Dare to Fall

by Estelle Maskame

  It is in that exact moment that I realize just how much courage I am going to require in order to tell them the truth about what happened that night last August. Jaden and Dani have had an extremely rough year, but month after month they have slowly but surely recovered from the grief they have suffered. Months ago, Dani never smiled. Months ago, Jaden and I didn’t talk. I don’t want to ruin this. I would never forgive myself for breaking their hearts all over again, but could I forgive myself for keeping the truth from them? Could I live with myself, knowing what I know now, but not telling them?

  I keep reminding myself that Holden isn’t a criminal. He’s not a bad person, he just made an awful mistake. But he’s wrong, and I don’t know if my loyalty to him is enough to prevent me from doing the right thing. If it was any other secret, anything else, that loyalty would stand. But this? This is too much, and I know within myself that I have to tell the Hunters, however hard it may be. I have to do the right thing.

  I feel so overwhelmed by everything, and now that Jaden is standing in front of me, all I can do is collapse straight into him. Wrapping my arms around his body, I bury my face into the crook of his neck and absorb his warmth. I think he’s surprised at my sudden affection, but he is fast to lock his arms around me, pulling me closer. He squeezes me tight and I feel so at ease in his embrace, despite knowing that soon I am going to be the one to crush him with this news. After last night, comfort and reassurance from Jaden is all that I need, even if he doesn’t know what exactly it is that he is comforting me for.

  “And so the PDA begins!” Dani teases with a laugh, but I ignore her and only hug Jaden even tighter. I can imagine she and Will rolling their eyes at us, but I don’t care.

  After a minute, Jaden leans back from me, though he keeps his arms around my body. His eyes mirror mine and he studies my features, searching for an explanation for my behavior. The distress I’m feeling must be obvious. “What’s up, Kenz?”

  “Nothing,” I lie, dropping my eyes to his chest. I place my hand over the material of his jacket and trace a pattern over his chest, unable to look at him. I’m trying my best not to show how guilty I feel, and I lower my voice and tell him, “I just care about you a lot.”

  Slowly, Jaden’s frown transforms into a smile and he moves his hand to the back of my neck. The soft skin of his palm radiates heat. “I know you do,” he murmurs, and he leans forward, pressing his lips to my forehead. I squeeze my eyes shut and place my hand on Jaden’s wrist, tilting my head forward and exhaling, breathing out all of the pressure that has been building since last night.

  I am going to tell the Hunters the truth, but not now. I need to find the right time, the right moment.

  31

  The music is pumping throughout Will’s huge house via a set of speakers that has been placed directly in the main entryway by the front door, the loud thumping greeting everyone who arrives. There is a buzz of energy in the air and everyone is in good spirits. It’s not often that a party is thrown around here, so when one does come up, everyone has a good time. Will’s Mom has gone out for the evening to let us have the house to ourselves, so Will’s guest list has become a little bigger than it was at his last party almost a year ago. There are maybe forty or so people here, mostly fellow seniors, and there are only a few others who have yet to arrive. Like Jaden and Dani.

  I’m leaning against the kitchen counter, resentfully sipping from a can of beer. I don’t even like beer and I’m not much of a drinker, but I’m trying to appear more sociable as I scan the house over the rim of the can. It’s just after 9PM, so it’s still pretty early, but so far everyone is on their best behavior. No one is throwing furniture around. No one is spilling drinks. Everyone is just chilling out, mingling and chatting with one another, or singing along to the pounding music and dancing clumsily in the lounge. We’ll probably have to turn it down soon, before Will’s neighbors come knocking.

  For the past half hour or so, I’ve been pacing around the huge kitchen, circling the center island and talking to anyone who walks in while keeping my eye on the front door. Every time anyone other than the Hunters walks in, I grow a little more impatient. Jaden texted me five minutes ago to let me know that they were just about to leave to come over, so at least I know they haven’t bailed.

