by Kathy Ivan
“Serena, Ms. Patti’s waiting for you inside. I’ll take your bag up to the guest room.”
“Thank you, Douglas, for everything.”
Before she’d made it halfway to the front door, Ms. Patti stood framed in the open doorway. Her diminutive body stood silhouetted in the filtered sunlight as she stepped forward onto the porch, the large white columns and two stories spread wide, and she had the impression the house held its arms open, welcoming her like the prodigal daughter who’d been gone for far too long. It almost felt like she was coming—home.
“Don’t just stand there, come on in. I’ve got sweet tea and banana nut muffins hot from the oven.” She looked past Serena toward her husband, and a gentle smile curved her lips upward. “I’ve packed a little something for you. It should tide you over ’til supper.”
“Thank you, sweetheart.” He dropped a kiss on her cheek as he strode past with the suitcase, and Ms. Patti’s eyes followed his every move, a look filled with so much love it almost brought Serena to tears. Oh, if only she could have somebody feel like that about her someday. But she wasn’t meant to be one of the lucky ones, no matter how much she’d hoped things might be different with Antonio. She’d given in to the wishful dreams of having a life with him, and now those dreams had fractured into a million tiny pieces.
“Looks like you’ve got a bit of a dilemma.” Ms. Patti linked her arm through hers and patted it gently. “Sit down, and you can tell me all about it. Then we’ll figure out exactly what we’re going to do to fix things.” With the determination of a drill sergeant, Ms. Patti marched her into the kitchen and seated her at the long table before Serena could open her mouth to say a word.
She wrapped her hands around the glass of iced tea, unsure where to start. The last time she’d had a sit down with Ms. Patti, she’d allowed the older woman to convince her to stay in Shiloh Springs, though her every instinct screamed to hightail it out of town. She should have followed through on her first option, because now she’d been hustled from her own home, practically shanghaied and overwhelmed by the testosterone of the Boudreau men, and moved summarily to the Big House before she could utter much more than a token protest.
Not like I’m going to protest if it means I can spend a little while longer with Antonio before my world turns to cow patties.
“Would it help if I told you I don’t care about your past or what you’re running from?” Ms. Patti slid into the chair across from hers, and placed a platter stacked high with banana nut muffins in the center of the table. “Sugar, there ain’t a single thing you can tell me that’s worse than what’s rolling around inside your head right now. Whatever it is, we’ll handle it together.”
Serena breathed out a deep breath. If only it was that easy. Simply tell Ms. Patti and things would magically be fixed, and poof, all her problems would disappear. Unfortunately, real life didn’t work that way, at least not in her world.
“I’m not sure where to start.”
“The beginning’s usually best, but start where you’re comfortable, and we’ll fill in the blanks later.” Ms. Patti reached across and placed a muffin in front of Serena. “I’ve always found stuffing my face full of sugar and carbs makes most problems a little less scary. Besides, I made too many and you’ve gotta help me get rid of some of these.”
Serena laughed and started picking at the wrapper around the muffin. It was a miracle she’d gotten through life without somebody like Ms. Patti there to help smooth away all the ugly stuff. The woman had become more a mother to her than her biological mother had ever been.
“I guess the first thing I should tell you is Serena Snowden isn’t my real name.” There, I said it out loud. No going back now.
“I know. I’m the one who did a background check on you when you came to work for my company, remember?” The smirk on Ms. Patti’s face raised the little hairs on the back of Serena’s neck. How could she possibly have known? She’d paid a fortune to a black-hat hacker to create her new identity, and it should have been foolproof.
“Sugar, I knew from the moment you walked through the door there was more to you than somebody looking for a job. You were looking for roots, a place to settle, whether you realized it or not. I recognize the signs. Trust me, after all the boys who’ve been through this house over the years, I’ve learned how to recognize a lost soul when I see one.”
Serena gave a ragged chuckle. “I thought I had everything covered. Shows how clueless I truly am.”
“Hush.”
“I can’t believe you’ve known all along I’m a fraud. I—I can’t stay here. I can—”
“You can sit right back down in your chair, that’s what you can do. Rafe and Antonio think you need to be here, so you’re staying. Besides, I could use another female around this place. Sometimes it gets a little much with all these men traipsing through at all hours. Nica drops by when she can, but she’s up to her eyeballs with school, so visits have been few and far between lately.”
Serena stared at the woman seated across the table, and read the sympathy and understanding in her gaze. There was something else there too, but she couldn’t put her finger on it.
“Okay. This is just between us, right?”
“I have the feeling Antonio’s gonna want to know your story, but I won’t say anything. Not until or unless you tell me it’s okay. Except, if you’re running from the law, I’m going to have to tell Rafe. I won’t let your put his career in jeopardy.” Ms. Patti’s eyes narrowed for a moment, before she leaned back in her chair again. “Nope, I can’t see you ever doing something illegal, at least not by choice.”
“I didn’t do anything wrong, Ms. Patti. I promise. Well, maybe it depends on a person’s definition of wrong. Nothing against the law, unless you consider running away from witness protection breaking the law.”
“Witness protection? Like federal government-mandated, new identity-type protection?”
