Shit.
The Briar Park Community Center was located farther down Brown Street, near downtown. A ten-minute drive from home or five from the school, give or take the traffic. I drove by Lovers Lane on the way to the center, noting the businesses with graffiti sprayed on the side, the loiterers by the gas station, the abandoned Rite Aid, and all the trash. That’s what I couldn’t keep my eyes off, the litter. Litter like I was assigned to pick up around the center.
Jenaya sat back and frowned. “If anyone’s defective, it’s me. I’m the oldest of five girls and a little boy.” She picked at the couch cushion absentmindedly, a touch of grief on her face. “It was bad, Guillermo, real bad.”
I squeezed her knee in support. “How bad?”
For once there wasn’t a look of resilience in her hazel eyes. “We lived in this house my nonna helped my mom get.”
“Nonna?” I repeated.
She softened up, if only a little. “My mom had us young, and my grandma refuses to be called ‘Grandma,’ so she demands we call her ‘Nonna’ instead. She says granny sounds too old, nana, too. Clearly—” she gestured to her golden-brown skin “—we’re not Italian, but she likes the sound of ‘nonna’ better.”
“It’s different, but I get it,” I said.
Jenaya went on. “Anyway, the house was nice at first, until it wasn’t. The place became a wreck. My sisters, they bad, and I wasn’t any better I guess, but that house was trashed ’cause of them. They wrote all over the walls, broke windows and mirrors, too. My mom was never around to discipline us, hardly any structure was set, let alone someone to tuck us in.”
Her situation had been far worse than I imagined. No wonder she considered me lucky.
“So one day I kindly insisted that my nonna take me in. I was tired of my mom not coming home for like two days, or until five in the morning at the earliest. My mom would rather be out messing with men than at home being a mom. My nonna mostly picks up the slack, and I’m tired of it. A lot of girls, they can go home to their moms and cry on their shoulders about being picked on, but I’ve never had anyone. My nonna takes care of me now, but she’s not exactly the nurturing type either.
“I try to look out for my little sisters the best I can, but in some ways the damage seems done. My sister that’s a year younger than me, Nakaia, she don’t listen, and her influence has our sister Ayana acting up, too. I don’t want my sisters growing up and being like our mom, having babies with dudes who won’t stick around. We deserve better.”
It was good that she got out but still went back to check on her younger sisters. “I definitely feel you there. I’ve got Yesenia, and I don’t play when it comes to guys.” I wasn’t the best example, but I knew there were guys out there worse than me, and I’d gladly catch another charge if some pendejo ever tried to play my sister. At thirteen, Yesenia kept her head in books and didn’t worry about guys yet, but I still cared enough to be watchful.
Jenaya chuckled. “You seem like the type of guy that would go crazy over your little sister.”
I didn’t deny it. “The worst mistake any guy could make right now is talking to Yesi.”
“I don’t blame you.”
I focused back on Jenaya. “I still don’t get it. Why all the hate on you at school, though?”
Jenaya frowned. “Oh that. Back in middle school, there was this guy all the girls liked, and for some reason, he liked me—or, I thought he did. We messed around, and the next thing I know he’s telling the whole school about what we did and it’s been over for me ever since.”
In my lap, I felt my fist shake. Shit like that was unfair and uncalled for. From home to school, she wasn’t protected it seemed, and it wasn’t fair.
Jenaya wasn’t even seventeen yet. With her tough home life, school was the last place she needed more stress. It was a lot for her to take on by herself.
I held my hand out. “I got your back, okay?”
She looked at my hand and began to smile a little. “You don’t gotta do that, Guillermo.”
“I want to.” Maybe it was my Achilles’ heel, taking up for girls in need, but I didn’t like the idea of people picking on her over bullshit gossip.
I continued holding my hand out. “Friends?” To be corny, I smiled.
Jenaya laughed and slapped her palm against mine. “Friends.”