  My attention shifts from the front door over to Holden when I spot him walking into the kitchen out of the corner of my eye. Cautiously, he glances around for a few seconds before deeming the coast clear. I’ve watched him closely tonight so far. He has been hanging with some of the guys from the team and some of his friends from his classes, but it is so obvious to me that there is something off about him. His movements are jittery, his laugh sounds forced, he keeps his eyes down. There has been something different about Holden all of this time, ever since last August; I just have never noticed until now. I wasn’t paying enough attention.

  Anxiously, he makes his way across the kitchen toward me, his dark eyes lowered, and then leans against the counter by my side. His arm brushes against mine and we exchange a sideways glance. We are in this together now. “Are they here yet?” he asks under his breath. He doesn’t have to clarify; I know who he is talking about.

  “No,” I tell him, “but they’re on their way.” I am trying to enjoy tonight, I really am, but nerves are getting the better of me. I am too worried about Holden lashing out at Jaden and Dani again for no reason other than his own guilt, but at the exact same time, I can’t wait for them to arrive. I’m excited to see Jaden. Holden glances up at the high ceiling and then takes a sip of his beer. He can’t stop biting the inside of his cheek. “Thank you, Kenzie,” he says firmly, eyes meeting mine. They show a mixture of sincerity and gratitude. “For not . . . for not telling them,” he adds. “I’ll just lay low tonight, okay?”

  “Yeah. I get it,” I say quietly, frowning. Of course, I understand now why Holden doesn’t want to be around the Hunters, but no one else does. Will doesn’t know where Holden’s awkwardness is coming from, and I’m sure Jaden and Dani have been wondering what the hell they have done to make Holden act so odd toward them. “If you do talk to them, though, don’t be a jerk. At least be nice.” I push myself away from the counter and step in front of him, adding, “It is the least you could do, after everything.”

  Holden gives me a small nod, then sidesteps away from me and tosses his empty beer can into the trash. He doesn’t grab another one, and I keep my eyes trained on him until he disappears into the bathroom. I heave a sigh and throw the remainder of my beer in the trash too, even though the can is still half full. I don’t know who I’m trying to impress, so I finally leave the kitchen and join the rest of the party through in the living room, where an intense game of Truth or Dare is underway. Will isn’t drinking tonight, but he looks wasted as he shakes with laughter. I try to catch his eye, but he is too preoccupied to notice me walk into the room, so I linger by the door, watching the game unfold. Kailee and Jess are giggling between themselves over on the expensive leather couch against the far wall, so they don’t notice me either, and I decide to remain by the door in fear of being dragged into the game. I watch as Caleb from the football team takes a trio of shots, as Olivia Vincent admits to hooking up with Holden after the homecoming dance, as Will performs the quirkiest dance routine he can pull off on the spot.

  I’m stifling a laugh when a pair of firm hands slides around my waist from behind, gripping my hips. My entire body stiffens and I tense up with bated breath. I know it’s him before I’ve even turned around, and he rests his chin on my shoulder, his lips lightly grazing the soft spot just below my ear. “Kenz,” he murmurs, breath hot against my skin.

  The shiver that surges down my spine is pleasurable and I spin around to face Jaden. “Finally!” I exclaim, exhaling with relief. It feels as though I have spent hours waiting for him to get here, and I am so glad that he has finally arrived. There is a delicious scent of cologne clinging to him and he is wearing his favorite black jeans again with a baby-blue dress s
hirt. It complements his eyes well and the first few buttons are undone, so I can see the birthmark on his neck, which I definitely appreciate.

  “Sorry we’re a little late,” he says with a sheepish shrug, then rolls his eyes toward Dani by his side. “Someone was taking forever.”

  Dani gently swats his bicep and shakes her head at him, then sets her gaze on me. She is seriously rocking her new hair. She’s curled it into bouncy, loose waves. For the first time in a while, she is also wearing a full face of makeup, but it’s not her bronzed cheekbones or darkly lined eyes that make her look gorgeous tonight. No, it is everything else. It is the brightness that lights up her face, the glimmer in her eyes. Seeing Dani happy is what is truly beautiful. “I haven’t gone out to anything like this in a while,” she admits quietly, and I barely hear her over the sound of the music.

