes that it broke my heart.
Blaze looked... broken.
Whatever the fuck had happened here, I could see he was blaming himself for it. I just knew it. How? No clue, but I never questioned my instincts.
The Healer's hands on me started to warm up as she did whatever magic she needed to do to make shit stop hurting, and as the pain started to fade, I began to feel drowsy and sleepy.
Blaze gave me one more long, broken look and turned to leave, but I couldn't let that happen.
Somehow I knew that if I let him leave, he'd never come back to me. We'd never be able to explore whatever it was that had been building between us. I didn't want to risk that happening.
"Blaze." My whispered words rang loud in the quiet room, and he stopped in his tracks, tense, as if preparing for me to attack him or something.
Silly man.
"Stay. Please," I pleaded. I felt the darkness closing in, but I tried to fight it. I knew if I slept now, I’d never see him again. He’d just blame himself.
Blaze saw my struggle and he nodded, finally giving me the answer I wanted. So I let the darkness take over, dragging me under. And this time, I went willingly.
11
Theo
Charisma's words were like bullets piercing my heart.
After everything he'd done, after he'd fucking hurt her, she'd still chosen him over me? Even though I told her he'd been responsible, even when I'd been the one who had taken care of her, watched over her while she'd been recovering? I’d thought I had finally started to make some headway with her, to slowly crawl my way back into her heart. She’d approached me, tried to soothe my pain. She’d touched me voluntarily.
I wanted nothing more than to finish what I'd started earlier with Fucktard, to choke the life out of him and get rid of his body. Kill him for having ever touched what was mine.
I could make it look like an accident, too. Maybe even frame the damn Necromancer for it and get rid of both of them. There would no longer be any competition for Charisma's affections, and then maybe she would finally see me again.
Give me another chance.
Be mine. Once and for all.
Except, as much as I could fantasize about killing him, killing them, I’d never go through with it. It was wrong, and Charisma would never forgive me if I did it.
Blaze strode into the room and crouched beside the Healer as she worked on Charisma and I barely resisted the urge to release one of my spirits and use it to subdue him.
"Leave," I spat the words at him instead.
Fucktard just ignored me as if I hadn't spoken at all.
"Don't you think you've done enough?"
"She asked me to stay, I'm staying," Fucktard answered.
A red haze started to fill my vision again, but a jolt of pain in my arm that was still supporting Charisma had me looking up at the Healer.
"If you don't stop acting like children right this second and behave, I'll have both of you kicked out of here and banned from ever entering this hospital again. Have I made myself clear?"
Chagrined, I nodded, not sparing Fucktard another glance. If I looked at him, I'd probably want to punch his stupid face; Charisma had robbed me of the satisfaction earlier.
"I'm sorry, ma'am," Futhark said, and I rolled my eyes at the ass-kissing.
I knew I was being irrational, unreasonable. I knew I was acting the way I was because I was jealous. But I couldn't help myself, I couldn't fucking control it.
Rationally, I knew I had no right to claim Charisma in any way. But I knew in my heart that she was mine. She'd always been mine.
But knowing she'd moved on, seeing the evidence of it right in front of me... it had been too much. Possessive jealousy had taken control of me and I'd just reacted.
I only wished Charisma hadn't been caught in the crossroads of our power.
And it was so much easier to blame Futhark for what had happened than to admit the truth, to accept my part of the guilt
.
"There, all good now," the Healer said, breaking me away from my thoughts. "She'll probably be asleep for an hour or so as a result of the healing, but she had no physical damage from the shock." At this, she sent Blaze a scolding look. "She must have just been feeling sore all over, but that's fixed now. Although... Her magic—"
"She knows," I cut the Healer off before she could reveal shit to Futhark that I had no idea if Charisma would want him to know. Even if he was her boyfriend... She could've told him about it when he mentioned her MET, but she had said nothing, so I figured she wanted to keep it a secret. No way was I going to tell Fucktard any of her secrets.
"Oh, well, alright then." The Healer stood up, brushing her scrubs off. "One of you should really put her in bed, she'll be more comfortable when she wakes up."
