by Daisy Allen
I lean down to kiss her but before our lips meet, there’s a sound of tires screeching on the street outside the shelter and then a large bang and clanging. I hear a glass window shatter and then the tires screech again, fading into the distance. Kaine, Gabriel and I throw a quick look at each other before we drop everything and run toward the entrance.
“Tell everyone else to stay inside!” I call over my shoulder. She nods and puts the basket down and I can hear her try to reassure everyone as we run out the door.
There’s no one out there.
No sign of who was here and no other bystanders, which I’m glad for.
The path is littered in trash; about three metal bins lay on their side, rocking back and forth. Rotten food and candy wrappers and empty drink containers are strewn all over the street in front of us. Kaine walks over to the shattered window and reached down to pick up a brick.
“Fuck off. We don’t want your shelter here. We’re trying to take OUT the trash, not bring more in,” he reads off it.
“What the fuck?” Gabriel shouts, taking the brick from Kaine and examining it. “Who the fuck do you think did is?”
I shake my head. “I dunno, but I can take a guess.” Kaine nods, agreeing without even needing me to say it. “What are we going to do?”
“You aren’t going to do anything. I can’t trust you to keep your head dealing with these fucktards. Gabriel and I will think of something.”
“But…”
“Go. She’s waiting for you,” he says, and I know there’s no point in arguing.
But just because he isn’t sending me to take care of this doesn’t mean I can’t send myself.
Twenty-three
Her
I'm close, but I'm tensing every muscle in my body not to fall over the cliff. My eyes focus on my hands stretched out in front of me, my knuckles bone white as I grab fistfuls of the Egyptian cotton bedsheet while Xavier drives himself into me from behind.
"Ohhh, God. Fuck..." I groan as he pulls back and then slams his hips forward again, completely filling me up with his hardness. His breath is hard and ragged in my ears; his hands hot as they grab at my hips, pulling me back onto him.
I'm even closer now.
"Oh, sweetheart, fuck. Fuck." His moans mirror mine and I know we're both about to come.
My bottom lip finds itself between my teeth as I try to hold back, but there's no point.
Xavier's cock is inside me and I'm going to come on it.
Just as he slides into me one more time, his hand reaches under me and an index finger finds the hood of my clit.
And everything explodes into stars.
"Oh god. Xavier. Oh my god," I think I scream as a white-hot orgasm rips through me, draining my cells of every last ounce of oxygen.
I feel my body pushed forward as Xavier slams into me again, his own orgasm making him growl my name over and over and over until there's nothing left and we collapse on the bed, spent.
I'm not sure how long we sleep but the sun is bright in my eyes when I wake up again, Xavier’s head still on my back, my limbs spread out like a starfish on his bed.
"Uhhhhh," is my first word.
"Hmmmm?" is his reply.
It's several more minutes before either of us makes any sense.
"Eggs?" he asks.
My head moves half an inch up and down. Eggs actually sound great. As long as I don't have to make them.
Apparently, he feels the same way as he makes no attempt to move.
But it's okay, I could lie like this here with him forever.
Ding Dong, the doorbell sounds, right on cue, as if to make a mockery of my thoughts of forever.
"Hmmm?"
"Eggs," Xavier replies, before he groans and drags his body off mine. There's a big sigh and then I feel him pull himself off the bed and shuffle to the elevator, pulling on a pair of shorts over his naked body.
Shame. I like completely clothes-less Xavier.
I pull a pillow over my head to block out the light. I don't know what time it is, but it's okay, I don't have any appointments today and have no rush to get to the office.
I could wait for eggs.
And more naked Xavier.
"Eggs!" he exclaims a minute later, suddenly more awake. The pillow is dragged off my head and he's holding out a plate to me.
"What the..? How?"
He grins and pushes the plate forward and I take it, sitting up, crossing my legs under me. I stare down at my plate filled with piping hot eggs on toast and my mouth fills with saliva; I didn't realize how hungry I was. Frequent sex equals an increased appetite, I guess.
