The Rise of Greg

by Chris Rylander

  “Well, that net is made from Phem fiber strands, sourced from a local plant called Scibanna,” Blob said.

  “So what?” Glam shot back rather rudely.

  “So what?” Blob mocked her. “Heh, well, Phem fibers dull the effects of most types of magic. Duh. Everyone knows that.”

  “Well, not everyone, apparently . . .” I muttered.

  “Great!” Glam said. “So now what?”

  “We’re purbogging kunked!” Tiki cried. “That’s what!”

  “Doesn’t anyone have any hidden weapons on them?” Froggy asked.

  I would have slapped my palm to my forehead just then if both my arms weren’t awkwardly folded underneath me, pinned between Glam’s back and Tiki’s leg (we’d been crammed inside the rope bag like a bunch of Dwarf Brand Pretzels™).

  “I’m pretty sure Blackout is still in my belt,” I said.

  “Now you tell us!” Glam said.

  “Arguing isn’t helping,” Ari interjected. “Can anybody reach it?”

  “I definitely can’t,” I said, my arms going numb from being so tightly pinned to my back.

  The rope sack spun with a series of grunts and oofs as everyone inside strained and jiggled and reached, trying to get to the dagger attached to my belt near my left hip. Eventually, I felt someone tugging at the handle.

  “I got it!” Froggy said.

  Before I knew it, we all tumbled from the sliced-open net, falling a substantial distance to the forest floor. Had we been Human, we wouldn’t have dreamed of just cutting ourselves free at that height. But as Dwarves, we knew our strong bones could withstand the fall.

  That’s not to say it didn’t hurt. It did. A lot.

  But we didn’t have time to writhe in pain. As soon as we landed in a tangled heap, we immediately helped one another to our feet so we could make a getaway.

  “You’re free!” Blob said. “Well done, friends, well done!”

  But before we could even think about running, we were suddenly sprawling and rolling across the ground as something massive swept us along the forest floor like a broom sweeping up shards of glass. I smashed into Blob, and some of his goo got into my mouth just as someone’s foot hit me squarely in the jaw. I gagged as we tumbled across the rough forest floor. It wasn’t until we stopped, probably fifty feet later, that I realized what had happened.

  One of the Trolls had come out of nowhere, using a huge tree branch like a broom to sweep us all toward the Troll with the butcher knife. We sat up, dazed, still hurting, and fully realizing that these creatures were simply too big and powerful for us to make an escape.

  The Troll with the knife finally dropped the strange rock it had been using to sharpen its knife. That’s when I realized what it was. It was no rock. It was Stoney’s severed arm.

  I cringed at the sight of it, my stomach melting right out from under me. I was so stunned, so shocked and horrified and defeated that I didn’t even fight back when the Troll plucked me up from the ground and laid me on top of a tree stump. A sort of impromptu Troll cutting board, if you will.

  I was about to get filleted alive, like a fish, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

  Not even Stoney would be able rush in and save me this time.

  CHAPTER 24

  A Couple of Well-Done, Rare Steak Puns Spoken at Medium Volume

  I heard the panicked screams of my friends down below.

  But I chose instead to focus on the Troll’s face. Perhaps there was one last spell I could conjure up to distract or maim it. Based on what I’d seen so far, I knew it was hopeless to try, but at this point, what did I have to lose? I’d literally be chopped liver in about five seconds.

  I looked up at the Troll’s greedy, knobby, wart-covered face and summoned all the hate and bad feelings I could possibly muster.

  Then the Troll’s face promptly exploded in a ball of red light and gooey purple Troll blood.

  As the Troll’s lifeless, headless body teetered over backward and out of view, I knew immediately I had not been responsible. For one, Dwarven magic didn’t work that way. It wasn’t about creating energy, but rather using the earth’s natural energy and elements that already existed. But also, you can’t spend over a month in an Elven prison and not immediately recognize Elven magic when you see it.

  I leaped to my feet on the tree stump, looking for the source of the Elven spell that had just saved me from getting butchered.

