He was actually wailing now. I had the greatest respect for Lukas' ability to show his feelings, but Hermes' display was more like hysteria, and I observed it with distaste. I had always been able to control my emotions, and had little respect for those who couldn't.
Had I truly felt attracted to this man? Remembering Paul's dignity in his moments of agony, and Jonathan's quiet fortitude in the face of total hopelessness, I felt embarrassed by my own weakness.
But somehow the three men seemed able to feel real compassion for Hermes'
plight, so I guessed something must be wrong with me.
Lukas, still kneeling in front of him, hugged his father lovingly, saying: 'I'm sorry to hear that Katarina is giving you trouble, father, you are right, we were always good friends. Her mother offered me a home when no-one else would have me, and when I lived with her, I watched Katarina grow up.
Even when I had to leave to work for Dionysus, I often stayed there for holidays. But if Katarina is so set against sharing love, she'll not listen to me,
my reputation is apparently so bad even you believed the rumour spread around my disappearance.'
I could see that despite his new life with us, it hurt Lukas to hear that people in general had been willing to believe him dishonourable His abduction started to look more and more like a clever plot to thoroughly discredit him, but why would anyone bother?
According to himself, he didn't have any importance in his former life, no special talents, no status, he had been a misguided player hopping from one woman to another, although something in me objected to the term player: I had a hard time imagining him really hurting his lovers with broken promises or by forcing his love on them. Lukas was such a sensitive creature, he never claimed, and always gave his all.
'Katarina never believed any of those rumours, Lukas,' his father said, 'she has always held you in the highest esteem. She blamed me for your promiscuity, for having left you to yourself so suddenly, convinced you would have been able to live without love if I had done my duty to you. I just don't understand, how can anyone live without love?'
'What makes you think we live without love?' asked Paul, his voice sounding seriously interested, not defensive at all.
The idea of Paul not being able to love because he was very exclusive in his loving was ridiculous, I had never felt so much love from anyone in my life.
Well, maybe excepting Lukas these last few days, but I was getting convinced more and more that Lukas was not entirely human anymore in his capacity to love.
Stunned out of his self-pity by Paul's friendly question, Hermes took a good look at him, at Paul's rugged good looks, his self-confident posture, the space around him that had been crafted by this quiet man's very own hands.
Then he looked at me, and I'm sure he must have felt the intense love I had for Paul, deep enough to allow me to deny my lust for god, and he must have felt the mirror-image of that intense love in his own son.
Then he looked at Paul again, who was totally secure in his love for me, for Lukas, and even for his beautiful craft.
Not a word had been spoken so far, but I could see a realization dawn in my father-in-law. His doubts flared up: 'But you know one another how long, a few months? I've loved a woman for a few months, but it never lasts.'
To my surprise, George now spoke up: 'Though I don't love that way myself, beloved, I know exclusive love can last for decades.'
'I'm not saying it is the only way to love, not even that it is the better way to love,' Paul now said, 'but loving exclusively is just another way to love. I experience intense love every day of my life since I have met Melissa, and since I have gotten to know your son, and I'm pretty sure I will love them exclusively for the rest of my life. I don't feel sick, I feel favoured!'
George added: 'And I'm pretty sure your parents still feel that way, Paul, they have been together for how long?' Paul thought a moment and replied: 'You have known them longer than I have, but I guess almost forty years.' I added:
'And I'm also convinced that my parents still love one another very much, after thirty years.'
'Can you consider that, father, that loving just one person is just that, another way of loving?' Lukas asked, 'I will always share my love, that is who I am, but I have shared it a lot less since I have become close to Melissa and Paul.
They have so much love to give, and it is so familiar, so powerful, that I felt the need to share less strongly. I don't feel unhealthy, being loved with so much intensity makes me feel very strong indeed.'
Hermes was clearly not convinced, but he had shed some thought on the matter, which was a first step. And he had his control back, making him seem less pathetic. He observed: 'All right, so maybe poor Katarina does have some love in her life, but that does not change the fact that she is sowing dissent in my realm, and taking my worshipers away from me, and that the other gods are threatening me for losing control of my own people. What if I am damaged for good, what if my people no longer love me?'
Lukas told his father: 'I feel your pain, father, but I cannot promise you to come with you, I have my own life now and something in me is changing, I need to come to terms with that before I can face what is waiting for me in your world. But I will talk this over with Paul and Melissa, and we will do what we can to help you.'
The thought of Lukas leaving, even voluntarily, made me sick to the stomach.
Of course I had no right to claim him, and I wouldn't, but he had a good life here, working his craft and developing his talent with George, having plenty of people to love, and a safe situation to let his changes happen.
In his old world, someone was after him, someone with the power and the malice to weave an involved plot to bring him down. And he didn't have us.
Of course he would have his father, and his status would rise because he now had a talent. But who would anchor him, who would give him the love, the power he needed to exercise his talent?
Paul's hand took mine, and clutched it to his chest, and I knew he was also afraid Lukas would leave. It would make some things easier for him, if Lukas were to leave, but I was sure he had grown attached to our loving companion.
