by Jenn LeBlanc
Amelia was constantly thanking them for saving them all. As if that were even possible. A lowly miss and a ladies maid. The very idea they could save anyone—well. She opened the door to her suite, and Ellie rushed to her. “Louisa,” she said, wrapping her in a warm hug. “We have a gift for you.” She took her hand and pulled her through their sitting room and bedroom to the massive closet that used to be a separate room. It was now a passageway as much as a closet, with an adjoining nursery they hoped to fill.
Louisa stopped in the entry, tugging on Ellie’s hand. “What have you done?” She stared at the gowns on the racks. Where once there had been Ellie’s beautiful silk and satin creations and Louisa’s drab work wear, there now hung nothing but clouds of color.
“We—Amelia, Charles and Hugh…and myself—we decided you needed a wardrobe suitable for a lady of your stature.” Ellie smiled then cut off the complaint she saw forming in the pinch of her eyebrows. “Today is your day, Louisa. We are presenting you to society as the belle you once and always were to us. To me. As such, Hugh and I went to Madame Basire, who deconstructed one of your black gowns and created an entire wardrobe for you. They’ll need final fittings, of course, but until then…this is your new life. These are your clothes.”
She ran her hand over one of the dresses her fingers, skimming the myriad pleats in the bustle. The first day Louisa had worn this color had felt like the first day of her life. That had been Ellie’s coming out, and today, she supposed, would be a sort of second coming for her. They would stand together, the five of them, at the altar. Louisa would no longer be the ladies maid but the lady she was born to be, and society would see her again, notice her, recognize her and realize she hadn’t disappeared. She’d been here the whole time, waiting. “What have you…” But she couldn’t finish the sentence. She glanced at Ellie through a watery gaze. “I never expected this much.”
“We know.” Louisa turned at Charles’s voice behind her to find he, Hugh, and Amelia, wrapped up together in their wedding finery, their ribands and sashes and shields across their broad chests, bracketing Amelia between them like the most powerful royal triad she’d ever seen. God, they were stunning. She inspected the dress she wore, then Ellie’s, and realized just how far from grace she’d fallen.
“Louisa, you’re not simply a ladies maid. You’re family, and I don’t believe you understand the extent to which we all believe that. You continue to keep yourself separate from us, upholding some appearance we aren’t aware needed upholding,” Charles said, and Louisa felt the familiar pinch of fear between her shoulder blades relax. The weight of fear lifted under his gaze as though he willed the truth into her.
“But society… If I come out, if I’m seen to be…who I am—”
“I thought it had been made clear at the wedding. When I confronted Mayjoy. He is of no concern to us. You may be whomever you wish to be and if you wish to remain as a ladies maid, I’ll see to it that everyone here understands that is also your choice. But Louisa, I don’t believe it’s how you wish to be seen.
“In my home. In my household. On my land. Under my purview. You are no less a lady than Amelia or Maitland, and you will be acknowledged and treated as such.”
Louisa tipped and Ellie caught her up, holding tight until she got her legs back. She supposed she’d remained hidden, thinking it was necessary for them in keeping up appearances. But the truth of the matter was that as a lady, she’d be welcome to do as she wished, as long as her father or husband didn’t object. And considering she no longer had either of those to contend with… “I’m overwhelmed,” she said. It was the headiest understatement she’d ever stated.
“We thought perhaps you could use a nudge in this direction,” Hugh said. “I know you’re content and happy to live out a quiet life with Ellie. But I also happen to know you missed all the trappings of being of your station. We want to be sure that at this point, it’s up to you how you live your life. We are here to support you, care for you, and see to it that you are safe and well in doing it.”
Louisa released Ellie then and fell in his arms. Certainly she’d heard Charles, but to hear Hugh say it… “I don’t know where I’d be if it weren’t for you and I’m not sure I’ve ever thanked you for it, Hugh. I would never have survived. I would never have—”
“Hush now, Louisa. You’ve thanked me quite enough without words. You’ve given me my deepest heart’s desire and made an impossible dream possible. Without you, none of us would be here today.”