I nodded, but before I could adjust Charisma so I could get up with her, fucking Blaze was there, getting her from my arms under the watchful eyes of the Healer and carrying her bridal style to the bed.
That fucker.
I watched fuming in silence as he put her on the bed, then gently caressed the strands of hair that had fallen on her face away before he gave her a chaste kiss on the lips.
I was going to enjoy making him suffer when we got out of here. Maybe I could get one of the souls to possess him, freeze him from the inside out and make him feel empty.
Because that was what my life was without Charisma.
Empty.
Seemingly satisfied that her orders had been followed, the Healer gave me one last stern look and left the room, leaving Fucktard and me alone.
This was going to be a long couple of hours.
I'd barely had that thought when the phone on Charisma's bed started ringing and Fucktard picked it up to answer. I raised an eyebrow at that. She would be so pissed if she saw him answering her brand new phone without her permission.
Although, who knew? Maybe they were that far in their relationship that it was a thing.
No, Theo, don't go there.
"No, she's sleeping," Futhark said on the phone. He clearly knew who was on the other side of the line and it made the jealousy come back full force. I tried to rein it in and pay attention to the one-sided conversation, though, hoping to find out more about what the fuck his deal was.
"No, it's fine. She needed another round of healing but they said she should be better and ready to leave in an hour or two. I'll be here waiting to take her-" he trailed off and looked at me before he continued "-home."
She was going to stay at his place? No way! She should stay with me.
Blaze nodded a few times, agreeing with whatever was being said over the phone.
"Yes, sir. I'll have her call you when she wakes up, then you'll be able to talk to her." A pause. "No, the Soulbinder heir is here with me." An even longer pause. "No, he doesn't know."
What did I not know?
"Yes, sir. I'll see you later. Bye."
He hung up the phone and I just stared at him, not even pretending I hadn't been paying attention to his conversation. If he hadn't wanted me to listen, he should've taken the call outside.
Besides, he'd clearly been talking about me. And I wanted to know why.
12
Charisma
This was getting real old, real fast.
For what seemed like the millionth time this week, I was waking up after having passed out, lying down on a strange bed after being moved while unconscious. At least I recognized the room I was in, and the two worried faces staring at me, waiting for me to wake up.
So, at least that was new; before there used to be just the one guy waiting for me.
C r e e p y.
It was fucking creepy to wake up and know people were just watching you sleep.
At least I had clothes on—well, sort of. But the guys had been kind enough so far as to not comment on my hospital gown, and I was not going to start thinking about how many times they got flashed bits of me when I stood up.
"Well, does anyone care to remind me what exactly happened and why was I unconscious again?"
There was a pregnant pause as my words filled the room, and both guys tensed the fuck up, but neither answered me.
I sighed.
"I figured. Well, alright then, keep your secrets. But I'm about ready to get the hell out of here, so if you two could, like, leave the room so I can get dressed, I'd appreciate it."
Theo was the first to get up. "Are you sure about this? I could help you get dressed."
I laughed in his face.
Theo? Help me get dressed? See me naked? Yeah, right.
How about in Never Ever Land? You know, in a parallel world where he hadn't broken my heart and we were still together?
"Yeah, no. I'm fine, thanks."
Hurt flashed in his eyes before his shoulders slumped and he left.
And then there was one.
Before I could even open my mouth, Blaze raised an eyebrow, crossed his arms, and said "If you can get up right now without help, I'll leave and let you get dressed on your own. But I'm not walking out of this door when you're still recovering, Little Spitfire. If for no other reason than the Director would kill me if I took my eyes off you for even a second and something happened."
Oh, he didn't play fair.
The thought of Christian going all mother hen on Blaze had me smiling, and a small, evil part of me kind of wanted it to happen just so I could sit back and watch it.
But as much as I wanted to put on a brave face and slap my ‘strong, independent woman who don’t need no man’ badge on, I also didn't want to make a fool of myself and fall while trying to get up just to prove a point.