George now stepped in, and said: 'Hermes, you have retrieved your memory, and we are all a bit shaken, why don't we go home and talk it over together, let Lukas talk it over with his loved ones, and we'll meet again tomorrow.
I guess those statues will have plenty to tell as well, when I first found out you had set them to spy on us I felt hurt, but after some time I started to understand why you did it. I showed every sign of having been totally taken in, gods tend to do that kind of thing to ordinary people.
And now I'm actually glad, somehow I feel their testimony may turn out to be important, it may convince you that Hermes really has changed.'
I think we all had the grace to look ashamed of ourselves, and Lukas said:
'You are right George, we felt bad about acting without your knowledge or consent, but we didn't trust my father. It was never our intent to hurt you, I hope you will forgive us.'
And Paul asked: 'Please forgive me, George, you've always been like a father to me. I was so afraid to find myself all alone, both people I love taken to a world beyond that portal.'
When Paul said this, I looked at Hermes unobtrusively, and I thought I saw some comprehension dawn on him, a recognition of the love Paul felt for us, and of its depth.
Hermes looked at George with respect and love, and said: 'I feel torn, George.
Part of me wants to go back through the portal straight away, and try to save as much as I can of my realm. But some part of me wants to stay with you, safe within your protection, loved, without ambition or politics. I'm still so incredibly tired. Please, do take me home with you, and hold me. Maybe tomorrow will bring new hope.'
Contrary to the hysterics, this quiet plea did move me, I could easily imagine how he must feel, powerless, still hurting, knowing his absence was making the problem he'd hoped to solve worse. George and Her
mes indeed left soon after, and we sat together in silence.
Lukas wanted to sit between Paul and me and we made room for him,
holding him quietly for what seemed an eternity. Within the safety of our embrace he finally let his tears fall, still in total silence.
I could think of nothing to say or do, what did one say to a man who had spent his youth thinking he was worth nothing to his father and his people, lost them, then found a new life and new talents, and an ability to love beyond his imagination. And then faced choosing between his past and his current life?
'What is happening to you, horny-man?' a voice in my head broke the silence,
'will you not let us look at your mind?' Lukas looked up, dried his eyes, and nestled against us.
'We've had days to study your father, read his thoughts, hear his talks with George, rummage through his memories. He is not as good a person as you, he has done things he's ashamed of now, but his love for you is real and he will not force you to come with him, not even if it costs him everything he used to value, power, adulation, the respect of his peers. But he has no idea what is happening to you, and we can only guess.'
They were clever talkers, those elves, and with a sigh Lukas said out loud:
'Help yourselves.'
He must have removed all the shielding on his mind, for suddenly he projected his feelings, torn so badly they approached despair, but that was just the surface, for below this thin layer of uncertainty, mixed with that incredible need for love from both myself and Paul, was an enormous reservoir of pure love, benevolence, innocence, goodness.
I had not expected anything different, I had been given an insight in Lukas'
change last night, but I heard Paul's gasp and the ringing voice said: 'Oh my goodness, dear boy, small wonder you feel torn. You are coming into your own, but in bits and pieces, your Gift is expanding rapidly, but your feelings are still mortal.'
Paul grabbed Lukas in sympathy and shock, and said in a voice coloured with emotion: 'Beloved, better double your shields, before you pick up the hurts and the needs of the whole city and get drained to an empty husk.
Melissa, can you distract him for an hour or so, keep him filled with love and very busy, whilst I check my books how to shield against emotions? Any suggestions, you two?'
This last remark was clearly for the elves, and as Paul immediately jumped up and started to look among his books on magic, I supposed they had
proposed a specific volume.
Of course I experienced no hesitation at all to distract Lukas, my hand soon found his curly head, and under the wealth of rough ringlets I felt the bases of his horn-stumps. Scratching them gently still had an immediate effect, and soon Lukas was lying on my lap in ecstasy, forgetting the world around him in rising bliss.
I admonished him: 'Paul said to put up a double shield, love, better do as he says, I can feel your emotions.' In reply, a hand reached for my head, bringing me close enough to kiss me ardently, and with a slightly breathless voice Lukas said afterwards: 'I did what he said, the shield just cannot hold it anymore. Please don't stop, your love feels so good, I need it so much.
Of course I didn't stop, but I did not increase my efforts either, Paul and the elves needed time to find a shield to help Lukas, so I planned to make this last as long as it could, which meant moving really, really slowly.
Since Lukas was still projecting, it was easy to keep him distracted with a minimum of effort, I knew exactly what he was yearning for at which moment, enabling me to give him just enough excitement to keep his mind filled.
In this way, I managed to stick to just touching and kissing him for more than half an hour, until his lust took over and he moved on me, untying the laces of my dress, spilling my breasts in his face, licking them and sucking my nipples intently.
