All I’ve ever wanted is this woman beside me. We were torn apart years ago, things happened to both of us, things that changed us. She went through hell. She told me everything about her time away from me, the few men she had relations with, the jerk who slapped her about once before she kicked his ass for it. I was proud of her for that.
She told me how, for the past two years, she almost worked herself to death because she had nothing in her life but her work. I held her close to me and told her how it would be different now. She never has to feel alone again. She has a big family now, my family is hers, but then they always have been.
The timer goes off, making Ricky jump and laugh at the same time. “You ready?” She nods and holds onto my hand as I lead her to the bathroom. “You want to look first?”
“Together.”
I grab the test and turn it over. Both of us stare at it. Both of us in a little bit of shock. Because there it is... “We’re pregnant.”
“Oh, Bryan!”
“Hey,” I smile and pull her to me, holding her close and kissing her head. “It’s okay, sweetheart. It’s okay.”
“It’s really happening, Bry. We’re having a baby!”
“Yes, we are.”
“We’re having a baby?” Shit, I didn’t see her standing there behind Ricky. However, there she is, my baby girl, wide-eyed with a big smile on her face.
Ricky pulls away from me and crouches down in front of Faye. Ricky takes her hands gently. “Is that okay, pumpkin?”
Faye looks up at me, but she’s no longer smiling, she has tears in her eyes. I narrow mine and get to my haunches beside her. “Baby girl, what’s wrong?”
“You don’t want me anymore. You’re sending me back to Mommy. I have been good, Daddy! Wicky, please don’t send me away. I will help you with the baby. I will be good, I pwomise!”
“Oh, Faye.” Now Ricky’s crying while holding Faye in her arms, and I am stumped. Literally. Where the hell did all that come from? “My princess,” Ricky strokes the back of Faye’s head tenderly. “We are not sending you away. We love you so much.”
“Faye, come here.” I take her from Ricky and carry her to the bedroom, sitting her down on my bed. “There’s something Ricky and Daddy need to talk to you about.” I didn’t want to do this yet, but it doesn’t look like I have a choice. I won’t have my little girl upset like this because of the new baby. I never want her to think she’s no longer wanted because Ricky and I are having a child together.
Ricky sits beside Faye, her arm wrapped around her little waist. I take baby girls’ hands in mine. She’s so beautiful, I’m her Dad, and I would think that, but I haven’t met a person yet who doesn’t agree with me.
I made this perfect creature. With a little help from Kristin, of course. However, she’s all me, and she always has been.
“Daddy spoke to Mommy. She asked me something very important, and I would like to know what you think about that. Mommy wants Daddy to take care of you from now on. She wants you to stay here with Ricky and Daddy.”
“Fowever?”
“Yes, angel.” I watch for a reaction, searching her face. However, she’s looking at Ricky.
“Mommy doesn’t want me anymore, Wicky?”
“Oh, baby, that’s not it. Your mommy loves you very much, but she thinks it would be best for you if you stayed here with us.”
Faye looks at me, and it breaks my heart to see the sadness in her eyes. She doesn’t understand any of this. She may have asked, repeatedly, if she can stay here, but this is her mother we’re talking about.
“I really can stay?” I nod with a slight smile. “Mommy is never coming back, is she?” What do I say to that?
“Faye?” I want to be the one to explain this to Faye, but I don’t know how to. Ricky is already explaining how Kristin loves Faye, but how Kristin has a very important job now in Paris and can’t just come home when she feels like it. She’s telling Faye how her mommy could have taken her to Paris, but that would mean she can’t see me as often as she’d like, and how her mother believes she’d be happy living with me here.
Faye is listening intently to Ricky as she speaks, and all I can think about at this moment is the pain my little girl is feeling inside. I never wanted to cause her any pain. She’s just a little girl.
“I can stay here fowever with you and Daddy and the baby?”
“Only if you want to, sweetheart.”
“I love Mommy.”
“I know, darling.”
“But you can be my mommy too, Wicky?”
