I frown. It’s a good point, but I don’t want to admit that.
“It was a great night, but maybe that’s all it can be,” Darren says reluctantly.
The sadness in his words only fuels the rebellious fire churning in my gut. It’s one thing to feel the loss of her, myself, but to see my partners hurting is something I’ve never been able to take.
“I disagree,” I insist, shaking my head, “And besides, who cares if people do get suspicious? It’s our fucking lives, why should we give a shit what anyone else says?”
I had made the same kind of argument years ago, when the three of us had been at the peak of the jealousy and fighting. We’d finally caved in and sat down to talk, and a dejected Darren had said that maybe the three of us just couldn’t be friends, let alone anything else, because the three of us were just too tangled.
But the idea of losing either of them, let alone both of them, was almost more than I could stand, and I had refused to give up. And something inside me is telling me to fight for this, too. It’s odd, feeling such a strong tie to someone I scarcely know, but I like it. There’s something special about Jessie, and I’m not ready to just give her up without giving things a fair shot.
“I think we should at least talk to her before we make any decisions,” I say firmly.
“Not a bad idea,” Myles agrees, “But not here.”
“We could just go to her apartment and talk to her there,” Darren offers, and I can hear the trace of hope creeping into his voice.
“Good idea,” I agree, “So for now, we just go about our day as normal, then we all head to her place and talk this through.”
Darren and Myles nod in agreement. Darren turns to leave and I catch his arm. “Hey,” I tug him toward me gently.
“Not here, Ivan, someone might see,” he protests.
I ignore him and grip his chin in my hand, pressing a rough kiss to his mouth, enjoying the light scrape of his stubble against my face. “Don’t worry so much, ok?” I tell him softly, “We’ve got this.”
He sighs and nods, then grabs the back of my head and kisses me fiercely before releasing me. “I hope you’re right,” he says.
When the door closes behind him, Myles reaches for me and pulls me against him. I let out a sigh and he bends down and brushes his mouth over mine. “You really think we can make this work, don’t you?” he asks, his tone a mix of amused and incredulous,
“I do,” I say firmly, “Weirder things have happened, right?”
“I guess so,” he laughs, “I’m with Darren. I hope you’re right. There’s something special about that girl,” he admits.
“There really is,” I agree.
The workday drags on painfully slowly, and all I want to do is sneak downstairs with Darren and Myles and have our way with Jessie all over again, right at her desk.
Obviously, I force myself to resist, but the thoughts linger in my brain all day, tormenting me and distracting me.
But I dive into my work and eventually lose myself in the tedium of the daily grind, and before I know it, the staff has all left, leaving just the three of us. It’s our usual routine, we’re always here about an hour later than anyone else. But before long, Myles is knocking on my door. “Hey, you about ready?”
“Yeah, give me like two minutes,” I tell him, keeping my focus on my computer screen so I can finish and leave.
He sits in the chair across from my desk to wait. He sits casually, as if he’s waiting patiently, but I see the telltale bouncing of his leg betraying his reality.
“I’m almost done, I swear,” I reassure him.
“No worries, we don’t have to rush,” he says calmly, and I want to laugh.
Fucking liar. You’re squirming.
In all fairness, so am I, but I’m far better at masking it.
Of course, both of us are far better than Darren. When he bursts into my office, he looks like a frazzled mess. “Dude, let’s go!”
“One…more…second…” I say as I rise out of my chair, my hands still on the keyboard finishing the last of my work, “Done!”
“Good, let’s fucking go,” Darren says.
I get the feeling he’s been distracted all day, and clearly he’s been counting the seconds until he could leave. He’s horribly on edge, and I’m glad I was the one who drove this morning.
Myles follows him out and I’m right behind them, locking up my door. Once we’re out in the car, I flash them a hopeful grin. “Let’s go get our girl.”