Xavier comes back with another plate and cup of coffee in his hand that he lays on the nightstand next to me before joining me back on the bed.
There’s no grace to the way I lift a forkful of scrambled eggs into my mouth. They're soft and fluffy, perfectly seasoned.
"Mmmm, eggs," I sigh and he grins at me, nodding, his own mouth full.
"Do you have a magic wand? Where did these come from?" I mumble between bites.
"I do have a magic wand," he winks at me and I roll my eyes. “I meant this, pervert!” He laughs and waves his iPhone at me. "The magic wand of Uber Eats."
"When did you do that? I thought you were asleep!"
"Oh, my sweet, I can work much magic while you think I'm asleep."
"Oh, I remember." I giggle, thinking back to how I was woken up during the night. "Makes me wish you were asleep again right now."
He drops his jaw and clutches at imaginary pearls before leaning over and kissing me gently.
It takes everything I have not to sigh like a lovesick teenager, clasping my hands to my bare chest and swooning.
But it’s exactly how I feel.
Like a lovesick teenager. Because the last time I felt like this, I was a lovesick teenager, and my whole life was ahead of me.
“What’s your day like?” Xavier asks, and I take a sip of the delicious coffee before I answer.
“Pretty free, actually, why?”
"Like you have to ask," he looks at me, and the intensity in his pupils makes me shiver. It amazes me how he can shift from playful to spine-shivering intensity in the blink of an eye.
I thought we could spend the day together. If you don’t have any plans.”
“I don’t but don’t you have to work? I can’t imagine you have a lot of free time.” I’ve heard enough about Ash Industries from Cam to know that their daily operations are no joke.
“I have my magic wand, remember. I can do most things from that today,” he says, moving our empty plates away and pulling me into his arms. “Don’t you want to?” he whispers against my ear.
I simply sigh in response, feeling my body completely relax into his. We stare out the window for a moment, watching the sun move to hide for a moment behind an early morning cloud, watching a section of Manhattan darken in shadows as the cloud passes by.
“You know, you should really let me choose some curtains. Pink ones. Fluffy.” I suggest.
“Nope, no curtains.”
“You’re going to be visited sometime soon by the police for indecent exposure.”
“Totally worth it. I want the whole world to see me ravaging your naked body,” he growls against my neck, and I can feel his body coming alive. Wanting me.
“You’re not jealous?”
“I said “see,” I didn’t say they could touch. That’s just for me.” He runs his tongue along the length of my neck.
The ring of a cellphone is harsh against our eyes, and we both grunt our disapproval at the interruption.
“You should turn that bloody thing off.”
“It’s not mine, doofus. It’s yours.” I point to the flashing screen of his iPhone at the foot of the bed.
“Oh.”
“Yeah, oh!” I say, hitting him over the head with the pillow as he yelps ducking away from my assault as he reaches for the phone.
I watch as his forehead furrows and he ta
ps on the screen. “Hello?” he answers, turning his back to me.
“Oh, okay. Um, don’t worry. Don’t touch anything. I’ll be right there.”
He hangs up and springs to his feet, jogging to the bathroom, barely turning to look at me,
“Sorry, babe. I’ve gotta go,” he says over his shoulder as he disappears.
I sit back, hugging the pillow to my chest, a chill suddenly falling around me.
I’m not a part of his life. I gave up that right. I have no right to feel like this. I push myself up off the bed, reaching my dress on the floor.
“Hey.” I look up, he’s standing there, naked, towel over his shoulder. “There’s something I have to do. Wanna come with?”
I feel myself nod. “But I need to shower first.”
He grins and holds his hand out to me.
“Your wish is my command.”
***
I don’t recognize the apartment building we arrive at thirty minutes later, or the apartment number on the door that Xavier knocks on.
“Where are we?” I ask for the countless time. He just ignores me and pulls a key out of his pocket and slides it into the lock.
