I decided to leave him to it as he was obviously more invested in this shopping trip, and strangely, I trusted his taste in clothes. The woman behind the till watched with an amused smile as I trailed behind my mate, who took out the occasional dress to hold against me. I gave her a small shrug and she laughed before looking back down at the book in her hands.
“You’re comfortable with your feminine side,” I noted as he picked out yet another dress.
He gave me a sideways look, and he shrugged. “I know what looks good on a fem…on you. I know your shape and I’m accustomed to your skin tone, so I know what colours would suit you.”
It was then something clicked for me: the paint on his fingers, his eye for colours. “You’re an artist.”
The surprise was quickly masked by a grin as he nodded and stood straight.
“Well done on figuring that out,” he praised. “My grandfather taught me how to paint and use colours. I picked up the rest myself after his passing, and now I can’t help but study things that hold my interest.”
I blushed at the subtle hint. He had said he was aware of my shape, my colouring. I held his interest. Though that was something I should have known: no Alpha would mate with a female who didn’t hold their interest. The mistake of choosing a female that didn’t would be detrimental to a pack, to a relationship. It was then I began to wonder if art had been the line of work he was interested in, and whether because it was a little unusual for a wolf, if that was why he had been embarrassed to admit his dream job earlier, and whether he sold any of the paintings that he did.
“I can’t draw myself but I love art. Perhaps you could show me some of your work?” I asked hopefully, touching his arm.
“You’ll have seen my paintings alongside my grandfather’s in the house, but I can show you some more…here!” He grinned, lifting a soft cream lace dress from the rack.
It was beautiful, I had to admit. It’d fall to my feet, a shift underneath that only came down to my knees to leave my lower legs visible through the lace. Its long sleeves would also show skin with a neckline higher than I’d normally pick for myself but would still showcase my mark if I had my hair up.
“Isn’t it a little…virginal bride?” I mused, despite knowing that I was already in love with it.
Roarke shook his head, urging me to the dressing room to try it on.
“Not at all. It’s perfect. You’ll look beautiful, sophisticated, exactly as my Alpha Female should,” he argued, stuffing the dress into my arms and then pushing me into the dressing room.
Closing the door on him and hanging the dress up, I sighed. This was all really happening, and by the end of the evening, I would be a member of Roarke’s pack. Now was not the time to stumble however, so I quickly stripped and pulled the dress on, smoothing the fabric down.
The mirror reflected my nervous expression that softened as I looked over my figure. I’d always thought I was a little curvier than I should be, hips and thighs too thick, bum too big, but this dress seemed to hug and flow in all the right places, making my waist look tiny.
I allowed myself a small smile. For the first time in a very long time, I felt feminine and beautiful.
Roarke knocked on the door. “Can I see?” he requested.
I smirked. “Nope. Not until tonight.”
Any protest I knew he had died on his lips with a chuckle. I hoped he’d like it on me just as much as I did.
“Very well,” he conceded.
Roarke paid for the dress, much to my protest, but I guessed providing for me was encoded into his DNA. I gave up trying to argue. Perhaps I could slip the money for it in his office when I got the chance.
He allowed me to wander around a few other shops, content just to watch me browse even though we both knew I wouldn’t buy anything. As I raked through racks of clothes and looked through a few knick-knacks that I thought would be nice around the house when I got around to decorating, Roarke found any way to touch me. A brush of fingers against my hip, his front against my back, an arm grazing mine, and each touch sent a small shiver through me that had my wolf purring inside.
At first I had flinched or pushed away from him, not wanting him to think that I was comfortable with him that way. Eventually, though, I had conceded. The bustle of humans had me slightly on edge, and having him near calmed the feral side that snapped teeth if someone got so close. It didn’t matter how much time I had spent amongst humans; no wolf ever really got used to being away from Wulver territory. Centuries of our kind being hunted down in history had strengthened the instinct to be wary of humans, and their loud, scent-filled cities were harsh on our sensitive senses. It’d only been a few months since I’d been at university, a few months I’d spent with only my pack or other wolves with no human contact at all, which made it so easy to fall back into old ways, old fears. Doing the maths in my head, I frowned. Had it really only been four months since I’d returned home? If that was the case, then I was wrong; my friends hadn’t graduated yet, and I hadn’t officially dropped out…there was still time…I shook my head, eyeing the strong, handsome male next to me. I found that by his side was where I had to be now, maybe even where I wanted to be.
“We should head back soon,” Roarke murmured, his eyes on his phone.
I sighed and nodded, knowing what going back meant. I couldn’t procrastinate any longer. In a few hours, my fate would be sealed to his pack.
Slowly, we made our way back to the car. He offered a hand to help me in, which I gratefully took as I jumped over the door and into the leather seat, dropping the bag with my dress in it by my feet.
We drove in silence for a while, but I could feel through the bond that my mate wanted to speak, or maybe I was just more in tune with him now, picking up on his body language. I gave him a look and watched with a smile as his body relaxed.
“Are you excited, even a little bit? Or is this entire thing abhorrent to you? I don’t want you to feel like tonight will be my taking of the last bits of your freedom,” he confessed.