  Several lithe bodies flew down from the tall trees above.

  The Elves fired arrows from bows and cast more spells as they soared through the air. Their arrows actually pierced the skin of the remaining four Forest Trolls in ways our arrows had not. They each did little real damage individually, but the cumulative effect was clearly hurting the Trolls more than any of our attacks had. Perhaps the tips of the Elven arrows were poisoned. But even more effective were the Elven spells. Our elements-based magic had been mostly useless against the resilient Forest Trolls, but the Elves’ energy magic easily laid waste to the monstrous goons.

  Two balls of green-and-yellow energy fired across the forest and collided with the Troll who had been working on the fire. The dual pulses of energy hit it on either side and basically vaporized the Troll right where it had stood. Literally all that was left was a pair of smoking, wart-covered green feet.

  I stood on the stump and watched in awe as more Elves descended from the trees. My first thought was: Why are they helping us? But then I recognized one of the Elves running across the clearing.

  “Get down!” Lixi yelled at my friends as she drew another arrow and fired it at a Troll bounding toward us holding a huge rock over its head.

  She was the Elf who had taken me out for “recesses” during my time on Alcatraz. And she was someone I now considered a friend, despite being my supposed enemy.

  The arrow Lixi fired hit the Troll in the wrist.

  It must have pierced a tendon, because the Troll dropped the rock, having lost all use of its right hand. The boulder landed on its own head with a dull thump. The Troll stood there, dazed, unsure why it couldn’t feel its own fingers anymore.

  Then two pulses of Elven magic zoomed in and finished it off for good.

  I was stunned by the destructive power of Elven magic. How did my dad think something that could instantly vaporize a massive Forest Troll could also bring about universal peace for the first time in history?

  Another Elf landed softly next to me on the tree stump as his companions easily finished off the last two Forest Trolls.

  “Man, one second later and you’d have been a nice filet Gregnon,” Edwin said with a grin.

  I couldn’t help but laugh at my former best friend’s lame pun.

  “Yeah, the steaks couldn’t have been higher,” I said back.

  “Steak puns, hah,” Edwin added. “A medium where anything well done is rare.”

  And then, in spite of us technically competing to reach the amulet first, and in spite of the supposed consequences of him beating us to it, and in spite of the fact that we were supposed to be enemies, and in spite of him having held me prisoner on Alcatraz, and in spite of us never before having done what happened next, I lunged at Edwin and embraced him.

  He hugged me back.

  I was grateful to be alive.

  But surprisingly even more grateful to see his stupid smiling face again.

  CHAPTER 25

  Bigfoot Is Not Only Real but a Total Kleptomaniac

  Why did you save us?” I asked.

  Everyone was gathered around the base of the massive cutting-board tree stump. Ari, Lake, Glam, Froggy, Tiki and I stood on one side. Across from us were Edwin and four other Elves, including Lixi, Foxflame Farro (the skateboarding hippie religious cleric I’d met on Alcatraz), Wrecking Ball (the janitor from Alcatraz), and an older Elf I did not recognize.

  The tension be
tween the two groups was obvious.

  The Elves still had their weapons drawn and had not offered to let us retrieve our own, which were scattered all over our campsite clearing, the banks of the stream, and the edges of the forest.

  “That’s difficult to answer simply,” Edwin said. “And it also depends on how you’d feel about teaming up with us.”

  “Teaming up?” I repeated back dumbly. “With you?”

  “Yeah, you know, joining forces,” Edwin said. “Combining armies, a partnership, Elves and Dwarves working together like we always thought was possible back when the world was still the world and we were playing chess in Chicago just for fun.”

  “Never!” Glam shouted. “We can’t team up with them; they’re the enemy!”

  Several of the Elves glared at the imposing Dwarf with the immaculate mustache. Ari and Lake did their best to hold Glam back and calm her down.

  “Don’t forget we just saved your lives,” Edwin reminded her. But his tone was graceful and not smug.