  “Don’t worry about it, there’s no pressure. It’s all pretty chilled out,” I reassure her, then motion over my shoulder to the game that’s taking place behind me at the same moment that laughter erupts. “Truth or Dare in here, drinks in the kitchen, bathroom down the hall. Upstairs is out of bounds.”

  “Got it,” she says. Slowly, she peers around me and scours the huge living room, analyzing who is here and who isn’t. After a moment, a smile lights up her face. “Oh, Kailee and Jess are here! I’ll catch up with you guys later,” she says, and, much to my surprise, she confidently strolls into the living room without so much as a hint of apprehension. She looks like an entirely different person, and I watch in disbelief as she traverses the living room and slides down onto the couch next to Jess and Kailee as though they have been best friends their whole lives. There’s the old Dani.

  “Kenz,” Jaden says. My gaze immediately flickers away from Dani and back to him. There is a a suggestive smirk on his lips as he says, “Come and grab a drink with me?” Without waiting for a reply, he slips his hand into mine, interlocking our fingers. Despite how normal this has become lately, my heartbeat does speed up a beat or two whenever Jaden takes my hand and a satisfying warmth spreads through my body.

  We cross over the hall and into the kitchen together, and apart from the odd few individuals wandering around the house, most people appear to be in the living room together. The kitchen is empty apart from Eleanor Boosey, who is fetching herself a glass of water from the faucet with her back to us.

  Letting go of Jaden’s hand, I step toward the large center island that is entirely covered with cans of beer and soda, and bowls of chips and dips. Pressing my hands flat against the counter, I pull myself up onto an empty spot and sit on the edge, my legs dangling below me. I have lost track of Holden, so tonight is going to involve some tactical dodging skills. That’s why I keep one eye on Jaden in front of me and one eye on the hall over his shoulder. “I was wondering when you’d get here,” I tell him.

  “Is that so?” Jaden asks, grinning devilishly. He moves around the island, grabbing himself a can of beer. He cracks open the tab and takes a sip while eyeing me over the rim. “I was wondering something too,” he says. Setting the can down by my thigh, he steps forward and presses his body against my legs, grinding his hips against me. He runs his fingers over the rips in my black jeans, over the exposed skin of my thighs, his tongue trailing over his lower lip. Glancing up at me from beneath his dark eyelashes, his mouth forms a seductive smirk and he dares to whisper, “When do we get to be disrespectful again?”

  “Jaden!” My mouth falls open with surprise and my eyes dart rapidly around the kitchen, ensuring no one has heard, but only Eleanor is still here. She walks past us with her glass of water, exchanges a small smile and a “hey” with Jaden, and then leaves the kitchen.

  Jaden fixes his attention back on me and, for once, he is the one blushing in front of me. “I’m sorry,” he says quietly, “that was too forward. I had some drinks while I was waiting for Dani to get ready.” He steps back and his hands disappear from my body, though I wish that he hadn’t. I find it incredibly attractive when Jaden is flirtatious, and after the week I’ve had, I seriously appreciate this side to him right now. “Are you having fun?”

  “Not yet,” I say, but now I am smirking straight back at him. All I want to do right now is kiss the hell out of him, but in the middle of the kitchen it seems too much. I glance around again, and when I am confident no one is within earshot, I place my hand on Jaden’s shoulder and lean forward, moving my lips to his jaw. “Jaden,” I murmur in a breathy whisper, “do you want to go upstairs?”

  “I thought no one was allowed upstairs,” he says blankly.

  Leaning away from him again, I roll my eyes at his innocence. “Exactly.”

  It takes a moment for him to realize what exactly it is that I’m suggesting, and I am quickly learning that Jaden is rather slow when it comes to picking up hints. It’s cute, though, and I really can’t stop myself from giggling when his expression completely transforms within a heartbeat as soon as it hits him. His pale cheeks flush with color and he nods eagerly.

  “Um, yes I want to go upstairs,” he blurts. He holds out his hand and I take it, sliding off the counter and landing on my feet. Our hands are tightly interlocked again as he leads me back out of the kitchen, and I grab his beer for him and carry it with me out into the hall.