“Hello? It’s me,” he calls out as he pushes the door open.
“Xavier?” A woman’s voice answers.
“Yes, where are you?” he says, pulling on my arm and closing the door behind me.
“Whose apartment is this?” I mouth and he just smiles and takes my hand.
“Come on,” he says, walking down the empty hallway.
It opens up into a large living area and I see an older woman perched on the sofa in the middle of the room, her leg propped up on the coffee table in front of her.
“Mom! What happened?” Xavier lets go of my hand and walks over to her, leaning over to give her a kiss on the cheek.
“What are you doing here?” she says to him, while eyeing me up and down. I’m speechless. I heard so much about her when Xavier and I were together in Maine, but I never met her. I never knew if he was keeping her from me or me from her. Either way, I try not to stare, but he looks just like her. How strange. “Who’s this?” she asks, once Xavier straightens up.
“Oh, Mom, this is, er…” he looks over, conflicted.
“Malynda,” I hear myself say, and it surprises me almost as much as Xavier, going by the way his eyes widen. “I’m Malynda,” I repeat, walking over and holding my hand out to her. I try not to admit to myself it’s because I want to see if she recognizes me by name.
Something flickers in her eyes, the same deep green eyes as the man’s standing next to her, and she takes my hand shaking it once. “I’m Denise. Denise Kent,” she says and drops my hand, but doesn’t stop staring at me.
I think I feel a chill, but I must be imagining it. It’s not cold in here.
Xavier is oblivious to it all as he scans the room.
“Mom! What happened?” he asks again, circling the coffee table, taking in the scattered broken glass and water and flowers strewn on the rug.
“Ugh, it’s nothing, I was moving this vase of flowers your brother sent me and trying to talk to him on the phone at the same time, but my ankle twisted and I dropped the vase on the floor. I’m fine. I was just going to rest for a bit longer before I cleaned it up.” Her eyes continue to bore into me even as she speaks.
“Mom. Don’t worry about that, just sit.”
“I’ll… I’ll get a mop,” I say, as ridiculous as it sounds. I don’t know where the mop is. I just need to get away from her probing eyes.
“There’s one in the closet in the hallway,” Xavier calls after me.
“How did you even know I fell, honey?” Denise’s voice follows me as I leave the room.
“Michael called me. He said he was on the phone with you, but then you yelled and he heard a big crash and then he said you just said you had to go and hung up.”
“Oh geez, I didn’t realize I raised a bunch of drama queens. I was fine. I just didn’t want him hearing me swear as I hobbled over to the couch. You know, in case he overreacted and called you or something,” she scoffs.
“He did the right thing, Mom. Are you sure you’re okay, did you want me to call the doctor?” Xavier says as I come back into the room with the mop and dustpan in my hand.
“Will you tell my son I’m fine, Malynda?” she says, and I almost drop the mop in surprise at her directly addressing me.
“Well, um, I’m not sure I can tell your son anything he doesn’t want to hear.”
This makes her laugh, and I feel a little more relaxed as she seems to warm to me.
Xavier fusses over her while I help him pick up the debris, mopping up the water and gathering up the broken glass. He teases her and she returns the jabs two-fold, and I realize how strange it is to see the relationship in person.
It isn’t how I envisioned her.
I remember him telling me how tired she always was, how drained, how she resembled a wrung-out dishrag, alternating between long days at work, and restless nights worrying about money.
Whoever that was, it seems to be a distant memory.
This woman is full of life. She gets up from her seat and hobbles around after Xavier, moving things that he touches, telling him off when he tries to help her back to the couch.
“I can do it myself, Xavier!”
“I know, mom, we’re just helping, geez. Who knew you liked sweeping so much. Maybe I should get you one of those miniature Japanese zen gardens for you to rake back and forth.”
“No way, I’d fling that across the room in a minute.”
