A Healing Space
Page 1
CONTENTS
Title Page
Praise for A Healing Space
Copyright
Foreword, by Mirabai Starr
Introduction: An Invitation into a Healing Space Alchemy and Unearthing Light in the Darkness
The Creative Role of Dissolution
Into Uncharted Territory
A Radical Approach to Suffering
1: Reimagining What It Means to Heal The Contradictory Nature of Healing
Healing Will Always Surprise Us
Turning the Heart
Metabolizing Experience
Layers of Metabolization
Compassionate Retraining
Coming Closer to the Material
Deeply Befriending the Uninvited
2: Already Held New Pathways of Experience
Safety and Stepping into New Territory
Reactivity and the Ancient Pathways
Illuminating Our Preferred Strategy
Into the Sacred Middle
Sanctuary for the Unwanted
Harbingers of Integration
3: Self-Compassion and Caring for Ourselves in a New Way The Two Wings of Wisdom and Compassion
Into the Alchemical Middle
Untangling the Unworthy One
The Territory of Grief
Letting Go of Letting Go
Stepping Off the Battlefield
4: A Sacred Deflation Creative Dissolution
The Purity of Reorganization
The Wisdom at the Core
The Courage to Participate
Coming from a Place of True Compassion
A Template of Early Caretaking
5: Shifting Our Center of Gravity Reimagining the Idea of Integration
Trauma, Integration, and Healing
Alchemical Integration
Separating the Layers of Our Experience
The Importance of Separation and Synthesis
A Meditation on Integration
The Only Way Out Is Through
Be a Friend to Yourself
6: The Great Dance of Being and Becoming An Experiment in Creative Self-Exploration
The Vast Territory of the Heart
Story, Dream, and Awareness
Beyond Self-Improvement
The Space Around Our Experience
A Vast Meadow
7: Toward an Embodied, Emotionally Sensitive Spirituality The Brighter the Light, the Larger the Shadow
Defenses as Allies on the Path
Explore . . . and Then Rest
Tending to the Voices with Soul
The Unique Nature of Spiritual Discovery
Ego as a Partner on the Journey
Self and No Self
Self, Ego, and Spiritual Practice
Honoring the Most Skillful Medicine
A Map Written Inside You
8: Dancing in the Shadows Positive Experience in the Shadow
To Feel Alive Again
Shadow, Symbol, and Dream
The Otherness of Shadow
The Threshold of a New World
Anger and Rage as Portal
Projection and the Mysterious Other
Forerunners of Integration
An Experiment in Illuminating Projection
Illuminating Narcissistic Organization
Illuminating Internal Narcissism
Epilogue: How Well Did I Love?
Acknowledgments
Endnotes
Bibliography
About the Author
A Healing Space
Befriending Ourselves in Difficult Times
Matt Licata, PhD
Boulder, CO
Praise for A Healing Space
“Matt Licata pinpoints a space within us where healing, awakening, and a vibrant reckoning of who we actually are can be realized. The wisdom hidden deep within our darkest experiences comes not from turning away from these, but by directly tending to them with gentleness, love, and compassion. This book depicts a way of genuine freedom.”
Sharon Salzberg, author of Lovingkindness and Real Happiness
“Matt Licata’s A Healing Space is a wise, compassionate, and helpful book. While healing is a mystery, we all have to consider, ‘What is life asking of me, and how can I bring my mature self to the task?’ This book is an accessible, kind, insightful, and useful guide to assist any reader in this good work.”
James Hollis, PhD, Jungian analyst and author of Living Between Worlds
“Matt Licata’s book is a true companion for the journey of being here in Earth school. It’s as if he takes you by the hand and heart and gentles the way into the descent of the shadow and the ascent into the light and wholeness of true healing. He has a beautiful, firm, loving grasp of the subtleties and difficulties, the joys, and the ultimate wonders of being human.”
Geneen Roth, author of #1 New York Times bestseller Women Food and God and This Messy Magnificent Life
“Tender, profound, and deeply useful, this book is gem. Remarkably, Matt Licata weaves together self-compassion, depth psychology, and radical acceptance into a beautiful, passionate, soaring exploration of all that it means to be human.”
Rick Hanson, PhD, New York Times bestselling author of Neurodharma
“A Healing Space is a beautiful, insightful, and moving contemplation of the journey of healing we all undertake as human beings. It illuminates how self-compassion—holding our own pain with love—transforms our experience in a profound way so that we can learn the lessons life offers us moment by moment.”
Kristin Neff, PhD, associate professor at the University of Texas and author of Self-Compassion
“A goldmine of wisdom for difficult times, A Healing Space offers a profound understanding of the healing process and a deep compassion for those who travel there. Here lies a weaving of depth psychology and alchemy, with a fresh view of spiritual truths and fallacies. It shows us that true healing begins only when we stop looking for the quick fixes and fully embrace our wounds. Rich and soulful, it is a must-read for anyone on their healing journey, and for all practitioners who guide them. This book is the kind of therapist we all wish we could find.”