  “You did,” I confirmed. “And for that we definitely owe you. But teaming up? I mean, no offense, but beating you to the amulet is, um, well, sort of the whole reason we’re here.”

  “It will be a rather complicated arrangement, no doubt about that,” Edwin admitted. “However, circumstances have changed. We have a common enemy, one who must be stopped before we—or you—do anything else at all.”

  “The Verumque Genus?” I said.

  Edwin nodded.

  “My spies have sent word that they are gathering their armies outside St. Louis now, as we speak,” Edwin revealed. “They plan to march toward Chicago soon, leaving a trail of death and destruction in their wake. They will take Chicago first, wiping out the Dwarven Council, then move on to the rest of the country. Eventually the world. Pretty much the only way to stop them is the amulet. With it, we could take away their ability to use magic, their control over their army of monsters. Without the amulet, well . . . the battle will be devastating, win or lose. But probably lose.”

  I nodded slowly.

  Even Glam said nothing, seeming to understand the dire importance of making sure at least someone found the amulet and stopped the VG Elves.

  “And you think we can find it faster working together?” I asked.

  “Yes, well, these woods have proven far more dangerous than expected,” Edwin said. “And I think we each have something to offer one another. And, well . . .” He stopped for a second, his eyes wide in revulsion and shock. “What in the world is that?!?!”

  I spun around to see where he was pointing.

  A huge ball of brackish brown-green goo rolled slowly into the clearing from the forest.

  “Oh, that’s just our friend Blob,” I said.

  “Hello,” Blob said. “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen Pointers.”

  The Elves flinched at Blob’s use of a derogatory word.

  “I mean, the last time I saw one was back in Houndwich, before I got trapped inside that boulder,” Blob said. “Master and I were out on a contract job, raiding a supposed Elven fence to recover Lord Gifferoy’s stolen scepter, when—”

  “Not now, Blob,” I interrupted. “We’ve got critical things to discuss here.”

  Amazingly, he stopped and rolled back a few feet, seeming to pick up on the gravity of our situation.

  “He’s cool,” I said, turning to Edwin. “Sorry about the Pointer thing . . . He’s, you know . . . a blob.”

  “He smells like a Troll’s loincloth,” the older Elf said.

  “Hey . . .” Blob said, sounding hurt. “Well, you smell like a—like a—a . . . well, a very stinky thing, let me assure you!”

  “He’s sensitive,” I explained to the Elf. “Anyway, Edwin, you were saying we could help each other?”

  “Yeah,” he said, still eyeing Blob curiously. “You see, we entered this forest with a squad of twelve of my most skilled and trusted Elven warriors. This is all that’s left. The problem is we don’t know exactly where to find the amulet. And so we’ve been wandering aimlessly for days, encountering more dangers, and losing more of our crew. I mean, first there was the Basilisk. It killed two of us. Then there was the Elemental and the pack of Nymphs. And then of course there was the Bigfoot thing—”

  “Bigfoot?” I said.

  “Yeah, I guess he’s real,” Edwin said with a shrug. “At least he used to be, back in Separate Earth. Anyway, he didn’t actually harm us, but he did sneak into our camp and steal most of our provisions.”

  “Weird.”

  “Tell me about it,” Edwin said. “Anyway, that’s why I’m proposing we team up. You know where to find the amulet, I suspect. We’ve been tracking you, and you’re definitely moving with purpose. And we can offer you greater protection from the dangers that await. You know you need it. And, to perfectly honest, we also could use yours. We need each other to survive this mission.”

  Edwin spread his arms out to remind me of the mess they’d just gotten us out of.

  It was a solid point.

  “Greg, you can’t do this!” Glam pleaded. “They’re lying! We can’t trust them!”

  I ignored her and stared into Edwin’s intense sky-blue eyes.

  “Stopping the Verumque Genus should be everyone’s number one priority,” I said, turning back to face my group. “And so I think he’s right. We need to get the amulet as soon as possible, so we can get it to the States and help end the VG Elves’ campaign of destruction before it gets started.”