If he'd just leave, I could crawl my way around and maybe even get dressed still lying down. Not that anyone would know I'd done it, except for me.
Stupid Blaze putting me between a rock and a hard place.
For someone so grumpy, he saw too much.
"Fine," I sighed. "You can help, but I get to squeeze your butt. Twice."
Blaze gave me a look that somehow seemed smug and worried about my sanity all at once, and I just shrugged.
If he got to see me naked again, I totally deserved to squeeze his butt. His butt had been created to be squeezed if you asked me.
One of the corners of his mouth lifted. "You got yourself a deal, Little Spitfire," he said, right before he got up and moved to the side of my bed so he could help me up.
The minute he was within reach of my arm, I snuck up ready to strike and squeezed his butt, hard, the way I'd been fantasizing about doing since that day at HQ.
And damn, was his butt worth the wait. I should've squeezed him a lot when we'd had sex, but I'd been too distracted by everything else he'd been doing to me to take advantage. Not right now, though. Now I could fully appreciate the tight muscle and how amazing it felt in my hand. Blaze flexed it for me and I kinda grew a whole additional level of appreciation for him in that moment. And his butt, but like, totally for him too for going the extra mile.
"Happy?" Blaze asked, looking completely amused by my antics.
I smiled up at him. "Very," I said before I released his butt. I was just adjusting myself when my gaze landed on the front of his jeans and I saw something that had my smile growing even more. "Apparently, I'm not the only one."
"If you squeezing my ass gets you this close to my dick, babe, you can squeeze my ass anytime you want," he retorted.
Damn, I really liked this side of him.
"Okay, Little Spitfire, enough fooling around for now. Let's get you dressed so we can get you out of here. Oh, and the Director called while you were asleep; he told me to make sure you called him the minute you woke up. So do us both a favor when you call him and do your best to sound sleepy, yeah?"
"Yes, sir," I joked, but the resulting heat in Blaze's gaze at the word sir had me thinking maybe my joke had backfired just a little bit. Oh well. "Then help me, I'm dying to get out of here."
Blaze quickly lifted me up from the be
d, and he kept a steady arm around me while he picked up my jeans, a shirt that had a llama wearing sunglasses, and the saying “no drama llama”, and even some underwear.
"Do you want to shower first?" he asked.
It was tempting. My last shower had been the night before, but the idea of staying here any longer than necessary made me anxious. That and just the thought of getting naked and wet in front of Blaze made me twitchy with embarrassment.
Trying to rationalize he'd already seen me naked didn't help. He'd seen me naked when we'd both been hot and bothered and pawing each other. It was one thing for it to happen in the heat of the moment, but this? I'd be depending too much on him, and I didn't like that feeling at all. Although it was incredibly sweet of him to offer, I just wasn't ready for that major leap in our relationship. Besides, I was pretty sure the bathroom in a hotel would be a hell of a lot more comfortable for me than a hospital's.
"No, it's okay. I'll shower at the hotel. Just help me into the clothes, and we can go."
"Charisma, I'm not taking you to a hotel. You're going to be staying—"
"I'm not staying at your house! Don't be crazy! We barely know each other!" I cut him off, panicked.
There were rules, dammit. Steps. I couldn't just go stay at his fucking house. We slept together like, once. Twice if you counted that day at HQ. But still. Too much, too fast.
I wasn't ready. I was the furthest thing from ready. I'd just lost my home, dammit. And all my stuff. I wasn't ready to take this huge leap and go live with a guy, no matter how squeezable his ass was or how good he was in bed. Or, uh, against a wall.
"Charisma," Blaze called my name and maneuvered us so I was standing in front of him, then he reached up and raised my chin so I would look into his eyes.
He was smiling. Why on earth was he smiling?
"I'm not taking you to my house, Char. But you're not going to a hotel either. You'll be staying at a safe house. The Director is worried about your safety, and honestly, so am I. The rebels have already shown that they’re not playing fair, and the Agency can protect you. There’s also the little fact that you’ve been reported dead, and only very few people know you’re alive. So that's where I'm taking you. Until we catch whoever tried to kill you."