Chapter Ten
Jessie
My entire day has been like a vicious mental game of ping-pong. Even as I was trying to focus on my new job, my mind continually strayed, and I flip-flopped between terror and a desire to quit and run, and a more confident, “can’t-quit” mindset.
It was a mess. And above all, I wanted to cry. Which felt ridiculous. I barely knew the three of them, and as far as I knew, what had happened was just a one-night thing. Something for them to try. Right?
But then I kept remembering Ivan’s littler remark about “next time.” Obviously that wasn’t him promising anything, but it definitely sounded like I was being looked at as more than one-night stand material.
The truth was, I didn’t want to be just a one-night stand to them. I wanted that “next time,” and I wanted to spend more time getting to know them. And not just because the sex had been incredible, but because over the course of the little time I’d spent with them, I felt like I’d connected with each of them on a level I can’t explain.
It felt like fate, like I was meant to have spotted Darren across that bar. I felt like I had a place with them.
Which made no sense. How could I, I total stranger, fall into place with these three men who have not only been best friends since childhood, but are completely out of my league?
But I guess today is my wake-up call. I can’t. I never could, and it was delusional to let myself think that it was more than a fling.
When the clock strikes five and Audrey sends me home, I thank her profusely before lighting out of the building like a damn cheetah. Fortunately, the bus route to Gavin’s place is direct, and there aren’t a lot of other people, so I can sit in the back and let the tears fall without anyone bothering me.
When I exit the bus at the stop at the complex, I’m praying to have the apartment to myself, but unfortunately, I see Gavin’s green SUV sitting in his usual spot. I don’t see Kate or Max’s cars, however, and it makes me hope that maybe he’ll be heading out soon to one of their places and I can have the apartment to myself for a good cry and maybe an ice cream binge.
That’s one of the nice things about having Kate around so often: With her fierce sweet tooth, there’s always ice cream in the house.
I have to admit, though, wallowing wasn’t exactly the “first day of New Leaf Jessie” I’d been anticipating.
As I’m walking up the stairs, I carefully wipe my eyes and check the mirror from my purse to make sure I don’t have raccoon-like mascara smudges below my eyes.
Satisfied that my appearance is passable, I take a deep breath, force a smile, and open the apartment door. “Honey, I’m home!” I crow with mock cheer.
Gavin looks up. He’s sitting at the dining room table on his laptop. “Hey, how was your first day?” he asks, smiling.
The expression on his face crumbles my façade. He looks so happy, so proud of me, and I’m suddenly overwhelmed with crushing guilt. He’s done so much to help me, ever since we were kids, and all I’ve managed to do in return is mess things up.
He sees the smile melt off my face and gets quickly to his feet. “Jess? What happened?”
A lump swells in my throat and I can’t speak. A sob rises out of me and I cover my face with my hands. Gavin makes his way over to me and pulls me into a hug. “Hey, hey, shh…” he strokes my hair and makes soothing shushing noises.
But I can’t stop. I’m sobbing into my brother’s chest, overwhelmed by the long day and the avalanche of emotions. “I�
�m so sorry,” I mumble through my tears over and over again.
He continues to shush me and comfort me until I’ve cried myself out and I can bring myself to speak. I tell him the whole story and he listens quietly, with the same patience and empathy he always has.
“So why does it have to be a problem?” he asks when I’ve finished.
“What?”
“Why does it have to be a problem?” he repeats.
“Well, I mean, I-“ I splutter, “They’re my bosses!”
“And?” He shrugs, “They were technically your bosses on Saturday night, what’s changed?”
“Well, I mean, now it could potentially get around at the office, and-“
“So what?” he interrupts me.
I pause, and he continues. “What does it matter? You’re all consenting adults, you engaged in safe, consensual behavior, who gives a shit what people think about it?”
I wipe at my eyes. “I thought older brothers were supposed to threaten to murder the boyfriends or whatever,” I mumble, “Not give me sound and practical advice.”
He laughs. “Well, in case you haven’t noticed, unconventional is kind of how we roll.”