I had about fifteen minutes left of my break. I stood up. “Cool, wanna play some pool?”
Jenaya stood as well. “Nah, I got a nail appointment. Nakaia should be swinging by to get the girls in an hour. Sorry in advance if they get in any trouble.”
Her sisters and her life weren’t a burden for me, and hopefully in time, I could show her that. “We should hang out more. What do you do for fun besides read?”
Jenaya perked up. “Actually, I’ve been thinking about starting my own YouTube channel. I’m in cosmetology, but I want to do videos beyond hair, maybe nails and makeup, too.”
I wrinkled my nose. “On second thought, I’ll just see you at school.”
Jenaya shoved me for that.
I laughed, catching her wrist, and reveled when she allowed me to give her a hug. There wasn’t much I could do, but I wanted to show I cared, and I appreciated her telling me her secrets.
I wasn’t too sure about other things when it came to this new move, but I was sure about Jenaya.
It felt good to have a friend.
* * *
My parents were both home from work when I got in. The tension hadn’t eased one bit since our move, and even if my word wasn’t much, I wanted to speak up.
I hovered in the kitchen doorway. My mother was at the stove, stirring something in a pot, and my father was at the island chopping peppers.
To make this place feel like home, my mother had started adding pieces of our old life. Throughout the house, she’d hung decorative words on the walls. Against one of the peach-shaded walls in the kitchen, she’d hung up Create; in our dining room, she hung up Eat; in the living room against the wall behind the sofa, she hung a sign that said Family; and in our TV room, she hung up Love. Cheesy, but the message wasn’t missed. Her efforts to always provoke a sense of love were what made me love her the most.
This life they provided for us... I’d taken for granted.
Before, my father had managed to take care of all of us as a dentist. My mother stayed home while I was in middle school, enjoying the task of keeping our house together and going to the gym every morning. After my ordeal, she went back to work, taking an HR job at my father’s clinic. My father hadn’t liked that, saying that while my troubles had been expensive, he could still afford the lifestyle we were used to. My mother hadn’t been satisfied and wanted to pitch in, to have money for a rainy day—should I ever fuck up again and they need it.
Thinking of my talk with Jenaya, I finally saw how good I had it. When I was facing time, my parents saw to it that I had a good lawyer instead of leavin’ it in the hands of a shitty public defender. Even outside of the Situation, they’d always been good to me and Yesenia. They went above and beyond for us whenever we asked for or needed anything, they drove us around when needed, and my father had even negotiated with my tío Mateo to give me his old Charger. I stuck my nose in the streets, knowing there was nothing to find there, and time and time again, my parents were forgiving with me.
Unlike some parents, mine really gave a shit about me. I’d made it hard for them, and there was no way I could ever truly pay them back for their pain and suffering.
“¿Qué quieres?” My father looked up from his peppers. His tone wasn’t very inviting.
I wondered if there’d come a day when he didn’t treat me like I was in the way, like he was merely tolerating me. I knew they both still loved me despite my faults; I was their son...but the warmth was gone.
Sweeping a hand through my hair, I hung my head. “Can we talk?”<
br />
“What about?” My father made a show of setting down his knife, as if this interruption was exasperating.
“José,” my mother cut in, shooting him a stern look. “Ay, let him talk.”
My father heaved a heavy sigh and gave me the floor.
I cleared my throat. “I know I’ve messed up too many times in the past to count, but I mean it when I say from the bottom of my heart that I’m sorry. You guys did a lot for me, gettin’ that lawyer so I wouldn’t be stuck in juvie. You work your asses off to provide for me and Yesenia, when some parents don’t even give a shit. I took for granted how good my life is with you guys when I was out bein’ reckless, and I see that now. Lo siento de verdad.”
My mother looked touched, while my father stood silent.
