by Kayla Morgan
She shuffled on and let out an irritated sigh again. “Look, Akio, as the only child of parents who are more concerned about furthering their business than giving a damn about who their child is or what she wants with life, I found out at a very young age that who I was and what I was interested in didn’t matter. Then add thirteen years of stuffy private school kids into the mix, who wouldn’t know One Piece from Fruits Basket even if their perfectly polished heads were on the line. They had this really fun habit of looking right through me. As if I didn’t even exist.
And to be honest, those were the merciful ones. The ones who ripped my books out of my hands during break and announced to the whole class that I was reading Japanese porn or book-checked my sketchbooks into puddles in the courtyard were much, much harder to ignore.
The only person who ever gave a damn about my interests and actually loved me for who I really am was my grandmother. She’s the only one who ever supported my dream. I owe her everything.”
Akio’s eyes shone back with the one emotion she couldn’t stand— sympathy. Her middle school counselor used to give her the same look, and she detested it. She wasn’t someone’s sob story to be fawned over. She didn’t need someone trying to fix her. She had Grandma. She was fine.
“Don’t look at me like that,” Emily commanded. “It’s fine. I got used to it after a while. Gran was always there, and I had my online friends to talk to. Although, to be honest, this is my first time having any ‘real-life’ friends. And I really am grateful to all of you for that.” She put on an overly positive smile. Hopefully that would be enough to deter from all this prying into her personal life. She really didn’t like talking about her past.
The awkward silence was making her skin crawl again. Emily wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do. She shoved her new book back into her bag. Her brain kept going back to all the rom-coms she had ever seen. They were standing at her dorm steps. Wasn’t this the part where you were supposed to kiss goodbye? But they were just friends! How exactly did you thank your attractive guy-friend for a nice, been-shoved-into-it-by-your-lunatic-best-friend first date? Her body buzzed with anxiety. She really just wanted to run inside, but Akio was still staring at her with those concerned eyes.
She twisted the ends of her wig and shifted her bags uncomfortably. “Thanks for such a great day, Akio-kun,” she fumbled awkwardly. “Akihabara was super cool! Who knew someone could nerd-out so much in one place! It was like super-nerd heaven!”
Her brain groaned. Kami-sama above, she sounded like a dork again. Why did she always say such weird shit with this guy? But refocusing on their weird date thing seemed to lighten Akio’s demeanor again. He gave her one of his cheeky grins. “I knew you’d love it,” he replied.
“Yup, you sure know how to make this geek happy!” she teased him and gave him some awkward finger-guns.
The serious look came back into his eyes and before her hands could return to her side, Akio snatched one of them out of the air and held it in his own.
“Emily-chan.”
The new nickname still sent tingles up her spine and the way he was looking into her eyes wasn’t helping much either.
“Yes?” she whispered.
“I’m sorry for how you were treated back in your hometown. It pisses me off. I can’t fix the past, but I’m here now. If anything like that ever happens here, I promise to protect you. Because you can always lean on me. I really…I really like having you around.”
Her mouth opened in surprise as she tried to form a reply. But what do you say to something like that?
And for a split second, Emily swore she saw Akio’s eyes flicker down to her open mouth and—for a second of insanity—she was absolutely certain he was going to kiss her. Her heart sped into overdrive. Her brain was nothing but jumbled half-thoughts.
He began to pull her in; she closed her eyes in anticipation. But then she felt his strong arms wrapped around her instead. Her eyes popped back open. Her head was pressed against his chest and his arms were completely wrapped around her in a circle, like she liked. Just like last time. Her thoughts rocketed back to the night in the alley where she had broken down in fear. And she felt that same foreign feeling again— safety.
She was so busy mulling over her feelings that she forgot to hug him back. Before she could, he pulled back and stepped away.
He rubbed the back of his neck and stared at the ground. “Gomen, I…I didn’t mean to—” His voice shook, unusually nervous.