“No kidding,” I agree.
He plops down on the couch. “So, three guys, huh? Just had to one-up me?” he teases.
I manage a small smile and he pats the couch next to him. “Look, sis, I’m here to support you no matter what you have to do here. If you feel like you need to leave this job, do it, but I think you’re tougher than that. I think you’re a fucking Barnes and we’re not goddamn quitters.”
The words are harsh, but his delivery is uplifting, motivational, the kind of shit that makes you want to get up and fight.
But I’ve never been as strong as Gav. He takes after our mother, a kick-ass woman who took no shit and fought like a cougar till the bitter end. Cancer had taken her when we were still in high school.
No, to my shame, I fell into the footsteps of our alcoholic father, running from my problems and escaping reality.
I don’t want to be that anymore, but I also don’t know if I can really handle the persecution. “What if I stick it out until I find something else?” I hedge.
It feels like a smaller step, a compromise, but progress.
Gavin smiles. “I’d be pretty damn proud of you,” he says.
“Of course, that’s if they keep me around,” I sigh, raking my fingers through my curls until they snag on a knot.
I pick it out with my fingers as I continue to speak: “For all I know, they might decide to avoid the PR hazard and they’ll drop me like a hot potato.”
“I don’t think that’s the case,” Gavin says, “It would kind of fuck up any chance they had with you.”
“What makes you think they care about that?” I ask, “They might have written me off the second they drove off yesterday.”
He shrugs. “It’s possible, I guess, but the way you talked about it, this sounded like something more than just a one-night thing.”
“Well, yeah, I mean, I wanted it to be, so I probably spun it that way.”
He shakes his head. “I don’t think so.”
I notice his gaze flitting to the clock. “How late did I make you?” I ask.
“You didn’t make me anything,” he says firmly, “But I was supposed to be at Kate’s 20 minutes ago…”
“Go,” I tell him with a laugh, “Get out of here. But don’t expect the cookies n’ cream to be here when you get back.”
“Aww, come on!” he protests, getting to his feet and collecting his keys off the hook by the door.
I shrug. “Not my fault we have the same favorite.”
“I’m getting a mini-freezer with a padlock,” he grumbles.
“Love you, too,” I reply, kicking off my shoes and rifling through my suitcase for an outfit to spend the evening lounging in.
After Gavin has left and the cheer of the brother-sister moment wears off, I swap my pencil skirt for leggings, and true to my word, I dive into the cookies n’ cream ice cream.
Chapter Eleven
Darren
“Crap, which apartment was it again?” I look over the line of doors in front of me.
I’d forgotten that all of the fucking doors here are identical and I can’t remember which one Jessie had ducked into yesterday morning when we dropped her off.
It’s also hard to believe that it was just yesterday that we woke up with her. The last few days have been a fucking roller coaster. Saturday night might have been the best fucking night of my life, like flying down the best hill on the track, but this morning’s shock had thrown me for an unexpected loop.
Now it just feels like I’m back at the top of the hill, but the cart’s slipped the track and I’m blindfolded. I have no idea what’s going to happen next. Maybe the cart will shift back on track and the ride of my life will continue. Or maybe I’m going careening off the track.
“It’s 2-C,” Ivan says, pulling me from my thoughts.
I move down to that door and knock, Ivan and Myles at my back. After a long pause, the door swings open and Jessie peers out, her eyes red and puffy. “Darre-I mean, Mr. Barlow,” she sniffles and wipes roughly at her face, opening the door a little wider and seeing all of us.
Her eyes widen and her face pales. Her dark curls have been pulled back into a messy bun, and her work outfit has been replaced by an oversized t-shirt and leggings. Were it not for the tearstains on her cheeks, this messy, casual look might be the sexiest she’s looked so far.