“Well, then you could sweep up the sand from that as well.” She rolls her eyes and sinks into a recliner with a moan. “Mom?”
“It’s fine. That was an old lady moan, not a broken bone moan.”
He looks over at me and makes a show of throwing his hands in the air and sighing.
“She’s unbelievable!”
“So I see… where you get it from.”
“Hey!” They both yell in unison and we all fail in not bursting into laughter.
Xavier’s phone rings and cuts through the laughter. He pulls it out of his pocket and glances at the screen before excusing himself and disappearing down the hallway.
“Malynda? Why don’t you come sit over here,” Denise says, and I put the dustpan down and settle on the couch next to her.
She turns to me, her eyes boring into me again. Those eyes, they must be made from some sort of alien space rock. They’re unnerving. Bottomless.
“So, you’re the girl,” she finally says, and the shiver up my spine comes back.
“I’m sorry?”
“You’re the girl, the reason. The reason he left Maine. The reason he almost died.”
I feel my face freeze. She says it so matter-of-factly. Like it’s nothing. Or, like it’s something she’s had a decade to process. But for me, it’s all new.
“You broke his heart. He went from the happiest I ever saw him that summer, to a shell of a human. It was you, wasn’t it? He never told me your name. But a mother knows. Only love could’ve made him that happy. And only the loss of that love could break a boy like Xavier.”
“I… I don’t…”
“You don’t have to say anything. That look in his eyes right now? I’ve seen it before. And I don’t mean when he was happy that summer. I mean the fear. I’ve seen that in his eyes before, just before he left me a note and disappeared off to New York. To find you. And finally, after all these years, he’s found you.” She takes a deep breath. “Well, that’s too bad.” She clicks her tongue and finally breaks the eye contact.
“I… didn’t come looking for him.” I don’t know why I say that.
She turns back to me, “That’s the only right thing you’ve done. If his life has been any good it’s been achieved despite you. He is who he is now because of his brain, his ambition, his dedication. Because of Kaine.”
“I- I know. He’s done great. He’s… an amazing man. He works very hard.�
��
“No thanks to you, dear girl. After you left him, he was nothing. All he wanted, cared about, was finding you. And when he couldn’t, he was trying to get himself killed. He’s been doing that ever since. Still. He works hard? Don’t think he’s being a hero. He’s just trying to find an excuse to work himself to an early grave. All because of you. I could’ve told him that love was never going to bring anything but heartache. But he’s too much like me to have listened anyway.”
I can barely process the words I’m hearing. “He almost… died?”
"In some way or another, he's been trying to die since you left. At first it was roaming the streets looking for you. Then it was the fighting. Now it's working until his body has no choice but to give out. He's too proud to ever take his own life, or maybe he doesn't even know he's doing it. But my sweet, beautiful Xavier. He always felt everything so strongly. I should've known it would be his downfall. And now that he's made some money, taken care of me, his brothers, he doesn't think he has a reason to live. That left when you did."
She shakes her head again and stares out the window.
I can’t believe what I’ve heard.
Again.
From his best friend and now his mother.
Xavier. Oh, Xavier, what did I do to you?
I can’t breathe. I need to air. I need to get out of here.
“I’m… I have to go. Please tell, Xavier,” I say.
“Go. Don’t worry about Xavier. He’s used to you leaving,” she says, twisting the knife, and I almost retch at the bitterness in her voice.
My head is spinning and I can barely walk as I stumble down the strange hallway, bumping into Xavier as I go.
“I… I have to go,” I stutter, trying to feel my way along the way.
“Malynda! Where are you going?” he says, covering the mouthpiece on his phone.
“Just… I have to go…” I say, throwing the door open and flinging my way out of the airless apartment.
All this time, I had thought that I was the one who’s suffered more. Having to give him up, give up my own identity. I thought there couldn’t have been anything worse. Sure, I knew he would’ve missed me, but I never thought… I thought I’d done the right thing. I really did think he would eventually move on. I had hoped.