Reaching over, I placed my hand on his arm and squeezed. “I am nervous, but I’m also looking forward to the future.”
This seemed to be enough to set his mind at ease, even if I wasn’t sure myself if my words had been a lie or a small part of the truth.
Chapter Twelve
Pack
I watched from the bedroom window as Alphas from all over the country arrived to witness my initiation. A few I recognised from their visits to my father’s pack, and the more wolves that arrived, the more my nerves got the better of me. Roarke was behind me, raking through the cupboards for something, and I ignored his presence that sent me so off kilter.
“There’s a lot of Alphas out there,” I fretted, keeping my gaze on my mother, who wandered around greeting the strangers.
“There is. A lot of wolves from other packs too, and the killer may be amongst them, so I have some rules you need to follow tonight,” Roarke stated.
I rolled my eyes and turned to face him, arms crossed across my chest to show my irritation.
“For my safety?” I snarled, meeting his eyes.
He gave me a stern look. “Yes, for your safety, because your safety is important to me. If I am not by your side, then you must stay with Quillan. I don’t trust anyone else to keep you safe except him, so stay within his line of sight even if you’re with me and stick to his side like glue when I’m not there. Do you understand?”
My wolf growled, annoyed that he didn’t think us capable of looking after ourselves, but I didn’t want to fall out with him when we were minutes away from something so monumental.
“I understand,” I replied stiffly.
His expression softened as he stepped towards me, his hand on my arm as his eyes pleaded with me to understand.
“I need you safe and out of harm. I can’t lose anyone else I hold dear. I won’t lose you. I’m not trying to control you, I promise. As soon as the other Alphas return home, you can have your freedom back,” he vowed, a warm hand cu
pping my cheek.
I sighed, eyes closing as his touch calmed my ire.
“I’m sorry. I’m nervous. Nerves make me snappy,” I admitted, regret for the way I’d spoken to him clear in my tone.
“It’s okay, my female. I understand how hard this must be for you, and I apologise for not being able to give you more time to come to terms with all of this. If things were different, I’d have courted you first, I’d have waited until I held your heart, but that’s not how things have worked out. The world is against us, times are dangerous, and we must do what we can to create stability for our people,” he confessed, pressing his forehead against mine, breathing in my breath.
Eyes fluttered shut at the show of primal affection. We stood, breathing in each other’s air until I was sure I could feel the very essence of him. His words had caused my heart to flutter, my body to melt against him, my soul to crave his. What was he doing to me? How was he crumbling my resolve with simple words and touches?
“What are you doing to me?” I whispered, voicing my thoughts for him to hear before stepping away from him, needing to create a distance between us, but he refused to let me move.
He tipped my chin up, his lips so close they could brush against mine. The bond curled around us, whispering its desire for our proximity, its force felt between us like a physical magnet. My hands fisted in his shirt, and whether that was to push him away or pull him closer to me, I would never know. My mother entered the room, breaking whatever connection we had. We sprung apart as if electrocuted.
My mother looked expectantly at Roarke, waiting for him to leave so she could help me get ready. He gave a slight bow of his head.
“One moment,” he murmured, turning towards the dresser, where he pulled out a small black box.
He opened it to reveal a small silver chain, and when he went to put it around my neck, I stumbled back. I could smell its poison in the air and knew the feel of the burn it would do to my skin.
“Are you mad?” I screeched, my mother taking a step in front of me with her fangs bared.
“Settle, females. It will not hurt you; can’t you see it isn’t burning my fingers?” he asked, lifting the chain he held safely in his grasp.
I tipped my head, confused. It was silver; I could smell that it was and knew that it was acid to the touch for wolves.
“How?” my mother gaped. Her fingers reached out to touch the chain, only for Roarke to pull it back.
“It was a gift from Emer, the king of the Ailill. It is silver with magic imbued to make it safe for wolves to touch. My mother would wear it when wolves visited the pack. They would smell that it was silver that touched her throat and see that it did not affect her. It made them fear her strength, and so they never challenged her. Few know the secret. I want you to wear it tonight. My mother would want you to wear it tonight.”
The affectionate act made my heart flutter, and I turned, lifting my hair so he could clip the necklace in place. Cold silver touched the hollow of my throat, a light gasp leaving me. Despite what he had told me, instinct still had me tensing, awaiting its touch to turn to fire, but it never did.
“It’s beautiful,” my mother complimented. “It suits you.”
I smiled and thanked her before she started shooing my mate out the door, not allowing him the chance to see the pendant on me.
“You can see her at the ceremony. You have things to do to prepare. Off you go, boy,” she clucked, trying to shut the door on a protesting Roarke.
I was surprised he hadn’t showed fang at the way she spoke and tried to stifle a laugh as my mother finally managed to shut the door.
“Mother!” I scolded playfully, shaking my head as she dusted her hands with a satisfied smirk.
“I walk in with the two of you getting close. I’d rather have him put out of the way so the smell of your hormones leaves the room quicker,” she stated, hands on hips.
My skin burned with my humiliation, my hands covering my face as I groaned.
She tutted, pulling my hands away. “It’s okay, my dear. I remember what it was like when your father and I mated. We couldn’t keep our hands to ourselves either.”