“We’ve been down this road a lot with you,” he finally spoke. He pointed at my mother. “She’s cried rivers for you, and I cannot take any more of that. Mírame,” he instructed, telling me to look him in the eye, “if you fuck this up, I’m done with you. I mean it, you wanna be out acting a fool, chasing tail, fighting over nonsense, you’re out. You can go and stay with Mateo or Lupe.”
It sounded harsh, but I understood. “I get it,” I told him.
My father settled down, glancing at the meal he was preparing. “Lávate las manos.” He said nothing further and went back to prepping.
A small sense of anxiety lifted from my shoulders, and I went upstairs to wash up for dinner.
Yesenia was peeking out of her room, her silver laptop abandoned on her yellow bedspread. She probably heard the whole conversation.
She didn’t hide it. She came and hugged me extra tight. “I’m glad you guys talked, Memo. Please be good here, and don’t mess up again.”
“I won’t,” I promised as I held her.
For the first time in a long time, I actually had faith that things were on the way up.
Regan
Tanner was standing on his hind legs, sticking his nose through my blinds and whimpering. He must’ve needed to do his business. Whatever the reason, I could use a break from my math homework. Not that much was getting done when my mind kept drifting over possible outfits to wear Friday night.
I grabbed a leash to take Tanner for a walk. Anything to get out of the house.
I honestly believed my parents—especially my father—were more excited than I was about the impending date. You would’ve thought Troy had asked him out with the way my father was acting all proud.
“Hey,” my father greeted me as he entered the room from the kitchen. He eyed me with the leash and Tanner who was wagging his tail beside me. “I was just about to do that before I started dinner.”
I fiddled with the leash. “It’s okay, I don’t mind.”
A corner of his lips curled up. “I know what you’re doing, you’re just trying to be his favorite. You ain’t slick, Rey.”
I chuckled as I leaned down and hugged Tanner close. “Trying? I am his favorite, right Tanner?”
My father watched as Tanner licked my nose. “Oh, I see how it is, boy. After all that I’ve done for you?” He pretended to be hurt before returning his attention to me. “I took out some salmon for tonight—what do you think I should pair with it?”
I loved when my father made salmon. I wasn’t sure what he did, but he had a magical flare for making us all eat every bite until there were no leftovers. “Ooh, can you do the lemon-garlic asparagus?”
My father snapped his fingers and bobbed his head at the suggestion. “Yeah, I was thinking of seasoning the fish that way, I can do both, and maybe some roasted red skins on the side.”
My mouth watered at the thought of all the delicious food. “Ah man, I can’t wait now.”
Tanner must really have had to go, as he was quick to walk over to the front door and paw at it.
“Here I come,” I told him as I pulled my hoodie on.
“Thank you, Rey,” my father said to me as he went back to the kitchen.
Tanner dragged me out the front door.
“Slow down, boy,” I said.
Tanner was already sniffing around, and I was quick to check my pocket for a blue bag in case he did more than just pee.
“Regan! Wait!” a high voice called from across the street, and I looked up to find Yesenia Lozano coming my way, holding a book.
I’d officially met Yesenia Tuesday afternoon when I’d gotten in from school and then taken Tanner outside. Her mother had just picked her up from the local middle school, and Yesenia had all but abandoned her once she set eyes on Tanner. Yesenia was more upbeat than Guillermo. She was all smiles and super friendly as opposed to her brother’s brooding demeanor. She’d been outgoing as she introduced herself and asked to pet Tanner. There was something cute and adorable about her that I’d liked instantly.
“Can I help?” Yesenia already had her gaze on Tanner’s leash, and I couldn’t say no to the longing look on her face.
“Sure.” I handed the leash over and Yesenia accepted it, kneeling down to pet Tanner, who sniffed her.
“He needs a bath, too,” I spoke up. “I was thinking of giving him one this weekend if you want to join me.”
You would’ve thought I’d offered Yesenia the winning lottery ticket with how much she brightened at the chore. Then again, even if it could be a hassle sometimes, washing Tanner was fun. Taking care of him was fun. We’d had a couple dogs while I was growing up, and I was always in charge of bathing them and walking them. I never minded. Taking care of animals was calming.