Amelia wrapped around her back as she hugged Hugh, then Charles took up the space at one shoulder as Ellie did the same at the other and Charles’s big arms squeezed the lot of them until Louisa needed air and pushed them all away.
“I’m blessed. Truly. Thank you.” Then she placed a kiss on every cheek, and Ellie rushed them out of the room to help her dress for the wedding. “I may like to keep a couple of the older dresses, Ellie. Just because.”
“Just because?”
“They are rather more comfortable when you aren’t required to wear them,” Louisa said with a smile. She was overwhelmed. She had everything she wanted, everything she wished for.
“I do have a final gift for you. We’ll call it a wedding gift. It’s from all of us, again, but I told them I needed to give this to you alone,” Ellie said as she took Louisa’s hand and led her into the nursery. Hanging there, on the wall where they’d planned to put two rocking chairs and a crib, was her mother’s painting.
Louisa’s knees wobbled and she collapsed in pile of skirts in front of it, unable to look away. “How?”
“I mentioned the painting to Hugh, and he and Charles paid a final visit your father. While there, Charles decided to also collect everything that remained in the house that was yours. Turns out they’d left your room to waste. All of that’s here, in another guest room. You can do whatever you wish with it.”
“Everything?”
“Everything. The clothes, the furniture, your jewelry, and possessions…everything. Hugh said they arrived with a cart and some men and asked where your things had been kept, and Charles told them to pack the room and leave it barren—and so they did. Even Hugh had been shocked. He’d assumed they intended to take the painting and nothing else.”
“Charles…”
“Yes. It was all Charles, really.”
“But why?”
“Because he was able. If you have power and you don’t use it to help those who are unable to help themselves, no matter how small and insignificant the action… then what kind of power do you have?”
“I don’t know what to do with it all.” She shook her head in disbelief. It was an embarrassment of emotion, and she had nowhere to place all of it. She supposed she was lucky to be member to a house of five.
“You never have to see any of it again if you don’t wish to. Charles had it all crated and placed in the room. But he was quite adamant that nobody touch any of it until you decided whether it was to stay.”
“Charles.”
“Yes.”
“But you…you remembered.” She turned then, catching Ellie’s gaze.
“How could I forget that day, Louisa? It was one of the best days of my life,” Ellie said breathlessly, her eyes wide as though she were shocked that Louisa didn’t already know.
“Oh, Ellie.” She took her hand, shaking as it was, and held it tight as she pulled her to her feet. “It was mine as well.” Ellie swept a curl from her cheek, tucking it behind her ear as the worried crease between her eyes softened, and Louisa leaned up on her toes for a kiss. It was sweet, momentary, momentous.
“We have to get you ready for the ceremony. Come on, up with you,” Ellie said when she leaned back, eyes of glass, and Louisa nodded.
“I have some things in a chest…baby blankets and such that we may be needing soon.” Louisa leaned into Ellie, placing a hand over her belly and gazing up into her eyes.
“We don’t know yet for sure.”
“No…but it’s been a mon
th of trying, and you have yet to have your courses.”
“This is true. Can you imagine?” Ellie said, her eyes wide as she put a hand over Louisa’s and held her there.
“With you? I can imagine anything.” Louisa kissed Ellie again, a bit deeper this time but still sweet so as not to muss her beautiful face before the wedding.
“I can too, Louisa. For the first time in a very long time, I can imagine us. Though this is a bit bigger than the cottage we wanted.” She twirled a hand around them.
“And we still need a goat.”
Ever after
About seven months later
Castleberry Keep
Stand and face me, my love, and scatter the grace in your eyes.