A choking noise cut through the air as I tried to swallow. “That was not what was happening. We were just talking and I really didn’t need to know that!”
She hummed, turning away to pick up the dress that lay on the bed for me, and I rolled my eyes, knowing she wouldn’t believe whatever I told her. It was different for her and my father—they were in love, completely besotted with each other before they mated—yet Roarke and I were marked by each other, and I had never felt the touch of his lips on mine. This was an arrangement of…convenience, but not love.
A look thrown over my mother’s shoulder had me stripping to put the dress on, knowing she wouldn’t allow my usual procrastination. She helped me slip the dress on and fix it into place, standing back with her hands on her cheeks, eyes shimmering.
“It’s beautiful. You look beautiful,” she complimented. “But I think we should tie your hair up, expose that mark for everyone to see, and show off that necklace.”
I was too caught up at the image of myself in the mirror to really hear what she was saying. I was about to leave my pack and old life behind, and my mother didn’t seem sad to see me go. When she lifted my hair and pinned it in a messy braided bun, the light caught the copper tones in my hair, turning it into bright orange, and I finally allowed myself to smile at the she-wolf in the mirror.
“Are you ready, my pup?” my mother asked gently, turning me to look at her.
I couldn’t meet her eyes, knowing the look of longing in mine would give everything away. She wouldn’t have it, though. She gripped my chin with a soft growl and forced me to hold her gaze.
“I’m not ready. I don’t want this. I don’t want to leave you and Father, I don’t want to leave Oria, and I want to be there when my brother arrives.” A sob lodged in my throat, choked down by what was left of my strength. Her features softened, releasing my chin to stroke my cheek.
“I know. Do not think I will not miss you, this breaks my heart, but you are a grown woman, not a pup, and I cannot keep you by my side forever. It is your time to blossom and show this world who you are. You can’t do that as Beta to your brother,” she explained, keeping my chin in her grip until she saw the confident look back in my eyes. “You are one of the most precious things that the Gods have given me, Cathwulf. Never forget that.”
I nodded and took a much needed deep breath. “I’m ready.”
She kissed my cheek and took my hand, leading me downstairs. The house felt abandoned and eerie without the noise of pack mates or cooking. Everyone was outside…and they were all waiting on me.
The nerves kicked in again, and my hand tightened on my mother’s.
Quillan stood at the door, his dark hair swept away from his face, the scowl secured tightly in place. He grunted in acknowledgement of my presence, looking away before he spoke.
“I’m to be your shadow,” he quipped with a huff as if it were the worst thing that could have happened to him.
I tried to give him a grateful smile, unable to say anything as I forced the butterflies in my belly to settle. My mother pecked my cheek and then continued to make her way outside, whispering that she’d see me in a few moments.
I stared out the door at the crowd of wolves who had gathered, the golden twinkle of fairy lights catching my eye. Quillan’s presence beside me was strong, the heat of his body against the bare skin of my neck and face.
“You don’t have anything to worry about,” he comforted, his manner still gruff, his voice deep and husky as if he didn’t speak a lot.
I nodded, twisting my fingers together in front of me. As soon as my feet touched the soft grass, I wouldn’t be able to turn back. Quillan moved closer, and I studied him out of the corner of my eye. Taking note of the stubble on his jaw that was less wild than it had been the last time I had seen him, even his hair was somewhat tamed, and I dec
ided he had made an effort to appear more civilised, but the wild of his wolf could not be hidden. Even I could feel the wolf clawing at him, wanting to be freed, and I admired his ability to appear so calm when inside, a war was raging on.
“How do you do it?” I whispered, knowing he would understand what I was referring to.
The laugh he let loose made me jump, the sound so gravelly that I wasn’t sure if it was really a laugh at all.
His eyes darted outside, towards Roarke. “Your mate keeps me under control. I have a home here, a place in the pack. To keep it, I must fight the broken nature of my wolf. When Roarke is near, my wolf bows down. Most of the time he’s calm, but there are many strangers here tonight and I…” He paused, rubbing his stubbled chin as he frowned. “I find it difficult to keep the feral side calm when he sees all these wolves as a threat to his home and family.”
Black eyes fell on me, stilling my body. His gaze was hard, but something in their depths had my heart fluttering.
“I understand somewhat,” I replied quietly. “I hate crowds too.”
He snorted, dismissing my words, and yet it didn’t offend me because how could I possibly understand what it felt like to be at war with part of your soul? Yes, my wolf and I had been at odds a few times, once to the point of destroying our bond, but to tamp down the power of a wolf’s rage every day…no, I could not possibly imagine that.
“My wolf is more on edge than he normally would be if you weren’t here,” he admitted, still watching me.
My skin flushed red even though I did not quite understand his words, and I had the feeling I didn’t want to. I didn’t answer him, instead switching my gaze back outside where Roarke moved among the crowd. I couldn’t stand to be so close to Quillan now, my body had become hyperaware of his presence, and when he leaned down, his nose almost brushing my throat as he inhaled my scent, the whole world came to a stop. Instincts kicked in and my wolf reared her head, letting out a warning growl to the male who had dared to come so close, too close.
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