“W-would you gentlemen like to come in?” she asks nervously, “I wasn’t really expecting company, so please excuse the mess…”
We step inside and I see that the “mess” she’s referring to is simply the couch in the living room made up as a bed, but mussed, like she’d been curled up in the blankets before we arrived. There’s also an open container of ice cream and a spoon that she rushes to the kitchen and stuffs in the freezer.
When she comes back, she quickly starts moving pillows and tugging at the blanket to fold it up, but I catch her arm. “Jessie, relax,” I tell her gently, cupping her chin in my hand and lifting her gaze to meet mine, “It’s fine.”
Her eyes start filling with tears again. “Listen, I’m so sorry, I won’t let this affect things at work, but if it’s really necessary, I can resign-“ the words pour out of her in a nervous flood until Myles speaks.
“Jessie, Jessie, Jessie,” he interrupts her, “Stop, you don’t have to resign, we’re not here for that.”
She blinks furiously and wipes roughly at her face again. “You aren’t?”
“Of course not,” Ivan says, “If Audrey hired you, it’s because you deserve the job.”
She swallows hard, pressing her lips together and clearly trying not to let herself cry again.
I reach out and cup her cheek in my hand and her eyes widen. “Jess, we’re here because we can’t stop thinking about you. We were planning to call you today and ask you on a date, a real date, and that hasn’t changed. We just decided to come here in person, given the…circumstances.”
To my surprise, she steps back, her expression pained. “Those circumstances change everything,” she says, shaking her head.
My heart sinks. “We’re still the same people,” Ivan argues, “And we still want to be with you, Jessie.”
“You’re my bosses,” she protests.
“In title only,” Myles counters, “But we hardly end up interacting with the admin staff, other than Audrey.”
“That title still means I become the office slut if this gets out,” Jessie shoots back, “Anything I ever earn at that job will be questioned. If I get a promotion, they’ll assume I did the work for it on my knees.”
Unfortunately, she’s not wrong. If any aspect of our relationship were known about the office, that’s exactly the kind of gossip we’d face. And if it ever leaked online? We’d be crucified. Even though the four of us would know Jessie’s real motives, it would always be l
ooked at as if we’re coercing her, holding her as some kind of sexual hostage at the expense of her career.
“So it won’t get out,” Ivan replies casually.
We all turn to look at him and he continues. “Myles, Darren and I have all been together for the entirety of our company’s existence, and you know who knows about it? Not one fucking person in that building. The only one who might suspect a thing is Audrey, and that’s because she’s the only one with access to all of the employee files and can see that we all share and address.”
Jessie opens her mouth, then closes it, and I feel it. She’s wavering, and in that moment, I’m certain: She doesn’t want this to end any more than we do. And in that instant, I know how to end this argument and pull her back onto our side.
I grab her and I kiss her.
At first, she stiffens, and she even tries to pull back for a brief moment, but the attempt doesn’t break even the loose hold I have on her waist. And when I part her lips with my tongue, she lets out a little moan and gives in.
She melts into me, her curves molding to my body, and I can feel the stiff peaks of her rock-hard nipples through her thin t-shirt. I slide a hand between us and caress one of them through the cotton and she whimpers.
My mouth strays from hers until my lips brush her ears. “If you really don’t want this, to give us a chance, tell me to stop and all three of us will walk away right now,” I murmur.
It’s a nerve-wracking offer to lay on the table, but I wouldn’t have made it if I wasn’t confident that she won’t say it. She wants this as badly as all of us. I can feel Myles and Ivan listening, waiting, and the tension in the air is so thick it’s hard to breathe.
After a long pause, Jessie lets out a soft little sigh and speaks: “Myles, lock the fucking door.”
Chapter Twelve
Jessie
Darren’s lips crash against mine and my shirt disappears in a flash. His hands grasp my tits, tweaking my nipples in a way that just edges on pain, but makes me gasp and want more. Ivan positions himself behind me and whisks my panties and leggings down my hips in one smooth motion.
Just One More (Just Us Series Book 2) Page 5