Sappho
Louisa
“My darling, my darling.” Louisa knelt on the floor next to the bed as she spoke to Ellie, skimming her hands around her distended belly. “My darling, my darling. This isn’t the worst of it. Not by far. We’ll make it through this. Trust me. Help me, just a bit.”
Ellie groaned and stretched as best as she could then rolled to her side, curling her body around her giant abdomen, the babe nestled against her spine inside.
Louisa reached up to Ellie with the cool linen. “Ellie, my love, hang on to me. Listen to my voice. We’ll get through this. I promise you.” She smoothed her hair back from her face and watched as her eyes fluttered open for a moment.
“Louisa, I love you, but please do what you must to save the babe. Whatever you must. Save our child.”
Louisa leaned up and kissed Ellie, kissed until it tasted of salt from her tears. “Ellie. Stay strong. Stay strong,” she said. “Stay strong.” Ellie seemed to go quiet and relax into the pillow, and Louisa turned away. “Isn’t there anything we can do? Isn’t there… Who else can we send for?” She twisted her hands together. What use was all the money in the world if they couldn’t help Ellie through this? She could barely hold herself together. To have Ellie, to hold her and love her, only to lose her. She stopped. She couldn’t. Her shoulder blades tightened and she shrank against the bed.
Hugh approached her. He showed her his hands, then laid them on Louisa’s shoulders and held her as he gazed at his wife. “The doctor says the babe is turned. We have to wait and hope she gets into a better position.” He moved one hand to her face, bringing her gaze to his. “Listen to me. I’ll protect her with my life. I’ve sent for the midwife at Pembroke-by-the-Sea. She’s helped to birth hundreds of babies, all of them healthy. She’ll be here as soon as she’s able.”
Louisa stood, wrapping her arms around Hugh as best she could. “I can’t lose her,” she whispered.
“None of us can, Louisa. None of us can. We’ll do everything—”
“I know you need her to keep up the—”
Hugh took her face in his hands again, his thumbs across her lips. “Don’t, Louisa. It has nothing to do with that. Don’t you believe for one minute that that is all Ellie is for us. We’re family. All of us, and by now you should know this like you know your own heart.”
Louisa nodded and melted against Hugh’s chest. “I’m sorry, I know, I do… There’s just been so much, Hugh. So much, and I’m so tired and this… I can’t lose her. Not now.” This hurt. Like nothing she’d ever felt. Louisa didn’t think it was possible to feel a knife through your heart where none physically existed. She’d been hurt before when she’d first lost Ellie, when she’d been sent away, when her father had done his best to ruin her, when she’d been thoroughly and completely destroyed. At least she’d thought so at the time.
Seeing Ellie in such pain, however, was so much more.
Hugh’s hands smoothed down her arms and wrapped her up in the embrace. He was her oldest friend and the only man in the world who could touch her like this, and for whatever reason, she needed it—she needed him. Even Charles didn’t touch her. Couldn’t, really. He was such a powerful presence his very demeanor still frightened her at her core. She knew he was safe, she knew he was gentle in his way, but she didn’t have control of some of her reactions with him because he was just…so very much. But Hugh… She fell against him and let him support her. The three of them had created something special, even as he was a very permanent part of an entirely different relationship at the same time.
“Come on. Louisa. Come lay with her, talk to her. Let her hear you so she knows everything is going to work out. Because it will. We aren’t going to lose your girl today.”
He pulled her around to the other side of the bed, fluffed some pillows, and laid her down amongst them. When he returned to the other side of the bed, she’d already scooted herself up against Ellie until there was no space between them. Her arms wrapped around her, her mouth at her ear. Perhaps if they told stories to pass the time while they waited. To keep their minds off the work of it.
“Hugh, have I ever told you about the night I first saw her?”
He shook his head as he smoothed the cool linen across Ellie’s brow then sat at the edge of the bed next to her. “No, you haven’t.” He placed his hand on Ellie’s belly, smoothing his fingers across the little bumps that appeared, shifted, and disappeared from her skin as the babe rolled within.