  “But what happens when we find the amulet?” Ari asked. “Who gets it? As we all know, after stopping the Verumque Genus, both of our groups will have very different plans for it.”

  “That is certainly a conundrum,” Edwin agreed. “But I figure we can cross that bridge when we get there.”

  “We’ll play chess for it or something,” I said, mostly kidding. “You know, the old let’s-put-the-whole-fate-of-the-world-on-a-game bit? A classic.”

  Edwin knew I was kidding, but he still nodded.

  “Maybe,” he said with a grin.

  “Okay, well, since Dwarves do not run an autocracy like Elves do, with Lords and rulers and all that,” I said as Edwin rolled his eyes dramatically, “I will need to consult with my associates.”

  “Okay, do what you must,” he said.

  Ari, Lake, Glam, Froggy, Tiki, Blob and I huddled up about twenty feet away from the Elves.

  “I think we have to accept,” I said softly. “They did already save our lives once. Plus, if it comes to blows here and now, we’re already hurt and tired and wouldn’t stand a chance.”

  “Don’t tell me I can’t beat up a couple lousy Elves!” Glam said, her fists transforming into boulders at her sides.

  “Greg has a point,” Ari said, trying to calm her. “I mean, we stand a much better chance of finding the amulet in time to defeat the Verumque Genus if we work together. And they did already save us, like Greg said. What better show of good faith could they possibly make?”

  “I agree,” Froggy said, and left his argument at that.

  “I suppose we really got no smidgen choice, then,” Tiki agreed reluctantly.

  We turned to look at Lake. His wild tangles of blond hair were even more frazzled than usual, with bits of leaves and dirt dotting the matted kinks like forest sprinkles. He frowned and finally nodded.

  “Tis pursuant ye collective benefit,” he finally said. “Thyne company alliance ye Elves, temporarily, in pursuit ye whereabouts of ye amulet.”

  “Plus,” Blob added, even though nobody had asked him, “I really like the one called Edwin. Seems like a right good fellow, that one. I met an Elf like him once. Except it wasn’t a he, and it wasn’t an Elf. But it reminds me of this just the same. It was at a fair, I believe, St. Siggins Fair of Ulinore. Which is held every tenth month of the tenth equinox . . . or is i
t the seventh month of the seventh solstice . . . ?”

  We all groaned and rolled our eyes and did our best to tune out the rambling blob.

  “Okay, so we will accept?” I said. “The vote stands at five to one. Glam, will you be able to abide by the decision of the group?”

  Her mustache, which had grown in substantially over the past few months, twitched as her fists returned to normal.

  She scoffed and nodded.

  “Of course I can,” she said. “I’m not some kind of uncontrollable, violent monster. Geez, guys.”

  We grinned and walked back over to where the Elves were waiting.

  “We’re in,” I said to Edwin.

  “Great!” He grinned and slapped my arm. “Edwin and Greg: together again!”

  I wanted to smile back, but a devastating reality wiped any trace of humor off my face.

  “There’s just one problem with all of this,” I said somberly.

  “What’s that?” Edwin asked, frowning.

  “I’m pretty sure our friend Stoney,” I said, pointing at his severed arm on the ground nearby, “the only one of us who knew exactly where to find the amulet, is dead.”

  CHAPTER 26

  John the Riddler with Tiny Feet

  Your Rock Troll?” Edwin asked.

  “No, he’s not my anything,” I said. “He’s not . . . wasn’t a pet.”

  “I didn’t mean it that way . . .”

  I sighed, fighting back tears. Though I’d only known Stoney for a short time, we’d gotten pretty close. It’s funny how being the only person someone trusts—at least for a while—can have that effect.

  “Just because he lost an arm doesn’t mean he’s dead,” Lixi suggested.

  “Let’s look for the rest of this beast before we write him off,” the older Elf suggested.

  “He’s not a beast!” Glam shouted, stomping toward him as Lake and Ari held her back.

  “Watch what you say about my friends!” I snapped at the guy.