  In the living room, Truth or Dare has come to an end and everyone is simply hanging out. Will is nodding his head in sync with the music. Dani is wrapped up in a conversation with Jess and Kailee. I don’t see Holden in the living room though and I know that he could appear at any moment, so I step around Jaden and take the lead so that we can get upstairs as quickly as we can. I can already imagine the teasing winks Kailee would give me in Physics class next week if she spotted Jaden and I disappearing upstairs together.

  That’s why I run up the staircase two steps at a time, dragging Jaden and his beaming grin along behind me. A lot of Will’s parents’ expensive vases and artwork have been moved into the upstairs hall to protect them from any potential damage that may occur downstairs, so the dark hall is cluttered with booby-traps that we are forced to maneuver around. It is an intense creep down the hall to Will’s room at the far end, and my heart is pounding fast with anticipation by the time we get there. I can hear Jaden’s breathing close behind me and he remains patient, his hand still in mine, as I push open the door.

  Will’s room is in darkness, but I don’t turn the lights on. I don’t want them on. I tug Jaden into the huge room behind me and quickly dump his beer down on the dresser, then I use my free hand to fumble around in the dark, using furniture to guide us while my eyes take a minute to adjust. Holden and I are spending the night here, and I almost trip over the blow-up beds lying on the floor.

  “Mm, Kenz?” Jaden says in a low, husky voice, squeezing my hand and pulling me back. I stop walking and turn around to look at him. Through the darkness, his outline slowly comes into focus and I can see the glint in his eyes, but not their color. There is silence up here in Will’s room. The music from downstairs is faint and the only other sound is our anxious breathing. Unlocking our intertwined hands, he steps forward and presses his hips against mine, both his hands softly cupping my jaw. My heart is racing as he leans in, but he only lightly brushes his lips against mine, and then he pauses. “I spent an entire year wishing I would get the chance to kiss you again,” he murmurs.

  “I spent an entire year wishing that too,” I whisper. I know he is going to kiss me, I know he wants to kiss me, and my breath catches in my throat as I wait. I can see his chest rising and falling in the darkness before slowly, very slowly, his lips capture mine.

  My eyes flutter closed and I sink into that thrilling sensation of his mouth against mine all over again. The kiss begins soft and caring, tender and loving, but then, within a matter of moments, the desire becomes overwhelming and the kiss becomes faster, deeper, rougher. His hand is on my jaw, his fingertips tangled into my hair, and I hook my arms loosely around his neck, desperately pulling him closer against me. The lustful energy
running through my veins fuels my eagerness and I begin to push against him instead, blindly guiding him backward until he hits the bed.

  Without breaking his lips away from mine, Jaden sinks down onto the edge of the bed and pulls me with him, his arms wrapped around my body as he guides me down onto his lap. I cross my legs around him and take his lower lip between my teeth when we break to catch our breaths, and my hand falls to his shirt. This time around, I undo the buttons in swift movements and rake my fingers down his chest. At the same time, Jaden’s warm hands slide under my shirt, over the skin of my back. When I undo the final button of his shirt, I move my hand to his belt.

  I cannot get enough of him. I try to kiss him deeper, but it’s impossible. I need more, and in the heat of the moment, a new revelation hits me at full force. I am not just falling in love with Jaden Hunter anymore. I am in love with Jaden Hunter.

  Tearing my lips from his, my eyes flash open and I press both my hands to his bare chest, holding him back so that I can absorb the love and passion in his sparkling blue eyes. In the silence, his gaze mirrors mine while his chest rises and falls beneath my touch. “Jaden . . . ” I whisper, then swallow hard. “I lo—”

  I am cut off when the door is thrown open without so much as a knock first, and my head snaps around so quick it almost gives me whiplash. Will is at the door, sticking his head around the frame and peering into the room. “Kenzie?”

  “What, Will?” I snap. I can’t think of a worse time to be interrupted, and at this point I’m beginning to believe that Jaden and I are always going to get walked in on. It was embarrassing the first time with Dani, but now it is just frustrating. Especially when I was about to tell Jaden something important.

  However, Will doesn’t look annoyed that we’re upstairs, or that we’re making out on his bed. In fact, he doesn’t even seem to care, because he looks more concerned than anything else. “Did you invite Darren?” he asks.