Louisa watched his hand on her stomach, skin to skin. It was no longer strange to see someone else touch her Ellie. He was her husband; he had the right to touch her where Louisa didn’t, and this was his baby, just as much—possibly even more—than it was hers. Louisa had no rights where Ellie was concerned, none whatsoever as far as the law went. Louisa would have no legal rights to the children they would share, children who would know her as a mother. Her body shook and her hands tightened on the sheets draped across her love. She still had fears, but they lessened with every breath she took, every step through this life with them.
“Hugh,” she said and her voice broke. She swallowed when it felt as though her throat tore.
He looked up at her again, and his hand moved to her cheek, reaching across Ellie. “Tell me, Louisa. Tell me about the night you first met.”
“You were there, you know. The night we met. You were there.”
“I don’t remember.”
“There was nothing remarkable about it. It was another crush, during yet another season. One in which I continued to avoid capture, and you as well, you know, because of Amelia.”
Hugh smiled at that. “We had that in common and I was ever so very hopeful.”
“As you should have been, as was right, because look at you now,” Louisa said with a smile.
“So tell me,” he said.
Louisa took a deep breath and snuggled into Ellie. “It was my third season. I needed a husband or I would be a spinster. At that age, I was already on the shelf and though I was thrilled at the prospect, my father was not.”
Hugh shook his head, then smiled at her, and she felt his warmth and love all the way to her toes. “Ellie was so beautiful, she was… I’m not sure I can even describe it.”
“Try.” Hugh whispered.
And so she tried.
Ellie
“Hugh don’t listen to her. That’s not at all how it happened. She paints me a simpering miss along with the others,” Ellie said.
“Ellie, I thought you were sleeping,” Louisa started, but Ellie wouldn’t have it.
“No, listen here, I’m not going to lay here and labor while you tell my husband half truths,” she said with a smile. “I’m doing well at the moment, so it’s my turn.” Ellie rocked against the mattress until she sat up on her elbows, then she scooted up toward the headboard as Hugh stood and helped her, shoving pillows behind her back. She groaned against a rather mild contraction, then patted the bed next to her, and Hugh sat with her at the headboard, taking much of her weight as Louisa lay back down on her opposite side, her head in her lap…or what was left of it at this point with their babe taking so much space. “What she said was fairly true…but I was no sweet miss, you’ll see. That night was the first night I saw you as well. Do you remember?”
she asked. Hugh turned to her and smiled.
“I do remember, now, from Louisa’s telling. That dress was stunning. I’m not a man who considers fashion, but Louisa is correct. You were the most beautiful woman at the ball that night. I hadn’t even thought about it. I didn’t know that was you at the time. But I do remember you.”
“Aren’t you sweet?” Ellie paused and breathed as another contraction came upon her, the tightening of her abdomen stilling the babe inside, spreading tension to the whole of her body before fading away. She adjusted her position. She leaned against Hugh a bit more as Louisa moved up toward the headboard next to her and began kneading her lower back. “Oh God, that’s wondrous.”
Hugh adjusted the sheets over her, and Ellie smiled. She loved he knew how to make her comfortable. She loved how he paid attention in that way. Amelia was a very lucky woman, and Ellie considered herself lucky to be married to such a considerate man, even if he wasn’t hers. Sharing a child with him, while the prospect in the beginning had been terrifying, was a blessing. Hugh had been a stranger to her, beyond the ballroom, until they’d been married. The prospect of having a child with him, of creating a child with him, had terrified her, but he’d made it into something beautiful. He was the true blessing in her and Louisa’s life, and she thanked God every single day for him.
“What are you smiling about?” he asked.
“I was thinking about our wedding night.”
Hugh grinned. “It could have been worse.”
“Worse? It was lovely. You weren’t merely a gentleman but a loving, caring husband. I consider myself quite lucky in that, you know.”
“You’ve never told me of that night,” Louisa said.