“No! No! It was…,” she faltered. What was she supposed to say? Fine? Fantastic? Please keep holding me forever?
Luckily, he didn’t give her time to reply. With his eyes fixed on the ground in front of him, he bid her goodnight and sped off towards the train station.
Emily stood staring until his silhouette disappeared into the night’s shadows.
Her mind still reeling, she slowly turned back towards the steps and then swiped her card to get in the building. Normally, she would have taken the elevator, but she felt like she needed some time to walk out her feelings, so she opened the doors to the steps.
Her mind went back through the whole day— Akio surprising her with Akihabara, the new nickname, the hug, that little goodbye speech. The whole day had kind of felt…romantic?
But that’s totally crazy. He said on the train that he wasn’t into me. I’m just overthinking things…
Right?
Fully out of breath by the time she reached the sixth floor, she was really regretting not taking the elevator when the sixth-floor door flew open. Hamada, with his face as red as the evening sun, burst through and practically took her out in the process.
“Hamada-kun?” she shouted in surprise. But he just kept running past her and down the stairs, as if Emily hadn’t said a word. She considered going after him, but felt a tug of concern for Michi and quickened her pace towards their dorm room, despite her previous exhaustion.
The door was still open, as it always had to be when a member of the opposite sex was in the room, per the school’s rules. Emily spotted Michi curled up in the corner of her bed, her face the same deep shade as Hamada’s had been.
“What is going on?” Emily demanded.
Michi’s blue eyes shifted towards her, but she didn’t say a word.
“Michi,” Emily demanded again, “I just almost got run down by Hamada in the stairwell and now I come in here and see you blushing like a virgin in a hentai store. What the hell is going on? Did something—?”
“Nothing happened!” Michi barked at her. She pounced off the bed and pushed past Emily. She grabbed her shoes by the door. “I’m going out!”
“What? Where could you possibly be going?” Emily huffed.
“I’m going!” Michi yelled again. “Itte kimasu!”
The dorm door practically fell off its hinges, Michi slammed it so hard in her face. Leaving Emily alone with all the possibilities of what had just happened.
chapter nine
Emily didn’t chase after Michi. Maybe she should have. But the truth was that she was still trying to figure out this whole friendship thing anyway. And until she got the hang of it, she was going to stick with what she learned growing up— when someone’s pissed at you, you stay out of their way until they decide they want to talk to you again. Never bring up the problem unless the other person does. That was the only way her family ever “solved” problems— ignore the problem until it goes away. Most things never got resolved her in house. Only Gran ever had the strength to stand up to her parents. Emily just learned to begrudgingly let things go.
So instead of chasing her roommate, she curled up on her bed again and pulled out her sketchbook. She spent the next couple hours trying to focus on sketching the two cosplay girls. But the cosplay girls reminded her of the reference pictures that Akio had taken. Which made her think about how useful they would be right now. Which made her wonder what Akio was up to right now. Was he also reeling over their goodbye?
Emily shook her head to herself. No way. Ak
io’s a guy. I’m sure tonight meant nothing special to him. He just felt sorry for me because I spilled my backstory.
But the scene wouldn’t stop replaying in her head. Eventually the feelings were too strong; she had to get it out of her system. So she walked over and rummaged through her sock drawer, pulling out her secret sketchbook. She had taped the Akio pictures out of her old sketchbook into here, so as to not repeat the almost humiliating incident from the second day of classes.
She smoothed it out onto her bedspread and began sketching. His hand holding hers in the soft lighting of the dorm. The way his eyes shone with such seriousness and…something else. Something she couldn’t quite put her pencil on. But sketching it made her feel nervous all over again.
Their embrace was harder to sketch. It wasn’t something she could see. Just something she could feel. So she sketched those out instead. Swirls of feelings. Explosions of fear sprinkling into nervous butterflies. Shapes and figures filled the space, all encapsulated in a strong, warm circle.