His rising fervour had of course been infecting me steadily, causing me to feel more and more heat in my loins, wanting to feel his hands on me, and his tongue, and ultimately his glorious manhood. This was not working too well, he was picking up my thoughts as much as I was his, and our heat stimulated the other's, touching became groping, our kissing ever more intense.
Lukas looked to where Paul was still searching feverishly, leafing through a book, putting it back, getting another, totally concentrated on his task, oblivious to us. Then he looked at me questioningly, and, knowing he'd pick the thought right out of my head, I concluded Paul would rather have us near than be left alone working.
So Lukas helped me out of my dress right then and there, and I removed his shirt and trousers, and then we got serious about our distraction. Though his ever increasing empathy was very dangerous to Lukas, it also made our lovemaking very intimate and very intense. Every caress, every touch awakened a
longing in one of us, which the other then satisfied at great length, leading to another wish that was granted immediately.
We tried to control ourselves as much as possible, trying to make it last, and with all our needs satisfied one by one, we slowly reached a state of ever increasing satiation. At long last Lukas just couldn't resist his overwhelming urge anymore, he just had to thrust himself into me and start pumping furiously, his usual grin apparent, projecting happy thoughtlessness, just overwhelming love and and an absence of that need that he had been feeling so steadily towards Paul and me the last few days.
For a few minutes, all these longings were gone and only the bliss was left, his and mine, mingled together, our minds merged as much as our bodies.
And when it was all over, we laid back, sated, no other feelings between us than satisfaction and intense love.
I secretly checked Lukas' power-level, and it was superb, he was filled to the brim, his total capacity decidedly higher than I remembered. Fortunately his development was not that skewed, this way his rapidly increasing talent would at least offer him a chance to survive.
With little caresses, we kept our attention on one another, until Paul dropped on the sofa on Lukas' other side, wedging him between us once more.
He smiled broadly, so I guessed he had solved the riddle, and he told Lukas:
'I found something that I think will work, let me try it on you, and if it works I'll explain how to build it yourself.'
Touching Lukas' naked skin, stroking his chest and throat softly, his face blanked out and so did Lukas'.
When they came back, Lukas' features relaxed in relief, and suddenly I realized this had been creeping up on him for days, his shields no longer strong enough to stop his ever increasing talent from picking up other people's emotions, draining his power steadily, causing that constant need for our love that I had felt for some days now.
'It works!' Lukas exclaimed, 'I didn't realize how much I was picking up from around me, this is so much better. Thank you so much, all three of you.'
'Just remember us when you come into your own,' the elven voice said with a glad tone. I do think those filthy minded statues really loved him, of course Lukas was the master of love, even though he was not marriage-material he certainly gave those peeping Toms their money's worth.
Lukas thanked Paul with a passionate kiss, sitting on his lap totally naked,
still sweaty from our 'distraction', and Paul answered it with relish, eyes closed, hands in Lukas' hair.
'Let's hit the bed,' I proposed, and without clearing up the wineglasses we gathered our clothes and practically ran up the stairs.
But before we could start our lovemaking all over again, Paul had some questions he wanted to ask Lukas. 'Crisis overcome, I'd like to know what you think is happening to you, Lukas.'
Lukas replied: 'I think the elves are right, I'm coming into my own. My talent seems to be growing daily, I think I'm moving towards a destiny of helping people. On my own world, no matter how weird that sounds, I think I would be a god. Be it without worshipers. But on this world, I don't know what I am, a really strong mage? I'm changing too quickly, my empathy is urging me to help relieve suffering wherever I meet it, but my power
cannot keep up with my proficiency.
This is what I told my father, I feel a need to go back with him, to help his people, for I have a feeling more is afoot than just my sister stealing his worshipers. I know her, and she is not interested in adulation.
But, I am changing and I cannot handle the consequences on my own, I need your help and support. It is not easy to accept a great destiny, when you've just found a very ordinary one that you're perfectly satisfied with. I dare not go back until I'm sure about what and who I am, and whether my father will let me return to you.
Another part of me wants to stay here, there is so much suffering here, so much needs to be done to improve people's lives, poor people, but rich ones as well.
I need to find answers to my own questions before I can decide. Will you hold me now? Both of you?'
Why did he have to change so much? To me, Lukas had been perfect as he was, impulsive, sweet, innocent. As we held him, I felt a selfish fear to lose the guileless friend I had come to love so much.
'Do you mind growing up, Lukas?' Paul asked, stroking his friend, but holding me as well.
'You are funny, Paul,' Lukas remarked,' growing up. Though I suppose you're right, my father is a god, so in a way I'm just growing up. And yes, I do mind, I was just starting to feel at home somewhere for the first time in my life, and then this happens. But I liked helping people to feel better, and now I will be
able to do it more easily and more often. Besides, I can't do anything about it anyway.'
And then he moved his face towards me, until he was close enough to give a sweet little kiss on my lips, and he said: 'I'm sorry love, I didn't mean for this to happen, I was happy as we were, too. But I think I'll still be me most of the time.'
He was still picking up my feelings, but I supposed that couldn't be helped either.
Mirror Bound Page 55