“I know you were hurt when she left, son, but you don’t know the full story.”
“I know enough, Dad.”
“You know nothing!” He snaps. “Do you really think that girl wanted to leave you behind? She was in love with you, Bryan.” I fold my arms around my chest. The sound of Ricky’s car pulling out of my parent’s driveway is deafening to me all of a sudden. “Raymond wanted you prosecuted for statutory rape.”
“So he told me right before he punched me in the face. What’s that got to do with anything? He didn’t press charges.” Not that they would have even stuck, it’s not like I was a thirty-year-old man, I was eighteen.
“No, because he made that beautiful girl choose. You and months of waiting for you to be released from prison while he sent her away and married her off to some other man, your life ruined, or leave and save you from that.”
I crease in my brow in confusion; I don’t understand this. Surely Ricky knew that there was nothing Ray could have done? The police wouldn’t have pressed charges. Even if they did, it wouldn’t have gone anywhere. She seriously can’t have been that naive?
“Bryan,” My mother says as she places her hand on my shoulder before walking toward my father. He wraps his arm around her slim waist. My brother is now sitting on the arm of the couch. He folds his arms around himself while looking at me. “Raymond made sure Lyric knew that, should you go to prison, you’d never have the life you dreamed of. She knew there would be no school in the country that would hire a sex offender. Because that’s what you would have been labeled as, Bryan, a sex offender.”
“Mom, I wouldn’t have been prosecuted. Christ, did she not realize that?”
“No, not at the time, she was frightened, Bryan. You know what Raymond can be like.” Doesn’t everyone?
“She left to protect you, Bry.” My brother says.
I scrub my right hand over my face.
“That doesn’t explain why she stayed away so long. She could have come home. She could have come to me. However, instead, she stayed away for nine long years. So excuse me if I’m not in a forgiving mood.”
“You have no idea what that girl has been through in the past nine years, son. None of us do. You’ve known her all your life. There’s a reason she stayed away, and if you look deep enough into your heart, you know it to be true.”
He walks toward me and takes my shoulders in his hands. I’m tall, over six-foot-two, but my father is at least two inches taller. “You still love her, and I believe she still loves you. All of this hating her will never make you feel better. Don’t hold on to hate, son. Let it go. The past is gone, but you have the chance to make the future you once envisioned come true now. Don’t let Ricky leave here thinking you hate her. That’s more punishment than she deserves.”
Damn it all to hell, he’s right. What am I holding onto this hate and pain for? I don’t even hate her. I hate what she did to me.
I just can’t believe she would walk away like she did all to save me a few lousy months in prison. It wouldn’t have come to that, but if it had, I would have gone to jail. I would have done my time as long as I had her on the outside waiting for me. I didn’t have to be a teacher; I could have found another profession. Everything would have been okay if she’d have just come to me. However, that prick poisoned her mind, and she loved me so much she tried to save me.
Doesn’t she realize by leaving and staying away so long she destroyed me anyway?
“Talk to her, Bryan. She deserves to know that someone cares about her. Lord knows she’s never had many people give a damn about her.”
I tip my head in my brother’s direction. “I don’t even know where she is, Ty.”
“She’s staying at the Sheraton.” I raise my eyebrow. How in the hell is it he just so happens to know this? As if reading my mind, he smirks. “This is a small town, Bry. She’s not staying with Bob, so where else would she be? However, if you ask me,” I didn’t! “She’s probably on her way to one of your secret hiding places.” He shrugs.
“Make friends with her, Bryan.”
I merely nod in my mother’s direction and leave.
Chapter 11
Ricky
Piece of shit.
Jackass.
Son of a bitch!
How dare he treat me like that?
I know I hurt him by leaving, but Christ!
I’m so frustrated I could kill him!
Maybe that’s a little extreme, but still. I thought Bryan would at least give me five minutes to explain things. I knew he’d be pissed, but I never thought he’d honestly hate me.
Well, I definitely won’t be staying for Christmas. I’ll stay for a couple of days for my grandfather, but then I’m out of here, back to my life in Charlotte.
Back to my lonely life.
Ugh!
I don’t know why I came here, the old playground on the outskirts of town. I guess it’s quiet here. This playground was the place I ran to when I was young and frightened of my father.
I park myself on one of the old rusty swings, not caring for the sludge on the seat that’s now freezing my ass and the backs of my legs. I lean my head against the chain that holds the seat to the metal frame. I feel so deflated. I hate being in this town, but I thought I could bear it a little so long as Bryan spoke to me. I didn’t expect him to forgive me, but I thought... I don’t even know what I thought.
In all the time I’ve been gone, I thought about the day I would see him again. What Bryan would look like now, if he’d be the math teacher he always wanted to be, and if he was, would it have made my sacrifice worth it?
I thought about the smile on his face when he saw me, the way he would wrap me up in his arms and swing me around like he used to. The way we would laugh about old times. Then I’d tell him how sorry I was for leaving him and how much I have always loved him and... “Thought I’d find you here.”