Anodea Judith, PhD, founder and director of Sacred Centers and author of Eastern Body, Western Mind and Charge and the Energy Body
“This inspiring book invites us to trust the intelligence of whatever is unfolding in our lives, especially when it hurts, and to meet it in a deeply compassionate way. Matt Licata is a cartographer of the human heart. He knows the ineffable space where healing occurs and offers us a map for getting there, right up to the threshold. The rest is alchemy. We have been waiting a long time for a book like this.”
Christopher Germer, PhD, clinical psychologist and lecturer at Harvard Medical School, author of The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion, and co-developer of the Mindful Self-Compassion program
“Matt Licata’s book is a thoughtful and gentle approach to how we might heal ourselves and others. This book leads us on a practical and compassionate healing path without the complexities of much theory. I heartily recommend it to anyone interested in the mysteries of the healing journey.”
Lionel Corbett, MD, psychiatrist, Jungian analyst, professor of depth psychology at Pacifica Graduate Institute, and author of The Sacred Cauldron
“In A Healing Space, Matt Licata skillfully and gently introduces the reader into some of the most important and least-discussed work in personal spiritual development—the play of the unconscious and unilluminated parts of self. I applaud him for bringing this to all of us and highly recommend this book for anyone interested in personal healing. This is the ‘secret’ recipe for a transformational journey that must be taken yet requires guidance to achieve. I am thrilled to see Dr. Licata taking the
leap to sharing this work with anyone who has the courage to engage it.”
Ann Marie Chiasson, MD, director of the Fellowship in Integrative Medicine, associate professor of clinical medicine at the University of Arizona Andrew Weil Center for Integrative Medicine, and author of Energy Healing and Self-Healing with Energy Medicine (with Dr. Andrew Weil)
“A Healing Space is a brilliant weave of Jungian and Eastern contemplative wisdom. In this powerful new offering, Matt Licata guides us to a place of sacred refuge, where we can meet even our greatest moments of confusion and suffering with compassion and grace.”
Tara Brach, PhD, author of Radical Compassion
“A Healing Space invites us to explore and endeavor the alchemist’s way of facing the tough stuff that haunts us. Matt Licata, skilled psychotherapist and spirit-beacon, offers respite for the troubled soul. Along the way, he prepares us with the exercises necessary to face the wounded psyche, question its purpose in our lives, and go through the middle of it in order to free the best parts of ourselves. Healing is a tricky thing, and Matt is just the one to guide us through the psychic fog. He writes with the vulnerability of a poet and the insight of a master alchemist to help us shape what remains a recurrent struggle into a form we can face, question, and—with practice—balance and embrace.”
Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, developer of the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy (PACT) and author of We Do and Wired for Love
“If you are looking for a book to be a companion to you during this extraordinary time, it’s this one. A Healing Space is a robust guidebook into the inner territory of yourself, assisting you in the exploration of deep and rich personal and life questions that lead, always, to wondrous realizations and growth. What a treasure to find in these times of great change.”
Caroline Myss, author of Anatomy of the Spirit and Intimate Conversations with the Divine
“I have read, benefited from, and shared Matt Licata’s writing for years, and was overjoyed to discover his new book, A Healing Space. This inspiring book provides an integration of psychological and meditative traditions and is an excellent resource and guide for all of us seeking to learn, grow, and heal.”
Shauna Shapiro, PhD, clinical psychologist and professor at Santa Clara University and author of Good Morning, I Love You
“A Healing Space invites you to lean into the mystery of this ordinary life and discover the holiness and healing power of a single instant—a single breath, a bodily sensation, an old feeling that’s been waiting so long to be felt. The ordinary turns out to not be so ordinary at all. This is a book to keep close to your heart! Infused with Matt’s compassion and a deep wisdom forged in the fire of his lived experience, it soothes and encourages as it teaches. Poetically weaving together insights from neuroscience, mythology, depth psychotherapy, contemplative spirituality, and the great alchemical traditions, this book is a companion, a loving friend, and trusted guide to encourage you onwards on your path when you feel down, despondent, and stuck; to validate and befriend you when the world seems a dark and lonely place; and to help you rest, perhaps more deeply than you have ever rested in your life. Deeply profound yet highly accessible, simple yet never simplistic, A Healing Space deconstructs so much misunderstanding and misinformation around spirituality and healing work, and it plunges us into the vast mystery of living, opening our eyes to the wonder and awe of existence itself, and awakening us to the gift of this impossibly beautiful life, in all its joy and sorrow.”
Jeff Foster, author of The Joy of True Meditation and You Were Never Broken
“A Healing Space is a beautifully written book exploring how walking through the darkness ultimately brings blessings, wisdom, and beauty to your life, and moves you onto a path of evolution that you simply cannot perceive during difficult times. Matt Licata is a perfect guide, as evidenced through his life experience and work as a psychotherapist. This book is so timely and filled with helpful tools to guide you from the darkness into your own divine light.”