“I wish we could get a dog.” Yesenia sounded sad as she stood.
Nodding sympathetically, I took the book she’d been reading and idly examined it. From the couple on the cover, I assumed it was a teen romance. A purple circular sticker on the spine of the book drew my curiosity.
“What’s with the dot?” I asked.
Yesenia glanced at her book. “I color code my books. Blue for books with sad endings, purple for books with bittersweet endings, and yellow for books with happy endings.”
“How do you know how they’ll end?”
Yesenia blushed. “I’ve read a lot of books, and I reread sometimes, too. The blues aren’t my favorite, but they’re important.”
“Sounds like you’re a big reader,” I said.
Yesenia nodded. “I’ve been into reading since kindergarten. When I graduate middle school this year, I’m asking for a gift card to Books-A-Million.”
Her innocence was cute.
“The best job ever would be to work in books, like a librarian or something,” Yesenia went on.
I didn’t mind reading. Could that be my thing?
Thinking back on the summer reading I’d had to do for school, sweating over Ernest Hemingway and Arthur Miller, I cringed. I honestly hated the classics; the way they were written, from the language, the style, to the big words, they always lost me. Reflecting on my B average in English, I decided that maybe books were better left for the passionate, like Yesenia.
Mentally I penciled her request down, hoping to have formed enough of a relationship with her by then that I could get her a gift card, too.
She reminded me of Avery. My younger brother was always reading manga. He had a skinny bookcase in his room filled with volumes of the stuff. Avery even had a little Japanese dictionary for reference. His Netflix and Hulu profiles were filled with anime, too. My father thought it was weird.
“Why don’t you ask for a puppy?” I suggested.
“I’ve been asking. They always say no.” Yesenia shrugged. “Well, maybe now we can get a dog, since my parents aren’t so mad at Memo anymore.”
Guillermo’s troubles must’ve caused a burden for their family.
I was becoming more and more curious as to what he’d done.
“It must’ve been hard,” I said.
Yesenia didn’t
answer. She simply hung her head and focused on Tanner.
“I...” She started and then quickly stopped speaking. Instead, she gripped the leash tighter and looked down the sidewalk as wind blew through her long dark hair. Someone somewhere was barbecuing; the smell was delicious and tempting. “I love Memo, he’s the best big brother, but he’s behaved pretty badly. But, like, even when he was hanging around his old friends back home, he was still good to me. Who he used to be, before he went away, it made everything different at home. They never were in the mood for a puppy.”
She seemed to need to vent, so I rubbed her shoulder. “It’s okay.”
Yesenia looked up at me, her big brown eyes distant for a second. “I must’ve read about a hundred books back then to avoid the tension between my parents and Guillermo. Even when he was gone at juvie, when my mom and dad were trying to find a new house, things were sad. Like walking through a thick fog after a storm and being unable to breathe.
“Now that’s he back, I can tell he’s different, he’s changed. He used to not care, used to just do whatever he wanted despite our parents grilling him, but now, it’s like he’s better—he’s learned his lesson.”
Sensing she needed encouragement, I threw an arm around Yesenia to comfort her. “Well, this is a new beginning, so who knows, maybe you’ll end up with a puppy, and Guillermo and your parents will start over.”
My words might as well have been silk, enveloping Yesenia in a cozy bliss. She lifted her head to aim a smile my way. “Thanks, Regan.”
“No problem. I’m always right across the street if you need me,” I let her know.
She nodded. “Things were really bad before, but I think they’re about to get better. I’ll still come and hang out, though. I promise.”
We paused as Tanner found the perfect place to do his thing, and then we made our way peacefully around the block. But inside, my mind was churning. The Lozanos were still growing and healing from whatever they’d gone through with Guillermo. My brain was too hung up on what.
The Right Side of Reckless Page 10