Serena nodded. “I need to back up a bit. I told you my real name isn’t Serena Snowden. It’s Sharon. Sharon Berkley.” She waited to see if Ms. Patti would react to her revelation. When she didn’t so much as twitch a muscle, Serena continued. “My family has had lots of run-ins with the law, both local and federal. The biggest criminal of the bunch is my uncle. You might have heard of him—Big Jim Berkley?”
At her revelation, Ms. Patti’s eyes widened, though she didn’t say a word, simply motioned for her to continue.
“My uncle is a horrible man. Even the government doesn’t realize the reach he has, or the number of people who blindly follow him. My parents, my cousins, aunts, everybody listened to every malicious word spewing from his lips like it was the gospel of the second coming. Even I believed him in the beginning. Until he started spewing so much hatred for people he considered enemies of his idea of freedom and justice. Jews, Muslims, Asians, blacks, no one was excluded from his poisonous vendetta. He felt he was one of the ‘true’ Americans and anybody who didn’t follow his beliefs was an enemy of the people, and needed to be taught the error of their ways.”
Ms. Patti took a long swallow of her tea, and set the glass gently on the table. “I remember reading about the manhunt for him after they blew up the synagogue in Amarillo. Isn’t he responsible for more than bombings?”
“Yes. For a long while, nobody was safe from Big Jim’s reach. He’s careful and smart. He never writes anything down and doesn’t use computers, at least not personally. Others do the dirty work for him, while he keeps his hands clean. Don’t doubt for an instant he isn’t the mastermind behind everything. He’s a monster.”
“Oh, Serena. I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with this.”
Serena glanced down to see while she’d been talking, she’d completely destroyed the muffin. It lay in tiny pieces atop the wrapper. Funny, she hadn’t even realized she’d done it.
“I honestly can’t say there was any one single thing that opened my eyes, made me see the truth about him and the rest of the family. They blindly followed ever
ywhere he led them. As far as I know, they still do. At least the ones who aren’t in prison. I haven’t talked to them since…” Her words trailed off as she thought back to the trial. “Anyway, little things started bothering me. The way he treated people he supposedly loved. His sister, his children. Even my mom. When he wanted somebody watched, all he had to do was snap his fingers, and he’d have a dozen volunteers genuflecting and begging to do his bidding. I knew it was only a matter of time before somebody got killed, either in one of the buildings his followers bombed, or one of them taking things too far with their threats and intimidation.”
“Did you leave?” Ms. Patti’s question was voiced softly, and Serena glanced up, noting the sympathy and understanding in her gaze.
“I wanted to. Heck, I probably should have. Instead, I went to the feds. The FBI.”
“Good.”
Serena laughed, and the sound rang hollow to her own ears. “That’s what I thought. I told them what my uncle and his group was doing, and what their plans were. Big Jim wasn’t content with small time attention anymore. He wanted to make a statement. One big enough so nobody could ignore him anymore, and would shoot him right to the top. Who knows how many people would have been hurt or killed? So I turned him in to the feds, but they said they needed proof—and I didn’t have any. Nothing but what I’d seen and heard.”
Ms. Patti scrubbed a hand over her face. “Lemme guess. They wanted you to go back in and get them proof.”
“Bingo. I was stupid. Naïve, stupid and gullible. They spent days convincing me to go back to Big Jim’s compound—what I’d taken to calling it—and find them something to hold up in court. They didn’t understand Big Jim. Not at all. The man has the brain of a genius and the cunning of a shark. I mentioned he never personally puts anything on a computer. Doesn’t mean he didn’t use others to deal with his online activity, but nothing tangible the feds can track back to him. A couple of my cousins are experts when it comes to computers. Big Jim paid for them to go to M.I.T. so they could handle all his finances and investigative work online. If he made notes or wrote anything down, once the cousins finished entering the data, the paper evidence was immediately burned. Nothing could be traced back to Big Jim. And my word alone wasn’t enough to even indict him.”
Ms. Patti stood and quickly cleaned up the mess Serena had made of the muffin, and swept it into the trash. Placing another muffin in front of Serena, she resumed her seat and placed another one in front of herself. “Knowing you, it didn’t take much to convince you to go back in.”
“I thought I could help. I hoped I’d be able to open the eyes of some of my family, make them see my uncle for who he really is, not the beneficent patriarch he pretends to be. You have to understand, he’s not your typical homegrown terrorist or religious zealot. He believes his own rhetoric, and is charismatic enough and rich enough for people to believe him.”
“People like your uncle are more dangerous than most folks imagine, because they believe their own hype.”
“Uncle James’ family has money. Lots of money. The land’s been in his family for generations, has gas and mineral rights, oil wells. Having wealth and power was never the real issue, although he loves to think he’s more important any anybody else.”
Serena curled her hands around her tea glass, because she’d already torn apart another muffin wrapper, and a pile of crumbs sat neatly stacked in a tidy mound. Ms. Patti must’ve noticed she needed something in her hands, to keep her talking, and handed her a kitchen towel. “You can tear this one up. I’m not too fond of it.”