Her pencil filled in the final shading on the circle. “Perfect,” she whispered to herself. And with that, all those pent-up feelings disappeared. Her worries over Michi were still itching in the back of her brain, but at least she could finally stop obsessing over Akio long enough to get some sleep. It was well into early Sunday morning. Apparently Michi wouldn’t be coming back tonight. But the tiredness sinking into Emily’s bones overtook her worries, and she flipped off the lights and fell into a much-needed night’s sleep.
She heard the sound of closet drawers opening and closing long before she could comprehend what any of that meant. Her half-dead eyes finally forced themselves open due to curiosity. Michi was shifting through the closet now, half-dressed.
Her sleep-fuzzy brain woke up enough to send her one thought— Michi left last night.
She slowly shoved herself up. Her wig was half falling off her head, and she pulled it off entirely before sitting up the rest of the way. The clock read 7:30 AM. She let out a groan.
Hell no. I am not getting up already, she thought angrily. She shoved her wig and drawing supplies to the end of the bed, so she could go back to sleep without worsening the dents they had already left in her skin.
Michi heard her commotion and turned around. “Emi-chan! Ohayou!” she sung out cheerily.
Now, Emily knew that she only had four hours of sleep in her, but she was pretty sure that Michi had been so pissed last night that she had slammed the door in her face.
“Ohayou?” she replied in sleepy confusion. “Michi, are you—?”
“I’m great!” she finished before Emily could even express her concern. “I am so sorry about last night, Emi-chan.” She came and grabbed Emily’s hands in hers. “I know I was acting totally crazy last night, but I just wanted to let you know that I’m totally fine.”
Emily drew her hands back. Why was Michi being so overly cheery?
Michi continued, “So there’s no reason for you to be worried about me!” She even giggled before turning and continuing to put on her outfit for the morning. Was she drunk again?
Emily watched Michi hum to herself while she picked out her jewelry for a few seconds before she could even process what was going on. “Are you sure, Michi? You seemed really upset last night. And what was up with Hama—?”
“What happened with Hamada isn’t important!” she snapped. Her snap was so sharp that Emily felt it puncture her. “I do not wish to discuss it any further. Do you understand?” Her blue eyes bore into Emily’s soul. All she could do was nod in agreement and hope that it would be enough to diffuse her obviously bipolar roommate. Actually, it felt a lot like dealing with Mom when she was having one of her moods.
“Wonderful!” The sunny disposition was back. “Well, I’m going to be busy all day today. I’ll probably be back sometime this evening, but I’m not making any promises!” She giggled again and put on her shoes by the door. “Itte kimasu! Don’t wait up!”
“Itterasshai,” Emily mumbled in reply.
Michi waved and shut the door behind her.
For a while, all Emily could do was sit and stare.
Well, whatever the hell that was, it is way way too early for all of it.
And with that thought, Emily rolled over and fell back to sleep.
Emily woke up hours later, finally feeling refreshed after her late-night drawing session and weird morning conversation with her crazy roommate. Whatever it was that Michi was going through, she obviously didn’t want Emily to be any part of it. So Emily decided to not let it bother her.
It was hard at first. Her anxiety wanted to obsess over the problem. But once she settled into her homework routine, she had no time to worry about anything other than her assignments. It was one of the only downsides of her major— she never felt like she could get ahead on anything. Each assignment took hours. Thank kami-sama, she actually enjoyed what she was doing, or else there was no way she could deal with the constant weight of everything due on a weekly basis.
She ended up spending the rest of the day working on everything that needed to be done for her classes, only taking quick breaks to heat up instant ramen bowls and run to the bathroom. Michi didn’t end up coming home until almost midnight, when Emily was nose-deep in one of the new manga she had picked up yesterday. She gave Emily a cheery good-night and went straight to bed, obviously still not any more eager to talk about what was going on than she had been this morning. Emily let her have her space.