Sandra Ingerman, award-winning author of twelve books, including Walking in Light and The Book of Ceremony
“Weaving the wisdom of reflective practices, the insights of Carl Jung and the alchemists, and the relational truths of attachment research and psychotherapy practice, Matt Licata offers us a beautiful tapestry of truths to transform trauma into healing and strength. Adversity can constrain us, but with this wonderful book we can find the perspectives and courage to embrace the reality of life’s innate uncertainty to guide us on a journey of growth and discovery—moving from post-traumatic imprisonment to liberation.”
Daniel J. Siegel, MD, clinical professor at UCLA School of Medicine, director of the Mindsight Institute, and author of Aware and Mindsight
“Matt Licata has become an important and eloquent voice inviting us to go to, rather than avoid, what seem like unbearable emotions buried in our dark depths. From his Jungian perspective, he provides needed reassurance that doing so will achieve alchemical transformations in which what we thought were inner toxins turn out to be our gold. He also offers a cogent critique of the spiritual bypassing and ego bashing that is rampant within many spiritualities.”
Richard C. Schwartz, PhD, developer of the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model, adjunct faculty of the Department of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, and author of more than fifty articles and books
“This is a book about love. The kind of love that embraces all parts of ourselves and others with generosity, tenderness, and strength. Matt is clear that this quality of receptivity does not develop easily or quickly. It is not a decision of the mind so much as an opening of the heart, so no part of us is abandoned in the healing process. Challenging our society’s tendency to fix, leave, or devalue states considered negative, he extends welcome to darkness, death, confusion, doubt, and all their companions as instructive friends in their own right, not just as the prelude to light and rebirth. He illuminates the pathway to Rumi’s ‘Guest House,’ where our shame and malice are equally welcome and held in healing compassion. In truth, each of us yearns for sanctuary for these parts, and Matt is a wise and empathic companion along this healing path.”
Bonnie Badenoch, PhD, author of The Heart of Trauma and Being a Brain-Wise Therapist
“In A Healing Space, Matt Licata serves as a compassionate and insightful guide to the transformative task we all must face: how to forge our pain and sorrow into remedies of Spirit that can illuminate our way. With the soft clarity of a magnifying glass, Matt brings into view the many things that inhabit our nature, though they are seldom easily seen. Stay in conversation with this book and you will be a better friend to yourself, those you travel with, and to life itself.”
Mark Nepo, author of The Book of Soul and Drinking from the River of Light
“A Healing Space is a beautifully written and masterful handbook, both profound and practical, that reveals the road we all must travel to navigate the inevitable challenges that life brings us throughout our lives, to help us fulfill our potential as fully alive and authentic human beings. I cannot think of a better book to be reading in this moment, or at any time along your journey through life. A must-read!”
Richard Miller, PhD, author of The iRest Program for Healing PTSD, iRest Meditation, and Yoga Nidra
“A deep-diving, beautifully nuanced exploration of cultivating intimacy with all that we are, including whatever in us we are inclined to reject or shun. Matt’s presentation of all this is not only lucidly articulated, but always caring, no matter how edgy the terrain. Highly recommended!”
Robert Augustus Masters, PhD, author of Spiritual Bypassing, Emotional Intimacy, and Bringing Your Shadow Out of the Dark
“A Healing Space invites us to discover and create a way of being with our challenging experience that is intimate, loving, and deeply transformative—in Jungian terms, alchemical. Drawing from his years as a depth psychotherapist and contemplative practitioner, Matt Licata brings a mature and nuanced understanding to subtle
psychospiritual issues and encourages readers to trust their own unique unfolding. Eloquent and inspiring.”
John J. Prendergast, PhD, author of The Deep Heart and In Touch, retired adjunct professor of psychology, teacher, and psychotherapist
“Matt Licata offers guidance, support, and above all, companionship for the most important journey of all: coming back to yourself. He offers a crucially important lesson—that personal healing and spiritual awakening are not the self-abandonment that some teachings may suggest, but rather a process of becoming more fully alive. He writes clearly and passionately, straight from his heart to yours.”
Judith Blackstone, PhD, founder of the Realization Process and author of Trauma and the Unbound Body
“As we enter an era of radical uncertainty, it is vital that we find the inner tools, both psychological and spiritual, to guide and support us. Rather than retreating into fear and isolation, we need to embrace the difficulties, the insecurity that life is bringing us. Grounded in the ancient tradition of alchemy, Matt Licata gives us access to a space for real healing and transformation, showing us how to grow through the darkness and discover the true gold of our inner self. We come to experience how we are inwardly held, enabling us to open to a new world and step into unfamiliar experiences. A Healing Space offers essential wisdom to help us to live with compassion and kindness to ourselves and others, to discover how our wounds and grief are pathways to a deeper love.”
Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee, PhD, Sufi teacher and author of Love is a Fire