Ricky looks at me for help. I smile. Faye is never going to forget her mother; I’ll make sure of that. However, this is her family now, Ricky and me, and if baby girl wants Ricky to be her mother, then I see no problem with that.
Some would disagree with me. However, this woman is about to become my wife. She’s carrying my child, and she’s going to raise my daughter as her own. That makes Ricky, Faye’s mother. Ricky may not think she deserves that title, but she has no idea how much Faye loves her. All those little things she does for Faye don’t go unnoticed by anyone around us.
“Faye, if you want Ricky to be your mommy, then she is your mommy.”
“My other mommy won’t mind?”
“No,” I shake my head. “Your other mommy just wants you to be happy, Faye. She wants you to have a mommy and daddy who will always love you and take care of you. You’re going to be a big sister, and that means there will be another person to love you.”
“I love you, Daddy.”
I smile. Faye wraps her little arms around my neck and holds tightly. There are no better words in the world a man needs to hear other than the ones my daughter just said to me. “I love you, too, baby girl.”
“I love Mommy Wicky.”
I see the tears falling from Ricky’s eyes. She’s not sad, though; there’s a huge smile on her face. She’s happy. “Mommy Ricky loves you, too, pumpkin.”
How did I get so lucky?
Three months ago, I thought my life would always be dull. I thought I’d carry on existing, but now I’m living. Really living. I have Ricky back, Faye, with me permanently, and soon, another little one to love.
I am one lucky son-of-a-bitch, and that’s the truth.
Chapter 26
Ricky
I never believed you need to go out and get drunk to have fun, but when you no longer have a choice, you realize just how much fun alcohol can be on a night out.
Ugh!
Watching my friends drinking and laughing while I’m sipping lemonade is no fun. They’re all having a great time, and I’m just sitting here miserable.
This is ridiculous, it’s my bachelorette party, and I’m not in the mood for it. I have no idea what’s gotten into me today. I can’t even blame hormones because it’s too early for me to have mood swings. So I keep telling myself.
“Come on, Ricky, you look amazing! Why are you just sitting there?”
I look down at my green dress. It’s nothing special. On the knee, spaghetti-strapped. I don’t have to hide my body the way Ray used to force me to, but I don’t show my tits and ass either. That’s my choice. However, that doesn’t mean I have to dress like an old woman either.
My hair is tied up in a high ponytail, my makeup is light, and I have matching dark green heels on my feet. However, I feel stupid dressed like this!
I honestly feel so annoyed with myself this evening. I don’t know why because my day was fine. I spent the day with Bryan’s mom and sister, and little Faye was with us. We went shopping right after Bryan explained to them about the baby and what’s happening with Faye.
Of course, everyone was shocked. Until that moment, only Tyler knew anything. Kristin had agreed to everything Bryan suggested. Custody will be given to Bryan and me, Kristin has the right to call whenever she wants to as long as Faye isn’t asleep. Bryan stipulated that Kristin can visit Faye any time she wants to as long as Bryan agrees to it upfront.
Kristin told Tyler tha
t she agrees to everything, but would like to visit just once a year. She didn’t think it would be fair to Faye if she just turned up all the time. She believes it will mess with Faye’s head.
I didn’t agree with that, but what can I do about it if the woman doesn’t want to see her child? I knew that Kristin didn’t want open visitation because her life in Paris is more important. That’s why I made Tyler stipulate that if Kristin chooses that route, if she honestly only wants visitation once a year, then she needs to know that if it doesn’t work out in Paris, she is not to come home demanding to see Faye all the time. Because that’s what will mess with Faye’s head, she is not second place to Kristin’s work. She’s first always to Bryan and me, and we have to do what’s right for her.
“I’m not in the mood for this, Jade, I just want to go home.”
With concern on her face, Jade drops down in the seat beside me. We picked a booth at the back of the club, near the dance floor. I’m stuck with the stupid bride-to-be sash around my body, plastic tiara on my head with the mini lace vale hanging off it. I look ridiculous, and I feel silly!