I jump a little. I hadn’t realized anyone was standing behind me, especially not Bryan.
Why has he followed me here?
How did he even know I’d be here?
I sigh when he takes a seat on the swing next to mine. I don’t look at him. I don’t want to see his beautiful face anymore; I just want to go home.
“Remember when we used to come here to drink beer behind our parent’s backs?” He chuckles to himself.
I don’t say anything. There’s nothing for me to say. One minute Bryan is yelling at me; the next, he’s talking about the old days.
What the hell is that all about?
“The first time you drank beer, you vomited all over me.” He laughs again. I’m glad he finds this funny. “You not gonna say anything to me?”
“I have to go.” I can’t do this. I thought I could, but I can’t. I’ll end up saying something that would cause him to yell at me again, and I don’t want that. I get up and walk quickly away from him.
With his hand on my elbow, Bryan swings me around to face him so fast I almost fall over. “Don’t walk away from me.”
“Bryan, I don’t have the energy to stand here while you bash me about leaving and how long I’m staying and when in the hell I’m leaving again. I’m going as soon as I know my grandfather is okay. You won’t have to see me again. I’m sorry that my being here has caused you upset. It wasn’t my intent.”
“I’m sorry.”
I narrow my eyes.
Why is he saying sorry?
He has nothing to be sorry for.
“I’ve been a jerk since you came home when I should have been happy to see you. I was surprised to see you here.” His hand is still on my elbow, and it’s making my legs weak. “I had no right to be so cruel to you, Ricky. For that, I am truly sorry.”
“I’m sorry, too. I never meant to hurt you, Bryan. I had no choice but to go. I should have called or something, but I was too scared. I thought you’d be better off without me. By the time my grandfather made me see that my father was calling my bluff, too much had happened to me to come b
ack here. I was ruined.” He narrows his eyes, but I won’t elaborate.
I pull my arm from his grip and fold them around my waist. “I don’t expect you to forgive me, and I understand that you may never do,” I swallow hard. I don’t want to cry, but I’m exhausted. I haven’t slept properly in... forever. However, these past two weeks have been tough on me. I can’t sleep at all. Work took a lot out of me.
Tears cloud my throat and my eyes, but I won’t let them fall as Bryan cups my face with his left hand. My eyes close of their own accord for a moment. My chest is heaving with emotion. “I’ve missed you.”
I let out a nervous giggle while biting my lower lip.
He smiles.
Oh my god, I have missed that smile.
His thumb slides under my eye, and the memories it invokes are like lightning striking my heart. “You’re still so beautiful, Ricky.”
Leaning into his touch, I whisper, “I’ve missed you so much. I’m so sorry that I hurt you. I just wanted to protect you.”
“Right now, I don’t understand many things, Ricky. I don’t understand why you didn’t come to me, nor why you stayed away so long. However, I do know that I can’t let you leave me again, not yet.”
“I planned to stay until Christmas, so Bob wouldn’t be alone, but you wanted me gone so badly that I...” He pulls me into him, cutting me off, encasing me in his big strong arms, and it’s like I’m seventeen all over again. I’m safe in Bryan’s arms, his lips against my head just like all those years ago. “I’m so sorry,” I whisper against his neck. I feel his body shudder against me. I want to kiss him so badly, but I won’t, not yet.
“We can talk about this soon enough. Are you ready to get dinner now?” I laugh while lifting my head and nodding at him. I can go to dinner. Dinner sounds good — dinner with my best friend.
Chapter 12
Bryan
Maybe I’m stupid for letting go of the hate I have felt inside of me for so long.
Maybe I’m stupid for letting her back in.
However, my father is right, I loved Ricky once, I still love her, and there won’t be a day that goes by where I don’t love her.
Just looking at her sitting next to my brother across my mother’s dinner table, Christmas tree twinkling behind her, making her look like an angel, the way she looks at me when she thinks I won’t notice tells me that she still loves me too.
She still loves me.
Is that just what I want to see?
The Lord knows I have loved Ricky for so long now that I don’t believe I have ever known anything else.
What happened to make her leave me the way she did will be addressed soon enough. However, for right now, while she’s here, I want us to get to know each other all over again, starting tonight.
“Thank you so much for dinner.” She hugs my mother so naturally.
It’s nice to see her relax a little. The Lord knows she’s always found it hard to let people touch her. There were the odd few that could, me being the main one. For all, I know she no longer has that problem. However, from the way she acted at the funeral, I doubt she’s outgrown it.
“You are most welcome, sweetheart. I’m just glad you and Bryan are talking again.”
“Me too.”
She smiles.
I watch her give both my father and brother an awkward one-armed hug, letting me know she is in no way over her little problem. She happily tells them goodbye before taking my outstretched hand.
“Take care of her.” My mother whispers in my ear as I hug her one-armed.
“I will.”
Ricky agreed to come home with me for a drink, to watch a movie and relax, like old times. She held my hand all the way to her car, holding tight like she was scared I’d disappear if she let go. She promised to follow me over to my place.