“I didn’t have a problem being assimilated back into the fold. My parents are devoted to Uncle James. My dad worked with him closely, helping oversee the day-to-day management of the business. He’s particularly good at balancing the books, though he’s never been one of my uncle’s favorites. I think there was some kind of falling out between them years ago, and he’s never let my father forget about whatever happened. Always with subtle jabs, but I could tell there was history, if not outright animosity between them. My mother is Uncle James’ stepsister.”
“I did wonder at the family connection,” Ms. Patti admitted. “Okay, they let you back into the bosom of the family. Then what?”
“I’m not proud of what I did, but I got close to one of my uncle’s security guards.”
“Close?”
Serena’s head bowed and she nodded. “Nothing happened, but I led him on. Let him think I cared for him. I think he was going to propose, so I knew I had to get out of there fast.” Her hands wrapped around the kitchen towel and she pulled it taut, nervous butterflies fluttering around in her belly. The last time she’d talked about any of this had been on the witness stand in one of the biggest trials in years.
“Sweetheart, if you want to stop—”
“No, Ms. Patti, you deserve the truth. You’ve been nothing but kind to me, and I’ve lied to you from the day we met. Let me get this out, so you know the truth. I’ve hated living a lie. You and Douglas, you’ve made me feel like a part of your family, a part of the community. I never had that before. My mother did whatever Uncle James asked, even if it meant leaving her child behind. She disappeared when I was little, running off and leaving me and my dad behind. My dad was a little better, but at least I saw him sometimes, when he wasn’t bowing and scraping at my uncle’s feet.”
“I never knew how bad your childhood must have been.”
“Don’t feel sorry for me. There are lots of kids who have it worse.” Serena smiled at Ms. Patti. “As you’d know firsthand, with all the boys who’ve made their way through the Big House over the years.”
“Not the same thing, but, let’s get back on track. You seduced the guard—”
“No! I didn’t seduce him. It was…I used him to get information. That doesn’t sound any better. I wasn’t honest, I let him think I felt something for him when I didn’t.” She rubbed at the bridge of her nose, wishing she’d never started this conversation, but knowing she couldn’t and wouldn’t hide the truth from Ms. Patti. If she was being honest, Ms. Patti was her best friend, and she’d hated lying to her. At least now, everything would be out in the open. It felt like a weight had been lifted off her chest, one she hadn’t even realized was there, and she felt freer.
“Pete was close to my uncle, which made it easier for me to be around when they talked. Uncle James never realized I was looking for evidence to bring his world crashing down around his ears. I think he got comfortable with my always being around, and sometimes forgot I was there. It’s not hard to become invisible when you’re in a room with a lot of people with big egos and even bigger mouths. Narcissists want and need to be the center of attention, and Uncle James is one of the biggest ones I’ve ever seen. It was like he fed off the attention.”
“Which I’m guessing made him complacent.”
“And careless.” Serena took a long drink of her sweet tea, and closed her eyes as the coolness of the drink coated her parched tongue. She’d been talking enough her throat was dry, but she couldn’t stop. Too close to all the truth being out there—finally.
“He never claimed responsibility for the bombings—any of them. As I said, he’s meticulously careful about keeping his hands clean. With his money, he’s never had trouble getting others to do his dirty work.”
“But he obviously made a mistake, or you wouldn’t be sitting here.” Ms. Patti reached across and gave her hand a squeeze. “And I’m glad you’re here, regardless of the circumstances. My family will take care of you.”
Warmth spread through Serena at Ms. Patti’s words. It started deep inside, and seemed to bubble up with her, a sensation she’d never felt before, strange and yet wonderful, because she realized what the feeling meant. She was loved.
“Thank you. You don’t know how much you mean to me. I know I’ve never said, but you are the mother I never had growing up. When I showed up in Shiloh Springs, looking to start my life over, you welcomed me. Gave me a job. A second chance to ma
ke something of my life. You trusted me without knowing the first thing about me. There’s no way I can ever repay your kindness.”
“Love doesn’t need to be repaid, honey. It’s to be shared, without strings, without expectations. That’s the thing about the heart. There is an amazing amount of love inside to be given, and the more you give, the more you get back in return.”
Ms. Patti looked past her as she spoke, her gaze focused on something or somebody. She spun around, and Antonio stood in the open doorway.
“How long have you been standing there, son?”
“Long enough, Momma.” He walked into the kitchen and put his hand on Serena’s shoulder, his firm yet gentle touch sending a tingle down her spine. “I need to talk to Serena.”
“Serena?” Ms. Patti’s unasked question was reflected in her gaze.
“It’s okay. Antonio’s right, we need to talk.” Serena rose and walked around the table, leaning in to hug Ms. Patti close, infusing all her love into the gesture. “Thank you again—for everything.”
“Momma, is it okay if I take Serena to the garden?”
Ms. Patti froze for a second before her lips turned up in a smirk. “Absolutely. Give me a holler if you need anything.”
Antonio held his hand out to Serena without a word. She slid hers into his grasp, and he led her from the kitchen. She swallowed nervously, feeling like a prisoner being led to the gallows. Great, she thought, now I’m doing gallows humor. Might as well quote we who are about to die salute you.