Calm down, Ricky. Your friends are here for you. They’re trying to do something nice for you, and you’re acting like a brat!
I know, and I hate myself for it.
“What’s wrong, babe?”
“I honestly don’t know, Jade. I’ve felt off all day. I was so looking forward to tonight. Then I dropped Faye off with Marie, and I guess I feel guilty.”
Jade takes my hand in hers and smiles. “If this is how you are with Bryan’s daughter, what are you going to be like with your baby?” I don’t answer that, I simply shrug because I don’t know the answer. “Look, there’s nothing to feel guilty about, you’re allowed a break. Faye is happy. She has a big family who loves her and wants to spend time with her. You’re making yourself miserable for no reason.”
She’s right. I know she is. I just need to shake off this strange feeling and try and have fun, even if something is nagging on my insides.
“You’re right; this is my night. Best make it one to remember.”
“That’ a girl!” I laugh as she grabs my hand and leads me to the dance floor, where our friends yell that it’s about it.
It’s actually a lot of fun. I don’t know what I was complaining about. The girls have gone all out to make tonight special for me. It’s been a very long time since I had fun like this. Not that I want grabby guys hands on me!
I grab at the hands now on my hips and push them away. I turn to face him and shake my head. He’s nice-looking enough. I’ve never seen him before. He’s tall, handsome, but he’s not my type. Bryan is my type, and I do not cheat. Ever. I’ve waited forever to be with the man I love, I’m not about to do anything with this man that will cause me to lose Bryan, and that includes dancing, even if he is looking me up and down like he wants to eat me.
He moves toward me again. I hold my hands up to him. “Not interested!” I yell over the music.
“Just one dance. It won’t kill you.” He laughs. I don’t.
I turn and walk away, finding Jade with Denny. I’d rather dance with them. So I do, and it is so much fun! I don’t think I’ve had this much fun ever, to be honest.
We shake our asses, laugh, yell. That’s what tonight was all about, my letting my hair down and having fun.
I have a lot to thank the girls for, all eight of us, Jade, Helen, Denny, Rachael, Josie, Holly, and Elena have been fantastic tonight, never taking my miserable mood to heart. They’re all good sports and have shown me a good time.
Each one of them knows I’m pregnant, so they’ve crowded the front of me to make sure no one bumps me in the stomach. After telling Jade about Mr. Grabby, she’s made sure no man has come near me again tonight, even if I have seen Grabby hands watching me from the bar.
I feel a little uncomfortable with him watching me, but I have to tell myself that he’s just enjoying watching us dance. He is not going to attack any of us. I hope.
Get a grip, Ricky. Not every man on the planet is out to attack a woman.
I know this!
I’m desperate for the toilet. I need to pee in ways I never have before. I lean over and grab Josie’s arm. She’s the only one not dancing with a guy right now. She was lost in her own world and the music playing. “I need to use the restroom!” I yell down her ear.
She doesn’t say anything in reply, she merely takes my hand and leads me through the crowds of people on the dance floor, and right to the ladies room.
“You didn’t have to come with me.”
“I don’t mind.” She smiles. “I just wanted to make sure you got here in one piece. It’s mad out there.”
She’s not wrong. The place is packed.
As soon as I’ve peed, I stand washing my hands, my cell buzzing like crazy in my bag. I rummage around in my clutch until I finally find my phone, just as it stops ringing. Dammit.
“Who was it?”
“Your mom,” I call back. “Hey, Marie, everything okay?”
“It’s me, Wicky!”
I smile and mouth to Josie that it’s Faye. Josie rolls her eyes with a smile on her face. “Is everything okay, pumpkin?”
“Yes. Grandma said I could call you and say goodnight.” She sighs.
“You don’t sound too happy about it.”
“I don’t want to stay at Grandma’s, I want to go home with you and Daddy, but Grandma said you wouldn’t be home ’til really very late.” She sighs again, and I can’t help smiling. It’s nice to be wanted.
“I’m sorry, pumpkin. It’s just one night. You know we have a big day Saturday, and tonight is for Ricky and Daddy to spend with their friends.”