The problem came, though, when Michi-chan’s strange behavior continued all through the rest of the week. She was already running out the door before Emily had classes and not showing back up until late into the night, usually when Emily was already asleep. Which was saying something since most nights Emily didn’t even get to bed until 2 or 3 in the morning. Michi didn’t even show up for their normal mealtimes with the guys.
Things were much quieter at the table without her. Partially because Michi was always the one who kept the conversation going when things had gotten quiet, but a bigger part of it was because Emily and Akio had no idea what to say to Hamada.
Emily had texted the whole crazy incident to Akio before classes on Monday, so that he wasn’t caught off-guard when they all had lunch together that afternoon. But, of course, Michi had never shown up. Instead, they were left with an even quieter Hamada, which Emily hadn’t even known was possible, and a whole lot of questions.
When they finally prodded him about information about what happened that night, Hamada had just shrugged and stared down at his food. “I guess it was nothing. I’d rather not talk about it.”
And that was that.
Akio and Emily spent the rest of their classes together that week discussing the possibilities of what had happened.
“I still think he told her he liked her,” Akio spouted off again during Thursday’s class.
“There’s no way!” Emily protested again. “Hamada-kun is way too shy to be that forward! They’ve only known each other a couple months!”
Akio stared down at his portfolio and mumbled, “Sometimes when you know, you just know.”
Emily snorted and kept drawing. “Still, even if he did say that, why would that make Michi turn into this mentally unstable fairy tale princess? She’s never home, but we know she’s not with him. Or else he wouldn’t be so miserable! And she’d be at lunch.”
Akio just nodded, and they continued speculating.
Nakamura-sensei was walking around today, looking at the progress on their portfolios. They both clammed up on their theories and pretended to be 100% involved with their projects when she rounded their back table.
“Very good work, Kenzou-san!” she said, shifting through Akio’s things. Emily had to stifle a laugh; it sounded so foreign hearing Akio called by his last name. “I particularly like your use of lighting in this one to help bring about a sense of happy youthfulness.”
Akio beamed. “Thank you, sensei!”
Emily braced herself when the te
acher’s eyes turned onto hers. She flipped so slowly through the pages that Emily was pretty sure she was going to have a full-blown panic attack before she ever made it to the end.
“Johnson-san, I must say that I am very impressed with your work!”
She breathed a sigh of relief. “Really?”
“Definitely! If you keep up this level of work, I don’t think you’ll have any problem finding a job right out of college.”
It was Emily’s turn to beam now. “Thank you so much, sensei!” Nakamura-sensei smiled at her again before walking off.
“Well, well,” Akio whispered, “looks like someone’s the new teacher’s pet!”
“Urusai, Akio-kun. I’m already embarrassed enough as it is.”
He nudged her lightly. “Hey, don’t be embarrassed. This is awesome, Emily-chan. If anyone deserves it, it’s you. You work harder than anyone I know.”
She wasn’t so sure about that. But, for now, it just felt nice to be appreciated.
The answers to all of Akio and Emily’s burning questions finally came crashing down Friday at lunch. There, sitting at the lunch table as if she hadn’t been MIA for the past five and a half days, was Michi. And sitting beside her with his arm wrapped around her shoulders was the muscle-bound French guy from the beginning of the school year, Lucas.
“Michi! You’re back!” Emily announced with surprise.
Michi scoffed. “You make it sound like I was gone on a trip or something!”
Emily settled down across the table from her. “I mean, let’s be real here, I’m your roommate and I think I’ve only seen you like three times in the past six days.”
Michi giggled again. What was with that giggle? She sounded like the airheaded Barbie dolls that Emily used to go to school with. “Well I’m sorry, but Lucas and I have just been really busy!” Michi explained. “You know what it’s like when you first start dating!”
Emily actually didn't know what that was like at all. But she didn’t figure that now was the time to bring that up. She snuck a glance at Hamada who was sitting beside her, pointedly avoiding eye contact with anyone at the table. Then she looked at Akio who was just joining them at the table with the same confused expression that Emily was sure she had been wearing when she sat down.