If I’m honest, I was a little worried that she wouldn’t turn up. That’s why I offered to drive her, and we could pick up her car in the morning, but she refused. Said she didn’t want to leave her car where her parents could see it any longer.
My worries about her not turning up were unfounded. She followed me the whole way home. Now here she stands looking up at my house, wide-eyed, mouth hanging open. “Everything all right?”
“I can’t...” Her eyes haven’t left the house yet. She’s shocked, I can tell. “Do you rent this place?” She asks with her eyes full of wonder.
“I bought it a couple of years ago. My brother helped me with renovations. Wanna see inside?” She finally looks at me, a smile on her face, and nods.
Ten Years Ago
I drive Ricky over to the lake. The beautiful old abandoned house that sits alone a hundred feet from the water. The lake isn’t huge, but it could be picturesque if this old house were renovated.
‘I wish I could own this house.’
‘Jesus, Ricky,’ I laugh because she says the craziest things. ‘Why would you want to own this dump? It’s rundown and would cost a fortune to fix up.’
‘Yeah, but wouldn’t it be awesome to do all of that fixing up and live here? Wouldn’t it be amazing to know that it was all your work that meant you had made a home of your own? A place to raise a family... You’re right,’ She shakes her head. ‘It’s a stupid idea.’
I stare at Ricky for a moment, and I smile. She has the craziest dreams, but that’s not to say they won’t come true. I look over the old house. The place might be rundown, but I can see how this four bedroomed house could be with a little TLC.
Sure, the windows are all broken, and the paint is chipped. There are rust lines where water has run down the outside walls. The garden is completely overgrown, and the front door is even hanging by the bottom hinges. The inside smells and looks like someone was killed here, even though I know they weren’t.
The floors would need replacing, and almost every wall re-plastering. The kitchen would need replacing. Hell, everything needs replacing, the bathroom, kitchen, light switches, everything.
However, I can see that this place being something special – special for Ricky. A place she could escape from her family, a home where she could raise her own family, and I know she would raise them with so much love.
Her children would never feel the way she feels. If she’s ever lucky enough to have children, they would have a mother and a father who would love them endlessly and undoubtedly, effortlessly.
Why shouldn’t she want those things?
‘It’s not a stupid idea.’ I wrap my arm around my shoulder as we stand with our backs against my car door, looking over at the old house. ‘Tell you what. If this place is still standing in a few years when we’ve finished school and have the jobs we want, we’ll buy it and make it exactly what you want it to be.’
‘We can’t buy a house together. What happens when we marry others?’
I chuckle because she has no idea that I’ll never let her marry anyone but me. I can’t say that to her yet, however, so I just kiss her head.
‘You’ll live here. This place will be an investment for me. You’re my best friend, and I’d give you the world if I were able.’
Ricky has no idea what it does to me inside when she smiles at me like that. I am so in love with Ricky, but she sees me as nothing more than a big brother.
‘Ditto,’ She says as she lays her head on my shoulder. ‘I could stay here all day looking at this house, imagining all the things I could do to it. The flowers I would plant in the garden, the color I would paint my walls inside. The way I would set my kitchen out, and the old-fashioned clawfoot bath I would install. It could be beautiful, Bryan.’
‘One day, Ricky. One day.’
One day...
Present Day.
I watch her walking around the downstairs of my house, eyes wide, mouth hanging open in surprise. Everything she ever pictured for this house, I made it happen.
I used to come here after she left, and remember our times sitting on the hood of my car while dreaming about buying the place and making it ours. Even
back then, when she was sixteen, I knew we’d one day live here together. Ricky believed she’d live here with the man she fell in love with. She just didn’t think I’d be that man.
I knew then that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I knew that she would one day be my wife.
When she left, I thought I would die. That’s how painful losing her was. I hung onto this house as some way of keeping her alive inside of me. It was probably stupid, but when I bought the place, I held it in my mind that’s she’d be home soon. That’s why I had the place fixed up the way I knew she wanted. Every last thing she’d told me that she wanted for this place, I made happen.
It cost me a pretty penny, most of my savings, but it was all worth it.
Following Ricky through each room, hearing her gasps, her giggles, I feel a sense of pride swell inside of me. Her eyes are sparkling with amazement. I’ve dreamed of this day for so long, the look on Ricky’s face when she saw the place, and I’m not disappointed.
I lead her into the bedroom that would have been ours had she stayed — the main bedroom. As bedrooms go, this is quite large. The king bed is set along the back wall as you walk through the door. The walk-in closet sits on the wall opposite. Then there’s the large bay window on the right of the room, covered in soft black muslin curtains. The walls are a deep burnt green, the floor dark oak wood — everything she envisioned.
“Oh, Bry,” She gasps while sliding her hands over the black comforter on my bed. She swings around to face me, a massive smile on her face. “This is everything I ever dreamed it would be.”
“I know. Come,” I grab Ricky’s hand and pull her into the ensuite bathroom, where she gasps so loudly before racing toward my bathtub. I knew she’d like it; the clawfoot bath made for two.
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