“But I miss you, Mommy.” I close my eyes and smile. She doesn’t call me that often. Not that she should, but it melts my heart when she does. “I didn’t get a stowy or snuggles.”
I look over at Josie, who is shaking her head and mouthing no again and again. She knows Faye is playing on my heartstrings, and she knows I’m about to tell that little girl that I’ll be right over. I know I shouldn’t, but maybe I could run over there, tuck her in, then come back.
“Baby, I’ll be right there, okay?”
“Really?” I’m so proud of her and the way she’s starting to use her R’s in the right place, apart from my name, that’s still a work in progress. However, she learns fast.
“Really. I’ll be ten minutes. Sit with Grandma ’til I get there. Mommy loves you very much, pumpkin.”
“I love you, Mommy.” That smile in her voice makes it all worthwhile.
“I cannot believe you just did that!”
“What?”
Josie folds her arms around her body; lips pressed tight together in anger. Great, that’s all I need. “You know what. You just gave in to her like that.” She snaps her fingers together. “She’s got you wrapped around her little finger. She’s going to rule the roost, Ricky.”
“No, she isn’t. I don’t want her to ever feel like...”
“Oh my god!” I recoil a little. Why is she so angry? “This isn’t like when you were a kid, Ricky. Yes, Faye’s mother has left her behind to start a life in Paris. However, she isn’t mistreated, she isn’t neglected, beaten, starved. She’s well taken care of by a family who loves her.”
Wow.
I swallow hard. Am I projecting my rotten childhood onto Faye? I don’t mean to; I just don’t want her to feel... Shit, I’m no good at this mother crap. I’m doing everything wrong. I thought I was doing okay, but apparently, I’m not. I just wanted Faye to feel loved.
“Ricky,” Josie takes my upper arms in her hands. “Telling Faye no sometimes won’t hurt her. She’s not going to hate you or go off the rails because you won’t allow her to do something. Nor will she because you’re out for the night with your friends. You have to set ground rules. Kids need rules so they know what they can and cannot get away with. You give an inch, and a kid will take ten miles.”
“I was just trying to
be a good mom.”
“You are a good mom, Ricky.”
I shake my head. “I can’t do this. I’m doing everything wrong. I knew I was no good for her.” I pull away from Josie and grab my clutch.
“Ricky, please. I wasn’t trying to upset you or make you feel like this. I was just trying to make you understand that Faye is...”
“Better off without me.” I don’t wait for an answer. I don’t need to hear anything more. I want to get out of here.
I push past those in my way, slipping slightly on my heel, but not falling thanks to the big guy’s arm I just grabbed.
I apologize to the guy without looking at his face, and I’m out the front door before I’ve even realized I haven’t told anyone where I’m going. It doesn’t matter, Josie can tell them. I have no clue where I’m going, but I drove here as I’m not drinking.
I find my car and climb behind the wheel. I sit for a moment and stare at myself in the mirror. I’m fine. I’m just not thinking clearly. I’m being stupid, and I know I won’t abandon Faye now. That would destroy her, and I won’t do that to her. I won’t do it to Bryan either.
Maybe I am trying to overcompensate for what happened to me as a child. However, no one ever told me how to act when I became a mom. I know I would have been the same with Ryan. Who knows, maybe I would have raised a selfish brat who got his own way because his mother didn’t know how to say no to him.
Telling Faye no doesn’t mean I don’t love her. If I explain to her why it’s a no, she’ll understand more. That wouldn’t be so hard. It may hurt to see her crying, or maybe she’ll shock me by just smiling and getting on with it. The same way she does what Bryan tell her no to something.
I take a deep breath and pull out of the parking lot. I can do this; I just have to be strong.
It isn’t long before I’m pulling up outside of Marie’s house. She’s already at the door waiting for me with Faye in her arms. I sigh to myself and take her as she reaches for me.
“I’m sorry about this, Ricky, she just wouldn’t settle.”
“That’s okay. I’m sorry if she’s been a handful.”
Stay With Me Page 14